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Rynessa
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 02, 2007
Posts: 319
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 Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:32 am Post subject: |
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| I'm still learning about this Asperger's thing. Is being naive part of it? Cause if it is, that's another check in the box for me. I'm not naive about things like telemarketers and phony lotteries, but I do take most people I meet at face value. I was graduated from high school for about two or three years before I even realized that there had BEEN parties, let alone worrying about being invited. Since no one drank, did drugs, or had sex right in front of me at school, I thought it didn't happen! |
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Starr
Phoenix
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Joined: Sep 18, 2006
Posts: 4216
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| Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 9:12 am Post subject: |
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I think naivete can be part of Aspieness, I've read that it can, and also there have been a few posts about it in the past here, although I don't think all Aspies have this. Just speaking personally I think it's something to do with not understanding social stuff so well, there are undercurrents that I can sometimes sense but not fully understand.
Welcome to WP btw  |
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ouinon
chemical reaction
Joined: Jul 11, 2007
Posts: 2926
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| Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 9:56 am Post subject: |
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This is so me. 
In the last 4 months I've been ( assiduously!!  )part of two other sites completely unconnected with Aspergers, and right from the start I had people saying that they felt as if they were reading some obscure psychology textbook, and being astonished and impressed by my openness and honesty, but asking that I put things in words of one syllable , so that people would not be put off, and also ,paradoxically, some people thinking that I couldn't possibly be what or who I said I was because of how I wrote. 
Managed to overcome all this , with perseveration and adaption of my style and joining in with the fluff threads etc. Also arranging a meet with a few of them in a safe space put remaining suspicions to death , and I even began to feel had friendships developing. 
But then two things became clear.
One, which a moderator kindly ( perhaps rather patronisingly)if clumsily connected up with my ref to mild aspergers on my profile , was my tendency to take word use very literally, and consequently have fundamental problems ( and therefore heated discussions about, because my questions got every body else worked up and defensive ) around words with meanings ,( by definition , because of their very use in our society!!), EXTREMELY open to interpretation, like "ID" , and "dresscode formal" etc. Unfortunately the mods explanation for this being perhaps because of my aspergers meant two very interesting discussions about these things got dropped, cos obviously it was just my personal handicap which had trouble with these words!!  
Two ,that I take what people say very seriously, engage deeply with that... only to suddenly be told " it's only a word" or " if people want to label themselves so what"..or not to take things so literally, or " we were just having a bit of fun"..etc.
And I realise this has caused me problems many many times in my life; the time and energy I put into understanding , or respecting, or simply believing ,what people say to me only to discover they might as well have been whistling. That content is less important than the sheer act of opening mouth and making sounds ( or on internet, typing something/anything), whereas I prioritise the content.
I just tend to believe people mean what they say, and although like someone else on here says, this has not resulted my being" taken in" as such , it has misled me over and over again. 
In fact this has been pretty miserable experience , which I'm hoping won't have on here!!!!  |
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Starr
Phoenix
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Joined: Sep 18, 2006
Posts: 4216
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| Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 10:05 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | In fact this has been pretty miserable experience , which I'm hoping won't have on here!!!! |
So do I ouinon, I hope you feel at home here! Welcome to WP. I think you'll find it a friendly place. |
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johnners
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 36
Posts: 50
Location: California
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| Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 11:20 am Post subject: Equal |
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For me, I think I'm naive and cynicle in equal measure, but can't seem to find a middle ground - I'm either toally naieve and like a los lamb, or so cynical I block out genuinely honest people. I would sya I was more supicious nowadays, though,t han in my teenage years, but that wa a long time ago!
(sorry about the typos - doing this in a hurry at work!) |
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Rynessa
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 02, 2007
Posts: 319
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| Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 3:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah Johnners, I can relate to that. Because I have a hard time reading what people really MEAN, I swing between trusting and being suspicious. It's so frustrating, because someone can be all smiling and friendly to your face, and it means nothing. I have no idea what's going on in their head. And I replay the conversation over and over, examining what they said and whether I said the right things back....it gives me headaches. Most of the time I don't want to meet anyone new because it's just too much stress. |
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bobert
Toucan
Joined: May 19, 2007
Posts: 298
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| Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 4:37 pm Post subject: |
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I'm naturally very naive, but have had to adapt a more cynical outlook on life, as a defense mechanism. It makes sense if you think about it. If you've been lied to enough, and believed it, it is better to be a tad suspicious, so that you can have time to sort out the meaning of other's words.
Last edited by bobert on Fri Oct 05, 2007 7:36 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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whatamess
Velociraptor
Joined: Aug 28, 2007
Posts: 471
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| Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 10:20 am Post subject: |
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Let's see...my husband always makes fun of me because he'll make up a story and tell me and I will believe him...
My best friend in high school always laughed at me because I never go the "dirty jokes"...
I could never figure out that someone liked me unless they specifically told me, otherwise, I just assumed they were my friend.
I have been hurt by too many idiots because I believed them...including my husband's crappy family...
I guess I am naive...or maybe just stupid??? hehe |
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Arbie
Educated Stupid
Joined: Mar 23, 2007
Posts: 1627
Location: Near Greenville S.C.
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| Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 10:20 pm Post subject: |
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Possibly but I always run ideas through my patented Cynicism and Self doubt filter (tm) before ever acting on them, so I haven't done anything naive in quite some time.  |
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Graelwyn
Myrrdyn
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Joined: Dec 21, 2006
Posts: 8423
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| Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 11:53 pm Post subject: |
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| I can still be far too trusting and naive, but on the other hand, the many times my honesty has been abused and the number of times I have been used and lied to has left me very mistrusting and cynical, especially of anyone I am just getting to know. |
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holdsteady
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 04, 2007
Posts: 167
Location: Closer
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| Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 6:14 am Post subject: |
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| no |
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 3570
Location: On a retrograde asteroid
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| Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 9:53 pm Post subject: |
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Yes. The money I've poured down the drain, seeking a miracle cure for various illnesses, is lamentable.
_________________
"Always Drink Upstream From the Herd." |
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copernilol
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Dec 22, 2006
Posts: 71
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| Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 12:57 am Post subject: |
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| I'm confused, which I guess is a combination of ignorance and naivety. |
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fivecents
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 23, 2007
Posts: 362
Location: NJ
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| Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 11:02 pm Post subject: |
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I keep telling my AS bf to beware that everyone is not as genuie as him. He has had girls, employees, co workers and family take advantage of his good nature. I warn him about chatting on line as well. A pretty picture can be a 300 pound man wanting to kill him...
Even his mother says so.
He has some money and I am the first girl who pulls her weight financially. He only knew how to give affection by giving money. I have taught him new ways that he can manage that are not intrusive. He still trys to give money, but I will take a giggle anyday. Oh, and a car wash. spoon, head skritch, fixing plumbing, etc. I like things money can't buy. It has been quiten the adjustment for him, but no one here takes advantage (ok, I do get lots of head skritchies). He is naive, but I have his back. Hence I yelled at the contractor lollygaging, and the service repair trying to charge, and the stealing employee... |
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richardbenson
slaughter mountain
Joined: Oct 31, 2006
Posts: 8302
Location: give them nothing, but take from them everything!
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| Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 6:35 pm Post subject: |
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| TheMachine1 wrote: | | Wishfull thinking can lead me on a path that I know will end in destruction. |
true |
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