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Postperson
The Daughter of Indifference
Joined: Jul 10, 2004
Age: 51
Posts: 2828
Location: Uz
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 Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 9:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Q wrote: | | PostPerson, you seem like a typical NT to whom an Opediual Complex would suit. Am I right? |
no, on a lotta counts. |
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Jenna_Appleseed
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Nov 04, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 27
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| Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 11:35 pm Post subject: |
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it normal for NT's to start to hate their parents before adulthood - while they are still teenages.
It's part of the stereotype of teenage behaviour. |
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Q
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Nov 08, 2007
Age: 18
Posts: 30
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| Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 11:00 am Post subject: |
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| I would so like to beleive that not al NT's are like that...but i'm finding it hard... |
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Postperson
The Daughter of Indifference
Joined: Jul 10, 2004
Age: 51
Posts: 2828
Location: Uz
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| Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 1:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Move out of (parental) home, people. If it's not possible now, work towards it. |
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crazyllama
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 11, 2007
Posts: 162
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| Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 2:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Postperson wrote: | | Move out of (parental) home, people. If it's not possible now, work towards it. |
That's the best advice anyone can give. If you don't like the rules of the house, move out of the house. |
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quirky
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Posts: 340
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| Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 3:40 pm Post subject: |
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| Postperson wrote: | | Move out of (parental) home, people. If it's not possible now, work towards it. |
That's true. It's weird though - now that I sort of live away from home (at college), I always want to be at home. I forget the bad things when I'm away - I long to talk to my family, to feel at home, to not have to constantly socialize with other people, to drive, etc. I'm miserable away from home, but I'm often miserable at home. Maybe I'll feel better if I get an apartment to myself when I'm older, but then I'll just be more isolated. |
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CRACK
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Age: 21
Posts: 771
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| Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 3:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Wait, so you are blaming your own learning difficulties and the lecturers on some of your academic shortcomings? (at least thats what I'm hearing from reading the post). |
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Kamex
Raven
Joined: Sep 03, 2006
Age: 21
Posts: 117
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| Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 3:25 pm Post subject: |
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I think it's a normal thing for NTs, but it happens in their teenage years, whereas for us it is more varied. My NT brother reached a point in his life where he became "rebellious" at around 16. He grew his hair long, renounced his Christianity and became and athiest, and started spending much less time with the family. He's 18 now, and this trend hasn't changed. If anything, it's been getting worse. He used to spend all day in his room talking with his friends, but leave to eat where I would talk with him in the kitchen. Now, he'll head to the kitchen, grab some food and take it to his room. He's expressed severe dislike of both our parents and the way they treat him, but he puts up with it because he knows he's not ready to leave the house yet.
I, on the other hand, am 20, and am only now starting to reach the same stage. It's much more gradual and less severe with me, but it is there. I'm just a generic thiest at this point and am no longer Christian either. I wear pants with chains on them, in spite of my Dad's open disapproval. I've also come to realize that my parents aren't these perfect gods who look after me, but real people with good points and faults.
My Mom is overall very skilled as a parent, but she can be extremely cold to me when I'm feeling emotional and need comfort. She also tends to try and do too much to help me in spite of my protests, then gets really stressed out trying to live both my life and hers, making me feel guilty. I've been trying to do more of the housework, but my Mom refuses to tell me what needs to be done. She also tends to be way too overprotective of me and my AS. When I expressed my desire to get a crap job at a place like McDonald's once I learned to drive, my Mom told me not to try it because I'd fail because of my AS.
My Dad legitimately wants to be a good father, but hasn't the faintest idea as to how to accomplish this. He makes so many mistakes it would be impossible to mention them all, but they include calling me spoiled for declining expensive things he personally likes (like watching a ballet), giving me my last spanking at 15, loudly threatening to spank me in a public place at 19, not trusting me at all, talking bad about me to my brother when I'm not around, talking bad about my brother to me when he's not around, etc. He's actually a very reasonable guy, and if I told him about these things, he'd probably do something to correct them. The problem is that he has such a bad temper and likes to yell, and this makes me afraid to confront him about any of it.
I think the problems I'm noticing will eventually prompt me to leave the house, and I think that is natural. At that point, hard as it is for me to envision now, I will probably despise both of my parents. Once I've lived without them for a while, if my concerns were legitimate, I will still hate them and refuse to talk to them, but far more likely, I'll end up becoming closer to them than I've ever been before. |
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Belle77
Phoenix
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Joined: Feb 10, 2007
Posts: 1078
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| Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 6:20 pm Post subject: Re: I really hate my parents. |
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| Lautbiru wrote: | | I am wondering whether it is normal that eventually as we reach adulthood we start to despise our parents and feel a strong urge to move as far away from them as possible. |
I actually did this. My father died when I was 14 so he doesn't count. But as soon as I graduated from college in Indiana I moved to Arizona. When I told my mother where I was moving she said, "that's the last place I'd ever want to live." My response was, "well then, I chose correctly."
But 7 years later I'm now attempting a reconciliation. It won't be easy. |
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Kilroy
Establishment knows whats best
Joined: Apr 25, 2007
Posts: 10266
Location: Driving the Last Spike
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| Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 6:21 pm Post subject: |
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I will move far away from my family when the time comes
there is a lot of things I need to do alone before I can really have a good relationship with them
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Belle77
Phoenix
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Joined: Feb 10, 2007
Posts: 1078
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| Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 1:26 am Post subject: |
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| I totally understand what you mean. |
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crazyllama
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 11, 2007
Posts: 162
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 7:29 am Post subject: Re: I really hate my parents. |
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| Belle77 wrote: | | Lautbiru wrote: | | I am wondering whether it is normal that eventually as we reach adulthood we start to despise our parents and feel a strong urge to move as far away from them as possible. |
I actually did this. My father died when I was 14 so he doesn't count. But as soon as I graduated from college in Indiana I moved to Arizona. When I told my mother where I was moving she said, "that's the last place I'd ever want to live." My response was, "well then, I chose correctly."
But 7 years later I'm now attempting a reconciliation. It won't be easy. |
lol...that's great.  |
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Bopkasen
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 06, 2006
Posts: 399
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 10:58 pm Post subject: Re: I really hate my parents. |
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| Lautbiru wrote: | I am wondering whether it is normal that eventually as we reach adulthood we start to despise our parents and feel a strong urge to move as far away from them as possible.
My parents especially my mother is almost like an enemy to me. I can hardly tell her of my learning problems (or the lecturers overall stupidity) in college as she always give her usual "you are wrong, they are right, you fix yourself" nonsense.
I believe in becoming the best I can be and ignoring the rest of the crowd who wish to bring me down to their inferiority. I don't mind being different as long as I am doing the right thing. In the end, it is people like me who would succeed over these mindless factory drones.
But my mother is a hardcore "follow the crowd" thinker, she demanded that I should just imitate the stupidity of the lecturers and their parroting students just because I can have a good grade certificate which screams "Congratulations, you are a loser! !Now go apply for a job and fail". Not to mention she is an arrogant bitch who seems to think that SHE knows better than I do about MY learning situation in college, although she have never been in my lecture sessions even once in her entire life!
I am sure that many of you are in the same position as I am. Whenever I achieve something that can be proud of - like scoring A+ in my Calculus where most others couldn't, she tries her best to belittle me saying that "oh this is not that important sonny don't be so proud of yourself go back and study". But when I did something bad, she goes all "WHAT IS THIS CRAP YOU ARE NOT MY SON GO BACK AND STUDY NO MORE TV FOR YOU" and blah blah blah.
Please note that whatever bad grades I am getting in my studies, it is far, far, far, far better than what my NORMAL parents with their NORMAL social lives could ever possibly get during their time. The fact that I managed to go this far despite my huge disadvantage is something to be very proud of. Talk about hypocrisy.
I no longer see my parents as people who could counsel me on my turbulent teenage and adult life. They would always misinterpret my situation by their bigoted twisted point of view, assume I am wrong and they are right, and demand me to do things that never solves the problem. It pains me that I always had to learn to cope with life being an Aspie (who possibly also suffers from ADHD) the hard way - alone.
I no longer see my mother as someone I wish to impress and hopefully in return recieve more love and care. Now she is nothing but an old hag I unfortunately have to stick with just because my current part time job does not give me enough money to move somewhere else. She is just a bitch who wants more $$$$ and babies from me since apparently that's how she defines life. The end justifies the means - your ambition and self-satisfaction are all put aside. |
Less talking to parent, mean better for living. You get annoyed at some worst situation where you have to move out. You are not alone. |
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Tortuga
Velociraptor
Joined: Dec 12, 2007
Posts: 487
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| Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2008 12:32 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with all of the others who say that what you are experiencing is typical teenage rebellion, only you are experiencing it in your 20's. It's not a bad sign that you think your parents don't understand you, etc... That's the normal process towards independent living. As long as you feel dependent on them, you will resent them in some way.
About college degrees, they are just pieces of paper. But, they are necessary pieces of paper. Everyone, even NTs, have to put up with bunches of bullcrap in the pursuit of that piece of paper. You will make your life much easier if you follow through and get the paper and settle into a career.
One of the most successful people I know is learning disabled. I really do not know how she did it. She did not get special ed services or supports in college either. |
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Pandora
Cat Lady
Joined: Jun 18, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 4684
Location: Townsville
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| Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 5:53 am Post subject: |
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Depends if the course he is doing is the right one. Having a career isn't the be all and end all of life but it is certainly good to have a job one enjoys or at least tolerates. It annoys me a lot when parents are so critical and pushy and don't give kids the credit for doing their best, even if it isn't getting top marks.
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Break out you Western girls,
Hold your heads up high.
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