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Miyah
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 27, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 343
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 Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 10:24 am Post subject: Dealing with family during Birthdays |
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All of my life, I grew up in an evironment where people would feel loved and accepted if they got something for their birthdays. However, growing up with Asperger's Syndrome, I was more into my own world and it was more like getting than giving. So, whenever a birthday or Christmas rolls around, you are expected to give a gift to that other person. If not, then it's, "You don't love me." In the last few years, I had fallen into that trap myself. Infact, things are so bad that you will be ignored on your birthday, and the other person will be resentful in not getting you anything.
Well, I live with a relative on my mother's side of the family and she is weird. For example, if you do get her something, it's "I have so much already and I don't need anything more. " She also is weird about Birthday cards. However, if you even forget it's her birthday and mention what you got for yours, she will throw a hissy fit and make you feel so bad.
She did exactly just that last evening when we talked on the phone. I told her that people in my small group made me a cake for a birthday gift. However, she got mad at me because I didn't get her a cake or a card for hers. I told her that I felt bad and it was like, "Oh no, it's not a problem. Just don't get upset if someone forgets yours." She then went on and accused me about caring more a friend who wasn't interested in me which wasn't true. She also accused me of my forgetting my best friend's birthday, which also wasn't true because I got her a card, a gift, and met her for dinner one week later. She then got really evasive and said, "Well, I need to get back to cleaning."
I was just so humilated and devastated(sp?) that I just cried about it.
However, has anyone else in here had those issues? How do I approach them? |
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FaithHopeCheese
Phoenix
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Joined: Oct 18, 2009
Posts: 534
Location: I think I'm lost
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| Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 12:33 pm Post subject: |
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For some women, birthdays and birthday cards are really important. My mom has all of her brothers and sisters, their spouses, kids, grandkids, etc., listed on the calendar and is mailing a card every week.
I'm sorry she made you cry.  If you want to make amends with her, maybe you can get her a "thinking of you" card and tell her you're sorry for forgetting her birthday. It's not a big deal, everybody forgets..... 
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Miyah
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 27, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 343
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| Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 12:58 pm Post subject: |
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I tried that when she called back to remind me on something else. Infact, she found ways to cut me down evem though I said that I was sorry. She even compared me to another girl who was flaky to me. Finally, she said something else that just ticked me off. I finally had to tell her to get over it. However, she shut down and hung up on me and didn't say anything. She didn't even call me back.
Infact, my whole face a drenched from crying so hard last night because it hurt so bad.
It's like no matter what I do for this person, it's never enough and she always finds a way to cut me down because she is not happy. |
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FaithHopeCheese
Phoenix
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Joined: Oct 18, 2009
Posts: 534
Location: I think I'm lost
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| Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 1:34 pm Post subject: |
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If she's using you as a punching bag, stay away from her. I think some people can't be reasoned with and should be ignored.... but that's just me....
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Miyah
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 27, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 343
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| Posted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 2:24 pm Post subject: |
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Faithhope,
she is out of town this weekend and I don't have to deal with her. Actually, she has been gone for a whole week. She won't be back until Sunday where I can deal with someone like that. I get the house for two more nights which is nice and I won't have to deal with her bullying. I am not even going to call her tonight because she was so rude last night like that. |
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