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ProtossX
Toucan
Joined: Dec 18, 2007
Posts: 257
Location: USA, IL.
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 Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 1:11 am Post subject: I don't belive anyone with AT/AS has gotten married |
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I've come to conclusion NOBODY with autism/aspergers has gotten married to a NT (well maybe its easier if your girl with it but i realy doubt any guy has)
Nobody can make somethin like it work its just not possible believe me ive tried when i was on top of my game an tried my best its just not possible in the long run.
I've dated 3 girls in my life an each one ended up pretty badly IT ENDS basically because I don't show the same involvement and don't know how to be normal and i fall back into my obsessions IM the opposite of spontaneous I hate going to sports games, i dont mind goin out to a movie or a dinner or something but I literally SUCK being around people when im at home
My ideal relationship would be someone who is my opposite and we don't have to do things together all the time and she just completes me an makes me more normal
first off I have no charm, i cannot feel love in the same way as a NT does its just DIFFERENT, I can get sad when i lose something im obsessed with like a pet but when my grandpa died I felt nothing, when my relationships ended I FELT NOTHING while they hated my guts like a normal girl but I could have cared less...
I can feel my basic attractions and really like sex, etc but i cannot feel love with another person
DO YOU KNOW what it feels like to feel nothing? I CANNOT love, i can say the word I understand what it means but i still cannot feel it it deep inside myself.
my relationships are all lopsided in that WE ARE not on the same level socially and a relationship cannot LAST without a strong social connection some say its the most important element in a relationship |
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Aspie_Chav
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 07, 2006
Age: 36
Posts: 2465
Location: Croydon
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 8:52 am Post subject: |
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| Thats not exactly true. Some rich aspie guys get married. |
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DeaconBlues
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide - call me...
Joined: Apr 22, 2007
Posts: 2265
Location: Earth, mostly
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 11:24 am Post subject: |
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As I noted in your other thread, ProtossX, I've been married twice, and am still married to the second one. (She was one of those who helped diagnose me, in fact...)
I think your problem stems from the women/girls involved so far. Sounds like they're wanting a quickie superficial relationship, one in which attraction is easily confused with love. (H appreciated it when she knew that I had carefully examined my emotions, and their probable causes, before telling her I loved her - she knew I really meant it then, unlike some of her previous boyfriends.)
_________________
I am RICHARD, Chief Warlock of the Brothers of Darkness, Lord of the Thirteen Hells, Master of the Bones, Emperor of the Black, Lord of the Undead, and Mayor of a little village up the coast. Very scenic during springtime. |
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Aspie_Chav
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 07, 2006
Age: 36
Posts: 2465
Location: Croydon
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 3:05 pm Post subject: |
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I know little about you DeaconBlues and your personality. Do you come over as a family man. I assume that many aspies do. Do you consider yourself well or comfortable off do you own a after 2000 modal car?
I am sure that not many people said to you they can't imagine you with a girlfriend, or that you are the type is likely to be a virgin. After a long while one realize, any relationship is better then the certainty of none one. |
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busy91
Supporting Member
Joined: Dec 04, 2007
Posts: 395
Location: NYC
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 3:19 pm Post subject: |
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OK, I thought I answered this in another thread.
I've been married to one NT. |
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merr
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 23, 2007
Posts: 683
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 3:45 pm Post subject: Re: I don't belive anyone with AT/AS has gotten married |
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| ProtossX wrote: | first off I have no charm, i cannot feel love in the same way as a NT does its just DIFFERENT, I can get sad when i lose something im obsessed with like a pet but when my grandpa died I felt nothing, when my relationships ended I FELT NOTHING while they hated my guts like a normal girl but I could have cared less...
I can feel my basic attractions and really like sex, etc but i cannot feel love with another person
DO YOU KNOW what it feels like to feel nothing? I CANNOT love, i can say the word I understand what it means but i still cannot feel it it deep inside myself.
my relationships are all lopsided in that WE ARE not on the same level socially and a relationship cannot LAST without a strong social connection some say its the most important element in a relationship |
I'm sorry you are having these problems, Protoss  .
Do most aspies not feel romantic love?
Last edited by merr on Thu Dec 20, 2007 2:32 am; edited 1 time in total |
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Posts: 5130
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 3:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | when my grandpa died I felt nothing, when my relationships ended I FELT NOTHING while they hated my guts like a normal girl but I could have cared less... |
I felt nothing too when my grandpa died,I felt bit shame because of that. I felt terrible tho when I found out that the girl I 'love' was going out with a friend of mine tho(and I thought that she was showing growing interest in me,since she was giving very obvious sign like telling me that I am special to her bla bla bla...long story). Yet I am totally sure that I am going to give too important to 'love' again since I know what its biological meaning now... |
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DeaconBlues
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide - call me...
Joined: Apr 22, 2007
Posts: 2265
Location: Earth, mostly
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 4:05 pm Post subject: |
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Well, Chav, as of Monday I'm between positions (we agreed that it was preposterous for someone with AS who's already dealing with being stuck in telephone customer service to have to be paid on a piecework basis as well). Fortunately, our partner J makes a mediocre living in the Army, because I've never been above the poverty line in my life.
I do have a 2005 Hyundai Accent, but only because I had a better job at the time (lost it later because I wasn't "looking busy"), and because my father-in-law was willing to cosign. (Been able to keep the payments up using H's SSA payments - she's got disability due to depression and complications of diabetes.)
Why do you ask?
_________________
I am RICHARD, Chief Warlock of the Brothers of Darkness, Lord of the Thirteen Hells, Master of the Bones, Emperor of the Black, Lord of the Undead, and Mayor of a little village up the coast. Very scenic during springtime. |
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busy91
Supporting Member
Joined: Dec 04, 2007
Posts: 395
Location: NYC
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| Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 4:12 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm pretty much like you. When my brother died, I was sort of sad, but I wasn't like say a 'normal' person would be. I didn't even blink when my dad died. However I do know I can love. I'm not talking about a significant other love. I may love for a little while and then it fades. But I do love my children, so I do have the capacity to love deeply and forever. |
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Aspie_Chav
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 07, 2006
Age: 36
Posts: 2465
Location: Croydon
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 3:48 am Post subject: |
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I wanted to know the aspie that got married twice.
One thing I find surprising is that you said you never been above the poverty line, however, you said bought a 2005 Hyundai Accent an expensive but not perticually a car lovers car, classic or 4x4.I have not worked out if I am below the poverty line myself because I don’t know official poverty line figures. |
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fabshelly
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 08, 2007
Posts: 216
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 5:06 am Post subject: |
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| I've been married. I suspect he might be one of us, but am not sure. |
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G-Dub
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Dec 20, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 61
Location: Apple Springs TX
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 8:29 am Post subject: Re: I don't belive anyone with AT/AS has gotten married |
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yo dis her is wack man.. Dont be defeatin yourself dawg, man ive been through alot of s***** relationships too... im with a woman right now who didnt understand at first but she read up on asperger syndrome and now shes helpin me every step of the way... What im sayin is, there are people out there that care... my girl is the best thing that happened to me, and she loves me no matter what i have... So dont lose hope homie, i bet theres somebody out there... I had very serious problems too there were time we did nothing but fight... Then i told her why i was the way i am and she looked it up to get a better understandin and so she could help me better... As far as not feeling love i think you just aint found love yet...
| ProtossX wrote: | I've come to conclusion NOBODY with autism/aspergers has gotten married to a NT (well maybe its easier if your girl with it but i realy doubt any guy has)
Nobody can make somethin like it work its just not possible believe me ive tried when i was on top of my game an tried my best its just not possible in the long run.
I've dated 3 girls in my life an each one ended up pretty badly IT ENDS basically because I don't show the same involvement and don't know how to be normal and i fall back into my obsessions IM the opposite of spontaneous I hate going to sports games, i dont mind goin out to a movie or a dinner or something but I literally SUCK being around people when im at home
My ideal relationship would be someone who is my opposite and we don't have to do things together all the time and she just completes me an makes me more normal
first off I have no charm, i cannot feel love in the same way as a NT does its just DIFFERENT, I can get sad when i lose something im obsessed with like a pet but when my grandpa died I felt nothing, when my relationships ended I FELT NOTHING while they hated my guts like a normal girl but I could have cared less...
I can feel my basic attractions and really like sex, etc but i cannot feel love with another person
DO YOU KNOW what it feels like to feel nothing? I CANNOT love, i can say the word I understand what it means but i still cannot feel it it deep inside myself.
my relationships are all lopsided in that WE ARE not on the same level socially and a relationship cannot LAST without a strong social connection some say its the most important element in a relationship |
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JohnHopkins
In no way offensive to anybody. Honest.
Joined: Nov 20, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 2735
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 8:35 am Post subject: |
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I have to the conclusion that tigers wear hats when you're not looking.
Of course, I have no evidence to back this up, and in fact all recorded evidence of tigers in the wild shows them NOT wearing hats - but I stand by it all the same! |
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beentheredonethat
Grouchy Old Man
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Posts: 703
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 10:05 am Post subject: I disagree |
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ProtossX:
Unfortunately (and other posters here have said this a lot better than I can) any long term relatinship is a lot of work. No long term relationship goes smoothly. I'm NOT an NT, (I am married to one, and have been for nearly 20 years). Sometimes you have to remember that while you have needs (no argument with that) your partner also has needs. So if you're with a woman who is willing to read up on AS (that doesn't always help given that there are a lot of lousy books out there that don't tell people much...also some good ones), then you have to make a study of what your partner as an NT needs. True, she will not always be able to meet your needs, and you won't always be able to meet hers. But it has to be a 50/50 proposition.
You can't say "well, this relationship is over, because she doesn't understand me." My question to you would be "well, do you understand her?"
There is another member of this board who has an NT boyfriend (no, I'm not going to tell you who it is), and she got very upset because she felt he wasn't responding to her Aspi needs. Except they'd been together for a number of years, which, to me, said that yeah, she might have been an Aspi, but he really didn't care that much (as far as it standing in the way of him loving her), and that before she got to the point where she said "this isn't working," she had to reach out to him....partly on her terms, but partly on his. That's 50/50. Yes, it is very hard, especially if you're trying to get a date, but it's not impossible. You just have to go out there and keep getting rejected (if that's what happens) and keep trying. And when you do find someone who is interested in you for you, and who doesn't let the fact that you're an aspi stand in the way, you have to be extremely careful of her. Which is to say that while you have a right to expect her to be there for you, she has a right to expect you to be there for her. It can work, and a lot of Aspies get married.
Good luck.
btdt |
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ProtossX
Toucan
Joined: Dec 18, 2007
Posts: 257
Location: USA, IL.
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 11:01 am Post subject: |
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thx guys I posted this in the main forum too and here cuz I didn't know which place would get the most feedback
G-DUB thx for your feedback I will definetly keep trying I just realize that I have this and that is why I will maybe be able to explain it to my future girlfriends why I am the way I am instead of them thinkin It's because I just take them for granted which is what keeps happening |
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