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ImTheGuyThatDidThat
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Joined: May 21, 2008
Posts: 4874
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 Posted: Mon May 26, 2008 11:50 am Post subject: |
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Hello. I stumbled into this place with a big duuh? on my face about 6 days ago I think.
In those six days I seem to have pissed off more people than in the last year here where I live. It was nice for about 40 hours, then my mistakes started to show and the sh** hit the fan.
You know, one of those industrial-4feet ones. So now I just look a little a other peoples posts and wait and see. Saw some people with tires and gascans earlier, so i dont know.. oh well, doesn`t matter. I`m sure theres alot of nice people here. |
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chesapeaker
Raven
Joined: Apr 03, 2008
Posts: 106
Location: USA - upper Midwest
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| Posted: Mon May 26, 2008 7:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Tim_Tex wrote: | When I joined, there were only 114 members (I am #115)
Tim |
Hi Tim I joined Apr 3 this year |
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gbollard
the oncoming storm
Joined: Oct 06, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 3076
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Mon May 26, 2008 8:16 pm Post subject: |
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Wow chesapeaker.
I'm sorry you've had such a bad time here on WP and that you had a bad time with your aspie ex too.
Sometimes when you have problems with one or more people of a similar nature, you can generalize to assume it includes the whole race, creed, preferences or colour. It seems to me that this is what has happened here.
I've met quite a lot of aspies who were/are much better than the "average" NT. In fact, I strive to be one of those types of aspies myself. As a result, I don't hold with your views.
I'm assuming you're gone now anyway but if you happen to read this, it's worth remembering that "there are none so blind as those who will not see". Which means; if you decide that all aspies are bad and never give them a chance, then you will never see a good one.
_________________
Gavin.
http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/ |
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chesapeaker
Raven
Joined: Apr 03, 2008
Posts: 106
Location: USA - upper Midwest
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| Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 12:34 am Post subject: |
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| gbollard wrote: | Wow chesapeaker.
I'm sorry you've had such a bad time here on WP and that you had a bad time with your aspie ex too.
Sometimes when you have problems with one or more people of a similar nature, you can generalize to assume it includes the whole race, creed, preferences or colour. It seems to me that this is what has happened here.
I've met quite a lot of aspies who were/are much better than the "average" NT. In fact, I strive to be one of those types of aspies myself. As a result, I don't hold with your views.
I'm assuming you're gone now anyway but if you happen to read this, it's worth remembering that "there are none so blind as those who will not see". Which means; if you decide that all aspies are bad and never give them a chance, then you will never see a good one. |
Well, I didn't want to come across as generalizing. I think the terms AS = good/victimized and NT = Bad/opprossor, is what is going on here. I wouldn't have written to you if I didn't think you would understand. My point is that I don't like or think the Aspie vs. NT thing going on here. Your statement about quite a lot of Aspies being better than the Average NT" is exactly what I am trying to point out. If that is how you really feel, it is hard for me to comprehend as a good thing.
Why is NT even any kind of "standard" for evaluation? NT in itself is an unfair assumption of who a person is or isn't. It seems that people are polarized into AS camps and NT camps and NT's are fair game for insults and abuse on this forum. How could that possibly be a good thing? It seems to me, to be the same behavior that AS folks complain about being done to them by NT's. Why would anybody want to do that to another person? It feels "mean."
I am responding, because I really want you to understand. I am sure you are very nice. But, if you have all the traits of the "average" AS, you will turn this around on me because you cannot understand what another person might be feeling, or that you might be hurting them. I am truly sorry about that. |
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gbollard
the oncoming storm
Joined: Oct 06, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 3076
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 3:10 am Post subject: |
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chesapeaker,
I may have confused the issue by saying that I know aspies who are better than NT's. What I mean by that is that I know a lot who are more welcoming than a lot of "perfect" NTs have been to me. I don't mean to suggest that aspies are somehow superior to NTs (or vice versa).
We're all people right?
I can understand how you must be feeling particularly after 14 years of marriage ending in divorce. Was it truly awful all the way? Surely there must have been some good at the beginning at least?
Divorce is a horrid thing which can bring out the worst in people. Your husband may have been feeling vindictive rather than simply behaving as an aspie. It's possible.
I've been married for 10 years now, my wife is an NT. It hasn't been smooth all the way but I like to think that we consider eachother's needs. I'm a lot more emotionally responsive to her than I used to be but I still make mistakes.
There are aspies from all levels here on WP. Some are diagnosed and some are not. Some are emotionally acclimatized and some are not. We're not all the same and I expect that you'd find similar sorts of aggression and bad behaviour on other forums. No, I'm not offering an excuse. I just hope that if you take anything away from WP it's that all people, including aspies, are different.
_________________
Gavin.
http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/ |
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chesapeaker
Raven
Joined: Apr 03, 2008
Posts: 106
Location: USA - upper Midwest
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| Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 7:00 am Post subject: |
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| gbollard wrote: | chesapeaker,
I may have confused the issue by saying that I know aspies who are better than NT's. What I mean by that is that I know a lot who are more welcoming than a lot of "perfect" NTs have been to me. I don't mean to suggest that aspies are somehow superior to NTs (or vice versa).
We're all people right?
I can understand how you must be feeling particularly after 14 years of marriage ending in divorce. Was it truly awful all the way? Surely there must have been some good at the beginning at least?
Divorce is a horrid thing which can bring out the worst in people. Your husband may have been feeling vindictive rather than simply behaving as an aspie. It's possible.
I've been married for 10 years now, my wife is an NT. It hasn't been smooth all the way but I like to think that we consider eachother's needs. I'm a lot more emotionally responsive to her than I used to be but I still make mistakes.
There are aspies from all levels here on WP. Some are diagnosed and some are not. Some are emotionally acclimatized and some are not. We're not all the same and I expect that you'd find similar sorts of aggression and bad behaviour on other forums. No, I'm not offering an excuse. I just hope that if you take anything away from WP it's that all people, including aspies, are different. |
Well, thank you for making things clearer. I am glad you are responsive to your wife. Of course, there were many things I loved about my ex and there were some good very good times.
I have a great life now as I did before I married him. I don't need this craziness(this forum) in my life. I'm not sorry I came here. I learned quite a lot. I learned what I needed to help myself. But, I don't need to be an emotional punching bag anymore, even on a forum. Like being married to my ex, most of the AS's here don't think what I have to say is worthwhile listening to. There are lots of people outside of here who do think what I have to say is very important and interesting and treat me with respect .
Just a footnote. One of my very good friends that I train dogs with worked with AS children for 10 yrs until going professional dog trainer a year ago. He is a clinical psychologist educated at the U of Minnesota. One of the nicest people and excellent kind dog trainer. In fact when we met a year ago, anecdotes about my ex AS and my friend's AS counseling profession is how we got into a lengthly discussion and became friends. Minnesota is very proactive with Autism & AS etc. My friend says that working with kids early on really helps them but that training their parents to help them is even more important. That sounds like a simple, obvious remedy, but until recent years, there was no help like this.
I do appreciate your kindness in replying to me in an empathetic, intelligent, courteous manner. |
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chesapeaker
Raven
Joined: Apr 03, 2008
Posts: 106
Location: USA - upper Midwest
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| Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 7:06 am Post subject: |
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| five_squared wrote: | I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS a couple of days ago, found this site yesterday evening and registered today  So I'm kinda new here... |
What is PDD-NOS??? Sorry, I'm not into psych stuff, much. Hope you get good help and understanding. |
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ImTheGuyThatDidThat
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Joined: May 21, 2008
Posts: 4874
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| Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 9:14 am Post subject: |
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[quote="chesapeaker"][quote="Tim_Tex"]When I joined, there were only 114 members (I am #115)
I wish you all the best things in life and good luck if you decide to not be here. Things change. |
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gbollard
the oncoming storm
Joined: Oct 06, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 3076
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 5:52 pm Post subject: |
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chesapeaker,
It sounds like WP is no longer providing any benefit to you, so I guess you're probably right to leave. I'm glad you're happy with your life now, though I'm sad at the cost.
I sometimes see aspies using their condition as a shield for bad behaviour. Aspies can improve but like everyone else, they need to work at it. A good role model also helps.
Thanks also for your comments on the forum. Sometimes we lose the fact that we're a support community.
_________________
Gavin.
http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/ |
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chesapeaker
Raven
Joined: Apr 03, 2008
Posts: 106
Location: USA - upper Midwest
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| Posted: Tue May 27, 2008 6:59 pm Post subject: |
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| gbollard wrote: | chesapeaker,
It sounds like WP is no longer providing any benefit to you, so I guess you're probably right to leave. I'm glad you're happy with your life now, though I'm sad at the cost.
I sometimes see aspies using their condition as a shield for bad behaviour. Aspies can improve but like everyone else, they need to work at it. A good role model also helps.
Thanks also for your comments on the forum. Sometimes we lose the fact that we're a support community. |
Very very interesting youtube site. thank you. |
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shadowboxer
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 03, 2008
Age: 46
Posts: 76
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| Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 12:35 pm Post subject: Hello All |
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I'm a bit of a newcomer here. Not really sure whether or not I have Asperger's. Looking at myself, and the relationships I have with others I feel it's worth finding out for certain. 
Most days I get by ok. Just another of the huddled masses yearning to get by unnoticed. Trouble is, I'm not as much like themas I'd like to be. I've always been sort of a "Stranger in a Strange Land", and I don't have a passport. My relationships tend to be brief & end badly, and the subtleties of dealing with others are kind of like picking up a second language. 
With my family & close friends, this has never been a problem. The workplace is another story.
Just about anything I say or do is documented, analyzed for subtext, misconstrued, and used against me. I'd really like to know, among other things if others here have experienced this sort of situation & how they dealt with it. |
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JerryHatake
Kumdo Practitioner
Joined: Jul 02, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 8980
Location: Woodbridge, VA
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| Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 12:37 pm Post subject: Re: Hello All |
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| shadowboxer wrote: | I'm a bit of a newcomer here. Not really sure whether or not I have Asperger's. Looking at myself, and the relationships I have with others I feel it's worth finding out for certain.
Most days I get by ok. Just another of the huddled masses yearning to get by unnoticed. Trouble is, I'm not as much like themas I'd like to be. I've always been sort of a "Stranger in a Strange Land", and I don't have a passport. My relationships tend to be brief & end badly, and the subtleties of dealing with others are kind of like picking up a second language.
With my family & close friends, this has never been a problem. The workplace is another story.
Just about anything I say or do is documented, analyzed for subtext, misconstrued, and used against me. I'd really like to know, among other things if others here have experienced this sort of situation & how they dealt with it. |
Nice to meet you, shadowboxer. 
_________________
Each person gets his or her own freedom and passion one by one
For us who were born in order to shine, our journey will continue
The trump card that supports the uncertain days is your Soul
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KateShroud
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 02, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 1272
Location: Hotel California
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| Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 2:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Shadow Boxer, it sounds like you're describing my life and the lives of many on here. For my first twenty years or so, I thought I was speaking perfect English. Turns out I was leaving out all the complicated social messages that were expected. It's at least comforting when you realize you're not the only one. |
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westernwild
Sea Gull
Joined: Oct 13, 2007
Posts: 236
Location: The wild, wild West
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| Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 10:05 pm Post subject: |
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| gbollard wrote: | chesapeaker,
It sounds like WP is no longer providing any benefit to you, so I guess you're probably right to leave. I'm glad you're happy with your life now, though I'm sad at the cost.
I sometimes see aspies using their condition as a shield for bad behaviour. Aspies can improve but like everyone else, they need to work at it. A good role model also helps.
Thanks also for your comments on the forum. Sometimes we lose the fact that we're a support community. |
I'm chesapeaker's ex-husband's wife, and I guarantee you that she was lying and slandering him and that he is not at all what she claimed. He's not even fully AS, only has a couple of aspects of it. My teenage son is a full-blown aspie, so I know what I'm talking about. She used what she THOUGHT was his "condition" to totally excuse any of her own causative behavior. He's no angel, of course, but she was no saint, either.
_________________
Queen of the anti-FAAAS. FAAAS does NOT speak for me and many other families!!
Life is not about waiting out storms, but learning to dance in the rain-Anonymous |
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makuranososhi
Purple Monkey Dishwasher
Joined: May 13, 2008
Posts: 1991
Location: Arizona
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| Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 10:11 pm Post subject: |
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Shadowboxer - I grok.
PDD-NOS: Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified
Often a diagnostic catch-all for those whose symptoms are identified but do not conform to the criteria for a more specific diagnosis.
M.
_________________
He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.
From my heart and from my hand, why don't people understand my intentions...?
Why choose a lesser evil? Vote Cthulhu 2008! |
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