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Zancaur
Hummingbird
Joined: Jun 01, 2007
Posts: 24
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 Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 6:26 pm Post subject: |
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It isn't normal to not want to have sex. Just accept the fact that you are special. After all, what's so great about being like everyone else after all?  |
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spudnik
The Dude Abides
Joined: Feb 20, 2008
Posts: 2966
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| Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 6:38 pm Post subject: |
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| TheMidnightJudge wrote: | According to statistics, the 16 year old boy will think about sex for one of every three seconds. I'm a 16 year old male though, and I'm usually not that bad.
Could have something to do with me being a late bloomer (14).
Sorry you were victimized by society, it is pretty bad. Even if you're not asexual, the act of sex has been cheapened immensely by society. |
The thinking about sex thing is an urban myth, now thinking about sex, girls, cars, food, and music, that would be more accurate.
MissPickwickian you shouldn't worry that your different, everyone has these conflicting emotions at your age, sex is not the most important thing in the world, and when the times comes you'll be ready for it, just ignore all the advertising since its only there for people who can't make informed decisions. |
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Trugen
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 12, 2008
Posts: 627
Location: What is Perceived as Your Reality
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| Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 6:50 pm Post subject: Re: WHAT "sexual urges"?! |
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| MissPickwickian wrote: | In Victorian times it was considered abnormal for a person (especially a woman) to have sexual feelings of any kind. This left quite a few people alienated and confused, and was generally a bad, extremist thing.
In the 21st century, teenagers such as myself face the opposite problem. Whether it's MTV telling us to have sex or religious groups telling us to avoid it, the message is the same: we all want to do it every minute of every day, like rabbits or mayflies. All I ever hear is, "It's normal to masturbate", "it's normal to get purely physical crushes", "this is normal!", "that is normal!" Nobody ever told me that it was normal not to want to have sex when you're a teenager. Everyone was so busy pounding this "it's perfectly normal!" stuff into my head so that I wouldn't be "ashamed" that they ironically made me ashamed of NOT being a sexual person. And now for the story:
When I went to middle school I had already read some books about puberty and such and such. All the kids in middle school talked about sex constantly, probably as nervous bragging. At the mature, late-blooming age of 11 I was wondering what was so wrong with me that I didn't want to roll around in bed with someone making strange noises. After some inner torment, I came to the conclusion that I was a lesbian. Suicidal depression ensued.
Last year I got a boyfriend and endured the utter torture of making out with him so as to be a normal girl (I was not diagnosed with AS at the time). I liked him, but the physical contact that I had myself initiated was so excruciating that I broke up with him in a rather cruel manner.
I had to do an abstinence-only sex education program this year. The first question on the little survey was as follows, "T or F: I resist my sexual urges." My immediate mental response was "WHAT 'sexual urges'?!", but that was not an option. After some deliberation, I marked 'true'.
I am sure many asexuals trapped in this culture have gone through this confusion.
It is fine, even good, to tell adolescents that their little urges are not evil or disgusting, but people should take the time to say that not wanting to have sex is normal, too. I am 16, I think sex is icky, and I am NOT a freak!
Note: please keep responses clean. |
your lucky
i thought i was a nymph
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Drive to Madness: Love..........and power!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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z0rp
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 05, 2008
Age: 15
Posts: 365
Location: New York, USA
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 1:21 am Post subject: |
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| Erm for the record there's no 'normal', I would hate to be a person who thinks like that. Some people feel the need to have sex others don't, who cares? I also feel bad for all the children in abstinence class getting nearly as much bullshit shoved down their throat as their religious parents and society have already shoved down their throats about other crap. I hate this world.. |
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andriarose
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Apr 22, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 52
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 3:43 pm Post subject: |
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I don't think you're weird at all. I'm 23 and feel like I'm just beginning to bloom sexually. 
Like you, when I was 16 I had a boyfriend. I didn't have any feelings for him, especially sexual ones. It just seemed like that was what was expected of me. He ended up pressuring me into a lot of things I wasn't ready for but I kept telling myself "this is what normal people do." Eventually I broke it off, but not before I really hated myself for it. I had a few 'relationships' after that but completely bailed as soon as things started getting physical. It just didn't feel right at all.
Last year I met someone who helped change things. The difference was this time I was very honest with him. I sat down and explained to him about such things as being emotionally distant, and having various sensory issues. I taught him how and when it was ok to touch me. He was totally understanding and let things happen at *my* pace. He never pressured me to do anything. If we were doing something and he noticed I seemed uncomfortable, even if I'd initiated it, he would ask if I wanted to stop, and if I was ok. When all the pressure was gone, I actually started enjoying it. It was definitely an eye-opening experience, and it really changed my mind about physical intimacy. I still have issues with actual sex, but I'm ok with making out and a little farther than that. For me it's less of an 'icky' issue and more of a vulnerability thing. But I think, one day, *with the right person* I'll be alright with it.
The advice I'd give you is don't worry about it. Don't force it and don't try to be like the supposed 'everyone else.' If there is sexuality in you somewhere, it will show its face eventually. Most of all, don't be afraid to tell your potential partners to take it slow. You're the only one who knows when you're ready to be in a physical relationship.
If you do turn out to be completely asexual, there are plenty of groups out there who will support you, especially online. I know, I went through a couple years when I thought that was the answer. In all honesty, I have to say I'm glad it wasn't. |
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Maxrebo
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Apr 07, 2008
Age: 16
Posts: 178
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 4:09 pm Post subject: |
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No its normal I am a late bloomer (15) but I couldn;t get a girl if I tried I am definatly not a smooth talker that and I would prefer to wait last thing I need is a child.Though if a girl asked me out or for that I would say yes in heart yes I am despret I dont want to become the 40 year old virgin.
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Everythings the same I am still cant sleep and still hate school. |
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Laurz_2192
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 11, 2008
Age: 16
Posts: 51
Location: England
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| Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 1:33 pm Post subject: |
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I'm 16 and don't see the 'big deal' about having sex, or even having a boyfriend. I'm straight, just not interested in anything at the moment. Sometimes I get a bit down on myself, watching my friends rant on about 'what they got up to' but I just don't think I'm ready for that yet.
And anyway, as I tell myself, I've got better things to do anyway XD |
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DiabloDave363
Sea Gull
Joined: May 17, 2008
Age: 14
Posts: 203
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| Posted: Wed May 21, 2008 8:32 pm Post subject: |
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| hmm, well i think its normal to masturbate i guess (though i dont). but u cant say its not normal to do watur body does naturally. as for sex with teens, well no. just the world we live in today, no. very hard to get on ur feet at 15 or 16 and raise a kid. i dont want to be a dad now so ill wait (like ill even get a chance). |
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GodsWonder
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 27, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 63
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
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Tormod
Raven
Joined: Apr 07, 2008
Posts: 124
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| Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 3:04 pm Post subject: |
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I am 17 and I have very little "sexual urges". I am not completely asexual, but I'm much closer to it than most people. I'm just not very interested in sex, even if I don't think I'd exactly dislike it. I might even enjoy it. I just feel like I don't need it.
Many people act like sex is really important, almost like food and water it seems. They make a big deal about it, and I just feel like I don't really care about it, and I am always wondering why it is such a big deal. |
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Shidash
Blue Jay
Joined: May 12, 2007
Age: 14
Posts: 80
Location: Maine
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| Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 8:26 pm Post subject: |
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I have no sexual urges and kids at school keep asking me who I like and when I say no one, they pick on me
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GodsWonder
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 27, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 63
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
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| Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 1:36 am Post subject: same here |
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| Shidash wrote: | | I have no sexual urges and kids at school keep asking me who I like and when I say no one, they pick on me |
The same goes for me, it is so awkward sometimes. I also have two brothers and my dad that always talk about girls and ask me who i like (they don't know that I am asexuaul) so I just try to weasel my way out by changing the subject or something. My older brother always teases me and stuff. Also, my dad and my brothers are always trying to get me to date girls and it gets really annoying. |
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JerryHatake
Kumdo Practitioner
Joined: Jul 02, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 8649
Location: Woodbridge, VA
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| Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 9:17 am Post subject: |
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I have them and some of it is towards my female friends though I don't push it at all.
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Jerry
"No one is the same you can't compare yourself to other people because everyone is different" - Michelle
"Everything happens for a reason, no matter how hard that is to believe sometimes, it is so true!" - Michelle
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KatieMiller
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Apr 26, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 57
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| Posted: Mon Jun 02, 2008 2:27 pm Post subject: |
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I had sexual feelings about crushes after the age of 12, but i never wanted to actually have sex with anyone until i met the right person. Some people, NTs and Aspies alike, desire sex on a purely physical level, whereas for others, a whole host of other connections have to be present to make it enjoyable or desirable with any given person. Also, aspies often do develop later, and girls often need more of an emotional and personal connection before even wanting to think about sex. You're normal. Don't worry about it. You don't have to prove you are normal by being physical when you don't want to me. If anyone asks, just say you're picky and have high standards (in terms of guys), or complain that there's no good guys to date at your school/in your town. Probably most people will actually agree with you. And if anyone asks how far you went with so- and-so, tell them its none of their business! It isn't. You will gain more respect that way.
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Roddanagh
Raven
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 109
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| Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 4:30 am Post subject: |
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How on earth can one conclude that they're asexual at 16? I certainly don't mean to suggest it's invalid as a category, but at that point I would think it's far more likely you simply haven't reached sexual maturity.
Perhaps it's too foreign for me to understand. I vaguely remember masturbating long before I ever went through puberty. |
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