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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 1980
Location: Middle East
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 Posted: Thu Aug 28, 2008 11:55 pm Post subject: Married people and their pacts |
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It's yuck to have a married friend. Married people make pacts between them and they affect you, the friend, negatively.
Examples:
1. Lucy and John, my ex friends. She boycotted McDonalds for him in exchange for his agreement to not having their child's hair cut. We were very hungry, there was only a McDonald's where we were, so we had to shorten our visit and eave to another place to eat.
2. Lou stopped running after his codependent, alcoholic mother. In exchange, his wife Sharon stopped involvement with her very ill mother. Result: her sister has all the burden of helping their sick mother.
I suppose married people should only have married friends, so that they can honor each other's pacts and not get disgusted by the whole thing. I just can't stand having to honor my friends' pacts with their spouses.
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"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl" - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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Cyberman
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 626
Location: Telos
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 12:16 am Post subject: |
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| I don't even have any married friends. I could never be friends with someone who looks down on me just because I've never been in a relationship. |
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Aurore
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 07, 2007
Age: 18
Posts: 640
Location: North Carolina
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 12:21 am Post subject: |
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What married pacts? My parents don't do this, my married friends don't do this. Just because people get married doesn't mean they can't be friends with you if you're single, you just have to make sure they're not nitpicky jerks to start off with.
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"Ain't life like a package of little candy-coated hammers?" |
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teena
Butterfly
Joined: Aug 27, 2008
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 12:39 am Post subject: |
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| Aurore wrote: | | What married pacts? My parents don't do this, my married friends don't do this. Just because people get married doesn't mean they can't be friends with you if you're single, you just have to make sure they're not nitpicky jerks to start off with. |
I agree |
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Spokane_Girl
I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more
Joined: Jul 17, 2007
Age: 23
Posts: 3017
Location: Benny & Joon town (I wish)
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 12:43 am Post subject: |
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Not true for all marriages. My parents don't do this. My dad has friends and some friends here and some of them are married. One of them is a woman.
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Aspergers, PDD-NOS, autistic, who cares what diagnoses I have, it's just a label. All on the spectrum. |
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dougn
Snowy Owl
Joined: Aug 20, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 139
Location: Long Island, NY, USA
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 12:51 am Post subject: |
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| Cyberman wrote: | | I don't even have any married friends. I could never be friends with someone who looks down on me just because I've never been in a relationship. |
Not all married people would look down on you just because you've never been in a relationship. |
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Postperson
The Daughter of Indifference
Joined: Jul 10, 2004
Age: 51
Posts: 2559
Location: Uz
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 2:53 am Post subject: |
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| yes, I avoid couples if possible, when my single friends became couples i knew it was over for friendship. pillow talk. outnumbered. it's a cliche isn't it? two's company threes a crowd. a lot of people don't find it works. |
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Pobodys_Nerfect
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 11, 2008
Posts: 350
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 6:05 am Post subject: |
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| I have found that it doesn't work. You get ganged up on. |
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rushfanatic
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 11, 2006
Posts: 380
Location: Lovely Ohio
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 7:40 am Post subject: Married people and their pacts..... |
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| Married people generally have more scheduled time frames, so they do not have the abililty to do what they want, when they want to. Children, work, home chores, etc. have to come first before they can run around with friends, is how I see my life.. I have single friends, but only in terms because they are single due to being divorced... Life changes when you get married, there are too many responsibilities that come with it, and to hang with friends becomes more of a luxury than a necessity..... |
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cursed_brunette
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 03, 2008
Age: 41
Posts: 89
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 7:48 am Post subject: Re: Married people and their pacts |
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| Greentea wrote: | It's yuck to have a married friend. Married people make pacts between them and they affect you, the friend, negatively.
Examples:
1. Lucy and John, my ex friends. She boycotted McDonalds for him in exchange for his agreement to not having their child's hair cut. We were very hungry, there was only a McDonald's where we were, so we had to shorten our visit and eave to another place to eat.
2. Lou stopped running after his codependent, alcoholic mother. In exchange, his wife Sharon stopped involvement with her very ill mother. Result: her sister has all the burden of helping their sick mother.
I suppose married people should only have married friends, so that they can honor each other's pacts and not get disgusted by the whole thing. I just can't stand having to honor my friends' pacts with their spouses. |
These are not married people... they are just 2 people (that happen to be married) that use "things" to manipulate each other into doing what the other one wants. Don't worry both sets of people will be divorced soon enough anyway. As a marriage cannot have manipulation of individuals as part of the negotiations.
I am married & my husband & I don't manipulate each other in this or any other manner. Do we have mutually beneficial agreements between us. Yes. Have they affected other people, maybe. But it would only be the friends that negatively influence our relationship. |
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blue_bean
Red in the face
Joined: Apr 14, 2006
Age: 24
Posts: 1124
Location: Mid North Coast, NSW, Australia
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 8:13 am Post subject: |
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Oh no, this sorta thing doesnt happen with only married couples, It happens with BF/GF couples as well.
My brother was a good example: He was going to a concert in Sydney and asked me if I wanted to come to Sydney with him and share the motel room cost. He then announced that he was taking his then GF and told me that he wanted me to book my own room, so his GF could have the bed originally intended for me.  I didn't end up going due to the cost (we were going to stay in the city)
Another example is my dad: He retired just recently, and decided to use all of his unused long service leave as funding for a driving holiday to Northern Territory, with my stepmum. He could of spent this time looking after his mother, who was in her last months due to renal issues. But he didn't (and yes, my aunt and uncle who HAD to look after her are very angry at him about that  )
IMO, When these kinda things happen its either:
1. One member of the couple is controlling/dominating the other (as was the case with my bro's GF)
or
2. They're still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship and they're trying to impress one another.
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"There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and its filled with people who are filled with sh*t and the vermin of the world inhabit it" |
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 1980
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 8:23 am Post subject: |
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Well, if they make nauseating pacts between them, which affect me negatively, I don't have to be understanding about it. I don't have to put up with bad treatment just because it's a trade-off my friend made with her life partner. Eg: If she traded off that they will only phone their friends when the other is sleeping, it doesn't mean I have to stay up till dawn so I can talk to her on the phone.
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"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl" - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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n4mwd
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 08, 2008
Posts: 597
Location: Palm Beach, FL
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 9:30 am Post subject: |
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| I can't confirm or deny the married mind games you suggest, but I do know this... I had best friends while they were single who now regard me as a footnote after they got married. Its like the new wife must be telling them they can't have their old friends anymore. However, I do have married friends who I met after they got married and they don't have a problem with me. In that case, I'm friends with both of them as opposed to just one of them. |
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Pobodys_Nerfect
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 11, 2008
Posts: 350
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| Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 11:49 pm Post subject: |
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| Yea, with the old best friends, once they get married, it's almost like the wife has taken over and changed the dynamics of the friendship. The friend seems gone. |
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 1980
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Sat Aug 30, 2008 9:29 am Post subject: |
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Yes, that's the feeling I get too.
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"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl" - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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