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SolitaryShell
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 20, 2008
Posts: 36
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 Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 10:55 pm Post subject: Did I make something wrong? What should I do? |
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Thereīs this girl in college I really like , and sometimes I tend to think she also likes me (at least I did)..any way Iīm to scared to talk to her but I try sometimes. problem is that sometimes I end looking like an asshole when I dontīwant to!! ..let me explain:
For Valentineīs Day I wanted to asked her out ..of course my completely lack of competence in this area maked it impossible. Two days before San Valentine she came to me and started talking and told me "ohh Iīm really sad I donīt have any plans i donīt want to be alone.. bla bla bla" ..I looked at her and told her "..mm why donīt you go out with your friends?" , īcause I didnīt had the courage to ask her out even though on the inside I really wanted to.
Anyways after this she seems to hate me she doesnīt even say hi anymore..
did I make something wrong?? .. shuld I tell her I have Asperger?? should I wait?? or Iīm better off doing anything?? THANKS!
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FigginOfDeath
Hummingbird
Joined: Feb 28, 2008
Posts: 20
Location: Berkeley, California
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| Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 11:13 pm Post subject: |
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| If you think it's necessary, explain to her you're an aspie. But it is more important that you work up the courage to tell her how you feel. |
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Complex
Sea Gull
Joined: Mar 02, 2008
Age: 36
Posts: 241
Location: Detroit
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| Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 11:22 pm Post subject: |
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Well, I think that some people would interpret "why don't you go out with your friends" as slightly derogatory, even though you didn't mean it that way. I would try to talk to her. You don't have to throw yourself to the wolves, just tell her the truth. Tell her that upon reflection, although you didn't mean it the way it sounded, that you realize that your comments could have been misinterpreted. Apologize, and then tell her that you would like to make it up to her by taking her out.
Just a thought.
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TrubPotto
Raven
Joined: Mar 13, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 117
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 5:48 am Post subject: |
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Oh Solitary, I cannot tell you how many times I've been in that situation - clearly I missed some important clue at some vital time and something that seemed like a good thing in the making suddenly crumbles.
Here's my 2 cents - when she was stating that she didn't want to be alone and had no plans for Valentine's Day, blah blah - she was TOTALLY trying to get you to ask her to do something. When you said "maybe you should hang out with friends" she basically read that as a complete blow-off on your part. So, as far as she's concerned - you were completely uninterested and her feelings got hurt.
How you proceed next, unfortunately, is up to you. If I knew the answer, these sorts of things wouldn't still be happening to me to this day.
Good luck, and hang in there. |
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Sarcastic_Name
Don't look.
Joined: Mar 27, 2005
Age: 20
Posts: 3582
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 12:07 pm Post subject: |
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| Complex wrote: | Well, I think that some people would interpret "why don't you go out with your friends" as slightly derogatory, even though you didn't mean it that way. I would try to talk to her. You don't have to throw yourself to the wolves, just tell her the truth. Tell her that upon reflection, although you didn't mean it the way it sounded, that you realize that your comments could have been misinterpreted. Apologize, and then tell her that you would like to make it up to her by taking her out.
Just a thought. |
Give this man a metal! 
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The_Cucumber
Velociraptor
Joined: May 05, 2007
Posts: 446
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 3:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Sarcastic_Name wrote: | | Complex wrote: | Well, I think that some people would interpret "why don't you go out with your friends" as slightly derogatory, even though you didn't mean it that way. I would try to talk to her. You don't have to throw yourself to the wolves, just tell her the truth. Tell her that upon reflection, although you didn't mean it the way it sounded, that you realize that your comments could have been misinterpreted. Apologize, and then tell her that you would like to make it up to her by taking her out.
Just a thought. |
Give this man a metal! |
I agree that Complex's suggestion is the best course of action. However I'd like to point out that things like this are rarely as easy as they sound. Admitting that you are aware how awkward you can be in social settings can't hurt. I'd recommend against outright saying you have Asperger's. The last thing you need is for her to accpt your invitation out of pity. My Brother once dated someone out of pity.... it didn't work out well (relationship lasted about 2 weeks, and she became a rather nasty slut afterwards, my brother is still a virgin at age 20). |
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Complex
Sea Gull
Joined: Mar 02, 2008
Age: 36
Posts: 241
Location: Detroit
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 4:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I agree that Complex's suggestion is the best course of action. However I'd like to point out that things like this are rarely as easy as they sound. Admitting that you are aware how awkward you can be in social settings can't hurt. I'd recommend against outright saying you have Asperger's. The last thing you need is for her to accpt your invitation out of pity. My Brother once dated someone out of pity.... it didn't work out well (relationship lasted about 2 weeks, and she became a rather nasty slut afterwards, my brother is still a virgin at age 20). |
I agree with ever single thing that you've said. Things like this are always much more difficult than they sound. Most things worth doing aren't easy
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velodog
Gold Supporter
Joined: Mar 16, 2008
Posts: 1251
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 6:18 pm Post subject: |
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This sounds pretty much like the bonehead type of behavior that trips me up. What success I have had with women has generally been in spite of, not because of, the stupid things I do. The last woman I went out with was as much (if not more) of a mess as me. She really got into the histrionics and I just couldn't handle it. This went on for 6 years off and on with us tapering down to the point that we would, one or the other, get lonely and call the other and go out together and things would be okay for a little while. When we finally did split it was by just neither of us calling each other, with no final blow up (thank god). In the meantime a woman who worked at a nearby grocery store was flirting over a period of 3 years and finally gave me a very broad hint to ask her out while I was standing in her line with people behind me. This was in April of 05, I managed to embarrass both us in front everyone in line who cared to listen.  Meantime Paula and I were kaput every way but officially and it was official a few months later. It took me a while to stop kicking myself in the butt over that one. |
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SolitaryShell
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 20, 2008
Posts: 36
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 8:09 pm Post subject: |
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Thankīs a lot for all your suggestions , they are really important for me!  , itīs sad that even if we are considered smart people we suffer for this situations  ..ahh the ways of an aspie I guess.
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"You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star." - Nietzsche |
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Complex
Sea Gull
Joined: Mar 02, 2008
Age: 36
Posts: 241
Location: Detroit
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 8:22 pm Post subject: |
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| SolitaryShell wrote: | | Thankīs a lot for all your suggestions , they are really important for me! , itīs sad that even if we are considered smart people we suffer for this situations ..ahh the ways of an aspie I guess. |
Don't feel bad. When I was single, those things happened to me all the time. Looking back, there were a lot of girls who were interested, I just didn't get. A pay much closer attention now to what people are trying to say to me, but I still slip up sometimes; it is the way of our tribe!
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juliekitty
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 26, 2006
Posts: 1715
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| Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 10:10 pm Post subject: |
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| Complex wrote: | | Tell her that upon reflection, although you didn't mean it the way it sounded, that you realize that your comments could have been misinterpreted. Apologize, and then tell her that you would like to make it up to her by taking her out. |
I agree completely. |
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ivetastedflight
Blue Jay
Joined: Mar 23, 2008
Posts: 87
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| Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 10:26 pm Post subject: |
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| TrubPotto wrote: | | Here's my 2 cents - when she was stating that she didn't want to be alone and had no plans for Valentine's Day, blah blah - she was TOTALLY trying to get you to ask her to do something. When you said "maybe you should hang out with friends" she basically read that as a complete blow-off on your part. So, as far as she's concerned - you were completely uninterested and her feelings got hurt. |
This is DEAD ON. This is exactly what went "wrong".
TrubPotto, you're awesome.
Anyway, I don't have a very realistic solution. I could say to do 8 million things, but they aren't as easy as they sound (like others have stated).
Good luck, though.
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