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NeantHumain
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 25, 2004
Posts: 2938
Location: St. Louis, Missouri
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 Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 11:47 pm Post subject: This Forum Needs Yet Another Self-Proclaimed Love Doctor |
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So it might as well be me. 
1. Prove you're high on the social status/dominance scale by talking the whole time and not letting her say a word. If she does manage to say something, belittle her for holding such an utterly stupid opinion. Remember that women are attracted to self-confidence above all else.
2. Dress for yourself. If wearing a t-shirt with barbecue stains or prints of the Twinkie Man on them are your thing, go for it.
3. Play it cool; don't come off needy or desperate. In fact, I recommend calling her/Facebooking her/whatever people do these days to tell her that you're too busy for her and aren't really that into her anyway. Literally, I recommend you leave her an e-mail saying, "It was nice meeting you, but I'm really busy right now and am not that into you anyway. Maybe after the requisite three days have passed... Until then, cheers!"
4. Ignore your instincts. Remember that it is wrong to be attracted to women you find attractive. Instead, go for the overweight and overbearing woman who disgusts you viscerally.
5. Show her you're not just in it for the sex by telling her you don't think she's beautiful and would never contemplate getting intimate with her.
All five of these rules of thumb are guaranteed to work, or try something else! |
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ToadOfSteel
This is the right planet... out there, somewhere..
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 1478
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 11:48 pm Post subject: |
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You forgot one...
6. Perfect your inflections so you can say "Make me a sammich" correctly. |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 57
Posts: 5179
Location: The Great Pacific NorthWest
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 12:53 am Post subject: |
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oh, oh, and remember to be both instructional as well as condescending
while saying 'Iron my shirt!"
Merle |
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Who_Am_I
Still Stimmy
Joined: Aug 28, 2005
Age: 24
Posts: 2709
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 8:05 am Post subject: |
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_________________
... but I hate coffee... |
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Danielismyname
The only monster is in his head
Joined: Apr 03, 2007
Posts: 4531
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 8:29 am Post subject: |
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I've got one,
Tell her you'll honor and respect her till the day you die, mean it, and do it.
All else will fall into place. |
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Brainsforbreakfast
Sea Gull
Joined: Mar 05, 2006
Posts: 208
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 11:18 am Post subject: |
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7. Before you say anything, grab her by the hair and drag her with you. Girls just love males taking initiative in a primal way.
8. Deoderant proofs you aren't confident about your BO. Make sure your armpits smell like a small animal crawled in there and died, as this shows your confidence.
9. Don't ever talk to, look,at or even acknowledge her existence. Otherwise, you'll come off as needy.
(for those being literal minded, this is not advice, this is sarcasm  |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 57
Posts: 5179
Location: The Great Pacific NorthWest
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 12:08 pm Post subject: |
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| Danielismyname wrote: | I've got one,
Tell her you'll honor and respect her till the day you die, mean it, and do it.
All else will fall into place. |
I have bashed my nose up against this for three legally married times. I have no doubts that they meant it at the time, and neither did they. Life had other plans for all three marriages, though. You can argue with life, but it rarely changes anything.
Merle |
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KingofKaboom
Last of the Cake Riders
Joined: Oct 21, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 1551
Location: Cakeland
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 1:20 pm Post subject: |
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| ToadOfSteel wrote: | You forgot one...
6. Perfect your inflections so you can say "Make me a sammich" correctly. |
I actually say that but only as a joke. Just like that though mostly to my mother who ignores it or family in general.
_________________
"I teach Sunday School Mutherf&@#er!"-S.Colbert
Awesome
1st sin: Lust |
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NeantHumain
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 25, 2004
Posts: 2938
Location: St. Louis, Missouri
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 5:09 pm Post subject: |
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| Brainsforbreakfast wrote: | 7. Before you say anything, grab her by the hair and drag her with you. Girls just love males taking initiative in a primal way.
8. Deoderant proofs you aren't confident about your BO. Make sure your armpits smell like a small animal crawled in there and died, as this shows your confidence.
9. Don't ever talk to, look,at or even acknowledge her existence. Otherwise, you'll come off as needy. |
All excellent advice. |
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Glencannon
Raven
Joined: Jan 23, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 100
Location: Missoula, MT
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 6:13 pm Post subject: |
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| 10. One your first date, prevent her from ordering anything but bread and water because, as we all know, she is gonna need to slim down a few pounds before your gonna be willing to date her. |
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spirited
Snowy Owl
Joined: Dec 15, 2006
Posts: 143
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 6:21 pm Post subject: |
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| 11. promise her her hearts desire, teasingly, and playfully entice her, promise her the world will be given to her the next time you see her, and then, give her a pop top, and tell her she sucks for not shaving her crotch. |
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spirited
Snowy Owl
Joined: Dec 15, 2006
Posts: 143
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 6:22 pm Post subject: |
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| 12. remind her of how much of a masochist she likes to be |
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spirited
Snowy Owl
Joined: Dec 15, 2006
Posts: 143
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 6:23 pm Post subject: |
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| 13. never hold her, hug her cuddle her, or kiss her, after sex. |
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spirited
Snowy Owl
Joined: Dec 15, 2006
Posts: 143
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 6:25 pm Post subject: |
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| 14. when on the phone, scream at the top of your lungs all the foul words you know, then, when she hangs up, keep myspacing her, calling her voicemail and leaving the "i'm sorry baby" messages. Then, after this, if she calls you back, you just can know, she's not through with you yet! |
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Danielismyname
The only monster is in his head
Joined: Apr 03, 2007
Posts: 4531
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| Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 4:57 am Post subject: |
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| sinsboldly wrote: | I have bashed my nose up against this for three legally married times. I have no doubts that they meant it at the time, and neither did they. Life had other plans for all three marriages, though. You can argue with life, but it rarely changes anything.
Merle |
Well, they didn't do it, sadly (my jerk of a father probably said the same thing to my mother, but he still didn't do it). For some of us, death is the only thing you cannot argue with.
Meaning doesn't mean much when there's no doing involved; death tells us if we do it or not. |
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