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Odarp
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Mar 09, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 62
Location: Mexico City
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 Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:31 pm Post subject: My parent knew about my AS and did not tell me. |
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OK this will be kind of long.
Im an 18 year old boy
I realized I had AS 6 months ago, when finding more about one of my latest obsessions (editorial photography and models) that led me to watching Americas Next Top Model, and there I saw Heather Kuzmich and heard her say she has AS, I noticed her behavior is much like mine, so I did some reseach on AS and found out I had all the symptoms, at that point I was self-dxed.
Then I contacted my old psychiatrist (I trust him a lot) and he gave me his diagnostic of my AS
I did not tell my parents about it because I do not want to be treated as if I'm handicapped, so thats the first part of my story.
Yesterday I told my mom "Hey when my cat dies will we get a new one" (My cat has cancer and is about to die) and she said no, so I insisted a bit and she said "No, im not kidding, besides we only got you that cat because the doctor said it would help with your as..." I said "What Asperger's?" and she told me "I thought you did not knew" I told her I did some research by myself and told her how I found out.
Needless to say I got very mad at her, for many years I knew something was wrong with me and was very depressed all the time thinking it was all my fault. Of course now I know about my AS and I'm dealing with it everyday, accepting myself for who I am and being a proud Aspie.
So please tell your kids about this kind of stuff, I'm sure it will be shocking at first but its better than years of silent suffering.
_________________
Proud Geek and Aspie
Rubik's rock! Also does Pokemon XD
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Chibi_Neko
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 24, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 984
Location: Newfoundland, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:34 pm Post subject: |
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My mom kept my AS a secret from me too, I was 13 when I learned about it and it was my dad that told me. He said I was fine the was I am, but mom thinks I am not normal and always took me to the doctor to try and fix me.
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Humans are intelligent, but that doesn't make them smart. |
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silentchaos
Toucan
Joined: Mar 08, 2008
Posts: 250
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:40 pm Post subject: |
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My parents didn't tell me either, at least not for twelve years. It is ridiculous to think that it would help us by not telling us, as if it would just go away.  |
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Odarp
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Mar 09, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 62
Location: Mexico City
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:48 pm Post subject: |
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exactly to deal with AS you must know you have it so you can think of little steps (in my case) so it does not make you so impaired.
And knowing you have a "problem" (said like that because i dont think its a problem, to me its more like "just the way i am") is the first step to improving.
_________________
Proud Geek and Aspie
Rubik's rock! Also does Pokemon XD
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SilverProteus
The years, no doubt, have changed me.
Joined: Jul 21, 2007
Posts: 7154
Location: Fleet Street.
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:52 pm Post subject: |
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I don't know your mother so I can't really say, but she might have opted not to tell you to protect you. Maybe she didn't want you to think you were flawed or something. You know the NT brain works a little differently. 
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"How about a shave?"
Last edited by SilverProteus on Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:53 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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nannarob
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 14, 2007
Posts: 1318
Location: Queensland
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:53 pm Post subject: |
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I have read several posts lately where parents were advised not to tell their children. My grandchildren were told as soon as they were diagnosed; one was 6.
I am sure that every young aspergers child knows s/he is different. It was a relief for the 8 year old to be diagnosed because he had always known that he was different. He had been hiding nightmares and 'voices' for years, and now he has been able to talk about this secret world with a counsellor.
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NEVER EVER GIVE UP
I think there must be some chronic learning disability that is so prevalent among NT's that it goes unnoticed by the "experts". Krex
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KimJ
Legend in my own mind
Joined: Jun 11, 2006
Posts: 2538
Location: Arizona
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:55 pm Post subject: |
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There are some Aspies and parents that believe telling will make us lazy, crippled or have low-self esteem. As someone who wasn't diagnosed (too old for one), my self-esteem was in the gutter anyways because I was constantly told I was weird, a freak. I'm still in therapy and carry a lot of demons with me because I internalized all that garbage I was told.
When your parents (and teachers and anyone else) tell you that you're lazy, willfully difficult, clumsy on purpose (!), that really impresses you. A label can cripple, if used as an excuse to never try or take meds. But a label can start a restorative process that will help you gain confidence and usefull skills.
When I was very young, I was severely bullied by a popular girl. Her mother supported her. My parents went to the school to complain and resolve the issue but never told me. Instead, they told me to ignore her and that it didn't matter. I never felt supported and it was one big factor in not trusting my parents. I stopped telling them things and they never understood why. |
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Gosmokesome
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 04, 2007
Posts: 141
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Knowing that your a cube trying to fit in a round hole helps. It stops you from trying to smash yourself into a place you don't fit in. And then you can actually start to find a place where you can fit in and prosper. |
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KimJ
Legend in my own mind
Joined: Jun 11, 2006
Posts: 2538
Location: Arizona
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:56 pm Post subject: |
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edited due double post
Last edited by KimJ on Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:57 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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olle
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 03, 2008
Posts: 134
Location: Gothenburg, Sweden
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 8:16 pm Post subject: |
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my parents did not tell me i had traits of asperger's for the last 6 years, at least. my father told me a few months ago when he was complaining at me, worried. i think it was rather impulsive, and the risk is that i never would have got to know.
by that time, i already had found out myself. that was certainly a coincidence. i was just browsing the web, reading the latest quotes on bash.org. one quote mentioned something called "geek squad". i looked it up on wikipedia, and there was a link to "geek". there was in turn a link to "asperger syndrome". i fail to see what the benefit is of hiding this for me.
forgive the lack of upper-case letters. |
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The_Cucumber
Velociraptor
Joined: May 05, 2007
Posts: 446
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 8:25 pm Post subject: |
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I credit knowing I have AS to being able to develop my odd sort of realistic optimism into something that can counteract my anxiety issues and turn me into the calmest person I know. It's almost entertaining to watch people freak out over trivial matters nowadays.
Of course I was right there when I was diagnosed as having AS, so it's not like my parents ever had a chance to hide it from me. 
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The improbable goal: Fear nothing, hate nothing, and let nothing anger you. |
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Suepoo
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 26, 2008
Posts: 6
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:11 pm Post subject: |
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I had no idea how to tell my then 5yo or explain it in a way that didn't make him think he was weird or something. So I bought a picture book called "All Cats have Aspergers Syndrome" it sits on the coffee table and every now and then he picks it up, has a read. Sometimes he will ask me what Aspergers Syndrome is so I found this way a good method of bringing the subject up without sounding serious or lecturing.
All kids, AS or not, deserve to hear the truth. And my motto is: if they are asking the questions they are ready for the answers
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RedTape0651
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Sep 07, 2007
Posts: 72
Location: Maryland
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:19 pm Post subject: |
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Something like this happened to me. My parents basically knew that I had AS, but never told me. I think it was because they thought it would make me use it as an excuse for why I can't succeed, or make me start saying things like "I can't do this because I have AS." I recently got diagnosed, and told my parents a few months later, and they said that they already knew.
Anyway, I wish I knew that I had AS when I was 16 years old. It might have prevented me from making some bad decisions with my life. |
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Roseduelist
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jul 09, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 153
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:32 pm Post subject: |
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| My parents did not tell me about it until I was about in fourth grade when I told them that everyone of my classmates could sense I was different...and I couldn't understand why. I was so mad at them for keeping it from me because they were the type of parents who always wanted you to tell the truth. Later on they said they did it so I wouldn't use it as an excuse to my advantage. |
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opal
Toucan
Joined: Jul 23, 2007
Posts: 282
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:56 pm Post subject: |
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| KimJ wrote: | There are some Aspies and parents that believe telling will make us lazy, crippled or have low-self esteem. As someone who wasn't diagnosed (too old for one), my self-esteem was in the gutter anyways because I was constantly told I was weird, a freak. I'm still in therapy and carry a lot of demons with me because I internalized all that garbage I was told.
When your parents (and teachers and anyone else) tell you that you're lazy, willfully difficult, clumsy on purpose (!), that really impresses you. A label can cripple, if used as an excuse to never try or take meds. But a label can start a restorative process that will help you gain confidence and usefull skills.
When I was very young, I was severely bullied by a popular girl. Her mother supported her. My parents went to the school to complain and resolve the issue but never told me. Instead, they told me to ignore her and that it didn't matter. I never felt supported and it was one big factor in not trusting my parents. I stopped telling them things and they never understood why. |
Ican relate to what you are saying. |
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