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Midnite
Butterfly
Joined: Jan 22, 2008
Age: 60
Posts: 12
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 Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 7:43 pm Post subject: Should I ask if he's an aspie? |
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I'm a NT female. I think a friend of mine is an aspie. I feel he knows he is but I know feel he wants me to know.
Should I ask him? If yes, how do I ask him without upsetting him? |
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Lordnarfington
Raven
Joined: Mar 31, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 123
Location: San Antonio, TX
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| Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 7:46 pm Post subject: |
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| I wouldn't mind being asked, heck I'd love being asked. Then again, we are all different. |
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Odarp
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Mar 09, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 62
Location: Mexico City
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| Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 8:25 pm Post subject: |
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| Lordnarfington wrote: | | I wouldn't mind being asked, heck I'd love being asked. Then again, we are all different. |
I second this a 100%, I would probably start a speech about my AS and how I was diagnosed 
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Rubik's rock! Also does Pokemon XD
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JohKnip
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Mar 30, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 65
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| Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 9:44 pm Post subject: |
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im a proud aspie and would love to be asked, but then i would probably start talking about it and not shut up go for it  |
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PowerGirl
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 138
Location: Angelica Castle on the planet Sedna
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| Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 9:58 pm Post subject: |
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| I would love it if someone found me fasinating and started asking me questions and they'd ask if I was an aspie and then I'd tell them about it and how I view the world as an aspie. It'd be so cool. I plan to talk about Autism and Asperger's Syndrome tomorrow since it's World Autism Awareness Day and I'm going to wear a t shirt broadcasting it. Anyway, chances are good that he'd like it if you asked so I say go for it! Good Luck! -Power Girl |
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Detren
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 08, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 167
Location: in the connection between the ansibles
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| Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 10:12 pm Post subject: |
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Well, this is a difficult question, it all depends on your friend. Everyone is different, and if he isn't broadcasting it then maybe he wants it quiet. If people are noticing it means that he isn't doing as good a job fitting in as he hopes.
If he doesn't know he is then it's a whole other ball of wax.
Best bet, print something up about it (medical wise, with characteristics) and say "hey, I came across this and man, some of this stuff reminds me of you. Check this out." (make sure you are alone, and slip him the papers, or if completely alone point things out.)
It all also depends on how close of friends you are. Has he ever confided anything in you? If not, he may not wish to confide this in you either.
[edit]Goodness, sorry, I didn't notice your age there! I thought I was replying to an early teen. Haha, sorry. You probably realize most of it, I'll just stick to best bet, print out a list of characteristics to show him.[/edit] |
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Willard
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Posts: 606
Location: Confederate States of America
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| Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 12:00 pm Post subject: |
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| A few years ago, my wife forwarded to me a weblink to an article on Asperger, with the header "this sounds like you"...I was stunned at how perfectly the symptom list fit, but most of all moved, delighted, vindicated to realize that the things I'd been berated and verbally and psychologically abused for all my life were not in fact due to me being stubborn, obstinate, uncooperative, weak, emotionally retarded, or an all around loser (just to name a few of the terms I've endured) - but because my brain is simply wired a little differently than the NT...I can't imagine why anyone who has reached adulthood living with undiagnosed AS would be anything less than happy to know the truth...you say you think he knows already - I knew I was different for many years before I knew it had a name...but it's wonderful to know I'm not the only one living through the experience of having been born onto the wrong planet... |
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rifler39
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Mar 17, 2008
Age: 69
Posts: 198
Location: Moses Lake, WA
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| Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 5:53 pm Post subject: |
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All the responses so far have taken the side of "If he is, he'll be delighted." However, let's examine the side of "If he isn't."
Assuming he is not an aspie, he might be a bit put off by your assuming he is. He might be hostile that you think him "one of those." (Sorry, but that is how the media trains us to consider ANYBODY who is the slightest bit different from him.)
With these possible reactions in mind, you might approach him with a print out of an article describing AS in proper terms and ask his opinion. This should tell him you value his opinion and judgement. This is an approach much less strewn with mines, in my opinion. It is just that NTs are so much more easily bruised than we. They haven't had the toughening up that we have had to endure for most of our lives.
Pops
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Last edited by rifler39 on Wed Apr 02, 2008 6:47 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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KingofKaboom
Naughty by Nature
Joined: Oct 21, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 4058
Location: North Mississippi
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| Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 6:18 pm Post subject: |
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I think it's sensitive b/c for me if someone I didn't know well or was just getting to know asked me I would be really embarrassed but if I've known them a while I would be kinda happy assuming they don't treat me badly afterwards.
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AreFriendsElectric
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Dec 01, 2005
Posts: 68
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| Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 12:38 am Post subject: |
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when i have been asked it, i usually reply with a laughter filled head-nod, and they laugh with me! it is a light subject for me, because it is part of me that stays with me always. you see though, i try not to take life too seriously and try to avoid drama.
but thats just me. like others have said 'we may all respond differently to THEE question'! |
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metalhead
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 05, 2008
Posts: 2
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| Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 10:08 am Post subject: |
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| If you have known him for a while, I would say bring up your thoughts tactfully. |
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AndersTheAspie
Angelic Knight
Joined: Feb 07, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 1862
Location: On the edge of civilization. Denmark.
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| Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 10:29 am Post subject: Re: Should I ask if he's an aspie? |
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| Midnite wrote: | | I feel he knows he is but I know feel he wants me to know. |
Apologies for commenting on your language, but I would like to know if I am reading this right:
You think that your friend knows that he is an aspie, but you think that he doesn't want you to know?
If I am reading it right, then why don't you think he wants you to know? Is he maybe afraide of what you might think of him?
I would ask if I suspected, and I would want to be asked.
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Once I knew everything, then I got smarter, now the only thing I know is that I know nothing.
Strange how that worked out isn't it? |
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Programmer
Blue Jay
Joined: Mar 25, 2008
Posts: 80
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| Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 1:48 pm Post subject: Re: Should I ask if he's an aspie? |
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| Midnite wrote: | I'm a NT female. I think a friend of mine is an aspie. I feel he knows he is but I know feel he wants me to know.
Should I ask him? If yes, how do I ask him without upsetting him? |
I know many Aspies who either don't want people to know they are Aspies, or are convinced they are not an Aspie. Open the subject on how Aspies are cool and wonder if a lot of them are Savants. Focus on the positive side of being an Aspie. Talk about Bill Gates, Marie Curie, Einstein and other likely Aspies who are or where successful. Focus on the positive stuff. If he thinks he is a Aspie he will open up. Possibly even to himself and then you.
Just a warning though. Aspies who can live in society are often very successful. I for example own a software company with my wife and we do well. If you want to date/marry this guy: Aspies spend years trying to understand how NTs work and are somewhat successful at understanding/emulating it. You will have a lot trouble understanding how an Aspie works. You will not have been doing it for years. It can be done and Aspies are great people but don't try to predict his thoughts. You can likely predict his actions in time but likely never his thoughts. I have been married to a NT for 15 years (and intend many more) so I have some experience in this area. As a side note an NT and an Aspie can achieve great things together. We have. |
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DukeStevie
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 25, 2008
Posts: 7
Location: Peoria, Illinois
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| Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 2:10 pm Post subject: |
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Personally, I've been wanting this to happen to me for a long time.
It would make me feel great, so go for it in my opinion.
Not all Aspies are going to get angry when you mention this, and you said he's your friend, right??
so it should be fine.
Good luck  |
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Aaron_Mason
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 04, 2005
Age: 23
Posts: 630
Location: Bathurst, Australia
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| Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 7:53 pm Post subject: |
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I think your best bet is to bring it up in conversation. Say you saw a doco about it and how the people featured on it made you think of him (I think one's doing the rounds on Discovery Channel here in Australia, it might be on US televisions too). It would open him up to mention it, I'm sure.
What you do is up to you, this is one of many ways to handle the situation.
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We are one, we are strong... the more you hold us down, the more we press on - Creed, "What If"
AS is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.
I'm the same as I was when I was six years old - Modest Mouse |
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