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weather1man
Toucan
Joined: Oct 31, 2005
Age: 19
Posts: 295
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
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 Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:30 pm Post subject: Horrible Bullying situation |
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So as some of you know at work I have been bullied for over a year by one guy. This guy has called me so many names in the mask of kidding. I'm going to kill you, I'm gonna do your mom, calling me and other boys my boyfriend. Calling me a fag, shoving me, throwing trash to the ground telling me to pick it up. W/e. So I had fought back some, by just pushing him back or refusing to do what he says. So anyway after a year I got sick of it, and told the General mananger. She felt for me and screamed at him, who turned into a crying wreck. (perfect ploy), then Linda the other mananger came in and said well hold it on up. Dustin always thinks people dislike him when he just imagines it (not true, but she's a fat ass super NT, so she believes this), and she tried to say Hayes didn't do much of anything. He called me a lier even though another boy can back me up, that he said the things I quoted him on. So anyway we both got in trouble as so often is the case. After all of this, I even went to him and tried to talk. He didn't want to (to busy crying  ) and wouldn't explain why he had done this. So I apologized to HIM despite having nothing to apologize for and made him shake my hand in a jesture of no hard feelings. So anyway I feel like sh** now. Do you guys think I did the wrong thing by telling on him? Or should I had keep sucking up his abuse for the better of the situation?
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"But in general, at first shy guys may seem interesting and cute, but it DOES get old really quick. Gets too boring." |
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Mikomi
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 25, 2008
Posts: 771
Location: On top of your TV, lookin' at you funny.
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:57 pm Post subject: |
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Wow, what an effed up situation. No, I don't think you did the wrong thing. I think this dude has some serious psychological issues though, and for that you can't be held accountable. You don't deserve to be treated in that manner, and bringing an end to it through the proper channels was the appropriate thing to do. Not sure why dude is crying so much, but he'll get over it eventually, I'm sure.
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Curiosity is not a mental illness. |
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OddballBen
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jun 06, 2007
Age: 16
Posts: 139
Location: CA
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Usually, telling on someone makes things worse. You should avoid him from now on, if possible. |
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weather1man
Toucan
Joined: Oct 31, 2005
Age: 19
Posts: 295
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 10:03 pm Post subject: |
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| OddballBen wrote: | | Usually, telling on someone makes things worse. You should avoid him from now on, if possible. |
That's why I held off for a year. It was no win, he just turned me into the bad guy. Also he's going to be the next mananger. good thing i don't need this job.
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"But in general, at first shy guys may seem interesting and cute, but it DOES get old really quick. Gets too boring." |
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Xelebes
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 451
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 10:09 pm Post subject: |
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| Here's the key: don't just tattle, give the manager an option. Just be reasonable when giving them that option. If it backfires, then it's not that important you keep at the job. |
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Silver_Meteor
Asperger Accountant
Joined: Jul 11, 2007
Posts: 1009
Location: North Kingstown, Rhode Island, USA
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 10:31 pm Post subject: |
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No. You did the right thing. That kind of treatment would meet the definition of sexual harrassment and it's not only wrong, it's against the law. As for the crying, I don't know why he would do that. As for the apology, he deserved none. It was he who was in the wrong.
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Not by revolution but through evolution are all things accomplished in permanency.
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Diagnosed with Autism/Childhood Schizophrenia early 60s. Today, I would have Asperger Syndrome |
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weather1man
Toucan
Joined: Oct 31, 2005
Age: 19
Posts: 295
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
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| Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 10:33 pm Post subject: |
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| Silver_Meteor wrote: | | No. You did the right thing. That kind of treatment would meet the definition of sexual harrassment and it's not only wrong, it's against the law. As for the crying, I don't know why he would do that. As for the apology, he deserved none. It was he who was in the wrong. |
He cried to manupliate the manangers. Perfect ploy, ingenious. She was mad but a crying little boy is very hard to stay angry at.
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"But in general, at first shy guys may seem interesting and cute, but it DOES get old really quick. Gets too boring." |
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Spokane_Girl
I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more
Joined: Jul 17, 2007
Age: 23
Posts: 3005
Location: Benny & Joon town (I wish)
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| Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 12:02 am Post subject: |
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Uh guys, you're supposed to tell your boss when you are being harassed. That is not tattling. This would be tattling:
Someone forgets to fill in their time sheet, you tell your boss about it, that is tattling.
I'm sure this would classify as tattling if I did this:
I am at work and I see someone didn't finish their job on their floors because they left trash up there and dirty cups, so I go back down and tell my boss someone didn't finish their job on these floors.
But it wouldn't be tattling if someone was bullying me at work. I'm sure it wouldn't be tattling if I saw one of the housekeepers talking rudely to a guest so I tell my office clerk about it so they can tell our boss. Or maybe it is because all the guest would have to do is complain about it and the word would get to the office and to our boss and the boss talks to the employer about it.
But telling the boss about someone harrassing you is not tattling. Harrassement is illegal.
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Aspergers, PDD-NOS, autistic, who cares what diagnoses I have, it's just a label. All on the spectrum. |
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skzip888
Emu Egg
Joined: Dec 12, 2007
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 12:50 am Post subject: Telling |
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| Probably had to happen to him eventually-- he should just be glad it was someone who had some sort of empathy for him; after all, most people, myself included, need to be reminded once in a while. It sounds like this guy uses bullying as a coping mechanism--if that's true its probably better he have a good cry and to face up to his problems now and not after getting fired or punched in the jaw. |
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Dantac
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 22, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 490
Location: Florida
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| Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 4:49 am Post subject: |
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Manager? Workplace?
Word man all you need is a small camera, record him and skip your manager, go to human resources and get HIS ass fired.
That is harassment and no lawyer-fearing company will keep that punk employed. |
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SilverProteus
The years, no doubt, have changed me.
Joined: Jul 21, 2007
Posts: 7154
Location: Fleet Street.
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| Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 12:32 pm Post subject: |
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Bullying like that is harassment. He sounds like a total loser.
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"How about a shave?"
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Seth36
Blue Jay
Joined: Apr 06, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 83
Location: Newcastle, UK
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| Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 2:55 pm Post subject: |
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As someone who has dealt with bullying before there's only one piece of advice I can give you that I know is effective, but its up to you whether or not you want to use it.
Bullies pray on fear, if you back down to him he WILL continue, as you have said he can manipulate the other staff. I used to get bullied by a group, on my way home one day I get jumped for the nth time and naturally fighting six to one I got my ass kicked, that's the point where I literally thought "ok f**k this, thats enough", I got up, dusted myself off, went home, grabbed my baseball bat, went back, found them, smashed the leader in the face, cracked two more in the gut and back, the other 3 f**** off like the piss ants that they are. Bullies in general are natural cowards, they intimidate and humilate in order to portray the image that they are dominant, superior or afraid of nothing, in general this is crap and they are cowards who when backed into a corner will show themselves for the snivelling little wimps that they truly are.
My advice to you is this, go to work and just dont take his crap, if he throws trash on the floor and says pick it up tell him to go f**k himself, flat out defy him and stare him dead in the eyes while you do it, then make sure you leave work earlier than he does and wait for him outside, wait till your out of sight of everyone then grab him by his throat and throw his ass against the wall, you dont necessarily have to kick the crap out of him, but you can make him believe that you will. This will give you the advantage, as bullies pray on fear, this act not only shows him that you are not scared of him, ergo the bullying becomes pointless, it also gives him a fear of you.
Bullies continue and gradually increase the intensity of their attacks to test how far they can push. Simple fact of human nature is that if you push someone too far sooner or later they will start pushing back, bullies want to know how much they can get away with, if you never put a very definitive end to the situation it will only continue to get worse. |
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northern_light_girl
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 29, 2008
Posts: 141
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 8:57 am Post subject: |
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I think you did the right thing by telling a manager about the bullying. Especially if he started crying this could mean -he's scared he could lose his job (he'll have to stop bullying you now) or he's frustrated he has been caught (but still, the crying shows he's kind of a wimp, trying to impress those managers in order to not lose his job).
Stick to your story, be firm and calm and if he ever comes near you again let him know what he's doing is wrong and you can tell the managers again. Try to stay away from him, I hope he's not some crazy dude that plans to pay you back. Keep your eyes open and your ears too:)
As someone else said, maybe record his mean words or behavior, so that you have proof.
Take care beautiful. Don't let that ignorant guy affect your life. You can both live nicely side-by-side, hopefully. |
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