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Brittany2907
Self-Proclaimed Animal Lover
Joined: Jun 10, 2007
Age: 17
Posts: 3729
Location: New Zealand
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 Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 12:35 pm Post subject: Constant depression. |
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Depression seems to have embedded itself into my brain somehow. I am so used to being depressed, than the depression seems to be just a part of who I am. It's been atleast 3 years since I could genuinely say that life was good. Of course, sometimes the depression is more mild, but it's always there is some form, no matter what one.
For 3 years i've been unable to complete any course (apart from a 2 day workplace first-aid course). For 3 years i've been unable to say that I like myself for who I am. For 3 years I've done nothing but waste money, time, and other peoples efforts on trying to help me. Nothing has made this depression go away, it's almost like it's clinging onto me, laughing at me saying..."You are mine now!...mwua haahaahaahaahaa!".
I've lost all motivation to do anything, including to help myself. I can give others advice to help themselves, but can't seem to follow my own advice.
I look around outside and see the world going by. Things are progressing, time is going to quickly. The years seem to be getting faster and faster. I don't know if it's be imagining it, or if the years are really speeding up. Whatever the cause, I know that it's a sign, a sign that I need to do something before I get left behind in the dust of what used to be advanced. Although I can see that this is a sign, I don't know the solution to correct whats wrong in my mind...and heck, I know that whatevers going on in there is NOT meant to be happening.
People often ask me if i'm ok. I say i'm fine when really i'm not. I am experiencing depression so intensely, that I can't really find accurate words to describe it. What i've written here isn't even 1/10th of what i'm feeling. Some things I am feeling have no words to describe them. It just seems that day after day, week after week, people are losing faith in me and learning not to expect much from me...and I am losing hope that I will ever have a life worth living. This is not self-pitty, this is the absolute truth. I don't know what I should do, who I should ask for help, or if I should even bother to try to fix the seemingly unfixable.
_________________
The hero is no braver than the ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
You haven't failed until you quit trying.
- Unknown Author.
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LoveableNerd
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Posts: 435
Location: Kentucky, USA
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 12:57 pm Post subject: |
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Hi Brittany,
I can relate to what you're going through. I've been dealing with it for over a decade now. I can't really say life was good since I graduated from college 11 years ago. It does indeed become a part of you, though some days are better than others. I agree with you that time seems to be flying by at an accelerated rate. Wish I had some positive advice to give, but all I can say is hang in there. I don't do medication, but perhaps they may help in your case. It wouldn't hurt to talk to a professional, depending on how bad it is. |
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Brittany2907
Self-Proclaimed Animal Lover
Joined: Jun 10, 2007
Age: 17
Posts: 3729
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:14 pm Post subject: |
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| LoveableNerd wrote: | Hi Brittany,
I can relate to what you're going through. I've been dealing with it for over a decade now. I can't really say life was good since I graduated from college 11 years ago. It does indeed become a part of you, though some days are better than others. I agree with you that time seems to be flying by at an accelerated rate. Wish I had some positive advice to give, but all I can say is hang in there. I don't do medication, but perhaps they may help in your case. It wouldn't hurt to talk to a professional, depending on how bad it is. |
Wow, more than a decade, thats terrible. I hope you manage to sort things out eventually.
As far as medications go...I've been on quite a few. They never seen to work, and half of them probably made me even more depressed.
I've been trying to deal with this on my own for a while. I used to see a psychiatrist, but found that whenever I went to see her, I couldn't open up and tell her what was really going on. So eventually she said I was "stable" and I exited the mental health services.
_________________
The hero is no braver than the ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
You haven't failed until you quit trying.
- Unknown Author.
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SilverProteus
The years, no doubt, have changed me.
Joined: Jul 21, 2007
Posts: 7154
Location: Fleet Street.
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Brittany2907 wrote: | Wow, more than a decade, thats terrible. I hope you manage to sort things out eventually.
As far as medications go...I've been on quite a few. They never seen to work, and half of them probably made me even more depressed.
I've been trying to deal with this on my own for a while. I used to see a psychiatrist, but found that whenever I went to see her, I couldn't open up and tell her what was really going on. So eventually she said I was "stable" and I exited the mental health services. |
I have the opposite problem; I tell them that I'm stable but to no avail. 
The thing with medication is that much of it is trial and error, you could be using one that isn't quite right for you, or your dosage might need to be adjusted. You should probably also seek a psychiatrist you can trust enough to open up to, your problems would first need to be laid out for others to help you solve...
I hope you're able to get over it soon, having gone through a period of chronic depressition myself I know what you're going through.
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voss749
Raven
Joined: Apr 04, 2006
Posts: 112
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:57 pm Post subject: |
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There are new medications all the time that may work better what you have tried.
Its one thing to try and have the meds not work, its another thing not to try anything. |
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marshall
Under the whirlwind
Joined: Apr 15, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 1425
Location: North West United States
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 2:29 pm Post subject: |
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I really relate to that feeling of time speeding up and everything moving on without me.
My worst period was between the age of 15 and 20. Then things got better for a few years. Now I feel it slowly creeping back up on me. Not constant, but on and off over weeks or months.
Despite how bad I've felt recently, my teenage years were far worse. If you’re pattern is anything like mine you may at least be nearing the end of the darkest part of the tunnel - if that’s any consolation. |
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Social_Fantom
Unmasked
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 11414
Location: In the shadows, waiting for my chance to strike
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 2:41 pm Post subject: |
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I've recently gone through this recently and still do to less severe extents. What was happening to me was all of my sadness and anger that I had held back for years was finally starting to force their way out at once. That is why I urge everyone: let your emotions out when they come, don't bottle them up like I did. I let it all out finally and I turned out okay but I could have lost it and done something to myself or someone else. I still feel down at times but I have someone that helps me get through it and I do the same for them.
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Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Confucius
5th Sin: Wrath |
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Brittany2907
Self-Proclaimed Animal Lover
Joined: Jun 10, 2007
Age: 17
Posts: 3729
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 3:06 pm Post subject: |
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| SilverProteus wrote: | You should probably also seek a psychiatrist you can trust enough to open up to, your problems would first need to be laid out for others to help you solve
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I can't seem to trust anyone, especially psychiatrists. I have told psychiatrists things previously in confidence (so i thought) but they ended up telling my mother. They said that they had a right to because I was a "danger to myself"...but they said initially that they wouldn't tell my mother anything.
They lied.
_________________
The hero is no braver than the ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
You haven't failed until you quit trying.
- Unknown Author.
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Brandon_M
Toucan
Joined: Jun 03, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 299
Location: Houston, Texas
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 3:23 pm Post subject: |
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Right now we're much in the same boat. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember and just recently to the point where I gave up all motivation for everything in my life. Depression affects everything in your life, not only in your head, but as far as grades, work, and your social life as well.
As far as meds go, all the medications they put me on probably did more harm than good. They had me on celexa, adderall, imimpramine (for asperger's), ritalin (when I was younger) as well as maybe a few other prescriptions. Most of them put me in a zombie-like state, and some made me more depressed to the point where nothing made me happy and i'd cry uncontrollably day in day out (this was a more severe case). Maybe you should talk to your doctor about something sedative like xanax or valium. Although i've never been prescribed them, the times i've taken them they took off the edge of it and made me more content, both with my situation and socially as far as inhibitions go. The only thing about that is you can't drive after taking either.
Still, I feel for you because a lot of what you're feeling right now is the EXACT same way I feel about myself. If much of what you're feeling is too deep to be put into words, it means the problems deeply rooted and mostly internal conflict, which is much harder to deal with because solutions for it are harder to come by. I hope you feel better soon, sorry I couldn't be of much help. |
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Brandon_M
Toucan
Joined: Jun 03, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 299
Location: Houston, Texas
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 3:24 pm Post subject: |
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Right now we're much in the same boat. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember and just recently to the point where I gave up all motivation for everything in my life. Depression affects everything in your life, not only in your head, but as far as grades, work, and your social life as well.
As far as meds go, all the medications they put me on probably did more harm than good. They had me on celexa, adderall, imimpramine (for asperger's), ritalin (when I was younger) as well as maybe a few other prescriptions. Most of them put me in a zombie-like state, and some made me more depressed to the point where nothing made me happy and i'd cry uncontrollably day in day out (this was a more severe case). Maybe you should talk to your doctor about something sedative like xanax or valium. Although i've never been prescribed them, the times i've taken them they took off the edge of it and made me more content, both with my situation and socially as far as inhibitions go. The only thing about that is you can't drive after taking either.
Still, I feel for you because a lot of what you're feeling right now is the EXACT same way I feel about myself. If much of what you're feeling is too deep to be put into words, it means the problems deeply rooted and mostly internal conflict, which is much harder to deal with because solutions for it are harder to come by. I hope you feel better soon, sorry I couldn't be of much help. |
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dragonboy
ROAR
Joined: Feb 26, 2007
Age: 17
Posts: 1781
Location: wherever nature is untouched
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 4:14 pm Post subject: |
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HUG
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Nature, the true gem of the world we live in, dont let it die! |
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nightbender
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 11, 2008
Posts: 540
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 7:17 pm Post subject: |
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| consider a more natural route. I been on quite a few meds and its been a total disaster. Things only turned around for me when i went the holistic route. Try omega three fatty acids b vitamins supplements, 5 htp SAMe and DMAE, topical lavener oil and meditaon, they are pretty much guarrenteed to lift up your mood. |
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marshall
Under the whirlwind
Joined: Apr 15, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 1425
Location: North West United States
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 7:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Brandon_M wrote: | | As far as meds go, all the medications they put me on probably did more harm than good. They had me on celexa, adderall, imimpramine (for asperger's), ritalin (when I was younger) as well as maybe a few other prescriptions. Most of them put me in a zombie-like state, and some made me more depressed to the point where nothing made me happy and i'd cry uncontrollably day in day out (this was a more severe case). Maybe you should talk to your doctor about something sedative like xanax or valium. Although i've never been prescribed them, the times i've taken them they took off the edge of it and made me more content, both with my situation and socially as far as inhibitions go. The only thing about that is you can't drive after taking either. |
I don't know whether taking sedatives is worth the risk either. They didn't work very well at all for me. They worked great for the first couple days but after about two weeks my body become completely accustomed to the effect. Then I got ill from withdrawal when I decided to quit after a few months of taking a worthless pill. The withdrawal from sedatives is much worse than antidepressant withdrawal. I had this perpetual headache and felt jittery as hell for at least two months straight. Add to that the worst insomnia ever. Sedatives can be pure evil. |
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Ana54
International Incident Initiator
Joined: Dec 27, 2005
Age: 20
Posts: 6474
Location: Channelview, Texas, USA
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 7:38 pm Post subject: |
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I feel the same way you do. You should get back on the citalopram; are you sure you want to be off it? Don't worry; we can feel useless together. But we aren't. We just got rushed by other people pressuring us to meet all these milestones on time,thinking that's what life is about, and now we're rebelling in self-defence.
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God protects fools. Be a fool.
Proud member of the Auschwitz Girls Club, which now has 5 members! |
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SilverProteus
The years, no doubt, have changed me.
Joined: Jul 21, 2007
Posts: 7154
Location: Fleet Street.
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 8:36 pm Post subject: |
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| Brittany2907 wrote: | | SilverProteus wrote: | You should probably also seek a psychiatrist you can trust enough to open up to, your problems would first need to be laid out for others to help you solve
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I can't seem to trust anyone, especially psychiatrists. I have told psychiatrists things previously in confidence (so i thought) but they ended up telling my mother. They said that they had a right to because I was a "danger to myself"...but they said initially that they wouldn't tell my mother anything.
They lied. |
I hate it when they do that, I also hate it when I tell my mother things and she tells the psychiatrist.
It can be difficult to build trust after being lied to, that's for sure.
But it's complicated. If I were a psychiatrist and a patient told me things to make me think that he or she was in serious danger of doing anything to themselves I would also breech that confidence and tell their caretaker. Did you feel you were a danger to yourself when you told your pdoc? If not, and still it seemed that way, you could choose your wording a bit more carefully and rehearse before an appointment so that they don't extrapolate on meanings.
Don't give up on yourself.
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