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pbcoll
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 15, 2007
Posts: 1818
Location: England
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 Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 8:06 pm Post subject: rant |
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I feel that everything is going wrong with my life - my studies are going down the drain, etc. With a lot of patience and effort i have managed to make a few friends - only to feel them drifting away from me and to find that I increasingly dislike some of them.
I'm sick and tired of people turning against me when I have done nothing to deserve it, it makes me sometimes want to just stop socialising altogether. Some people seem offended by my very existence (which reminds me of an actual conversation from a few years ago: me: 'What have I done to you?' her: 'You were born.') - it doesn't help that these people are friends of my friends (which may explain why my friends are drifting away).
I feel my life has been essentially a waste of time, I have achieved nothing and haven't really done anything worth doing. The only thing that still interests me is art, but I have no talent. Also, studying a hard science doesn't exactly win you popularity contests with the artsy crowd.
I am reminded of a line from Quentin's diary in After the Fall - 'The only one I will ever love is my daughter - if I could only find an honorable way to die.' You see, I often feel that the parent-child bond is the only worthwhile human connection. Romantic love? It did not end well. Friendship? A long series of failures and disappointments. Of course, as a single man I will never raise a child. So apart from my parents, that leaves me with nothing worthwhile in life.
_________________
I neither take revenge, nor beg for favours. (Rabindranath Tagore)
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka)
Last edited by pbcoll on Fri May 02, 2008 8:33 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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qgambit
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 06, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 68
Location: Los Angeles CA
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 8:14 pm Post subject: |
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You need to cheer up and adjust your attitude.
Your life is not a waste of time. Life is worth living for its own sake.
Whatever it is that is making you angry, you need to deal with it constructively and assertively. Instead I see you coping with it with the "woe is me/life sucks" attitude. That just leads to suffering and depression. |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 45
Posts: 5002
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 9:07 pm Post subject: |
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ggambit...this is the Haven...it's supposed to be a place to vent. That is a healthy psychological coping skill. It is not healthy to tell someone who shares their feelings that they have no "right" to feel that way.
OP///I have felt like you describe and will feel like this again. When you are feeling it...it seems like you have always felt it and will always feel it/. My own life has proven that that does not have to be true. It's far from perfect and I still struggle but I have figured out some things to do to give my life some meaning. Not solving world hunger, unfortunately, but I can give comfort and love to animals and some people and that is more meaning then most have in their lives. It's enough for now.
I did have t make some changes in my life to get here. For me it was eliminating people in my life that seemed to take more then they gave. I stopped using chemicals to try and bridge the gap between me and others. Now most of my friends are on-line but still have more meaning to me then many of the "in-flesh" variety. I am lucky to not need a lot in the way of social contact, this place serves that function enough for me but I realize that is not enough for all aspies. Keep looking for groups that you have common interests in...nothing wrong with science nerds or others who hares some of your passions.
Just because your single doesn't mean you will always be single or not have kids...many aspies do. I didn't meet the right person until I was 39...I had given up looking but...things happen. The only failure is to stop trying before you have given it your all....I know it's corny but it is also true. You will never get to find out what you could some day do if you check out now.
There are lots of people who didn't reach their greatest potential, invention, work of art, until later in life. The trick is staying alive long enough to get there.
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Just because one plane is flying out of formation, doesnt mean the formation is on course....R.D.Lang
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kip
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 14, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 776
Location: Las Vegas NV USA
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 11:42 pm Post subject: |
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My mum gave me this wonderful book when I was a child. It was pages and pages of names, and what they did with their lives. More importantly, it listed the ages at which they achived those feats. The first few pages were rather depressing, I must admit, as they were all little kids who had done more than I could imagine.
But as it went on, the ages got older and older, and it really seemed as though I had plenty of time to do what I wanted without having to worry about any sort of timetable.
And ignore anyone who whines on about you not 'achiving' anything. You have plenty of time to show the world your spots. |
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pbcoll
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 15, 2007
Posts: 1818
Location: England
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 9:01 am Post subject: |
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| krex wrote: |
It's far from perfect and I still struggle but I have figured out some things to do to give my life some meaning. Not solving world hunger, unfortunately, but I can give comfort and love to animals and some people and that is more meaning then most have in their lives. It's enough for now. |
Yes, I want somebody to love, but the girls I could love aren't interested. My family is far away and I have no children, so where I live there is nobody I love and nobody that loves me.
| krex wrote: | | I did have t make some changes in my life to get here. For me it was eliminating people in my life that seemed to take more then they gave. |
If I did this, my parents, who are in another continent, would be the only ones left.
| krex wrote: | | Keep looking for groups that you have common interests in...nothing wrong with science nerds or others who hares some of your passions. |
But I'm no longer interested in science much, and I've never fit in with the artsy crowd. Last time I attempted to socialise with the artsy people, a girl was flirting with me,... and then decided I wasn't good enough to introduce to her friends. My tastes in art are too classical for the artsy crowd anyway.
| krex wrote: | Just because your single doesn't mean you will always be single or not have kids...many aspies do. I didn't meet the right person until I was 39...I had given up looking but...things happen. The only failure is to stop trying before you have given it your all....I know it's corny but it is also true. You will never get to find out what you could some day do if you check out now.
There are lots of people who didn't reach their greatest potential, invention, work of art, until later in life. The trick is staying alive long enough to get there. |
In a few years, maybe sooner, I'll probably be too bitter and disillusioned to find someone.
_________________
I neither take revenge, nor beg for favours. (Rabindranath Tagore)
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka) |
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zee
human wannabe
Joined: Jul 19, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 1122
Location: backstage
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| Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 9:45 pm Post subject: |
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Friendships need to be worked on, there will always be times when you feel annoyed with your friends (and vice versa), but that's the nature of relationships. Sometimes a bit of space helps, and once you've had time to think, you can always extend an olive branch and move on. The "best friend who is always there for you" is a myth.
I know, I should talk. But I have had the occasional friend, and fighting with them is actually a type of bonding, it means you're getting to know each other.
Have you thought about being a mentor, something like the Big Brothers? It might give you an idea if you really want to be a parent anyway.
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Oh how I wish for soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again |
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pbcoll
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 15, 2007
Posts: 1818
Location: England
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| Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 5:46 pm Post subject: |
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| zee wrote: | Friendships need to be worked on, there will always be times when you feel annoyed with your friends (and vice versa), but that's the nature of relationships. Sometimes a bit of space helps, and once you've had time to think, you can always extend an olive branch and move on. The "best friend who is always there for you" is a myth.
I know, I should talk. But I have had the occasional friend, and fighting with them is actually a type of bonding, it means you're getting to know each other. |
Yes, that's true - but there's just so much I can handle and when one of them will be really nice to you one day and the next day won't deign say hello or goodbye, it's a bit overwhelming and annoying.
| zee wrote: | | Have you thought about being a mentor, something like the Big Brothers? It might give you an idea if you really want to be a parent anyway. |
The thing is, in England paranoia about pedophiles is out of control - as an adult single male, for my own safety I think it's a good idea to avoid all contact with children and teenagers altogether (I know someone that, some kids were playing football, the football got kicked out of the field, he picked it up, kicked it back to them and said 'hi, kids' - they started shouting 'pedo, pedo.' I know someone else that avoids contact even with his nephews and nieces for similar reasons.).
I have been a teacher, though, and taught children briefly, it was good. I do plan to, when I return to my country, volunteer as a teacher of reading and wiriting for illiterate people.
_________________
I neither take revenge, nor beg for favours. (Rabindranath Tagore)
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka) |
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zee
human wannabe
Joined: Jul 19, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 1122
Location: backstage
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| Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 9:22 pm Post subject: |
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What about teaching English? Then you could also meet more people your own age. That's sick that people would assume someone being friendly is a pedophile.
_________________
Oh how I wish for soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again |
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Brittany2907
Self-Proclaimed Animal Lover
Joined: Jun 10, 2007
Age: 17
Posts: 3729
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 10:06 am Post subject: Re: rant |
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| pbcoll wrote: |
I feel my life has been essentially a waste of time, I have achieved nothing and haven't really done anything worth doing. |
I can relate to this.
Sometimes I wonder why I was even born and wonder why my mother chose to have me and not have an abortion.
Anyway, you have achieved something in your life time.
Think about it this way...you have been achieving things all of your life since the day you were born. The things may seem insignificant but in the end, they all add up to one big success...surviving.
You say that you haven't done anything worth doing. Has nothing that you've done interested you? Maybe you would benefit from doing something that has a purpose, such as working or advocating for a cause that you believe in.
_________________
The hero is no braver than the ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
You haven't failed until you quit trying.
- Unknown Author.
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