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Kris94
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 01, 2007
Posts: 357
Location: Your head
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 Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 3:50 pm Post subject: a poem about bullying |
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like lions they prowl,
i am their meat
leeching off me, feeding on my pain.
Why cant the bullying end?
I try so hard, not to cry,
they drink my tears,
bask in my misery,
writhe in my mind,
haunt my every nightmare,
these warped monsters, in burbury clothing,
mocking me, making me feel small,
they wont leave me alone,
Im sick, i want to cry, Break down at their feet
im defenceless, law and rule stop me
no one helps me, all they get is detention,
'they cant help it, they need attention'
Spit in my face and laugh at my pain, the way i feel, im low, i want to die
im burning up with hate, losing my mind, on the edge, going to snap,
no realease, no way to escape, the walls closing around me, If i could walk, id run away,
if i could talk id scream, if i had arms id fight.
Like a sword in my neck, they cut my heart to shreads.
through blood and tears i tread,
my heart is broken, my soul...
dead...
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These are my real feelings. Please comment.
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CockneyRebel
Mick Avory
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 35
Posts: 22458
Location: 1965 London with Ruby the Routemaster by my side
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 4:02 pm Post subject: |
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That's a very good poem. 
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MysteryFan3
Ex-COBOL dinosaur. roar.
Joined: Jun 09, 2007
Age: 52
Posts: 1358
Location: Indiana
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 4:05 pm Post subject: |
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Nailed it. 
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MikeH106
Phoenix
Joined: May 20, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 1103
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 4:09 pm Post subject: |
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I feel the same way. They're like panting dogs who do all that they can to press our "pain" button.
In my poem, I told them to acknowledge the real because that's exactly who we are: real people with real feelings.
You know that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you do something nice? I wish they'd have a Bully Breakdown and from then on be kind to people. |
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alexbeetle
Knight of the blackest black beetle
Joined: Mar 17, 2007
Posts: 1386
Location: beetle hole
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 4:12 pm Post subject: |
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nice poem
sorry about your torment
I think these days too many people don't see others as people too
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Kris94
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 01, 2007
Posts: 357
Location: Your head
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| Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 7:46 am Post subject: |
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| alexbeetle wrote: | nice poem
sorry about your torment
I think these days too many people don't see others as people too |
i used to get bullied. These were my feelings, but im not tormented anymore.
I got really depressed and I tried to hang myself.
My mum caught me, and stopped me. That was 1 and a half years ago. That was how i felt at the time.
Im in a different school now, and i feel fine now.
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The_Cinephile
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 08, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 166
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 8:55 pm Post subject: |
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.......................................
that was lame...
Sorry, that was really sappy, childish, and a bit whiny.
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Kris94
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 01, 2007
Posts: 357
Location: Your head
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| Posted: Sat May 10, 2008 2:54 pm Post subject: |
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| The_Cinephile wrote: | .......................................
that was lame...
Sorry, that was really sappy, childish, and a bit whiny. |
thanks for the critisim. i need it lol
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The_Cinephile
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 08, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 166
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| Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 12:33 am Post subject: |
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Sorry I was so harsh.
It's just that people need to realize that writing poems about bullies has been done so many times that it's not even original in the slightest.
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The bats have left the bell tower
The victims have been bled
Bela Lugosi's dead
Undead undead undead
The virginal brides file past his tomb
Strewn with time's dead flowers
Bereft in deathly bloom
Alone in a darkened room |
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MikeH106
Phoenix
Joined: May 20, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 1103
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Brittany2907
Self-Proclaimed Animal Lover
Joined: Jun 10, 2007
Age: 18
Posts: 4365
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 12:07 pm Post subject: |
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| The_Cinephile wrote: | Sorry I was so harsh.
It's just that people need to realize that writing poems about bullies has been done so many times that it's not even original in the slightest. |
Sometimes, poetry isn't created for originality, but as a means of expression.
Kris94,
It's a sad poem, although it's good.
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Icheb
Fortysomething
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Posts: 1902
Location: Switzerland
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| Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 3:55 am Post subject: |
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At the risk of sounding patronising, I think it's an amazingly good poem for a thirteen-year-old! 
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