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ThatRedHairedGrrl
Raven
Joined: May 11, 2008
Posts: 120
Location: Totally confusing all the passing piranhas
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 Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 4:33 pm Post subject: Adult Aspies 'coming out' to family...any experiences? |
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Have any of you here, who've realized as adults that you had AS (whether or not you were officially diagnosed, because I know many aren't), gone ahead and told family members about it? I mean, family of origin?
If so, what happened, and how did they react?
I've been toying with the idea of telling my sister-in-law, who teaches special ed kids and therefore has, I believe, some knowledge of what AS involves. She's also known me since I was small, but I'm not sure whether she remembers enough of what I was like then to make the connection. I'm a little worried about how to broach the subject - if at all - and wondered what others think...
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Willard
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Posts: 506
Location: Confederate States of America
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 5:48 pm Post subject: |
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It's pretty much what you'd expect.
Mom was thrilled that it wasn't her parenting that made me so weird.
Dad thinks it's just an excuse for not trying to fit in (I'm 49, that ship sailed a long time ago).
Some others accept it, but don't fully comprehend what it means. They think it's a disease, like Alzheimer's or something and treat me like I'm mildly retarded (My IQ is 141).
Some smile and say "wow, isn't that interesting", with a look that says "You're just being a f***king hypochondriac." Which I guess is the same basic attitude as my dad's.
The best reason for getting As officially diagnosed is that you then have some protection in the workplace under the Workers with Disabilities Act. Makes it harder for managers to fire you because they're uncomfortable with the fact that you're visibly more intelligent and qualified than them and you hardly ever speak to them. 
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zghost
Velociraptor
Joined: Oct 29, 2007
Posts: 418
Location: Southeast Texas
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 6:15 pm Post subject: |
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| I still haven't told them. I'll be watching this thread with interest..... |
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AspE
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 01, 2008
Posts: 171
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 6:33 pm Post subject: |
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| My Mom has several degrees in psychology, but she is doubtful. She kind of accepts it, but she still argues about it. I explained that my Dad and Grandfather obviously have it. Even though it explains their marital problems, he doesn't accept it completely either. Only my little brother agrees it's obvious. |
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juancho
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Aug 05, 2006
Age: 83
Posts: 66
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 7:13 pm Post subject: |
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Indirectly, from my ex-wife: I'm not surprised.
From my children: We've known that all along.
And one of them adds: Consider anxiety issues also. (Her daughter has anxiety problems.)
All in all: general acceptance and help |
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BazzaMcKenzie
Wild colonial man
Joined: Aug 22, 2006
Age: 48
Posts: 3581
Location: the Antipodes
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 7:48 pm Post subject: |
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There are a few old threads about this subject. I tried to find one I started, but because the search facility is not what it used to be, I can't find it. If a moderator has better search capability (Quatermass?) perhaps someone could find and sticky one.
I think it depends on the family. I wish I hadn't said anything to my parents and brothers, not that it makes much difference because I only see them a couple of times a year anyway.
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Zara
Ninja Robot
Joined: Jun 24, 2007
Age: 27
Posts: 1225
Location: VA
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 9:36 pm Post subject: |
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I just revealed it to my mom earlier this week. She seems to think it might be so since other family members are the same way, and my brother is PDD. I gave her a print out that gave an overview of AS and how it is with adults. So far she's only gone through about half of it(even though it's only 30 pages...)
Can't say there's been much of a reaction so far...
Well, see what happens when dad comes home.
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zee
human wannabe
Joined: Jul 19, 2007
Age: 27
Posts: 1098
Location: backstage
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 9:53 pm Post subject: |
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| zghost wrote: | | I still haven't told them. I'll be watching this thread with interest..... |
Me too. Well, actually I mentioned it to one of my sisters, but told her not to tell anyone else. I also told her repeatedly that it wasn't a big deal, even though of course it is, and I didn't explain it very well (this was when I first found out).
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YowlingCat
Phoenix
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Joined: Feb 12, 2007
Posts: 911
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 10:12 pm Post subject: |
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| BazzaMcKenzie wrote: | | There are a few old threads about this subject. I tried to find one I started, but because the search facility is not what it used to be, I can't find it. If a moderator has better search capability (Quatermass?) perhaps someone could find and sticky one. |
Here's one:
Coming Out - Older Thread |
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Lepidoptera
Blue Jay
Joined: May 10, 2008
Posts: 83
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 11:45 pm Post subject: |
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I would hope that you'd already have a pretty good idea of what to expect. I have not told any family members, especially since I'm not 100% sure, and it wouldn't go over well with my parents anyway. I know I'd get a negative reaction from my mom since it would probably hit too close to home and she refuses to discuss anything about herself. My dad simply wouldn't understand. I would not get a negative reaction from my brother (likely NT) or sister (NT) but I'm not that close to either one so what's the point? I have one friend I might be able to mention it to.
No one to talk to about it is a big reason why I'm here.  |
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ThatRedHairedGrrl
Raven
Joined: May 11, 2008
Posts: 120
Location: Totally confusing all the passing piranhas
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| Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 5:00 am Post subject: |
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Thanks for the link to that thread, YowlingCat. And thanks, everyone else who responded.
I'm still thinking about it...there are probably other people I'd tell before I told my family anyway...
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Punk rock should mean freedom - liking and accepting anything that you like, and playing whatever you want, as sloppy as you want, as long as it's good and has passion. |
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peebo
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 07, 2006
Posts: 705
Location: aberdeen
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| Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 1:58 pm Post subject: |
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| zghost wrote: | | I still haven't told them. I'll be watching this thread with interest..... |
"
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MomofTom
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 06, 2006
Posts: 520
Location: Where normalcy and bad puns collide
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| Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 4:02 pm Post subject: |
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I have written the fact of my Aspieness to my parents, in part to explain some of the communication snafus--not to use it as an excuse. We never really sat down and had a "real" conversation about it or about our family dynamics as it relates to ASD.
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Apathy is a dominant gene. Mutate. |
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Featherways
Raven
Joined: Nov 06, 2005
Posts: 112
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| Posted: Sun May 18, 2008 3:41 am Post subject: |
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I'd worried a lot about telling more people in my family. Sister was great - just annoyed that I hadn't told her first and that I was worried about telling her. Son was completely calm about it and just thinks it's interesting. Hubby's on the spectrum too so he's not bothered and has known for a long time.
I've had more problems telling people who don't know me very well and who don't have experience of ASDs. They tend to either go very quiet, or say something very rude. I guess it's shock/ignorance. Ther's still people who don't know, and I think I'll keep it that way. |
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Rowen
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 27, 2008
Posts: 58
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| Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 1:03 am Post subject: |
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| Well I told my Mom and she couldn't remember how I was as a child. She never heard of AS and didn't seem to understand when I tried to explain and seemed doubtful. But I don't care I'm coming out with AS to the whole wide world. |
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