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zeldapsychology
Deinonychus
Joined: May 05, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 386
Location: Florida
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 Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 10:50 pm Post subject: How do you officially learn social skills? |
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From info. my sister found and researching it I do beleive I have Asperger's. One huge issue with my behavior is learning social skills and while I know books and WP have some stuff I was curious of how it's done with a Pscyhologist. Is it some group therapy thing and they treat you like your in Kindergarden? (This was my experience of only ONE group therapy session in the past.) I want to learn social skills but not be treated like a 5 year old.  |
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tailfins1959
Deinonychus
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Joined: Apr 07, 2008
Posts: 345
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 10:28 am Post subject: |
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An older lady from church suggested studying formal etiquette to the point of become expert in it, then follow that etiquette religiously.
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Grimfaire
Deinonychus
Joined: Aug 06, 2007
Age: 38
Posts: 346
Location: Michigan
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 11:28 am Post subject: |
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I left college and got menial jobs in service based industries to observe the normal human in their natural habitat. Following the path of many anthropologists in the past, I've adopted a series of rules that mimic their behaviour to try and fit in.
And as Tailfins1959 put it... study formal etiquette and other "social" things that really aren't in vogue now. They at least give you something stand on as far as rules and such go. I get looked at funny still because everyone is either a sir or ma'am. I open doors for others, stand when a lady comes to the table, etc... but at least I have rules to follow. 
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matsuiny2004
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 23, 2008
Posts: 1442
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 12:25 pm Post subject: Re: How do you officially learn social skills? |
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| zeldapsychology wrote: | | From info. my sister found and researching it I do beleive I have Asperger's. One huge issue with my behavior is learning social skills and while I know books and WP have some stuff I was curious of how it's done with a Pscyhologist. Is it some group therapy thing and they treat you like your in Kindergarden? (This was my experience of only ONE group therapy session in the past.) I want to learn social skills but not be treated like a 5 year old. |
I have learned some social skills from my psychologist. I was treated just like any other person. It really depends on how your psychologist sees you. Try to find one that is tolerant of learning difference. |
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skahthic
Phoenix
Joined: May 11, 2007
Posts: 846
Location: Florida
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 1:02 pm Post subject: |
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I've observed that you can do it in a few ways.
One way is to screw it up on your own and to look like a fool and to learn from it (ie: "gee, I won't do THAT again"). I've tried this approach many times with varying results. It works, but only if you don't have to see these people again ( not a good choice for co-workers or neighbors). If I know I'm not likely to meet people again ( like at a theme park or "waaay" out of town) then I'm less likely to worry about any embarrassment and more likely to conduct social experiments on my own. This approach also works in bars/clubs because if you blunder socially, you can always blame it on alcohol--- even if you don't drink ( I just say "I've had one too many at the bar". They don't need to know that it was only a Coca Cola).
Another way is to NOT talk and just watch people ( this is not unlike watching birds at the feeder and learning to understand their mannerisms and calls) from a distance. This works better with people you might encounter repeatedly IF you can actually watch them without their knowing it. For if they know you're looking their way, they're likely to come over and attempt conversation before you've studied them enough. Even then, as long as they do most of the talking, you can get through by simply answering questions and then getting back to work. You can watch more later and learn later. Often times with co-workers, the less said is the better--- a job kept is important, more so than trying to look "cool".
Always have a few catch-phrases handy:
" Hi there." ( similar replies will ensue)
" How's it going?" ( most people will wither say "fine" and leave or they'll begin yabbing about how un-fine they are--- but at least they are still doing the talking and not forcing you to.)
Doing these things will not make you super suave in public--- in fact, I goof up often and still look like a fool/odd/whatever. I'll always feel like the square peg in a sea of round holes. But it HAS helped. I can at least make my way in the world, more so if I really try hard. Good luck to you. |
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zeldapsychology
Deinonychus
Joined: May 05, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 386
Location: Florida
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 10:12 pm Post subject: |
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| I love the idea of watching from a distance. Let them come to me rather then me coming to them. Also no offence I I DON'T CARE ABOUT ETTIQUTE! I HATED CALLING THE PRINCIPAL/TEACHER WHATEVER SIR OR MAM!!!! I'd say ok Mr./Mrs.X Not Mamm or Sir!!! AWFUL!!! |
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Speckles
Velociraptor
Joined: May 03, 2008
Posts: 441
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| Posted: Thu May 15, 2008 10:55 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm, a combination of things for me. But mostly reading a lot of people-observation books. By people-observation, I mean psych, sociology, behaviourial economics, and 'how to read people' books. In essence, I try to improve my social skills by trying to understand why people behave the way they do. This has been a relatively successful strategy, though it only works when I'm calm enough to remember all the rules, guidelines, and theories I've accumulated  . |
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Smelena
Cure Neurotypicals Now!
Joined: Apr 02, 2007
Posts: 2135
Location: Australia
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maritimeblaze17
Raven
Joined: Oct 07, 2007
Posts: 110
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| Posted: Sun May 18, 2008 4:57 pm Post subject: You have to find the therapist who works for you |
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| It depends on the therapist. You have to find one who is a match for you. |
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ebec11
Missing In Action: Innocence
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Posts: 5251
Location: A Bubble in the Ocean
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| Posted: Sun May 18, 2008 11:01 pm Post subject: |
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I find practice helps. Maybe get your sister to do scenarios (like scripts to show what you do in many situations) with you, which is weird, but it works. I find with age, you do learn somewhat if you try to watch people all the time. It's hard, but you can seem social with a lot of observing and practice. A therapist of some sort (maybe one who specialises with Aspergers, though I know they are pricy) might help too.
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"You can do the math a thousand way, but you can't undo the past"
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Brittany2907
Self-Proclaimed Animal Lover
Joined: Jun 10, 2007
Age: 17
Posts: 3729
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 10:21 am Post subject: |
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Officially? I don't really think anyone can learn them "officially". Is there an actual criteria for "good social skills"? If there is, I've never seen it. 
As far as learning them goes...
You could attend social groups for those with AS. I've started doing this recently. I've been to a few workshops on different things such as maintaining relationships, assertiveness and "the law of attraction" (not that it had anything to do with social skills). I've found the workshops
and talking to others on the spectrum useful.
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You haven't failed until you quit trying.
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Sarcastic_Name
Don't look.
Joined: Mar 27, 2005
Age: 20
Posts: 3582
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| Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 2:40 pm Post subject: |
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GO OUT INTO THE WORLD AND FAIL UNTIL YOU GET IT RIGHT
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(Currently undergoing personality reboot) |
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ebec11
Missing In Action: Innocence
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Posts: 5251
Location: A Bubble in the Ocean
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| Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 2:50 pm Post subject: |
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| Brittany2907 wrote: | Officially? I don't really think anyone can learn them "officially". Is there an actual criteria for "good social skills"? If there is, I've never seen it.
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lol 
Sorry about laughing at this, but I thought that too, only I thought it would be impolite to say it 
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"You can do the math a thousand way, but you can't undo the past"
From P!nk's song 'I'm Not Dead' |
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Aradford
Velociraptor
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Joined: Jul 27, 2007
Posts: 439
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 7:00 pm Post subject: |
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| how about live your life and learn by living and trying new things like meeting people |
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Peekay
Butterfly
Joined: May 19, 2008
Posts: 12
Location: Wales, UK
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| Posted: Mon May 19, 2008 7:24 pm Post subject: |
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Watch & observe.
You know how you can get cats and dogs to be friendly by displaying the correct body language, tone of voice and by using the correct memes?
Humans really are no different. |
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