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en_una_isla
Queen of the Nile
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Posts: 2862
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 Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 5:51 pm Post subject: moms with AS |
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Are there any moms here with as, whether dxed or not?
Some of the issues I find hard are: needing privacy and having to emote a lot for the kids. And since I like doing things alone, it is hard to teach them certain things, like how to cook. |
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just_me
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 25, 2006
Posts: 54
Location: Scotland
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| Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 6:23 pm Post subject: |
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Yes I have AS u/dx. I have a son 14yrs AS dx also a daughter 16yrs AS u/dx
I'm due to start a long process of being assessed for it. Not that I need a dx really, I think it's just to clarify what I already know if that makes any sense.
Just_M
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TheGreyBadger
Toucan
Joined: Jan 01, 2006
Posts: 266
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| Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:39 pm Post subject: |
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| My kids are all grown up and have kids of their own, but yes, I found it stressful and a lot like writing with the wrong hand. I used to think I'd be a better dad and my ex would be a better mom. The youngest is now far closer to her in-laws than to me - her father in law is a warm teddy bear type; his wife is a little more of a thinking type but very family oriented. I am both overjoyed for her that she's found what she needed, and jealous. |
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Anna
Sea Gull
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Joined: Dec 11, 2004
Posts: 238
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| Posted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 1:01 am Post subject: Re: moms with AS |
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| en_una_isla wrote: | Are there any moms here with as, whether dxed or not?
Some of the issues I find hard are: needing privacy and having to emote a lot for the kids. And since I like doing things alone, it is hard to teach them certain things, like how to cook. |
I'm recently diagnosed. (Yay)
My son is Aspie and my daugther (who usually lives with her dad in MN) is NT (but really a kewl person!)
I raised the kids to knock, and to respect privacy. I respect their privacy as well. I try to find times when I'm feeling social to call them in and ask them to do a specific thing to help with cooking or cleaning or whatever, so they can learn.
In some ways, it helps because I'm better at knowing about routines and transitions and breaking things down into subtasks and writing things down and I can teach them those kind of coping skills. |
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ryansjoy
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 24, 2006
Posts: 240
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| Posted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 7:35 am Post subject: |
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| i have a 9 year old with AS. I don't have AS but I have my other AS type of issues.. Hate malls, crowds, many types of clothing, etc. I am extremly lucky to have a wonderful husband who will take over command when I have had too much. my husband and I thought it was best a few years ago to sleep in seperate rooms because I could not sleep at night with him snoring and also when i am next to someone i get so hot. even in the middle of the winter. I have found that my sensitivity to things around come on the worst when I am getting my period.. its not that I am so much moody but I can not stand clothing, hate the heat, smells make me want to puke. we never get privacy. my son is up until god knows what time. so we are out of luck most nights. we do our best though.. I never compain about the lack of privacy I guess because I grew up in a small house with 5 people. my husband is really good about the teaching things.. Ryan is learning how to do laundry, and he loves to help cooking.. i find that its hard for me to be cooking with Ryan because his actions are so fast and jerky that he makes a huge mess. I do try though and my husband takes over a lot of times.. i guess the only time i am really bothered by lack of privacy etc is when I am due for my period.. |
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Morphia
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 16, 2006
Posts: 247
Location: South West England
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| Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 3:30 pm Post subject: |
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I live with two kids( not biologically mine) with another on the way and it is hard. They are young and very demanding. Often i find just being around them very stressfull, their noisey, move all the time, and do unexpected things. However i wouldn't change them. I can be very grumpy and unanaproachable, and i have to work at being patient and remembering that they are only young. Still i also make sure i kiss and cuddle them and that they know that i love them....even if it never say it!
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When freedom is outlawed only outlaws are free. |
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MomofTom
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 06, 2006
Posts: 581
Location: Where normalcy and bad puns collide
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| Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 11:29 pm Post subject: |
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*raises hand*
I am unofficially diagnosed AS with an autistic son. The jury is still out on our 1 year old daughter. As a parent, I do need time to unwind as any NT parent does. I don't feel the need to socialize with parents at the park or to take my kid on playdates. He is going back to preschool in a few days anyway.
One thing I find confounding is that as The Parent, it is my place to come up with creative ideas of how to have fun....play games...teach my kids to use their immagination...and MAKE FRIENDS. I don't do that well in these areas and must rely on my husband for that input. Being a "self-starter" with those activities does not come naturally.
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Apathy is a dominant gene. Mutate. |
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appassionata
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Aug 16, 2006
Posts: 60
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sat Aug 26, 2006 4:36 pm Post subject: |
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Hi,
I'm a mother of three. My two sons are diagnosed with Autism, my daughter isn't , but I suspect she isn't exactly N.T. either.
I don't have a diagnosis (or want one), but I fit the AS profile too. I only really admitted it to myself a couple of weeks ago.
The biggest problems I have are:
Lack of time for myself - my sons are more demanding than typical children of their age. Things became so difficult a year ago, that we moved 200 miles to be near my parents in order to get some support (hubby is a bit useless in this area unfortunately). I think that any parent would become stressed in that situation, but perhaps the fact that I want more me-time than other people does not help.
Lack of friends – I gave up work to look after my children, but unfortunately did not fit in with the playgroup set. Firstly, I find getting to know people quite difficult at the best of times. (One to one is OK, but in a noisy, group setting I have trouble following conversations). Secondly my interests are, on the whole, completely different to that of the average Mum. Eg I like sci-fi, they like soaps, I read the “New Scientist”, they read “Chat”, so I found it quite boring and eventually stopped going.
It's a similar situation at school. I feel that I should get to know the other Mums, but don't know how to break into their cliques. (Also they are not particularly friendly and most do not want their children to socialize with my son, but that's another story) |
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ProfKori
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 20, 2006
Age: 44
Posts: 27
Location: sunny Florida
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| Posted: Sun Aug 27, 2006 12:09 am Post subject: moms with AS |
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I have AS undxd, and 7 kids aged 16 to 4. I firstlearned about AS when a fellow teacher showed us a book about it & I reallized "OMG, that's my son! (he was about 8 then, he's 14 now) I researched & realised "OMG that's me  " I fund myseldf rethinking my whole life in terms of AS; suddenly things made sense.
As for dealing with a huge family, it's not easy. I have a saint of a husband (NT but with residule ADD & other issues). One son with definite AS, lots of learning issues, giftedness, speach/hearing problems, & assorted quirks in the bunch. Some days I don't handle it well at all & there are shouting matches. Some days the kids & I will "aspergerate" all over the place, & my husband hasn't a clue
I try to let them have their space & decompress, & ask them to let me do the same. I try to teach them get a handle on life from my experiences. They know they're love, but that sometimes mom needs her space    |
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chamoisee
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 28, 2004
Posts: 922
Location: Idaho
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| Posted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 10:46 pm Post subject: |
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| I have 6 kids. I find it very hard. One of them is a definite (un dxed) aspie, and several of the others have aspie traits (or might be mildly aspie). There's never any solitude, and frankly, I need solitude the way normals need socializing. I don't feel sane without it. |
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likedcalico
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 27, 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: The Benny & Joon town (I wish)
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| Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 8:46 pm Post subject: |
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| ryansjoy wrote: | | i have a 9 year old with AS. I don't have AS but I have my other AS type of issues.. Hate malls, crowds, many types of clothing, etc. I am extremly lucky to have a wonderful husband who will take over command when I have had too much. my husband and I thought it was best a few years ago to sleep in seperate rooms because I could not sleep at night with him snoring and also when i am next to someone i get so hot. even in the middle of the winter. I have found that my sensitivity to things around come on the worst when I am getting my period.. its not that I am so much moody but I can not stand clothing, hate the heat, smells make me want to puke. we never get privacy. my son is up until god knows what time. so we are out of luck most nights. we do our best though.. I never compain about the lack of privacy I guess because I grew up in a small house with 5 people. my husband is really good about the teaching things.. Ryan is learning how to do laundry, and he loves to help cooking.. i find that its hard for me to be cooking with Ryan because his actions are so fast and jerky that he makes a huge mess. I do try though and my husband takes over a lot of times.. i guess the only time i am really bothered by lack of privacy etc is when I am due for my period.. |
Goodness I have AS and your sensory issues are a lot worse than mine. Interesting and weird. |
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BazzaMcKenzie
Wild colonial man
Joined: Aug 22, 2006
Age: 48
Posts: 3695
Location: the Antipodes
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| Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 1:26 am Post subject: |
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Hope you don't mind if a dad says something ...
I have not had to look after my kids for more than a few days on my own. I sometimes need time out. Nintendo was good for that. Being the type of guy I am, I never worried about tidying up much, so that probably made it easier for me (yes I don;t do my share of housework  but I do a lot of the cooking). I liked cooking with my boys (scones, cookies, pizza etc). we made a lot of mess but it was fun. Now they are older they are capable of cooking most basic things themselves.
My 15 y.o. recently commented to my wife that I don't hug anymore and he decided he would (and does) initiate hugs. I hugged and cuddled lots when they were small. I forget when I started doing it less. I make a point of it more regularly now.
Anyone else with older kids find they are less openly affectionate?
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irishwhistle
Snowy Owl
Joined: Oct 01, 2006
Posts: 174
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| Posted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 3:25 am Post subject: |
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| BazzaMcKenzie wrote: |
Anyone else with older kids find they are less openly affectionate? |
Yup. I have and 8 3/4 year old, a 4 (almost 5) year old and a 3 month old, and the younger two are much more cuddly but the oldest is all bones. I don't know if it's something about her or because she's older but I often want to shove her away. She tends to come on strong and won't be easy with me and sometimes acts like she's my mother. I guess it's just her. Even when she was little, she wouldn't come up and hug us or climb onto my lap... she'd run at a person and leap into their arms. It freaked out my husband too. Sometimes I wonder about her. But she's never shown any signs of social trouble, just the normal neuroses, or I'd think she was AS.
But yeah, I cuddle the little ones. The boy is just more gentle when he chooses to be cuddly, which makes sense. And of course, babies are cuddly. They can slobber all over you and it isn't the same as bigger people getting huggy, no weird social issues, no strings to it, just simple puppy-dog love. I do have to wipe the slobber pretty quick though. |
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MishLuvsHer2Boys
Proud Mom to 2 boys
Joined: Oct 09, 2004
Posts: 2112
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 3:24 pm Post subject: Re: moms with AS |
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| en_una_isla wrote: | Are there any moms here with as, whether dxed or not?
Some of the issues I find hard are: needing privacy and having to emote a lot for the kids. And since I like doing things alone, it is hard to teach them certain things, like how to cook. |
Yes I'm a mom of two boys and I have a diagnosis of AS and ADHD as well as clinicial depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I find at times it is hard being close to them and all and find that often times it's easy to end up in shutdown mode due to overstimulation of having them around and all but I love them and they are wonderful and I love being a mom. I just do my best and all I can for them. Both of them aren't old enough to teach to cook or whatever yet. I do miss a lot of my alone time but as they get older I know that I'll miss the time I had with them when I'm alone and they are at school. |
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soulmate
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 11, 2006
Posts: 140
Location: michigan
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| Posted: Sat Oct 21, 2006 9:32 pm Post subject: |
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| I am a mom with as and my son has as. |
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