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Mikomi
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 25, 2008
Posts: 781
Location: On top of your TV, lookin' at you funny.
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 Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 8:33 pm Post subject: Bossy Aspie Kids? |
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My daughter (almost 5) interacts oddly with other kids (no shocker there, I did too). She tends to be very bossy to the other children, almost as if they're just toys to her. She will find a kid on a playground, and make the kid follow her around. She gets quite peeved if the kid doesn't comply and starts yelling. For such a meek little girl, the behavior is surprising. I try social stories as issues arise, but I've heard things like this about aspie kids before. My dad tells me that the kids didn't want to play with me when I was little because I acted more like a mom than a peer.
Anyone else?
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PunkyKat
Phoenix
Joined: May 15, 2008
Posts: 578
Location: Twlight Zone
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 8:52 pm Post subject: |
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| In every AS book and website, it says that AS kids tend to treat other kids like toys and get upset if they won't comply. |
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Mum2ASDboy
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 28, 2008
Posts: 537
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:07 pm Post subject: |
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My HFA son can be VERY bossy at times. I have heard that alot of AS kids are bossy.
Have you tried a reward system by where when she plays nice a button goes in a jar but when she is bossy one gets taken out. When she has certain amount she gets reward???? |
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blackcat
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 17, 2006
Age: 17
Posts: 667
Location: Within my own mind in an attempt to escape this world we live in.
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:21 pm Post subject: |
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My sister does the exact same thing!!! And if they go off to do something else she screams "Everybody hates me!!" or "I hate(insertkidsnamehere)s/he is a very stupid person!!!".
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Snuffy
Butterfly
Joined: Feb 13, 2008
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 10:55 pm Post subject: |
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I had to laugh when I saw this topic!  My overall nature is shy and quiet but I've always had a sometimes shocking ability to be bossy. I recall being 6 years old and making a girl stand in the corner because she'd done some minor thing that I'd found extremely annoying for some reason, I forget what. As a child, I basically only hung out with kids who would fall in line with whatever I wanted to do at any given time; kids who wanted give-and-take were avoided (kind of embarrassing to admit, but true.)
Now, my bossiness also comes out in situations where I feel that I have more knowledge about something than others (i.e. something I've studied or experienced), and I get impatient and/or want to "help" avoid errors; I've noted a certain intellectual arrogance often rears its head in Asperger's (unfortunately, I'm guilty of this, too  ). Also, if someone I care about is scared or lacking confidence, I tend to "take control" (get bossy) to make them feel safe and secure. I'm also likely to boss if something has made me angry, especially if I feel powerless about avoiding the cause.
In any case, your post definitely rang a bell with me; I can't say your daughter's the only one. 
Last edited by Snuffy on Wed Jun 04, 2008 11:29 pm; edited 10 times in total |
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trialanderror
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 89
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 11:04 pm Post subject: |
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| My 5yo does the same thing. I think that she tells everyone what to do because it lets her be in control. She is bothered about the fact that she is out of control of some of her emotions. You can see it on her face when she is about to have a bossy moment. SHe was unable to accomplish something of a completely different subject and she will feel out of control. SUre enough she heads off to tell a sibling or friend how to live their lives. It s easier to "fix" others problems than to fix your own sometimes. As and aspie myself, I can completely understand these feelings. |
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2ukenkerl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 4620
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 11:29 pm Post subject: |
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| I've know NT girls that acted the SAME way! |
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PunkyKat
Phoenix
Joined: May 15, 2008
Posts: 578
Location: Twlight Zone
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| Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 11:55 pm Post subject: |
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| Snuffy wrote: | I had to laugh when I saw this topic! My overall nature is shy and quiet but I've always had a sometimes shocking ability to be bossy. I recall being 6 years old and making a girl stand in the corner because she'd done some minor thing that I'd found extremely annoying for some reason, I forget what. As a child, I basically only hung out with kids who would fall in line with whatever I wanted to do at any given time; kids who wanted give-and-take were avoided (kind of embarrassing to admit, but true.)
Now, my bossiness also comes out in situations where I feel that I have more knowledge about something than others (i.e. something I've studied or experienced), and I get impatient and/or want to "help" avoid errors; I've noted a certain intellectual arrogance often rears its head in Asperger's (unfortunately, I'm guilty of this, too ). Also, if someone I care about is scared or lacking confidence, I tend to "take control" (get bossy) to make them feel safe and secure. I'm also likely to boss if something has made me angry, especially if I feel powerless about avoiding the cause.
In any case, your post definitely rang a bell with me; I can't say your daughter's the only one. |
I was the same way. |
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Paula
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 16, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 731
Location: San Diego Calif
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| Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 12:06 am Post subject: |
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| We have one very bossy child in our classroom. I like what Temple Grandin says, "Just because we are autistic dosn't give us the right to be rude." But then again she had constant help in teaching her manners. He's not our only autistic child though, just our bossiest, and most high functioning. The funny thing is, noone listens to him....(Students that is)so then he gets really angry, well one of our autistic children just laughs, course he always laughs....he's a real happy camper and blissfully goes about doing his own thing, he dosn't care who's mad. The other one just imitates, so when Mr. Bossy screams, he does to....happily, untill someone else does something more interesting to immitate. And the other one..........he's just grumpy and has other students to hang with who are more pleasant. We are working, working, working to help him, and he is learning...s-l-o-w-l-y, but he's learning. Never give up, and I want to add, when this little guy found out my foot hurt he refused to play untill I finally let him kiss my foot. He kissed the top, so not so gross. So he's a sweety and we love him. |
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Mikomi
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 25, 2008
Posts: 781
Location: On top of your TV, lookin' at you funny.
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| Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 11:03 pm Post subject: |
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I'm so glad this is typical of AS kids, and not a sign that mine is just mean
Yesterday at the playground my daughter commanded a new friend. She kept saying, "Hey girl! Come with me now! No, don't play over there, come with ME now!" Then she got mad because the other child would not comply and tattled to me about it. I explained that the other child had a mind of her own, and maybe she wanted to play on the swings as much as (my daughter) wanted to play on the slide. I said sometimes it's nice to try and take turns playing different things together, and she could perhaps say, "When we're done on the swings, would you like to come to the slide with me?" I asked her how she would like it if the other child made her play something she didn't want to play, and she said she wouldn't think that was nice. Looks like more social stories are coming soon.
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