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abstrusemortal
Toucan
Joined: Feb 08, 2007
Posts: 286
Location: DC/VA area
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 Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 2:38 am Post subject: I want to get people's opinion on the word "friend" |
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I don't know if this post has ever come up before - I'm sure it has. I want to get some opinions.
I just got in a verbal argument with someone I thought was my "friend". Evidently, he was very deceiving. He lied about everything - almost.
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abstrusemortal
Toucan
Joined: Feb 08, 2007
Posts: 286
Location: DC/VA area
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 2:56 am Post subject: |
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I got 40 views!!!
Someone say something!
It doesn't matter how absurd.
I won't bump again, even though it's at the top.
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Orwell
Outer Party Member
Joined: Aug 09, 2007
Age: 18
Posts: 3666
Location: Room 101
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 3:17 am Post subject: |
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I feel the term "friend" is used rather loosely by most NTs. I have never really known how to define the word, and no one I ask has been able to do so for me.
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Pobodys_Nerfect
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 11, 2008
Posts: 381
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 3:19 am Post subject: |
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| Yea I've found that out about all my friends recently, that's why I came here. It was cause of a girl. I'm really disappointed... just bury myself in my work now, and WP. |
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abstrusemortal
Toucan
Joined: Feb 08, 2007
Posts: 286
Location: DC/VA area
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 3:23 am Post subject: |
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I'm so happy about these replies. I know nothing of what the word "friend" means too. I've heard it in used in place of "acquaintance" - "stranger" - those I know of immediately. I hvte no idea what the word means. I've read how other people defined it. One quote that struck me was this one:
"A friend comes in when the world goes out"
Any vaguer, and it could be similar to a political campaign slogan.
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abstrusemortal
Toucan
Joined: Feb 08, 2007
Posts: 286
Location: DC/VA area
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 3:24 am Post subject: |
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| Orwell wrote: | | I feel the term "friend" is used rather loosely by most NTs. I have never really known how to define the word, and no one I ask has been able to do so for me. |
It is.
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Tsiiki
Blue Jay
Joined: Dec 02, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 83
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 3:29 am Post subject: |
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Tell us exactly what happened?
And yeah... "friend" has a different meaning for everyone, and for context too....
Like, there are a few people out there who would better be classified as 'associate' or 'someone I randomly talk to every day' rather than 'friend', but I will use the word 'friend' most of the time because its the closest descriptive word int his language... since 'associate' is more for buisiness and stuff, and 'this person who I talk to every monday' is a bit too discriptive--- but also depends on case, so like if something cool, amazing, or shocking, or just a random fact is involved with said 'friend' I'd use that word. But if somehting horrible that I don't want to be associated with too much happens with that person, then I'd probably say "someone I know did ___" or whatever...
thats for the looser connotation of friend, for me at least
for the real "friends"... it takes years to become one, and they need to be rather tightly involved with me. Not just saying 'hi' every time I see them, but to actually do something more than the average person... so seeing movies, going to each other's house, planning classes to be together, climbing a tree... whatever it is, but actually try and do stuff together (works for online friends as well, however almost everything is talking, so for online its more like... the amount you talk to a day, and how much you feel you can trust and what information you give them, and them you...)-- as well as *points to side comment* how much you trust them...
I imagine for a lot of people, they have a lot of 'friends' who they do stuff with, but don't actually trust all that much... Me, I'm rather limited in the people who talk to me, so basically anyone I do anything with, I pretty much trust enough for them to be a true 'friend'
But to me... the people who are good friends are people that accept you for who you are... Yes they can joke about some aspect of you, or get irritated sometimes by a quirk, and comment on it, but if overall they still want to hang with you, they call you, or try to do stuff, and talk to you and not just try to mooch off you, then they're pretty much a friend. Sometimes one of them might be in a period where they're in a bad place, or need a lot, so can be trying to see if they're really a friend, or just using you, but for me, it usually doesn't come to that... the friends I've lost are mainly because I can't fully get along with them... I disagree about their ethics/morals/beliefs and its tried to the point that we barely talk anymore... that doesn't mean that all my friends believe the same stuff I do, but most are pretty similar, and those who don't, we still have something else in common enough to be friends |
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abstrusemortal
Toucan
Joined: Feb 08, 2007
Posts: 286
Location: DC/VA area
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 3:36 am Post subject: |
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| Tsiiki wrote: | Tell us exactly what happened?
And yeah... "friend" has a different meaning for everyone, and for context too....
Like, there are a few people out there who would better be classified as 'associate' or 'someone I randomly talk to every day' rather than 'friend', but I will use the word 'friend' most of the time because its the closest descriptive word int his language... since 'associate' is more for buisiness and stuff, and 'this person who I talk to every monday' is a bit too discriptive--- but also depends on case, so like if something cool, amazing, or shocking, or just a random fact is involved with said 'friend' I'd use that word. But if somehting horrible that I don't want to be associated with too much happens with that person, then I'd probably say "someone I know did ___" or whatever...
thats for the looser connotation of friend, for me at least
for the real "friends"... it takes years to become one, and they need to be rather tightly involved with me. Not just saying 'hi' every time I see them, but to actually do something more than the average person... so seeing movies, going to each other's house, planning classes to be together, climbing a tree... whatever it is, but actually try and do stuff together (works for online friends as well, however almost everything is talking, so for online its more like... the amount you talk to a day, and how much you feel you can trust and what information you give them, and them you...)-- as well as *points to side comment* how much you trust them...
I imagine for a lot of people, they have a lot of 'friends' who they do stuff with, but don't actually trust all that much... Me, I'm rather limited in the people who talk to me, so basically anyone I do anything with, I pretty much trust enough for them to be a true 'friend'
But to me... the people who are good friends are people that accept you for who you are... Yes they can joke about some aspect of you, or get irritated sometimes by a quirk, and comment on it, but if overall they still want to hang with you, they call you, or try to do stuff, and talk to you and not just try to mooch off you, then they're pretty much a friend. Sometimes one of them might be in a period where they're in a bad place, or need a lot, so can be trying to see if they're really a friend, or just using you, but for me, it usually doesn't come to that... the friends I've lost are mainly because I can't fully get along with them... I disagree about their ethics/morals/beliefs and its tried to the point that we barely talk anymore... that doesn't mean that all my friends believe the same stuff I do, but most are pretty similar, and those who don't, we still have something else in common enough to be friends |
Proper definitions don't come from the dictionary.
It reminds me of LOTR when the hobbits ask the names of the trees. They have to tell a story - the dictionary is vague. Important words are meant to have stories which is why I made the thread. I want to know more - especially about this word. I don't trust some ancient literature. I want to get some modern opinions. I'm not sure I trust the NT version - I know I can't rule it out.
I'm just tired - I have a friend - some. That's all I need. Sometimes I crave not to be alone; I also want to be alone. It's too much work to be around people. It used to be alright - it's hard now.
This is about as specific as I'm going to get for now.
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TheOneGreatBob
Raven
Joined: Jun 08, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 103
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 7:25 am Post subject: |
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I think that a friend is someone that you can trust without question. Your closest friends should be those you can even trust your own life to. If they can stick with you through both the good times and bad, they are your friend. If you are able to do the same for them, you have what's called a friendship. To me, there are only two keywords that come with a friendship. One is 'trust' and the other, as corny as it sounds, is 'love.'
It sounds to me that if those people are lying to you, then in my definition, they aren't true friends. The truth is that a lot of so-called "friendships" are like this and the people you trust most can betray you. True friendships are much more rare, indeed.
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Pobodys_Nerfect
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 11, 2008
Posts: 381
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 8:48 am Post subject: |
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| Im pretty sure that if you have a beautiful woman or money then you have no friends. |
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Rynok
Velociraptor
Joined: Jun 11, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 413
Location: San Antonio, Texas
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 8:59 am Post subject: |
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| Orwell wrote: |
I feel the term "friend" is used rather loosely by most NTs.
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I don't like labels, so just wanted to say I would reckon the term is used loosly by the majority of people, Aspies as well...because of the social norm.
Basically, there are different "levels" of friendship, but they are all referred to as a "friend":
1st level: "Acquaintance" - You see this person at work, in class, in the hallway. You say "What's up" and don't listen to their response. This is not a person whom you spend more time with than is really necessary. You don't "hang out".
2nd level: "Friend" - You enjoy each other's company, but sometimes enough is enough. You "hang out", but you could just as well NOT "hang out" and you wouldn't worry about it. Basically, if your in town and they are free, you might go do sometimes, but if not its no big deal. You could go a month or more without seeing or hearing from this person, and upon hearing from them again you'd just pick up where you left off. If they left the country, you'd say "Bye" and maybe hug and that'd be the end of that.
3rd level: "Good Friend" - You make a constant and consistent effort to keep in touch with this person. You have a routine and you probably care about them in some form or fashion. You might not get a chance to hangout, but some sort of contact is a high priority between you.
4th level: "Best Friend" - Takes a long time to get to this stage, but these are the people you tell your secrets. They really get you for who you are. |
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maritimeblaze17
Raven
Joined: Oct 07, 2007
Posts: 110
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:47 am Post subject: Well |
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| I am not sure what you want from people to respond, but I can say that I had to struggle and find out the hard way what the real definition of "friend" was. I made to make the difference between casual acquaintance and friend. It was a tough lesson to make. |
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abstrusemortal
Toucan
Joined: Feb 08, 2007
Posts: 286
Location: DC/VA area
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 10:14 am Post subject: |
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| Rynok wrote: | | Orwell wrote: |
I feel the term "friend" is used rather loosely by most NTs.
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I don't like labels, so just wanted to say I would reckon the term is used loosly by the majority of people, Aspies as well...because of the social norm.
Basically, there are different "levels" of friendship, but they are all referred to as a "friend":
1st level: "Acquaintance" - You see this person at work, in class, in the hallway. You say "What's up" and don't listen to their response. This is not a person whom you spend more time with than is really necessary. You don't "hang out".
2nd level: "Friend" - You enjoy each other's company, but sometimes enough is enough. You "hang out", but you could just as well NOT "hang out" and you wouldn't worry about it. Basically, if your in town and they are free, you might go do sometimes, but if not its no big deal. You could go a month or more without seeing or hearing from this person, and upon hearing from them again you'd just pick up where you left off. If they left the country, you'd say "Bye" and maybe hug and that'd be the end of that.
3rd level: "Good Friend" - You make a constant and consistent effort to keep in touch with this person. You have a routine and you probably care about them in some form or fashion. You might not get a chance to hangout, but some sort of contact is a high priority between you.
4th level: "Best Friend" - Takes a long time to get to this stage, but these are the people you tell your secrets. They really get you for who you are. |
This definition is interesting - especially between the 3rd and 4th levels. I never really distinguished between those - actually, 2-3 are a big blur to me. All of my family don't distinguish between the 3rd and 4th, so I went on assuming that those two levels were the same.
| maritimeblaze17 wrote: | | I am not sure what you want from people to respond, but I can say that I had to struggle and find out the hard way what the real definition of "friend" was. I made to make the difference between casual acquaintance and friend. It was a tough lesson to make. |
I'm just looking for honest opinions on the word "friend".
Friends should be vulnerable to each other. They shouldn't have to put on the mask that they show to the world, or at least hide some of their personality.
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Last edited by abstrusemortal on Sat Jun 14, 2008 8:26 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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ebec11
Missing In Action: Innocence
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Posts: 5251
Location: A Bubble in the Ocean
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 8:12 pm Post subject: |
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Somebody's who's loyal, doesn't backstab me, is honest, and who listens to me (when I'm happy or depressed)
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Gifted-Monster
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 13, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 211
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| Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 8:37 pm Post subject: |
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A friend...
It's someone I can put my back to in a fight and know they'll go down fighting to protect me, as I will for them.
A friend...
Is someone you can cry with, someone you can rip your heart out and give to them and know they'll cradle it like a treasure.
A friend...
Is someone that takes the good with the bad and still stands by you.
Huh...how poetic. |
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