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Aspie_Chav
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 07, 2006
Age: 35
Posts: 2071
Location: Croydon
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 Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 2:56 pm Post subject: Dating agency and Aspie Male |
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Dating agency and Aspie Male
There has been a website that say dating agency are a good idea. However, dating agencies suffer from one problem, there are generally more man subscribe then woman. Generally women receive more texts/e-mails then men, giving them the power of choice. Many women my not have read all of the messages.
Thus the one major advantage of dating isn’t really there for an aspie male. When I was using dating agency, I done a very good criteria search. I found the perfect woman, text her but she didn’t answer, I tried again the week after; no luck. After a while I realise that only way to get results is to generalise my profile( more NT like) and send many messages to many woman, who are not my ideal match; gorilla tactics.
Which gets me a better response but this is a poor substitute for other methods of meeting woman where they can make an choice there and then, after getting to know each other, whether she want to meet up with you again. I suspect the main reason why there is less woman on dating agencies is because for most the best way to know if they click with someone is to actually have a natural conversation with them.
Since woman have the power of choice in dating agencies, they can have someone specific, they have usually a long list of men to choose from. And because men generally don’t receive messages they are more likely to reply. This situation would be very good for an Aspie man who have a much better chance of a good relationship with someone specific and not an average NT girl. An aspie guy could be waiting a long time, find someone specific who actually replies then arranges a date.
I will finish the rest of this another day. |
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MisterHeron
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jul 31, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 198
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 3:37 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, the dating site situation is pretty bad...
I'll say I've managed to have a moderate amount of luck anyways, given the circumstances... |
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 3124
Location: Beirut , Lebanon
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 5:03 pm Post subject: |
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that what I was trying to explain to juliekitty long time ago , the one who always cheers online dating and recommends it to the male loners here...
| Quote: | | I suspect the main reason why there is less woman on dating agencies is because for most the best way to know if they click with someone is to actually have a natural conversation with them. |
The main reason why there are less women in online dating and dating agencies in general is because there are more desperate males than desperate females. Women usually have a faster 'relationship cycle' (relation - breaking up - relation - breaking up) than men. Usually the active (as sexually active or love seekers) men single stay longer before getting in a new relationship after a breakup (usually a couple of years at least and it's not by choice) unless if the man is a drop gorgeous model or rich, while the average active women remain single in shorter time before getting in a new relationship ....usually they last single for few months to 1 year unless if they give up willingly.
Last edited by LePetitPrince on Sun Jun 15, 2008 5:23 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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westernwild
Sea Gull
Joined: Oct 13, 2007
Posts: 236
Location: The wild, wild West
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 5:16 pm Post subject: |
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I hate to be a nitpicker, but your grammar and spelling might have a lot to do with it as well. That's a major turn-off for a lot of women, like it or not, just like weight is for men, whether women like it or not (and we don't, believe me!).
I'm so glad not to have to be in the dog-eat-dog singles world anymore, no question. I really feel for those of you having to deal with dating sites, singles sites and groups, etc., etc.
_________________
Queen of the anti-FAAAS. FAAAS does NOT speak for me and many other families!!
Life is not about waiting out storms, but learning to dance in the rain-Anonymous |
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 3124
Location: Beirut , Lebanon
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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| westernwild wrote: | I hate to be a nitpicker, but your grammar and spelling might have a lot to do with it as well. That's a major turn-off for a lot of women, like it or not, just like weight is for men, whether women like it or not (and we don't, believe me!).
I'm so glad not to have to be in the dog-eat-dog singles world anymore, no question. I really feel for those of you having to deal with dating sites, singles sites and groups, etc., etc. |
Are you talking to me or to Aspie_chav? because Chav's English is outstanding. |
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pakled
"Bless his Heart"
Joined: Nov 13, 2007
Age: 50
Posts: 2748
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 6:18 pm Post subject: |
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uh...women have choice period...in every time, culture, and situation, outside of arranged marriages, women have had choice.
In fact, back when I was trying the usual dating stuff, I noticed that women wouldn't dance (on average), unless they were outnumbered by men.
just a thought. |
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 3124
Location: Beirut , Lebanon
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 6:26 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | women have choice period...in every time, culture, and situation, outside of arranged marriages, women have had choice. |
hmm ....not true for the arranged marriages. In some cultures , women are forced by parent to marry someone.
But in the typical modern dating system, the serial monogamy system ..... women have all the choice , like in nature. |
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pbcoll
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 15, 2007
Posts: 1732
Location: England
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 6:45 pm Post subject: |
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LPP, around here women usually stay single after a break up from a few hours to a day, unless they want to be single; often they break up only when they already have another man waiting, so they're never single. Native NT men can stay single up to about a year not by choice.
Actually, in nature rape is extremely common so females don't have necessarily much choice. But you're right about arranged marriages. And obviously online dating is brilliant for female loners but awful for heterosexual male ones.
pakled, if you go back far enough, women didn't have choice in any society; the marriages were either arranged or the man chose his bride and her father had a choice.
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I neither take revenge, nor beg for favours. (Rabindranath Tagore)
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka) |
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Cyberman
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 881
Location: Telos
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:59 pm Post subject: |
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Pakled said "outside of arranged marriages."
But anyway, I agree that women in our society have more choices about relationships. However, that may not be saying much. To them, it's like trying to decide what looks the most appetizing on the menu when all the food is crap.  |
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 3637
Location: In the basement, with the 'nomalies
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| Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 2:52 am Post subject: |
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| Cyberman wrote: | Pakled said "outside of arranged marriages."
But anyway, I agree that women in our society have more choices about relationships. However, that may not be saying much. To them, it's like trying to decide what looks the most appetizing on the menu when all the food is crap. |
That's funny; I was just thinking this same thing.
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"However gradual it looks from here, look if you like, but you will have to leap." |
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 3124
Location: Beirut , Lebanon
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| Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 10:13 am Post subject: |
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^^ yay! a girl with AllMenAreCrap-complex is happy because some silly guy said that all men are crap. How fun. I was wondering why sometimes I feel like crap....damn it! the reason is so simple, it's because I AM crap (since I am a man)!!
| Quote: |
To them, it's like trying to decide what looks the most appetizing on the menu when all the food is crap |
It's up to the girl to pick the kind of the restaurant , she can go for a 2nd class restaurant that provides dirty food-like or she can choose a 1st class restaurant with delicious food..it's all up to her. |
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Aspie_Chav
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 07, 2006
Age: 35
Posts: 2071
Location: Croydon
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| Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 10:59 am Post subject: |
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| LePetitPrince wrote: |
The main reason why there are less women in online dating and dating agencies in general is because there are more desperate males than desperate females. Women usually have a faster 'relationship cycle' (relation - breaking up - relation - breaking up) than men. Usually the active (as sexually active or love seekers) men single stay longer before getting in a new relationship after a breakup (usually a couple of years at least and it's not by choice) unless if the man is a drop gorgeous model or rich, while the average active women remain single in shorter time before getting in a new relationship ....usually they last single for few months to 1 year unless if they give up willingly. |
Not exactly, women don’t like dating agencies because it is too much of a blind date. Women generally want to see the man before making a conclusion whether they are the right man. If not they can move on to next.
I spend time looking for a solution and learning as much as a can about the dating scene. The general pattern is that most article relate to woman trying to find a guy. My conclusion is that there are more desperate woman. However there a smaller but still significant amount of chronically lonely people, who unlike most lonely woman, have had no proper relationship. The same goes with wealth, generally men are richer then woman, however, you will see more male bums on the streets then woman.
I go on speed dating/ lock and key and woman’s tickets almost always outsell man. And the last time I went, there appeared to be more woman then men. I don’t really have a problem getting a girls number at those events, my luck is around 70%. I have been on several dates and I will most likely see at least one of them again. Sometime I ask a woman how there luck as been, most say they have not found anyone. I would recommend it to any aspies who live in London. |
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hartzofspace
Red Dragon
Joined: Apr 15, 2005
Posts: 3637
Location: In the basement, with the 'nomalies
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| Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 5:43 pm Post subject: |
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| LePetitPrince wrote: | ^^ yay! a girl with AllMenAreCrap-complex is happy because some silly guy said that all men are crap. How fun. I was wondering why sometimes I feel like crap....damn it! the reason is so simple, it's because I AM crap (since I am a man)!!
| Quote: |
To them, it's like trying to decide what looks the most appetizing on the menu when all the food is crap |
It's up to the girl to pick the kind of the restaurant , she can go for a 2nd class restaurant that provides dirty food-like or she can choose a 1st class restaurant with delicious food..it's all up to her. |
I hope that wasn't directed at me! I was merely enjoying the innate humor in the idea of a menu full of crap. I certainly cannot presume to judge "all men," since I have not met all of them. And I have no complaints about dating, either, since I am not actively doing so.
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"However gradual it looks from here, look if you like, but you will have to leap." |
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techstepgenr8tion
cleveland audio assassin
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Age: 28
Posts: 5455
Location: That's for me to know and for you to find out.
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| Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 7:00 pm Post subject: Re: Dating agency and Aspie Male |
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| Aspie_Chav wrote: | | I suspect the main reason why there is less woman on dating agencies is because for most the best way to know if they click with someone is to actually have a natural conversation with them. |
My thoughts, and actually my experience exactly.
When my dad talked me into trying eharmony (yes, my parents actually were on my case for a bit and finally I thought it through - ok, its an option I haven't tried and I really can't know unless I do).
The trouble was, me just being me and having probably more NT social tendencies - I ended up with your later problem, somewhere between 100 and 110 matches, on 99% of the profiles I didn't see anything that interested me, the ones who really would have interested me usually contacted me before I even saw them. We'd have some great conversations, and it seemed like we'd talk ourselves out before we even had the chance to meet or take the idea of meeting on.
I know, your supposed to just about count your words (keeping a strict minimum), almost stop-watch for 72 hours for every reply just so they think your busy - though it feels really disingenuous when they write you back within the day and are writing long diatribes themselves.
At this point in my life though - I'm getting things done, I'm happy with the way things are turning out, and I really don't want to play the 'games' just because, its rare enough to find someone who's enough like me and by the time I do it'll just make a mess of things if I have to try and be something I'm not; if I do they won't like it, if I don't they won't like that either. I'm not implying that I won't be a tease or give a girl a hard time jokingly but, the identity hide-n-seek to me is beyond counterproductive as it'll just get me with women who I could never in my life be my true self around.
It's been that time to flat out not care, keep feeling things that make me feel good about myself, and I plan to keep it that way as long as I need to. |
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