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Rynok
Velociraptor
Joined: Jun 11, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 413
Location: San Antonio, Texas
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 Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 7:02 pm Post subject: Kissing |
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Ok, I'm at a loss here (started in college 5 years ago, never figured this out). I mention it now due to getting a mental reminder from a thread I read earlier.
I very commonly hear the response, "Just kiss her", to the question "How do I know if she likes me?".
My sister was the first one to tell me that, back during my freshman year of college.
Now, I'm not against kissing and would rather kiss a girl than hug her, but I also know you can't just kiss someone out of the blue like that. It seems extremely ackward to be hanging out and then move in for a kiss just to "see" how they feel. Why not just ask them, ya know?
Personally, if I was hanging out with one of my friends (that I didn't like) and they went "in for the kill" to "see if I liked them"...I wouldn't appreciate it and would probably consider not coming over next time they wanted to hangout.
So, my question is...why is this such a common idea/perception?
Does it work any better than simply asking the question directly? |
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Emoal6
Sea Gull
Joined: May 16, 2006
Age: 23
Posts: 206
Location: phoenix AZ
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 7:15 pm Post subject: |
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the whole idea behind "going for the kill" is that you're already on the date. If you haven't formally asked for a date, you shouldnt do it. As long as you've been good company though, you should feel no hesitation to try. If it doesnt land(doesnt work) so what? That just tells you right then and there, she's not the one. Especially if she refuses to try and be friends afterwords.
Its very difficult to get a girl to see you differently then she first sees you(unless you go away for a very long time). If you come off as the friend too much, you may never recover from it. True, there are girls who fancy the guy who is a great friend and loyal. But many mistake it for weakness at first, an inability to close the deal. An inability to impose your will on the world around you. And it definitly shows a lack of confidence. If she already accepted your date, you must be doing something right(even if she just thinks you're cute). |
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Rynok
Velociraptor
Joined: Jun 11, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 413
Location: San Antonio, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 7:29 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, its unfortunate that others see weakness because you don't ask them out immediately. (Heck, I don't even know if I'd like to date someone till I've been around them a few times, nearly always lumping me into the friends category by the time I have a half-decent picture of who they are and what they are like).
Another thing I guess then is this:
So you ask (verbal) for a date, but you kiss (physical) for going steady? Why wouldn't they expect you to ask for both, and maybe kiss if they agree? Meh.
I could see it being easier if it wasn't just a blind "move" though. For instance, your hanging out outside after dinner or the movie or whatever and you open with a comment like, "So, how about a goodnight kiss?" or some other lame statement of intent you come up with at the time  I'd feel better about that at least, and you can always joke about it later if they say no, rather than just going for it and seeing if they dodge or not. Not to mention, you'd have to be pretty close to them for such a thing anyways.
Edit- For that matter, why it is hard to "break out" of the friendship circle if you make your intent clear (even if its a few months later?) If I had a girl friend, and she was dating a guy at the time, she would be lumped into the friend bracket. If they broke-up a year later and she was like "Hey Rynok, would you be interested in dating?"...I woudln't be like "Of coarse not! Your in my friend circle!". I'd at the least consider it. I know its hard to "break out" as I've experienced it ALOT, I just don't know why people are so inflexible with things like that. |
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t0
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Posts: 341
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:11 pm Post subject: Re: Kissing |
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| Rynok wrote: | | Why not just ask them, ya know? |
I'd probably tell them you want to kiss them. Then see what the response is. |
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Cyberman
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 624
Location: Telos
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:51 pm Post subject: Re: Kissing |
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| Rynok wrote: | | I very commonly hear the response, "Just kiss her", to the question "How do I know if she likes me?". |
That is some of the worst advice I've ever heard. It would be like saying "Slap me." You might as well punch someone in the face to see whether or not they punch back. |
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Emoal6
Sea Gull
Joined: May 16, 2006
Age: 23
Posts: 206
Location: phoenix AZ
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| Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 1:05 am Post subject: |
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Ok, well thats a different story. you have to realize situations are based on the circumstances. If She's going out with someone when you become a good friend, you can still go for her after they break up. If she was single tho, you missed your chance most likely. You are correct to believe kissing is ONE WAY of initiating something considered monogamous. It could also just be the start of a one night stand.
You have to analyze the attraction of the night and determine if its enough for you to go for the kill. The funny thing is you could think she isnt in to you enough or you made too many mistakes and she'll still do the littlest thing to prove to you otherwise. You can be so blind not to see the simplest signs of attraction. If she's being attentive, if she's looking you in the eyes, if she's trying to physically touch you in most ways(not if she walks into you unknowingly, but grabs your hand while walking or plays with your hair, pushes you(like a "GET OUT" push by elaine on seinfeld)). She's trying to get you to be as attracted as she is. Thats how the moment escalates.
The main problem you're having is trying to add logic to an illogical equation. Oranges + apples = bananas, it doesnt work. Attraction is something that happens when comfort and curiosity fuse into a driving force towards experience. You like her, you need to stop wasting time. You need to put it in perspective and be direct.
If its a girl who was in a relationship, you say hey, I just wanted you to be happy. I didnt want to interfere, just wanted to be there when you needed someone you could trust. I like you, I'd love to go out and have a great time. She'll get the message at that point and then you treat her the same. Because thats why she'd accept in the first place, you just gradually make the attraction physical. You dont push the envelope tho(try to get too much too soon, pay attention).
Oh, and you can ask for a kiss, you just gotta do it suave-like. You cant be "can I please kiss you." Its gotta smoother, like, "I gotta be honest with you, i've been trying really hard not to kiss you". Thats her cue to say either "you're doing such a good job tho, keep it up"(aka dont kiss me) or, "well than why dont you do it already?"(saying go for it).
Point is, women arent logical perse, not from our male perspective. you cant expect something to work on most or all women, but you cant know what will on one untill you try. Just be cool and understand a woman will love you for who you are, because you're not afraid to be yourself. They just want a catch, so be exotic. Be different, be a good guy, just not a doormat. Know the difference between being appreciated and being used. If you're not satisfied with how she treats you, dont deal with it, bring it up and end it there(she wont change, you wont stay). Believe in your heart and your mind that some girl will end up getting the best guy in the world, they just havent met you yet. |
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Triangular_Trees
What is right is sometimes found on the left.
Joined: Jul 18, 2007
Posts: 1715
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| Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 1:19 am Post subject: |
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| my bf knew I was ready to kiss him because he read an online post about it (I think that was before we had began dating because if I remember correctly the post detailed my completely different feelings for two guys). Bf said "I'm guy A right?" And I said "Nope your guy B." I was tellng about desiring to kiss guy B. And it wasn't that much longer that i kissed. |
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n4mwd
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 08, 2008
Posts: 597
Location: Palm Beach, FL
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| Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 6:50 am Post subject: |
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Don't misunderstand, you should NOT just walk up to a girl and kiss her unless you are in a romantic relationship. Anything like a date or a private moment is usually good enough. There have been more than a few aspies run up to a girl that didn't even know them and kiss her and then end up being arrested for stalking or something similar.
But if she likes you and you think its time, then you could try kissing her on the cheek and see how she reacts. An NT told me a long time ago that he puts his hand on her hips and pulls just her hips toward him as if he is getting ready to hug her, then he goes for her lips with a kiss. He said that if she isn't willing, then she will turn her head and you'll end up kissing her cheek.
I hope you enjoy it because I sure didn't when I have kissed girls. There was a lot of hype and expectation regarding how wonderful it was supposed to be, but in my case, it didn't seem all that different from kissing a rock. Only the rock didn't give me mono and the girl did. |
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Rynok
Velociraptor
Joined: Jun 11, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 413
Location: San Antonio, Texas
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| Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 6:25 pm Post subject: |
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I'm not that dense to kiss random girls. Just FYI 
To tell you the truth, the only reason I've even considered it is because I'm trying to "do what's expected". I could care less about the kiss and would be content to let them make the first move, but I am also aware that the guy is typically the one that's expected to make the first move in all things relationship (backwards if you ask me, we're the less emotional ones of the two). Anyways, when its expected and you don't do it I'm fairly certain you end up having chances pass you by because "He's not my type" or "He didn't act like I expected and gave off a weird vibe".
I'd definitely feel a lot better about the whole asking thing though, cause the way people talk about it they make it sound like there's no asking involved. When you say "Just kiss her" and not "Ask her if she wants to kiss"...means 2 different things! |
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wob182
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Apr 05, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 195
Location: u.k.
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| Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 7:55 pm Post subject: |
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I have a huge problem (or at least i used to) with this whole when to kiss thing. The simplest way I found was to engage in a conversation and if u seem to be getting a long casually when saying good bye, say something like "It was nice meeting you do you want to get a cofee me sometime?" (or cinema or meal or like that) if she says yes make sure you exchange numbers and call her to arrange the date.
If the date is going well, like she sitting close to you, smiling and laughing a lot etc (you can read up on body signs what is 'i like you ' signals) then why not 'go in for the kill' its totally appropriate because your on a date.
if your too nervous like I was just hug or a kiss on the cheek good bye and say something like "would you like to do this again sometime..." and follow it on from there
if she goes on a second date and she's still smiling away good body language. she likes you!
this is the way i did it and this successfully worked and I'm still together with my boyfriend.
I found the best place to go for a date is Starbucks or coffee bar. As your not expected to eat, (that freaks me out coz im fussy eater) you get to know the person and its a chill out atmosphere.
Basically what im saying is if ur too confused like i am about when kissing is on the menu with people you fancie make it an official date and then its appropriate to try and kiss
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I'm fed up of explaining after every post, I have dyslexia so sometimes my spelling and punctuation is off. I do use spell check doesn't always work... |
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Pugly
Man-child diligently becoming a Dude, man
Joined: Jan 10, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 2567
Location: Wisonsin
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| Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 5:58 am Post subject: |
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From what I understand, if she's into you... it'll be fairly obvious... you can probably judge by being closer to her than you would with other people. If she changes at all, is still firendly but a little more distant... well you don't have a shot. But if she becomes more friendly or into you, it's okay to do a Kiss thang.
I wouldn't worry about it too much... you either have the go ahead or you don't. In the grand scheme of risky things... it's not that bad. Just do it and see what happens.
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I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
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pineapple
Deinonychus
Joined: May 01, 2006
Age: 24
Posts: 356
Location: san francisco
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| Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:57 pm Post subject: |
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You can always ask, "can I kiss you?" There's nothing unusual about that.
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chuck norris does not sleep. he waits.
Go here, be asexy------> http://theonepercentclub.blogspot.com |
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Rynok
Velociraptor
Joined: Jun 11, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 413
Location: San Antonio, Texas
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| Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 9:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Asking struck me as being unusual was why I was wondering (and the fact that no-one says "Ask if you can kiss her"...they just say "Kiss her"). Not to mention, you don't ask to be friends or ask for a hug or anything else. |
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traveller011212
Deinonychus
Joined: May 27, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 361
Location: Right here!!
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| Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 11:42 pm Post subject: |
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While talking with her do the following to close the kiss deal. If you girls have corrections, well, you would be the ones to correct it. At any point she stops it, back off immediately. The point of this is to non-verbally point out that you are going in for a kiss.
Look deep into her eyes with a puppy dog look on your face, the one you want on your face but feel like you would be exposing yourself too much by putting it there, and slowly close the distance between the two of you. Gently brush her jawline from the corner of her chin up to her cheekbone with back of your fingers (middle section, between knuckles) and follow down onto the cheek. Look at where you are caressing her face with you hand. Now extend your fingers slightly such that you can LIGHTLY guide yourself to her for a kiss. Now look deeply into her lips and slowly go in for the desired kiss.
I hope that you can read her moans and hand signals (the 'hell ya' moan vs 'WTF' and pulling you closer vs pushing you away hands). Her body will also tell you if she is into it, she will press in if she likes the kiss (don't misfire).
When to do it: If you feel connected to her (relaxed and excited, like your two conspirators or something like that) even if you have not asked her out. Apply Moral code here as well.
If you have pieces left over please consult the manual as there should be no extra pieces.  |
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Pugly
Man-child diligently becoming a Dude, man
Joined: Jan 10, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 2567
Location: Wisonsin
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 12:00 am Post subject: |
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How are you supposed to remember all that? 
Just say, I'm gonna kiss ya, sweet cheeks and do it with 12 types of awesome...
(this advice is given as-is... no warranty is implied... I am not to be held liable for any slaps or ruined dates...)
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I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
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