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MusicGrl23
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 18, 2008
Posts: 28
Location: PA, United States
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 Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 10:36 pm Post subject: Aspies Dating Apies... |
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| For those of you that are in relationships or that have been in relationships, do you find it easier to date someone with asperger's or without asperger's? I mean do you find it easier to communicate and get along with someone who is suffering from the same kind of problems that you are suffering from? I was just wondering because I was in a relationship with this boy for a few weeks and I don't think that he really understood the problems and issues that I was dealing with. For instance, when I got really stressed out and starting having meltdowns, he just thought that I was being a bitch or having an attitude with him. |
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Pobodys_Nerfect
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 11, 2008
Posts: 383
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 10:48 pm Post subject: |
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| With. Better understanding. Makes you feel closer and less lonely I reckon. Doesn't have to be someone with AS but with enough traits as it's a spectrum and the goal posts aren't clearly defined anyway. |
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Rynok
Velociraptor
Joined: Jun 11, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 413
Location: San Antonio, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 10:49 pm Post subject: |
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I don't know if she was an Aspie or not, but a girl I liked before had Aspie traits that I really admired and related with.
I think it would be cool to date another Aspie, but depending where they are on the scale would determine how well you actually "relate" to each other. |
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aspergian_mutant
Learning to Walk
Joined: Oct 28, 2004
Posts: 1479
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 10:53 pm Post subject: |
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Many people with Aspergers can relate to another persons issues that are as well aspergian,
but the biggest problem is in that of interests, if they are not the same they sometimes conflict,
also, if when BOTH people have issues with reading body language and social skills then it makes it VARY hard on the couple.
BOTH me and my EX have aspergers, she ended up hating me and I could never see it till it was too late, and she most always seemed cold and uncaring, hardly any intimacy, also there are the issues of touch and space and the like. |
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Triangular_Trees
What is right is sometimes found on the left.
Joined: Jul 18, 2007
Posts: 2010
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 10:56 pm Post subject: Re: Aspies Dating Apies... |
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| MusicGrl23 wrote: | | For those of you that are in relationships or that have been in relationships, do you find it easier to date someone with asperger's or without asperger's? I mean do you find it easier to communicate and get along with someone who is suffering from the same kind of problems that you are suffering from? I was just wondering because I was in a relationship with this boy for a few weeks and I don't think that he really understood the problems and issues that I was dealing with. For instance, when I got really stressed out and starting having meltdowns, he just thought that I was being a bitch or having an attitude with him. |
With but only if we're about the same place on the spectrum. The first aspie I dated drove me insane
Also, my bf's dad is an aspie in one of the reasons I like talking to him is that I can ask any question, even ones that may seem inappropriate and since he's an aspie he'll go on answering them without thinking twice pr thinking less of me because i asked something on a topic I should have never ventured forth with him. Unfortunately that means he sometimes asks me inappropriate question like the one about what are the female symptoms of a yeast infection and how do you take monostat. |
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Pobodys_Nerfect
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 11, 2008
Posts: 383
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 10:59 pm Post subject: |
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My ex had AS traits but I think she was far far from having AS  I had a bestfriend of the opposite sex for many years who I strongly suspect has AS, and she hates me now.. I'm still trying to work that one out.  |
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Tim_Tex
WP's Resident Simpsons and South Park Aficionado
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 20883
Location: Central Texas
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 11:06 pm Post subject: Re: Aspies Dating Apies... |
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| MusicGrl23 wrote: | | For those of you that are in relationships or that have been in relationships, do you find it easier to date someone with asperger's or without asperger's? I mean do you find it easier to communicate and get along with someone who is suffering from the same kind of problems that you are suffering from? I was just wondering because I was in a relationship with this boy for a few weeks and I don't think that he really understood the problems and issues that I was dealing with. For instance, when I got really stressed out and starting having meltdowns, he just thought that I was being a bitch or having an attitude with him. |
It varies by person.
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Sir_Beefy
Raven
Joined: Jun 10, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 123
Location: Middle of Nowhere, Maryland
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 11:39 pm Post subject: |
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| I can't date an AS girl. I just can't do it. It's hard enough for me to start a conversation as it is, I don't need any more pressure. I get along well enough with NTs that it isn't a big deal to date a NT. And plus, they see my AS traits as who I am. They think it makes me funny, or I'm just good at hiding them. |
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Shadowbound
Supporting Member
Joined: May 05, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 372
Location: UK, Staffordshire
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| Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 2:56 am Post subject: |
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| Surely Aspies can just be up front with each other and not take offence by things because we'd know why we're being up front has that would be best way to get things across to each other. |
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poopylungstuffing
Bohemian Cave dweller
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 33
Posts: 3897
Location: not otherwise specified
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| Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 3:49 am Post subject: |
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I am more of an ADDer(with AS traits)..and I find that on one hand dating a fellow ADDer is the key to having a pertner who understands you....but it is sorta a double edged sword, because when both of you struggle with the same kinnds of organization problems and executive dysfunctions...things really do pile up.
In the past though when I dated an NT I constantly felt misunderstood.
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crackedpleasures
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 14, 2007
Posts: 1689
Location: travelling (currently Berlin, longing for the Middle East)
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| Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 6:53 pm Post subject: |
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for once I will just quote myself from another topic as the reply to this is exactly the same as the reply to a similar topic.
| crackedpleasures wrote: | Although I find contacts with other aspies or people with other psychological traits easier because you easier understand each other (which creates a bond), I also never rule out NTs. Depends on how understanding your NT partner is. I have a few NT friends who are really trying their very best to help me and understand my issues. If I meet an NT girl who is really caring and accepts me the way I am, then I am very pleased with that.
The first girl I used to see was NT but she knew Aspergers a bit. We did not become a real couple but we became close friends and me being aspie has never been an issue for her, she was really helpful and understanding.
Also, the girl I fancy right now (but who is too far away to make it work ) has borderline and although not the same as AS it created a bond as well as we understand each others' struggles in life.
Of course it means nothing if you only have a disorder in common, but it can help definitely if you both go through the same things. I would not mind dating NT girls neither, I don't like to tag people. If she understands my issues and is caring about it, then that's all I need. Weither she is NT or not, makes no difference for me. If I love her and she is there for me when I need it, then her status, religion or backgrounds make no difference to me at all. |
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techstepgenr8tion
cleveland audio assassin
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Age: 28
Posts: 5469
Location: That's for me to know and for you to find out.
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| Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 12:19 am Post subject: |
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| Shadowbound wrote: | | Surely Aspies can just be up front with each other and not take offence by things because we'd know why we're being up front has that would be best way to get things across to each other. |
Hahaha, your definitely thinking like a guy. Trouble is it can't work that way, though we'd all wish it could. Direct communication, either nuts and bolts or even communication about communication, pretty much anything 'cerebral' tends to kill any spark or sexual attraction from both sides - sometimes rapidly, sometimes slowly, but the end result is nearly certain. |
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Cyberman
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 901
Location: Telos
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| Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 12:51 am Post subject: |
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| techstepgenr8tion wrote: | | Direct communication, either nuts and bolts or even communication about communication, pretty much anything 'cerebral' tends to kill any spark or sexual attraction from both sides - sometimes rapidly, sometimes slowly, but the end result is nearly certain. |
Huh?? I thought that a lack of direct communication was one of the main reasons why a lot of relationships fail...  Yet another example of how logic doesn't work with this crap... |
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Pikachu
CB operator, Callsign 26-TM-082
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Joined: Mar 25, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 1488
Location: On top of a hill next to a golf course (0 golf balls have broken the back windows on the house)
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| Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:09 am Post subject: |
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I prefer being with an aspie female as opposed to an NT one
though I've never been with an NT, just 2 aspies and someone with suspected psychosis (well she is psychotic)
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sunshower
Snowy Owl
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 158
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| Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 8:39 am Post subject: |
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I've only been with a NT, so I'm not sure.
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