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TheTorchwoodWolf
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Joined: May 30, 2008
Posts: 8
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 Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 8:27 am Post subject: I need advice |
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Hi, I’m new (I’ve been ‘lurking’ here for a while).
I’m hoping for some advice on what to do. I go to an independent girls’ school because the small size makes it easier to deal with. Everyone is very understanding there and the teachers do things like saving my seat for me so I’m always in the same place, coming closer to me when I ask questions, etc… Recently the school got a new headmistress who is trying to control everyone. She has made it so that we have to have to be watched while we use the computers to study independently where before we were trusted to be by ourselves, she kept the yr11s (including me) and the yr13s in enclosed places (the school library or hall) on our Muck Up days so we couldn’t do anything we had planned. She treats us (even the other teachers) like we would vandalize the school if we were ever left alone! This is making people feel angry at being controlled and made them want to do this more!
Next year I would have been moving into the Sixth Form, and I have been planning to use this to become more independent. The year after that I am going to Farleigh college where I can learn to do things by myself so I was hoping to use next year to do something to start this off. However, the new headmistress decided that she didn’t want me there any more. She has written a letter which basically shows me as violent, suicidal and as having a meltdown every day! I have coped very well over the 8 years I have spent at the school and it is rare for me to have even one shutdown a month. More recently I (my Mother, nothing has actually been said to me directly) have been told that to go back I have to:
• have a learning support worker with me all the time, which my mother has to pay for, which would put me off and humiliate me – plus we cannot afford both this and the school fees.
• Sign a code of conduct to say that I will not approach my Mother during school time (she teaches there) which is disguised as helping me become independent – I only go to her for money for snack occasionally, plus she is the Head of Sixth Form, so next year she has to teach and advise me as part of her job!
• Have a monthly review of my progress when they have the option of withdrawing my place if they think I’m not doing well eg – ignoring the learning ‘support’ worker. This would make me feel highly insecure about both being judged and not knowing where I will be the next month.
They are basically trying to get rid of me by saying that they cannot give me the support I need despite having done so for 8 years (I had a diagnosis for 7 of these) and knowing that I don’t have anywhere else to go, and hiding it by saying it is to help me. I am taking it to the Equality and Human Rights Commission but I don’t know yet what is happening about this. Does anyone have any advice for me on what to do? Even if I am allowed back without the restrictions they will be looking for any reasons they can find to expel me, but I would feel that I had let myself down if I let them do this to me and not stood up for myself. There is also a high chance that it would be in newspapers, etc.. and I wouldn't want this to have an harmful effect on the staff and other pupils there, who have been very kind and understanding towards me. |
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
water
Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 3518
Location: Somewhere between Canada and Mexico
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 8:33 am Post subject: |
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It sounds like you don't trust them anymore.
Since this school is kind of like a charter school, of sorts, from what I can tell, sounds like it might be an okay place.
They have done some things you don't agree with, from what I can tell, and this has given you doubts.
Can you talk to them, communicate with them about how you wish to be treated?
I wouldn't give up if I were you, just keep the lines of communication open. |
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TheTorchwoodWolf
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Joined: May 30, 2008
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 8:43 am Post subject: |
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IThe only person I don't trust is the new headmistress, most of the other teachers are arguing against her about this. I've been treated as I need to be for the last 8 years by them, and I trust them to teach me as well as possible.
My problem is that she has threatened to take away my place at the school, unless I agree to follow this code of conduct that would be impossible for me, which they would then use as a reason to remove me from the school.
Last edited by TheTorchwoodWolf on Mon Jul 07, 2008 9:33 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Bradleigh
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Joined: May 26, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 5215
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 9:00 am Post subject: |
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It sounds terible, some people just are not interested in actualy helping some people. For one there requirments give you help you do not need and take away help that you might need, and come on everyone has problems, if one of my months were used to judge me I would have been expelled for wild mood swings. Does this woman have any backgound with dealing with cases like yourself.
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TheTorchwoodWolf
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Joined: May 30, 2008
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 9:08 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Does this woman have any backgound with dealing with cases like yourself. |
No.  |
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schleppenheimer
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Joined: Sep 01, 2006
Posts: 1173
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 9:45 am Post subject: |
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I think you're absolutely right to take this to the Equality and Human Rights Commission. This head mistress sounds positively scary. The thing that I can't quite figure out is why she is putting all of this effort into getting rid of you when you basically only have one year left. It's only one year -- that's not a lot of time to just deal with the whole situation and continue on with things the way that they've been going. A rational human being would have this outlook.
I don't know if the headmistress has meetings with you present, but the best thing for you and your mother when dealing with this woman is to remain as professional and unemotional as possible. Just keep stating and restating the facts over and over again, with as much reference to comments from the other teachers who have helped your or supported your case. Keep records of everything. Tape record every meeting. If you can, bring some sort of person (if you can, a support person from the Equality and Human Rights Commission) that can advocate for your side of the issue. It's very valuable to have this type of advocate at these meetings, or dealing with this head mistress, because they can state your case without being emotionally involved.
Also, if you can do some research and find situations like yours where the case has been favorable to the student, and the head master/mistress has been found at fault, and use that as precedence, it would be useful. You're basically having to plead your case as if your were in a court situation. You could threaten to take the situation to the newspapers as well, which I personally would hate to do (and it sounds as if you would as well), but sometimes just the threat of exposing the ugliness of the situation is enough to make the other side acquiesce. Only do this if you fully intend on doing this, should the head mistress call your bluff.
I really feel for you in this situation. You seem to have a good, reasonable grasp of the entire situation, and you should prevail.
Kris |
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
water
Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 3518
Location: Somewhere between Canada and Mexico
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 9:55 am Post subject: |
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Another thing you can try is talking with the headmistress and emphasizing you only have one year left and your goal is to make it through the one remaining year so that you can attain your educational goals and the school should support you in this.
Emphasize that your time there is almost finished and it would be unfair and difficult to lose your place there and that you have a bright future ahead and they shouldn't jeopardize that. |
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TheTorchwoodWolf
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Joined: May 30, 2008
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 10:12 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | Another thing you can try is talking with the headmistress and emphasizing you only have one year left and your goal is to make it through the one remaining year so that you can attain your educational goals and the school should support you in this.
Emphasize that your time there is almost finished and it would be unfair and difficult to lose your place there and that you have a bright future ahead and they shouldn't jeopardize that. |
Thanks for the advice.  This is what my mother has been trying but it probably be better if I talked to the headmistress about it myself. She looks down on me a lot and doesn't seem to think I'm worth bothering with so it might be difficult to get her to listen to anything I say.  |
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
water
Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 3518
Location: Somewhere between Canada and Mexico
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 10:16 am Post subject: |
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You're welcome!
You should meet with her in person, try to establish some sort of relationship so that she knows you and she realizes that you are pretty cool |
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Bradleigh
Palmtop Tiger
Joined: May 26, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 5215
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 10:18 am Post subject: |
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I would ask her how she would feel about the situation, if she was the one being pressured.
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Do the impossible, see the invisible. Row row fight the power! |
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TheTorchwoodWolf
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Joined: May 30, 2008
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 10:26 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I think you're absolutely right to take this to the Equality and Human Rights Commission. This head mistress sounds positively scary. The thing that I can't quite figure out is why she is putting all of this effort into getting rid of you when you basically only have one year left. It's only one year -- that's not a lot of time to just deal with the whole situation and continue on with things the way that they've been going. A rational human being would have this outlook. |
I don't know why she wants to get rid of me either. I can't see how I've been more trouble than the others in my year group.
| Quote: | | I don't know if the headmistress has meetings with you present, but the best thing for you and your mother when dealing with this woman is to remain as professional and unemotional as possible. |
She hasn't said anything to me at all - everyone who knew was told to avoid telling me about it. I only found out yesterday when my mother told me because I have to decide if I want to go with the restrictions, leave the school or take it to the Equality and Human Rights Commission. |
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TheTorchwoodWolf
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Joined: May 30, 2008
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 10:42 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | You should meet with her in person, try to establish some sort of relationship so that she knows you and she realizes that you are pretty cool |
It would be difficult because I'm not really sure that I can trust her at all. She was nice when she came to look around the school but since she became headmistress she's been quite nasty to people. She made two of the teachers cry! |
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Bradleigh
Palmtop Tiger
Joined: May 26, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 5215
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 10:47 am Post subject: |
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| TheTorchwoodWolf wrote: | | Quote: | | You should meet with her in person, try to establish some sort of relationship so that she knows you and she realizes that you are pretty cool |
It would be difficult because I'm not really sure that I can trust her at all. She was nice when she came to look around the school but since she became headmistress she's been quite nasty to people. She made two of the teachers cry! |
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Do the impossible, see the invisible. Row row fight the power! |
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TheTorchwoodWolf
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Joined: May 30, 2008
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 10:51 am Post subject: |
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 She is actually quite similar to Umbridge! |
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bloop
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 01, 2008
Posts: 68
Location: UK
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:22 pm Post subject: |
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your headmistresses' stance sounds absolutely ridiculous. Have you tried contacting your MP and quoting the disability discrimination act (DDA)? It's probably going to be quicker & easier than going to the human rights commission, so worth a try first, and also your MP might be able to provide support for your case if you do end up taking it to Europe.
MPs can pull a lot of strings that we don't realise. Your local one will have a surgery where you can go and talk to them face to face, or you will be able to write/email if you prefer.
Check who it is here: http://www.writetothem.com/, you can ask them when they hold their surgeries, or check with your local council or paper who will be able to tell you when they are. You'll be able to take someone with you if you need to.
or you might want to try the minister for disability (Anne Mcguire http://www.annemcguiremp.org.uk/ ) or education (Rt Hon Ed Balls or one of his team: http://www.dfes.gov.uk/aboutus/whoswho/ministers.shtml)
good luck |
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