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kitsunetsuki
Toucan
Joined: Feb 01, 2007
Age: 38
Posts: 251
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 Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 1:43 pm Post subject: Do people misinterpret you as angry? |
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Your friends do they think you are being angry a lot more often then you are? I'm hardly ever angry, sad or confused but very rarely angry. yet whenever I am sad friends think I'm angry, or even what seems like a reasonable question to something that genuinely confuses me is an attack.It upsets me a lot. really I never try and start fights I just ask so I can know what someone meant. This is driving me crazy with one friend in particular. He even seems to come up with ways that I would be crossing him that I could never have seen from what I said. He also has no idea or rather refuses to accept I am on the spectrum , he seems to disbelieve in it because I seem so normal(which incedently he is the only person I know who sees me as perfectly normal). He is odd himself and says things that confuse me because they make little sense in the context of what we are talking about.
like this
for the last hour we have been talking about trees and clouds
so I say " the clouds are interesting today I think I will go out and watch them"
he says "Yes, I really like girls with long hair"
I say " I say what does that have to do with clouds?"
he says " don't you like girls with long hair? because I think it's nice It would be more fun to touch "
I say " I wasn't really thinking about girls hair, I was thinking about clouds, what caused you to think about hair?"
He says" why do you always have to try and argue"
Then I am just confused I am not trying to start a fight . Honestly do NT's talk / act like this, he is my only "NT" Friend . I like him a lot he has really cool insights and is rather intelligent but sometimes after this kind of thing I am mad. He also concludes that for some reason I don't like him at odd times.
But other people also sometimes think I am being smart with them or trying to argue when it's the furthest thing from my mind. |
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missboots
Snowy Owl
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Joined: Oct 16, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 166
Location: Las Vegas, NV
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 2:05 pm Post subject: |
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People constantly think I'm angry, when I'm not. It bothers me, I guess I just don't notice when my tone is 'angry' rather than 'normal'.
I'd have said the same thing that you did, if my friend randomly started talking about girls with long hair when I was talking about clouds. |
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abstrusemortal
Toucan
Joined: Feb 08, 2007
Posts: 286
Location: DC/VA area
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 3:47 pm Post subject: Re: Do people misinterpret you as angry? |
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| kitsunetsuki wrote: | Your friends do they think you are being angry a lot more often then you are? I'm hardly ever angry, sad or confused but very rarely angry. yet whenever I am sad friends think I'm angry, or even what seems like a reasonable question to something that genuinely confuses me is an attack.It upsets me a lot. really I never try and start fights I just ask so I can know what someone meant. This is driving me crazy with one friend in particular. He even seems to come up with ways that I would be crossing him that I could never have seen from what I said. He also has no idea or rather refuses to accept I am on the spectrum , he seems to disbelieve in it because I seem so normal(which incedently he is the only person I know who sees me as perfectly normal). He is odd himself and says things that confuse me because they make little sense in the context of what we are talking about.
like this
for the last hour we have been talking about trees and clouds
so I say " the clouds are interesting today I think I will go out and watch them"
he says "Yes, I really like girls with long hair"
I say " I say what does that have to do with clouds?"
he says " don't you like girls with long hair? because I think it's nice It would be more fun to touch "
I say " I wasn't really thinking about girls hair, I was thinking about clouds, what caused you to think about hair?"
He says" why do you always have to try and argue"
Then I am just confused I am not trying to start a fight . Honestly do NT's talk / act like this, he is my only "NT" Friend . I like him a lot he has really cool insights and is rather intelligent but sometimes after this kind of thing I am mad. He also concludes that for some reason I don't like him at odd times.
But other people also sometimes think I am being smart with them or trying to argue when it's the furthest thing from my mind. |
Yeah, this happens because NT's have these assumptions on how other people think. Most of the times they are misconceptions. I've noticed that people seem to assume that they completely know what I'm thinking, or are so cynical that they immediately assume, again, they know what I'm thinking, and it's the worse and they start getting defensive because of their insecurities.
Your friend may be insecure - the one who thinks you don't like him at odd times.
Until he believes in the spectrum, and that you are on it - if that is the case - he will have his misconceptions about you.
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Deus_ex_machina
Mudliquor
Joined: May 20, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 1413
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 4:01 pm Post subject: |
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Once I heard somebody say that "He looks furious right now, you'd better not talk to him" or something to that effect. I might have laughed or smiled if I hadn't been extremely depressed. 
What's more I don't think he was an NT, because this happened in a Special Ed class.
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"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat." - Terry Bisson |
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UniqueMuslimah
Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 17, 2008
Age: 15
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 7:14 pm Post subject: |
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| Lol I dont know why but I switch to different subjects sometimes too and I get the same response, from what i've read it doesn't look like your trying to argue with him to me but dont let something that small ruin the relationship between you two |
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kitsunetsuki
Toucan
Joined: Feb 01, 2007
Age: 38
Posts: 251
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 9:11 pm Post subject: |
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| I do occasionally believe he is insecure, he often acts upset as in ignoring me if I spend time with other friends almost like the possessive thing boy friends have sometimes but without the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. (or even weirder talking about girls he has dated or bring them by, not that there have been many like maybe two girlfriends as long as I have known him, sometimes he will just bring a girl by, he knows and act like he likes her in an exaggerated way) he will particularly think I am mad at him if I spend too much time with my aspie friends because he says I seem to be more friendly with them, but they never seem to misinterpret me the way he does, so maybe I smile and joke more. |
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WallpaperChameleon
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 18, 2008
Posts: 34
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 10:36 pm Post subject: |
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| Not so much these days, but I used to get it ALL THE TIME. I've learned to express more emotion with my face and talk more over the years, but before that everyone assumed my default expression was an angry face. I certainly don't miss that. |
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AliasPseudonym
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 25, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 46
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 12:06 am Post subject: Re: Do people misinterpret you as angry? |
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| kitsunetsuki wrote: | Your friends do they think you are being angry a lot more often then you are? I'm hardly ever angry, sad or confused but very rarely angry. yet whenever I am sad friends think I'm angry, or even what seems like a reasonable question to something that genuinely confuses me is an attack.It upsets me a lot. really I never try and start fights I just ask so I can know what someone meant. This is driving me crazy with one friend in particular. He even seems to come up with ways that I would be crossing him that I could never have seen from what I said. He also has no idea or rather refuses to accept I am on the spectrum , he seems to disbelieve in it because I seem so normal(which incedently he is the only person I know who sees me as perfectly normal). He is odd himself and says things that confuse me because they make little sense in the context of what we are talking about.
like this
for the last hour we have been talking about trees and clouds
so I say " the clouds are interesting today I think I will go out and watch them"
he says "Yes, I really like girls with long hair"
I say " I say what does that have to do with clouds?"
he says " don't you like girls with long hair? because I think it's nice It would be more fun to touch "
I say " I wasn't really thinking about girls hair, I was thinking about clouds, what caused you to think about hair?"
He says" why do you always have to try and argue"
Then I am just confused I am not trying to start a fight . Honestly do NT's talk / act like this, he is my only "NT" Friend . I like him a lot he has really cool insights and is rather intelligent but sometimes after this kind of thing I am mad. He also concludes that for some reason I don't like him at odd times.
But other people also sometimes think I am being smart with them or trying to argue when it's the furthest thing from my mind. |
Try saying something like 'Wow, where did that come from?' or 'That was kind of abrupt' or some such thing. It would also be nice of him to give some sort of signal when he wants to change the subject ('Speaking of changing the subject' is my favourite) but nothing you can do about that.
A lot depends on the context and the way you say it.
I rarely get accused of argumentativeness (I am proud of Firefox 3's spellchecker for knowing that word) but that's mostly because I hang around even more argumentative people. Not anger so much either, but I seem to give off an aura of calm and sober seriousness unintentionally a lot, when I'm really thinking about how many balloons it would take to completely wall off this hallway or somesuch nonsense. |
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Sholf
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 44
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 4:04 am Post subject: |
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Sometimes.
But then again, I'm often irritable, and I try to cultivate a sort of "don't f**k with me" attitude.
It's just that, even when I think I've let the attitude drop, people STILL act like I'm in a bad mood. |
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Greyhound
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 10, 2008
Posts: 502
Location: Birmingham, UK
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 4:58 am Post subject: |
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YES. This is definitely a problem for me. The one who misinterprets me the most is my mum.
'It's not what you say, it's how you say it'.
'But I didn't say it angrily'.
'Yes you did'.
Grrr. It's so annoying. I point out to her that I don't know that my voice is sounding like that, but she just says 'that's why I'm telling you, so you know'.
'Yes, but if I don't know when I'm speaking like that, I won't know not to do it next time because I won't know that I'm doing it'.
'Stop arguing!'
It really gets me down because I can't help it and it really annoys my parents and I know that I probably sound either whiy or angry with my friends a lot of the time and I feel so bad. I HATE it 
And by the way, that was really odd of him to suddenly talk about hair.
_________________
I don't have Aspergers, I'm just socially inept
Diagnosed: Tourette syndrome
Suspected: auditory processing disorder, synaesthesia
Also: social, attention and organisation problems |
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BoabDil
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 10, 2008
Posts: 211
Location: Denmark
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 5:23 am Post subject: |
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| Constantly - but its not necessarily an misintepretation, I am not known for my chearfulness |
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