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dosh
Raven
Joined: Jul 25, 2007
Posts: 111
Location: London, UK
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 Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 8:39 am Post subject: Taking things personally |
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Have you ever noticed the following phenomenon?
I was talking to a colleague at work about a programme on TV about a woman who looked in her 60s (but was actually 44) but had a makeover which made her look 20 years younger. I realised that my colleague obviously thought I was making pointed comments about her looks (she also looks older than she really is).
Afterwards, I realised that many NTs are very suspicious of each other's messages and automatically scan for insults. I think that people with AS though are guileless. |
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shadowboxer
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 03, 2008
Age: 46
Posts: 76
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:27 pm Post subject: |
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I've learned it's always better to keep your conversation light, e.g. weather, sports, current events. Of course, where I work it's better to keep things job related as much as possible. Stay away from things that you know will generate conflict--politics, religion, office gossip.
You'll want to be particularly careful with female co-workers, since anything you say is likely to be taken as a double entendre. Even a seemingly innocent comment can cause problems if directed at the wrong person. For example, 20 years ago, a statement like "That color looks nice on you" was an innocent complement. Today, it can border on harassment .
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Triangular_Trees
What is right is sometimes found on the left.
Joined: Jul 18, 2007
Posts: 2008
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:31 pm Post subject: |
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Well maybe not just nt's.
Our bathroom is close to the neighbors house - if they lean over the porch they can technically see in the window. ANd now that windows open to have a fan it, though with the vines growing up on the outside of the house they likely couldn't see through the fan.
However yesterday as I was drying off during a shower I hear the neighbor talking. She was saying things like "well she needs wiped off" and even named the part of my body I was drying.
Though i was around the corner from the window I began to wonder if she and her friend were watching me.
But I listened a bit longer and discovered she was referring to cleaning up her young daughter who had gotten dirty outside |
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2187
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:04 pm Post subject: |
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That was a brilliant one, Triangular !!!!
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slowmutant
FAITH HOPE LOVE
Joined: Feb 14, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 6667
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 1:26 pm Post subject: Re: Taking things personally |
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| Quote: | | I think that people with AS though are guileless. |
Not even close to guilelss, we are. Guilelessness moonlights as gullibility. |
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poopylungstuffing
Bohemian Cave dweller
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 33
Posts: 3886
Location: not otherwise specified
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:01 pm Post subject: |
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Oh yeah...I was always inadvertantly insulting a (NT) female musical partner/friend I once had.
I was told by a mutual friend that she and her boyfriend thought me to be extremely passive aggressive because she was so inclined towards taking certain things I would say extremely personally/negatively....when I really didn't consciously mean anything that way.
Also (and I have told this story before)
I made an enemy of a black girl in one of my classes in Jr. High because I was really fond of um..er...quoting lines from commercials out loud and for no apparent reason..  and this particular commercial I was quoting at the time was a contact lense commercial from the late 80's that used the line "eyes as brown as bark"....and I remember the very moment of her looking over at me with (audacity?)...(because maybe she thought I was talking about her?)...i might have clumsily tried to explain that i was qutoing a commercial.....but from that point onward, she had a sort of virulent hatred towards me...that she would express by loudly saying bad things about me to other kids within earshot of me.
I might have learned an important lesson that day about randomly quoting lines from commercials out loud when around other people....
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Last edited by poopylungstuffing on Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:14 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 1180
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:04 pm Post subject: |
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Maybe you aren't consciously aware of the association but in your unconscious mind, you are "guiless" and it filters into you conscious mind and a connection exists that you are not even aware of until you mention whatever it is. You realize it when using hindsight. I do this a lot and people consider me devious when I am not aware of the connection until later.
When I think about it I tend to get quieter. One thing about me is that I am super sensitive about what I say, my tone of voice, the way my voice sounds, etc. stuff like that. So what happens is if someone says something about my voice or what I say I get really sullen, stubborn and quiet. I tend to dwell on it and it keeps me from wanting to talk with people.
I think you are right about a certain guilessness in AS. It isn't a conscious awareness, more like the unconscious mind making the connection and seeping into the conscious one without us really being aware to consider the connection until we have had a chance to reflect.
Take Care,
Ana |
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WallpaperChameleon
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 18, 2008
Posts: 34
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Afterwards, I realised that many NTs are very suspicious of each other's messages and automatically scan for insults. I think that people with AS though are guileless. |
I wouldn't say that is only an NT behavior. I will do the same thing, though maybe that's just a result of spending too much time around the wrong people. |
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2187
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:49 pm Post subject: |
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The NT world is one of passive-aggressive polite mutual man-eat-man world. So of course they're ultra-sensitive to any double meaning they can imagine. They have to, it's the world they live in.
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zeldapsychology
Deinonychus
Joined: May 05, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 386
Location: Florida
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:55 pm Post subject: |
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I tend to say the wrong thing. Here are some examples.
1) I was told to say Bench three times to the teacher real fast. (It sound like a female dog hint hint she didn't like it too much.) 
2) A friend mentioned going postal and then we both laughed it off then he goes to the teacher and I was suspended for a year. So I've screwed up alot in life based off of things I say. |
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IdahoRose
Imaginary Friend
Joined: Feb 25, 2007
Age: 17
Posts: 4435
Location: Boise, ID
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:57 pm Post subject: |
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| It's usually NTs who accidentally insult me, not the other way around! |
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2187
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:57 pm Post subject: |
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My mouth is an expert NT upsetter.
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poopylungstuffing
Bohemian Cave dweller
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 33
Posts: 3886
Location: not otherwise specified
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 3:11 pm Post subject: |
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| ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote: | Maybe you aren't consciously aware of the association but in your unconscious mind, you are "guiless" and it filters into you conscious mind and a connection exists that you are not even aware of until you mention whatever it is. You realize it when using hindsight. I do this a lot and people consider me devious when I am not aware of the connection until later.
When I think about it I tend to get quieter. One thing about me is that I am super sensitive about what I say, my tone of voice, the way my voice sounds, etc. stuff like that. So what happens is if someone says something about my voice or what I say I get really sullen, stubborn and quiet. I tend to dwell on it and it keeps me from wanting to talk with people.
I think you are right about a certain guilessness in AS. It isn't a conscious awareness, more like the unconscious mind making the connection and seeping into the conscious one without us really being aware to consider the connection until we have had a chance to reflect.
Take Care,
Ana |
Yeah...I agree with you to an extent. I have made the connection before with the unconscious mind stuff
It is also somehow vaguely associated with "tact"...which is a concept that I was late to learn.....never came naturally to me...
But it is frustrating because so often I have intended no ill will...
With the girl in school I made the connection with how she managed to find what I said offensive...even though I, in no way was refering to her...just innocently quoting a commercial...(MY eyes are brown.....so what?) It was a misunderstanding....
But there have been numerous times when I have not made the connection.
I was in my teens when I learned harshly and abruptly about "tact", and after that, i became alot more self-conscious about what I said and how I said it.
I also agree that taking things personally is def. not limited to NT's..
There are many things I have taken personally that were not intended as such...and I know that my AS/bi-polar/schizotypal friend takes EVERYthing personally!! He would take the news report personally....(an exaggeration)...but he makes all these twisted associations based on his interpretations of what people say....so you really have to walk on eggshells with him...
and I also agree with this quote by Greentea
| Quote: | | The NT world is one of passive-aggressive polite mutual man-eat-man world. So of course they're ultra-sensitive to any double meaning they can imagine. They have to, it's the world they live in. |
Hanging around certain NT's, I have been constantly aware of the mysterious interplay of judgement vs. spoken words.....it can be really creepy...and creepy the way some of them will react to what you say and seemingly sorta interpret it with their thought-paradigm....or i could be wrong...
...and I am not trying to NT bash...i am referring to my experiences with being around certain really particulary sorta knee-jerk judgemental types...
(I am able to make these observations...and I could be wrong...i just fail to understnad the mechanics behind certain ways of thinking..)
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Last edited by poopylungstuffing on Thu Jun 19, 2008 3:25 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Fnord
Metasyntactic Variable
Joined: May 07, 2008
Posts: 2363
Location: Pantopia
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| Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 3:24 pm Post subject: Re: Taking things personally |
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| dosh wrote: | | I think that people with AS though are guileless. |
Oh, so now I'm guileless! How could you say that? You don't know me, and I don't know you, so we don't even know each other! "Guileless" - Hmph!
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poopylungstuffing
Bohemian Cave dweller
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