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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2528
Location: Middle East
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 Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 9:30 am Post subject: Please help me understand this NT logic !!! |
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After making my life miserable for a couple months with serious abuse, a few days ago, when I asked her, my boss confirmed that I'm being fired as soon as she finds a replacement for me. I'd given this job my all, put in exorbitant amounts of overtime, done everything in my power for them to be happy with me, even got a prize a few months ago for my performance and dedication.
I've been sick this week, the doctor gave me a full week sick leave (for the duration of the treatment).
My boss has been calling me every couple hours, called on Saturday as well, to demand I come to work anyway, reminding me i have important responsibilities to the company and he needs me. He's driving me crazy with these phonecalls...
Maybe it's because I'm an Aspie, but I don't understand why I'm supposed to give a damn about the company's needs anymore??????
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"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl" - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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2ukenkerl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 4860
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 9:44 am Post subject: |
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They want stuff done NOW! You let them down on that. Frankly, I am one of the few that my company is willing to give a LOT of vacation time to, and the one they most hope never takes it! Even 2 hours into the average vacation, people call me to ask for help. That is NOT an exaggeration!!!! The last time it was less than 30 MINUTES and I got TWO calls! SERIOUSLY!
Do you think I EVER take the 3 weeks they are willing to give me? NOPE! The LAST time I took that much was the first time, in 1989!!!!!!! Do you think I even take 2? NOT REALLY! The last time for that was like 2006. As for 1 week, I rarely take that, but if you knew my situation, you would realize that if you NEVER took a days vacation off, you would still likely get more vacation time than that week would give me!
Am I saying this is right, or fair? Of course not. I am just trying to explain it, and say I know EXACTLY were you are coming from.
BTW in the US, they can't just capriciously let you go. Now that you know, look fo another job, and do what your job description calls for. Do a good job, but no more and no less! You are within your rights no matter where you are.
Last edited by 2ukenkerl on Sun Jun 22, 2008 9:50 am; edited 2 times in total |
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5thelement
Raven
Joined: May 25, 2008
Posts: 105
Location: the edge of the sea - england
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 9:45 am Post subject: |
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mmm......I can only construe that such harrasment is supposed to make people feel guilty that there were 'letting the side down' - it really is harassment. Sounds like standard 'company speak' .............who, in their right mind would give a toss about the company - maybe some 'nt' s ? - although I'm not sure it is an 'nt' issue. Some people feel safe as part of a company - it's to do their worth as human beings and having a place in society - yes, it does sound more of an 'nt' thing......I can't be totally sure,
but basically I think he's trying to 'guilt trip' you - you've had a week off sick - backed up by your doctor - he has no right to do this - as for one thing, it could make your health worse. Tell him to stop harassing you when you are sick - that is totally wrong. He is completely out of order. |
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Sora
Love all, trust a few
Joined: Sep 16, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 2855
Location: Europe
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 9:46 am Post subject: |
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I think this boss expects you to, because the company's been exploiting you probably. And now that you obviously fight against that/are not available for that exploration, they just try to put you under pressure (calls) because they think they can make you give in.
That's a mechanism used by people who think a certain person is easily controlled (no matter if that's correct or not). Many people do give in when bullied like that too.
Maybe unplug and telephone is possible and, if asked, claim it was a technical issue?
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The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. Terry Pratchett |
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bladept
Emu Egg
Joined: Aug 11, 2006
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 9:59 am Post subject: I think |
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I think that they are trying to "villainize" you. He is in turn, going to his boss, telling how you let them down. He is justifying letting you go despite your concerted effort. Remember aspie perspective is not wrong, just occassionally different.
I think what you might be doing wrong is this . . .
It sounds like you still are looking for validation from these people. You are assuming that they know more about right and wrong than you. Screw em. There's other jobs out there and companies that will provide better compensation and consideration.
It has been my experience that losing things is hard. Remember, if you keep losing things you need, then in turn you must be continually getting things you need or else you'd eventually run out of things to lose.
If you can believe in what's coming tomorrow as much as you hurt for what your losing today, then you'll be alright.
While I'm on a tyrade, let me continue on . . .
I have found that at least for short periods of time I can simulate nt's. There are piles of conventions that you need to remember, but if you keep the other person talking and synchronize your facial expressions and voice with theirs, that's usually close enough. This is not a lie, just intellectually doing what others do instinctively.
Synchronizing is important because it can get you jobs, cooperation and agreement in other areas. People are vastly more likely to give you what you want if they like you.
Opinions? |
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 1762
Location: US, midmap
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:04 am Post subject: |
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I don't know why they are treating you like this. Do they treat NTs the same way? If they do not you should tell them they are discriminating against you.
If they treat everyone like this sounds like a terrible place to work and you should complain to the proper authorities whomever they might be.
Sounds like a horrible place to work no matter what.
Best wishes! |
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Zonder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Age: 44
Posts: 769
Location: Great Lakes
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:15 am Post subject: Re: Please help me understand this NT logic !!! |
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| Greentea wrote: | | After making my life miserable for a couple months with serious abuse, a few days ago, when I asked her, my boss confirmed that I'm being fired as soon as she finds a replacement for me. I'd given this job my all, put in exorbitant amounts of overtime, done everything in my power for them to be happy with me, even got a prize a few months ago for my performance and dedication. |
In the past I've tried to do everything that was asked of me, be conscientious and always try to be helpful. I found that my behavior resulted in some negative things.
Bosses really don't respect doormats. They might like being able to dump things on the doormat, but they don't respect the person.
A number of years ago who I worked for expected that I would always give in since I rarely, if ever, said I couldn't do something. When I finally said "NO" they got really angry. Even with all of my dedication and everything I had done, I was no longer seen as a team player.
It is a difficult balance to do what is expected but to stand up for yourself at the same time. If you can achieve a balance, there is less likelihood of either being taken for granted, or pissing off the boss.
Z
Edit: word clarification
Last edited by Zonder on Sun Jun 22, 2008 11:00 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2528
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:16 am Post subject: |
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No, they don't treat anyone else like this.
_________________
"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl" - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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Tohlagos
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 26, 2008
Age: 37
Posts: 954
Location: Boise, ID
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:17 am Post subject: Re: Please help me understand this NT logic !!! |
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| Greentea wrote: | After making my life miserable for a couple months with serious abuse, a few days ago, when I asked her, my boss confirmed that I'm being fired as soon as she finds a replacement for me.
I've been sick this week, the doctor gave me a full week sick leave (for the duration of the treatment).
My boss has been calling me every couple hours, called on Saturday as well, to demand I come to work anyway, reminding me i have important responsibilities to the company and he needs me. He's driving me crazy with these phonecalls...
I don't understand why I'm supposed to give a damn about the company's needs anymore?????? |
You boss is trying to milk you for all he/she/it can. Very simple.
Your not suppose to give a hoot anymore. You know you are being "let go" and you have the week off legitimately because the doctor said. Your boss is harassing you thinking he/she/it can intimidate you into doing whatever they want.
To them, your probably nothing more than a disposable serf.
I hope you find a new job soon and quit before they let you go.
_________________
To fear change is meaningless, for change will still come regardless of one's personal desire. Remember your allies of hope, patience, and perseverance well, for they will standby you to the completion.
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2528
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:20 am Post subject: |
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Zonder, you're right.
Some people do favors and they are appreciated for it. Others do favors and it becomes their duty. I'm the latter kind, beats me why.
Should I stand strong or give in to the pressure???
_________________
"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl" - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 1762
Location: US, midmap
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:28 am Post subject: |
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| To be honest, I don't know what you should do. I think you should do what you feel, intuitively, is best. I don't want to give advice that might not be right because it is so important a matter. |
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Fogman
Econo-class Iconoclast
Joined: Jun 20, 2005
Age: 41
Posts: 2054
Location: SC, USA
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:31 am Post subject: |
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If theis is the same job that you're being fired from, take heart in the fact that when you are gone, your bosses will most likely have to hire two or more people to keep up with the workload that you are, or were under and in doing so will have their alloted overhead for wages increase due to the fact that they will be employing at least two people to keep up with what you were doing. --Take heart and humor in the fact that they've figuratively 'shot themselves in the foot' as far as letting you go, they will prove themselves to be idiots, and not you.
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"Blessed are the Distinctly Alien, for they shall inherit the Earth." -- Genesis P. Orridge |
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Zonder
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Age: 44
Posts: 769
Location: Great Lakes
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:36 am Post subject: |
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| Greentea wrote: | Zonder, you're right.
Some people do favors and they are appreciated for it. Others do favors and it becomes their duty. I'm the latter kind, beats me why.
Should I stand strong or give in to the pressure??? |
I'd say come up with a third option (the other two being being walked over or cutting them off). Let the guy know that you are professional and will continue to do your job as long as you are there, but that you expect to put in the time you are paid for, and the time that others in the office are expected to give - nothing more since you have been given notice.
You might try writing down what you want to say, then rewriting it a couple of times. That way you can get the tone right of what you want to say. I find that if I just rely on my instinct to say what I need to say, in the moment I often screw it up.
Z |
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pschristmas
Blue Jay
Joined: Apr 02, 2008
Age: 41
Posts: 90
Location: Buda, TX
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:40 am Post subject: |
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Is your employer a US based company? If so, you should gather up anything you have in writing -- emails, notes, journal entries, etc. -- and take it to your Human Resources director. Corroborating witnesses would be good, too. Also, start keeping a journal of what goes on in the office if you don't already. What your boss is doing has a legal term: creating a hostile workplace. If you can document the abuse sufficiently, it will get him in a whole mess of trouble. He could loose his own job over it.
Best of luck,
Patricia |
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2ukenkerl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 4860
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:46 am Post subject: |
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| Greentea wrote: | Zonder, you're right.
Some people do favors and they are appreciated for it. Others do favors and it becomes their duty. I'm the latter kind, beats me why.
Should I stand strong or give in to the pressure??? |
Well, I'm the latter kind ALSO. I guess it just comes with AS. HECK, that idiot that fancies himself my boss is having ME do all the work of HIS job as well as mine! HE gets the recognition! HE may get the money! HE gets the time off! Nobody misses him, because in a sense he has been gone SINCE DAY ONE! Nobody notices, if he is gone, because I am the one doing the work. |
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