Advice please-Husband going to psych app.

Nikki03 · Hummingbird Joined: Mar 27, 2008 Age: 26 Posts: 20

ETA: I originally posted this on the Aspergers Adult Issues but after reading the posts in there ummm.. lets just say my post seemed really out of place! :j
My husband is 31 and is going to see a psychiatrist tomorrow and I wanted some advice about certain things he should be bringing up besides the obvious ones hes seeing the doctor for. I think he may have aspergers and Im certain hes has ADD (he was diagnosed as a child).
Theres are some things that I things he has trouble with and I think are attributed to aspergers syndrome, but I could be wrong. Also for the record our son was dx'ed with Aspergers Syndrome almost a year ago (hes 4 almost 5). Also my husbands dad and grandma suffers really badly from bipolar disorder and theres depression that runs on his side of the family as well.
It is extremely hard to carry a conversation with him because if he isnt completely spaced out, hes too busy talking about his new obsession or thinking about it and he dosnt ever listen to me or my son and we have to repeat outselves and often we just give up. Sometimes ages later he snaps out of it and asks us what we said.
He seems to often not care about what we are saying as well and would rather talk about what hes in to at the moment (volkwagons or dirtbikes) His give and take is horrible and he comes off as not caring or simply not listening. I will be talking to him about something and hel suddenly interrupt me to tell me something about dirtbikes which is so FAR removed from what I am talking about! It makes for lots fights between us.
He is a very loving person and gets to the extreme of overdoing (ex. obsessed with me esp. when we first started dating, smothering, inappropriate behaviors etc) but he also seems self centered often as well for instance I told him about my cousin whos paralyzed in the hosp and all he did was grunt and I knew he actually heard me because he told me when i got another text mess. about her and I was upset and he asked me later Am I upset with him? I said yes and told him why and he said Hes sorry it didnt compute, is she ok? Then later he wanted us to pray for him because he was feeling sick and he thought i was upset because he didnt pray for my cousin so then he added for the Lord to bring my cousin out of her coma (she paralyzed NOT in a coma) He dosnt listen and seems self absorbed or dosnt understand why I get mad and hes made comments to the affect of "Sorry what do u want me to do jump up and down?' He seems emotionless often, but loving to 2 diff extremes.
Hes VERY forgetfull, he leaves knives, his razors out where our son can get to them, he leaves doors open, locks my son out of the house because he forgets to bring him in etc. It really worries me.
Hes bad at social situations and has never had alot of friends and never any close/best friends. WHen he talks he either does alot of nodding or he dominates the convo by talking on and on about what he wants to. He has bad eye contact and often when he talks he dosnt look at me or talks to me when hes not even facing me and dosnt understand why it irritates me. Hes VERY immature and in a lot of affects he seems like a 13 yr old kid! His humor is juvenile and hell go on and on about a joke that isnt even funny. He also says ALOT of inappropriate things and im constantly telling him he cant say stuff like that and hes boggles that someone would thing something bad of what he said, really bad common sense as well.
He dosnt read social cues like if someone wants to leave, or stop talking to him he keeps jabbering. He also things people dont like him or are talking abotu him when they are not. It causes alot of problems at work too because he also thinks people are doign things to him on purpose and it ends up in a blow up and him throwing a tantrum like a child at work. Hes almost gotten fired countless times and for some reason his boss really likes him and is very patient like a father figure to him and hasnt fired him yet. He says things that are rude as well or makes jokes that make people upset with him.
Hes very sensitive and always gets into these thinking modes and paces our house back and forth tightly hugging himself (he says hes protectinve his nipples from the wind) Hes very sensitive in the chest area and dosnt like me/anyone touching (esp light touch) on his body.
He thinks waaay too much and is often milling over something someone did to him or he THINKS someone did to him and will stay up all night obsessing over it and usually he might confront them and it turns into a big things (ex. he thought his jobs secretary sabotaged her own a/c unit just to make him come out and service her unit while he was on call because 'she dosnt like me')Hes very competitive in his job and obsesses over his job figures and trys to beat everyone and gets upset if something dosnt go right or he dosnt get all the good calls, he seems to feel hes entitled often to them.
He gets depressed and is unenergetic and mopes around (not all the time but often depression comes and gos)
He talks in a monotone voice with no excitement whatsoever (his brothers voice is even MORE monotone tho). He has bouts of aggression that seems pretty stupid (when hes paranoid and thinks everyone hates him, or ex. I was dropping some things I wanted out of the attic to him and I just dropped a box on the truck cuz he was taking too long and he got mad and started kicking the truck and dented it all up and he said he got mad cuz i dented the truck by dropping the box so what does he do? demolish out truck door!) His rages were very often the first few years and the last couple of years hes mellowed alot and they are far in between. He does work himself up in a panicked frenzy for reasons (cant find something, is worrying about something excessively).
Hes veeeery uncoordinated and as a child he was supposed to be put into therapy for fine and large motor skills problems but his parents never did. Hes very clumsy and dosnt ever close doors good, tighten jars/screws all the way etc.
Hes pretty aloof and will just sit in his chair 'thinking' or zoning out oblivious. As a child his teachers thought he was having starring spells or seizures because he would have these episodes, he was tested and they didnt find any seizure evidence. It seems this is becomong worse with age and is a BIG problem in our marriage and relationship with his son. My son used to not like my husband and my husbands feelings used to get hurt because my son wouldnt want my husband to carry him/talk to him etc. and would pretty much rather he didnt exist at all. So as you can imagine my son and my husband was doing a lot of zoning out but the past year my son has come out of this and has a huge attachment to my husband so i get upset when hes zoning and my son is trying to talk or initiate him i think he should be taking advantage of it and not turn his son away like that, but i know hes not doing it on purpose which is what upsets me too.
I know theres LOTS more but all this is just fromthe top of my head. O he also talks about the SAME things over and over and over again even when no is OBVIOUSLY interested in hearing about his obsessions. He also goes and buys a volkswagon which was one of his obsessions then now he dosnt pay any attention to it or do any body work/fix it up like he planned and now he just bought a brand new dirtbike which is his current obsession and he leaves it in the living room to gawk at and zone out about and talk about and show me how the motor works and pretty much stuff I dont CARE about but i listen to because thats what people do but he dosnt show me the same courtesy and lotso f times I dont tell him whats going on with me and my son and he dosnt ask and I dont tell cuz hel only zone out and not hear me anyway. Its VERY VERY frustrating!
Also id like to add he is a loving husband/father its just that he dosnt live on earth with us about 80% of the time. His dad is like this too but i feel my husbands seems like he has bad aspergers in my opinion and not bipolar at all (at least not right now and hopefully never!) What do u think? Im praying really hard that this doctor will see that he has a bad problem and will give him some medicine for his attention because its getting so bad that his driving is beign affected as well. I wish i could think of everything thats going on with him because i KNOW theres more! but i pretty much covered the basics and what is extremely affecting his life at work adn at home. It really sucks because when we first started going out i always thought something was wrong with him but nothing i couldnt bring him out of but hes just getting worse and sometimes i feel like im going out with a mentally challenged person! I hope i dont offend anyone on here but it just seems that his functioning is horrible and he wouldnt survive without me. Before we met/got married he was living with his dad, had no friends or preveious real girlfriends and was a miserable person and never bathed/shaved and looked like a bum literally. I really feel if me or some other person didnt come along hed still be living with his dad, not holding a job etc.
What do u think?
O also as a child he was in special ed. classes and had diff tests done to figure out what was going on with him besides the eegs etc. He had alot of rage but then his upbringing wasnt good esp with his dad going crazy and stuff. He was tested at 4th grade and was said to be a genious but wasnt excelling in school and at one point his mom pulled him out and homeschooled him and had to re-teach him how to write and teach him how to read at a later age (10) After going back to public school at 7th grade he dropped out in 9th grade. He had a lot of anger and impule/attention issues and was in therapy for awhile but his parents pulled him out because his dad thought it wasnt doing any good because his attention issues were horrible and hed stare at the fan or other tings durig them. He also did have quite a few head injury (a saw was dropped on his head out of a tree house while he was on the ground, a hammer was dropped on his head and also a tonka truck so hes gotten a few sticthes as a child which he shows me and loves telling me the stories of course but sometimes i think maybe he has some sort of minor brain injury? His mom did also mention he was horrible with transitions as a child and would tantrun often. Sorry so long and thankyou anyone whos read this far. Is there anything we should tell the doctor? Im soooo afraid he will dismiss him like doctors usually do and not even give us any answers or any medication for help.