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flowergal
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 13, 2008
Age: 37
Posts: 58
Location: Peaceful Countryside, USA
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 Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 11:02 am Post subject: Loud talking and skin picking questions.. |
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I have a couple of questions. 1. Do any of you with Aspie kids notice they talk loud? What I mean is my 9 yr old shouts a lot (we have had her hearing checked-its okay), she shouts the minute something doesnt go her way( which then usually leads to a meltdown) or if she feels no one is listening. Lately it seems worse too, probably because we went down to doing school 3 x week(we homeschool), during the summer? Any ideas on how to curb this? I have thought of a possible reward system, but not sure if that would work or not? 2. She is constantly picking the skin on her hand, she has done this four about 4 years! My twin sister did this as a kid and so at first I wasn't too concerned but now in her church classes on Sunday the kids sort of pick on her about it. What does she say to them? Does skin picking go along with autism at all? I just always thought of it as a coping mechanism. Anyone got ideas on that?
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waitingforthesun7
Butterfly
Joined: Sep 22, 2007
Age: 17
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 11:04 am Post subject: |
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| i pick my skin constantly, ive been doing it all my life. i try to stop though, the scars are unattractive and such. |
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Triangular_Trees
What is right is sometimes found on the left.
Joined: Jul 18, 2007
Posts: 2013
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 11:25 am Post subject: |
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| I pick at my lip constantly. Though I've gotten much better since the time I accidentally gouged out a large chunk of it. I think I was under alot of stress then. In the past I tended to do it while under stress. Now it just seems to happen when my hands aren't doing anything else, but usually they are because i can't keep them still |
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t0
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Posts: 374
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:30 pm Post subject: Re: Loud talking and skin picking questions.. |
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| flowergal wrote: | | I have a couple of questions. 1. Do any of you with Aspie kids notice they talk loud? What I mean is my 9 yr old shouts a lot (we have had her hearing checked-its okay), she shouts the minute something doesnt go her way( which then usually leads to a meltdown) or if she feels no one is listening. Lately it seems worse too, probably because we went down to doing school 3 x week(we homeschool), during the summer? Any ideas on how to curb this? |
I don't know if this applies to your situation, but I saw a show once where parents of younger NT children were taught to repeat back to the children what they were yelling about. The idea was that the child repeats the same thing over and over that they don't think you're listening or understand. It went something like this:
Parent: It's time for your nap.
Child: I don't want to take a nap.
Parent: You don't want to take a nap.
Child: I don't want to take a nap...(usually quieter the second time)
Parent: You don't want to take a nap.
Once they quiet down then you can try to have a real discussion with them. |
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DevonB
Sea Gull
Joined: Mar 14, 2008
Age: 40
Posts: 248
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:34 pm Post subject: |
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RE: loud talking...
I just repeat over and over again, moderate your voice. I keep doing this until he speaks in a tone that is acceptable. I used to tell him (when much younger) that I couldn't hear him correctly if he yelled, it was too much for my ears. If he wanted to communicate with me, he had to adjust the volume so that I would listen. It takes lots of time and consistency. Many Aspies have trouble with loud or low talking. I myself suffer from it. I never know how loud to talk when there is environmental noises.
As for the picking, it's a habit, pure and simple. If she's being bugged about it, it'll have to be broken. Offer other options, like playing with silly putty, or tapping a pencil on her arm, or a squishy ball to hold. I use these with my son. He doesn't pick at his hands, but it works to replace other behaviours. My NT partner picks at her hands all the time. However, at 45 I'm not sure I could get her to stop! LOL
All children have weird habits that lead to being teased. At that time they usually quit out of peer pressure. It isn't limited to Aspies. My NT son had a habit that until he was teased about at school (I seem to remember him being about 9 or 10) he wouldn't quit. |
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RustyShackleford
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 22, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 409
Location: Nottingham UK
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:46 pm Post subject: |
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People are always complaining about me using my 'outside voice' in conversation and when I try to compensate I end up being too quiet.
I have always picked at scabs, chewed my nails and the skin around my fingertips (builds the immune system up maybe?). I also constantly find myself chewing my lips and the inside of my mouth which my mother does also. I wish I could stop sometimes as I hate the look of all the scars but it is kind of relaxing, sometimes comforting. |
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Emoal6
Sea Gull
Joined: May 16, 2006
Age: 23
Posts: 241
Location: phoenix AZ
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:51 pm Post subject: |
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Even at the age of 23, with military training and all, I still cant modulate my voice correctly. I either talk to low or too high. Too high is more often when my emotions are running the show and too low when Im ignorant to the situation. I hate talking on phones cause they can never quite hear me right!
As for picking, its a habbit that associates very well with aspies. We see something on our arm for instance and the rest of the arm doesnt have it so we take it off. We dont realize(at first) this slows the process and adds to scars. Even now that I know it does this, I still pick, merely because it feels like that part of my body cant breath and needs air(cant explain it otherwise). |
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2ukenkerl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 4618
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 1:07 pm Post subject: |
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| For what it is worth, I do that also! She may not be yelling, but just not thinking or having trouble moderating her voice. It may also be LOW, so ignoring her may make it worse. As for skin, I just need it SMOOTH! If it isn't smooth, I pick, etc... |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 44
Posts: 4973
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 4:52 pm Post subject: |
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If she is picking as a fidget...you can try a squish(?) ball but if maybe sensory. I have a "fingernails on the chalkboard" reaction when any rough area on my hands gets snagged by fiber. I am as bad today(44) as I was as a kid, (many of my sensitivities are better but this one has not gone away). My solution is to carry a finger nail file with me everywhere and file down any rough areas. I also carry lotion, (even though I also hate the sticky feeling...it is the lesser of evils for me) and cover my hands with lotion. I have the same problem with my feet...also file them smooth so socks don't bother me as much. I don't often recommend trying to alter stims but the skin biting one can lead to some infections around the nails...my BF does it and his hands look awful and painful.
I havent cured my scab picking but at least I don't eat them any more  I call that progress. You can try a band-aid with bacitracin, as the moisture seems to lesson my urge to pick...messy and not as itchy.
Wishing you both luck. am actually glad my mom got me to stop biting my nails even if the stuff she painted my nails with was horrid, it did break the habit and I think it is a pretty unhygienic one, (what a prude I am. I sound like Miss Manners  )
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Triangular_Trees
What is right is sometimes found on the left.
Joined: Jul 18, 2007
Posts: 2013
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 5:07 pm Post subject: |
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| We've discussed loud talking before. (I think in this forum). I know I posted about not having any way of knowing my volum was inappropriate but the search feature isn't working for me to find the thread |
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traveller011212
Velociraptor
Joined: May 27, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 400
Location: Right here!!
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 1:12 am Post subject: Re: Loud talking and skin picking questions.. |
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| flowergal wrote: | | 1. Do any of you with Aspie kids notice they talk loud? What I mean is my 9 yr old shouts a lot (we have had her hearing checked-its okay), she shouts the minute something doesnt go her way( which then usually leads to a meltdown) or if she feels no one is listening. Lately it seems worse too, probably because we went down to doing school 3 x week(we homeschool), during the summer? Any ideas on how to curb this? I have thought of a possible reward system, but not sure if that would work or not? |
She sounds like she is perpetually overstimulated. The change in schedule would be enough, but keep an eye out for other possibilities.
One of three possibilities:
1) I doubt that you are here, but if you are, here it is: She needs to learn other tools for being heard and to self sooth. You also need to show her that these tools work (the step that many parents and teachers miss). Chances are that if she feels that no one is listening that no one is (many parents pay lip service attention to children). If you need more information about what she is talking about than ask. Also be interested in the things she is interested in.
She has learned that talking loud is a way that she gets what she needs. You will not be able to change this by being the boss, you need to go to her level and lead by example. All children will treat you how you treat them.
2) If you are doing this and she still is shouting then try "I can't understand you when you are talking loud like that, I want to know what you are saying, but it is hard to hear you." During a meltdown this will not work. Also, getting her to talk more when she is approaching her limit, telling you what is wrong, can be a great tool for both of you.
3) It could also be that she is overstimulated by the change in schedule or is working in another area and has reverted to a more familiar coping mechanism here so as to have more energy for whatever she is working on. This is most likely if she is coming back to this behavior.
Reward systems only have short term affect with aspies, we get bored quickly. Explanations and experimentation tend to work much better in my experience. Don't forget to use her interests as common ground for examples. |
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nlj
Hummingbird
Joined: Jun 23, 2008
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 12:34 pm Post subject: |
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I'm a compulsive skin picker, but I'm NT - then again, we all live on the autism spectrum.
Compulsive skin picking (CSP) is recognized as a disorder all it's own (by some) - it's more identified along with OCD or anxiety. (I have general anxiety disorder). |
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trialanderror
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 89
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 11:47 pm Post subject: |
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| I started a topic about this too a little while back. I talk very loudly as well. People are always telling me to lower the volume. I can't hear how loud I am, rather I feel how loud I am by the energy I am putting into the talking. It comes out like an explaosion sometimes, not because I feel no one hears me, but more because it is the emotion (happy, scared, mad, etc..) that may have an eclamation point added to the end. I have tried to lower my voice, but I end up getting too quiet and am asked to repeat myself. Again, if you can't HEAR the volume and try to correct it, you are not very successful. For me, if I can get a handle on my exaggerated emotions and put them into perspective, I think the volume control will handle itself. |
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flowergal
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 13, 2008
Age: 37
Posts: 58
Location: Peaceful Countryside, USA
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 6:41 am Post subject: |
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Thanks to all of you for the info, you are all so very knowledgeable and I appreciate you sharing your experiences with me. It gives me new insight with my daughter. Thanks! 
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"When life brings you to your knees, you are in a good position to pray!" |
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FatherOfTwo
Butterfly
Joined: Jul 02, 2008
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 8:09 am Post subject: |
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regarding the skin picking, our 3 yr old son is autistic and scratches himself all the time to the point of bleeding sometimes and also picks his own or anyone else's scabs that he can find. The compulsive scratching seems to be worse when he is stressed out, but he will do the picking all the time. The people at the autism camp his is in right now found that he LOVES if you take a stiff brush and brush his fingertips, so a lot of the scratching might be a sensory seeking behavior. So, you might want to explore some sensory activities for her and see if you can find a replacement for scratching herself.
also, our 3 year old doesnt talk but his almost 5 year old brother with aspergers certainly does - constantly, and yes, with absolutely NO volume control. I dont know what the answer is. If we whisper around him though, he freaks out, i think the sound is very offensive to him. |
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