Why do many Aspies not like change?

Norah_W · Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 6:58 am Post subject:

Is it due to anxiety about what will happen if the change occurs, or something else?

I'm still trying to figure out if I have AS or not after almost 7 years, and one of the things I keep hearing is that most Aspies don't like change. Often this statement will come from NT's who might not know why their AS child or spouse doesn't like change, but some Aspies mention it too.

IN one of the sets of criteria for AS (it might be Gilberg, I'm not sure), the dislike of change is mentioned, but it's clarified as non-functional change, meaning change that shouldn't really affect their well-being. But then I'm wondering whose definition of non-functional change is being used? Maybe the change may seem non-functional to an NT but might not be to an Aspie because of fear of a certain outcome?

Someone I met online that I went to school with in 5th grade and later too, said when I mentioned that I was trying to find out if I had AS or not, that she remembered I didn't like change and she had some Aspie kids in her classes (she's an elementary school teacher) who didn't like change either and she knew it was a trait. I asked her when I didn't seem to like change, because I honestly don't remember having a problem with changes if they were pleasant or neutral. She said that she remembered I didn't like having my seat moved in 5th grade, didn't like it when class times were changedd, and also that at age 11 I still had children's wallpaper in my room.

The wallpaper thing was a misunderstanding--my parents weren't able to afford new wallpaper at the time because of hospital bills for my mother, who had cancer and they were unisured. I may have just said that I liked the paper because I didn't think she needed to know we couldn't afford it. However, I do know that I didn't like having my seat moved in elementary school, because I was teased a lot and thought that the kids that I was being moved near might tease me. I also remember once or twice in 5th grade not having finished an assignment and thinking "Oh, it' s an afternoon class and we have a couple study periods before then--I'll finish it then!" only to find out that the class time had been moved up I did have excessive anxiety about things like that, in other words, and my excessive anxiety caused me to not like certain changes when they involved something I was anxious about, like getting yelled at by a teacher for not finishing something, or being teased.

I also remember a few times when my parents did some things totally out of the ordinary, it often meant that something bad had happened or they were sick themselves, so that when they did certain things I'd start to wonder if something was wrong. Also I always did think that something bad was going to happen, and I feared having both my parents sick at the same time--I was an only child and when I was six I remember they were both down with intestinal flu and I didn't know what I should do for them or what to do in general and I was terrified. AFter that I was always terrified if someone vomited for years afterward.

And this is still the case for me. If a change is pleasant or neutral I'm all for it. If it's either something unpleasant, or something that I'm anxious about or feel that it'll involve a lot of work I don't want to do (like moving) or I feel it'll cause me to have to live on the streets eventually (such as losing my job), then I fear it.

I was afraid a year ago when I got a new boss, that he wouldn't like me and would find a way to fire me. I'd just heard from a former boss at a former job about how she took a new job and there were some slackers or something who she eventually had to fire. I thought "Well, maybe they were slackers or maybe they just worked differently than she was used to. What if this new boss of mine decides I'm someone he doesn't want to work with and figures out a way to get rid of me?" The same thing happened when I had to take on more work after someone left--although I was glad to have more of a challenge, I was anxious about what if I couldn't do it and was fired and ended up living on the streets.

I'm afraid to meet new people because I think they won't like me. If a meeting is scheduled for a different time at work and it's just a few minutes away, I worry that maybe someone told me and I forgot, or that someone neglected to tell me because they didn't want me there and were going to fire me. there is a lot of anxiety about getting fired where I work anyway, even among NT's and people without anxiety disorders, and it seems like I'm not the only one there who is suspicious of certain changes, thinking they might mean something bad for at least some of us, because in our experience some of the changes have meant something bad or more restrictive.

Also if I looked forward to something and it gets cancelled for some other reason, this is disappointing to me, and I've heard this described as an AS trait.

Yet some NT's fear some changes too, especially if the changes might mean hardship of some kind, or if they have to give up something pleasant, and sometimes they fear not being able to do something (functional changes, I guess these would be called) Sometimes for instance, they'll stay in bad relationships or marriages due to fear of what their lives would be like on their own, or what their kids' lives would be like with a single parent. Also even NT people get in ruts of behavior. What about people who "have" to watch a certain show, or see most of the games of their favorite sports team? And even NT's have things they like or don't like to do, and sometimes they find it easier to do the things they like, especially if they're good at them.

When I don't do something or change something that I know I should and even want to, it's usually due to fear or anxiety that I won't be able to do it, or that it'll be too hard or that I'll have to do social things that might make me anxious or put me in contact iwth people who might think I'm weird.

So anyway, I'm wondering for those of you who fear or dislike non-functional change, is it usually anxiety-related or is there some other reason?