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ashmeister
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 07, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 13
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 Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:33 am Post subject: I need advice on survival at school |
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I need tips and advice on solving a few problems at my school:-
1. There are a group of girls in my class who hate me for having Asperger's Syndrome. Everytime they would try to keep away from me out of fear and would tease me in class when nobody's looking. When I try to tell them to stop all of their actions, they would giggle at me and not take me seriously. I even tried to negociate with them but they didn't want to speak to me. I even told my form teacher (the equivalent to a homeroom teacher) about them but he go ballistic on me everytime. The same thing with my form teacher happens when I tell my other teachers. What should I do to end this?
2. There's this girl from the group of girls, Pauline, who I have an even worser situation with. Last year, I had a HUGE crush on her; but when she found out, she rejected me and started picking on me with the guys in my class who bully me since then. This made me hate her really badly. Now this year, she just entered into a relationship with a major bully of mine, Cassidy (on a side note, his uncle's Chow Yun-Fatt), only because he's in my school's soccer team and is handsome (according to her) and he likes only because she's hot. This relationship of their's spells only one thing for my case: BAD NEWS FOR ME! Why? Because it means 10 TIMES MORE TORTURE FOR ME, courtesy of Cassiline (I gave them a pair name much like Brangelina). Talking with Cassiline is practically useless as Cassidy refuses to negociate. Same things happens when I tell my teachers as with the problem with the girls. What should I do to end this?
Any thoughts and ideas to tell me? feel free to tell. I'm all ears.
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Nan
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 02, 2006
Posts: 3158
Location: left coast
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:39 am Post subject: |
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I know this is not going to be what you want to hear, but:
You can't force people to accept you. There are going to be people who will torment you because you respond to their tormenting. If you make an effort to not respond when they are evil to you, eventually they'll go find someone else to harass.
This, too, shall pass and someday will be in your distant past - perhaps forgotten.
Good luck.
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Novinson's Revolutionary Discovery: When comes the revolution, things will be different - not better, just different. |
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ashmeister
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 07, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 13
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 11:32 am Post subject: |
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I'm not offended but I'm not forcing them to accept me. I just wanna know how to get them to leave me alone. And I actually tried to ignore them but they're the kind of people who won't allow anyone to ignore them. And three other girls from that group are prefects at my school and another is a service leader at my school (service leaders at my school are in-charge of "student-able" maintenance and have equal status to a prefect). Thanks for the advice though, I appreciate it wholeheartedly.
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SapphoWoman
Velociraptor
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Posts: 445
Location: South Florida
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 1:16 pm Post subject: |
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| Can you talk to the teacher? Can you tell your parents? |
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ouinon
chemical reaction
Joined: Jul 11, 2007
Posts: 3445
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 1:48 pm Post subject: |
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Can you find "safe spaces" around college to go in between classes, like the library or the Art work rooms or other hobby/club protected "zone"?
Is there anyone into the same things as you who you could join up with systematically at vulnerable times?
If are already hassled might have nothing to lose in involving yourself in voluntary activities around the school, helping a favourite teacher prepare stuff for lessons, etc.
I did the hiding in safe spaces etc, but have to admit that most effective measure, at an earlier bullied period, was losing my temper and attacking the girl who mocked and goaded me most, with my "claws" outstretched and roaring and grimacing/lips pulled back from teeth, in front of several other girls in a classroom. This put a stop, overnight, to the trouble from her and her group. Unfortunately it's not available on command.
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"Life is pain; anyone who says different is selling something" |
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Tracker
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 17, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 200
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 2:25 pm Post subject: |
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Well, I hate to be blunt, but there isnt much you can accomplish by talking reasonably. Ive run into the same people your talking about, and trying to have an open conversation with them is like asking a bear not to take your food. Talking with your teachers really wont solve the problem. They probably dont care and think your exagerating. And even if they do care, its not like they can follow you around and stop them from bothering you.
Your best bet is to fight fire with fire. Basically, you have to be insulting and rude back to them, so they will stop interacting with you. This does effectively 'burn the bridge', but in this case, its not a bridge youd want anyways. For example, the next time they come up to you and start talking just ignore them. Dont look at them, dont give any response at all. After they talk for about 20 seconds just turn to them and say something like, 'O, your talking? Sorry, I have a hard time hearing stupidity. I am kind of busy right now, why dont you go talk with your other idiots, sorry, I meant freinds. You can gossip about what happened at the game last night, or whatever idiotic thing it is that you talk about.' At that point, simply walk away, or tell them to go away. If they follow you (or dont go away), say something like, 'Wow, are you too dense to realize when I am done talking to you? Let me explain this simply. You.... go.... away..... now.... Would you like me to draw you a diagram?' That generally gets them to shut up and leave you alone. You dont have to use those exact words, but you just need to be rude and condesending.
This obviously is not the way youll want to treat most people, but it is an effective way to get annoying people to avoid you. If they go to the teacher and complain about you, then just tell the teacher that all you did was tell them to go away, and they are exagerating the details. |
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computerlove
emos and goths, please die.
Joined: Jul 11, 2006
Posts: 3542
Location: Male, Mexico, Graphic Design
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 3:01 pm Post subject: |
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| Tracker wrote: | Well, I hate to be blunt, but there isnt much you can accomplish by talking reasonably. Ive run into the same people your talking about, and trying to have an open conversation with them is like asking a bear not to take your food. Talking with your teachers really wont solve the problem. They probably dont care and think your exagerating. And even if they do care, its not like they can follow you around and stop them from bothering you.
Your best bet is to fight fire with fire. Basically, you have to be insulting and rude back to them, so they will stop interacting with you. This does effectively 'burn the bridge', but in this case, its not a bridge youd want anyways. For example, the next time they come up to you and start talking just ignore them. Dont look at them, dont give any response at all. After they talk for about 20 seconds just turn to them and say something like, 'O, your talking? Sorry, I have a hard time hearing stupidity. I am kind of busy right now, why dont you go talk with your other idiots, sorry, I meant freinds. You can gossip about what happened at the game last night, or whatever idiotic thing it is that you talk about.' At that point, simply walk away, or tell them to go away. If they follow you (or dont go away), say something like, 'Wow, are you too dense to realize when I am done talking to you? Let me explain this simply. You.... go.... away..... now.... Would you like me to draw you a diagram?' That generally gets them to shut up and leave you alone. You dont have to use those exact words, but you just need to be rude and condesending.
This obviously is not the way youll want to treat most people, but it is an effective way to get annoying people to avoid you. If they go to the teacher and complain about you, then just tell the teacher that all you did was tell them to go away, and they are exagerating the details. |
Also: take a bat and break their f** knees, teeth and arms, mafia style!
Just kidding.
I'd recommend: go to a place with lots of people, eventually someone will see you and do something, like "these f*ckers won't leave this kid alone" and tell them to leave.
But Tracker's right, reason won't be of any help so maybe a little fight could help, yes, fists and knuckles, that will teach them that if they want to deal with you they'll come out with their hair messed at minimum.
*thumbs up*
This should be the last last last option.
And tell them "go f*ck yourself*
EDIT: Don't negotiate with them, the world doesn't work that way...
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One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. |
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Jkid
Sea Gull
Joined: Jan 20, 2008
Posts: 212
Location: College Park,MD
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 11:06 pm Post subject: |
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| Which school do you go to? |
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computerlove
emos and goths, please die.
Joined: Jul 11, 2006
Posts: 3542
Location: Male, Mexico, Graphic Design
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 2:16 am Post subject: |
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read this:
| Quote: | Insist on involving the bully's parents.
* They may not know that their child is bullying others. Your call may wake them up and prompt them to take action. Or, parents may deny that their child is a bully. In other cases, the parents are bullies themselves and may become verbally abusive toward you.
* Helping the bully and the victim come to a mutually agreeable solution. Most experts agree that saying you're sorry isn't enough, that the bully needs to do something to make things right.
Insist on a meeting with the school principal and the bully's parents.
* The adults may have to sit down and work it out.
If all else fails, you can appeal to the law.
* Some parents hesitate to take these steps because they suspect (or hope) that their child is exaggerating. While this may be true in some cases, it's much more common for youngsters not to tell their parents or teachers that they are being victimized--for fear of retaliation. Instead, they skip school or feign illness. |
http://www.teentouch.org/coping_bullies.asp
| Quote: | | The initial meeting should not be a one-time event. It should be followed up with more meetings so that the development of the situation can be further evaluated and information can be exchanged between parents and teachers. |
also, try seating at the front, not at the back, sit in front of the teacher 
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One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. |
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ashmeister
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 07, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 13
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 3:13 am Post subject: |
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| SapphoWoman wrote: | | Can you talk to the teacher? Can you tell your parents? |
Sorry but my teachers and my dad wouldn't understand (I said dad because my parents are divorced and my mom isn't any help either).
| ouinon wrote: | Can you find "safe spaces" around college to go in between classes, like the library or the Art work rooms or other hobby/club protected "zone"?
Is there anyone into the same things as you who you could join up with systematically at vulnerable times?
If are already hassled might have nothing to lose in involving yourself in voluntary activities around the school, helping a favourite teacher prepare stuff for lessons, etc.
I did the hiding in safe spaces etc, but have to admit that most effective measure, at an earlier bullied period, was losing my temper and attacking the girl who mocked and goaded me most, with my "claws" outstretched and roaring and grimacing/lips pulled back from teeth, in front of several other girls in a classroom. This put a stop, overnight, to the trouble from her and her group. Unfortunately it's not available on command.
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I'm still in Secondary School (my country's version of High School) and ther's no place to hide in my school.
| Tracker wrote: | Well, I hate to be blunt, but there isnt much you can accomplish by talking reasonably. Ive run into the same people your talking about, and trying to have an open conversation with them is like asking a bear not to take your food. Talking with your teachers really wont solve the problem. They probably dont care and think your exagerating. And even if they do care, its not like they can follow you around and stop them from bothering you.
Your best bet is to fight fire with fire. Basically, you have to be insulting and rude back to them, so they will stop interacting with you. This does effectively 'burn the bridge', but in this case, its not a bridge youd want anyways. For example, the next time they come up to you and start talking just ignore them. Dont look at them, dont give any response at all. After they talk for about 20 seconds just turn to them and say something like, 'O, your talking? Sorry, I have a hard time hearing stupidity. I am kind of busy right now, why dont you go talk with your other idiots, sorry, I meant freinds. You can gossip about what happened at the game last night, or whatever idiotic thing it is that you talk about.' At that point, simply walk away, or tell them to go away. If they follow you (or dont go away), say something like, 'Wow, are you too dense to realize when I am done talking to you? Let me explain this simply. You.... go.... away..... now.... Would you like me to draw you a diagram?' That generally gets them to shut up and leave you alone. You dont have to use those exact words, but you just need to be rude and condesending.
This obviously is not the way youll want to treat most people, but it is an effective way to get annoying people to avoid you. If they go to the teacher and complain about you, then just tell the teacher that all you did was tell them to go away, and they are exagerating the details. |
Good idea....
| computerlove wrote: | Also: take a bat and break their f** knees, teeth and arms, mafia style!
Just kidding.
I'd recommend: go to a place with lots of people, eventually someone will see you and do something, like "these f*ckers won't leave this kid alone" and tell them to leave.
But Tracker's right, reason won't be of any help so maybe a little fight could help, yes, fists and knuckles, that will teach them that if they want to deal with you they'll come out with their hair messed at minimum.
*thumbs up*
This should be the last last last option.
And tell them "go f*ck yourself*
EDIT: Don't negotiate with them, the world doesn't work that way... |
Good idea on breaking them mafia style!  . But I still don't know how to fight and it's against the law in my country for a guy to hit a girl.
| Jkid wrote: | | Which school do you go to? |
Balestier Hill Secondary School
| computerlove wrote: | read this:
| Quote: | Insist on involving the bully's parents.
* They may not know that their child is bullying others. Your call may wake them up and prompt them to take action. Or, parents may deny that their child is a bully. In other cases, the parents are bullies themselves and may become verbally abusive toward you.
* Helping the bully and the victim come to a mutually agreeable solution. Most experts agree that saying you're sorry isn't enough, that the bully needs to do something to make things right.
Insist on a meeting with the school principal and the bully's parents.
* The adults may have to sit down and work it out.
If all else fails, you can appeal to the law.
* Some parents hesitate to take these steps because they suspect (or hope) that their child is exaggerating. While this may be true in some cases, it's much more common for youngsters not to tell their parents or teachers that they are being victimized--for fear of retaliation. Instead, they skip school or feign illness. |
| Quote: | | The initial meeting should not be a one-time event. It should be followed up with more meetings so that the development of the situation can be further evaluated and information can be exchanged between parents and teachers. |
also, try seating at the front, not at the back, sit in front of the teacher |
The part of the principal involved would be a bad idea as I've been constantly running to them for help and they're now getting irritated at me. But other than that, that just might help, especially sitting infront of the teacher.
Sorry for any negative words I've said. All of your ideas are excellent and these ideas just might work actually. I don't have any friends at school or anywhere at all but to me, everyone here on Wrong Planet are like my friends already. You all have touched my heart very deeply. I thank you all.
_________________
Hello, friends. The Ashmeister ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last edited by ashmeister on Sat Jun 28, 2008 10:18 am; edited 3 times in total |
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Nan
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 02, 2006
Posts: 3158
Location: left coast
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 12:01 pm Post subject: |
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| ashmeister wrote: | | I'm not offended but I'm not forcing them to accept me. I just wanna know how to get them to leave me alone. And I actually tried to ignore them but they're the kind of people who won't allow anyone to ignore them. And three other girls from that group are prefects at my school and another is a service leader at my school (service leaders at my school are in-charge of "student-able" maintenance and have equal status to a prefect). Thanks for the advice though, I appreciate it wholeheartedly. |
There's not a lot you can do, hon. Non-reacting and avoidance are pretty much it, as far as I can see. If you respond in kind, you'll risk elevated retaliation and also the potential that you'll run afoul of the school administrators. If it's no fun to harass you, they'll stop, eventually. All I can see for you to do is just armour-up and take it without giving them any satisfaction, if you can stand it.
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Novinson's Revolutionary Discovery: When comes the revolution, things will be different - not better, just different. |
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computerlove
emos and goths, please die.
Joined: Jul 11, 2006
Posts: 3542
Location: Male, Mexico, Graphic Design
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 11:21 pm Post subject: |
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The part of the principal involved would be a bad idea as I've been constantly running to them for help and they're now getting irritated at me. But other than that, that just might help, especially sitting infront of the teacher.
[/quote]
you're not going to talk to the principal, your parents are.
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One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. |
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CaptainMac
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 10, 2008
Posts: 166
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 1:00 am Post subject: |
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I wouldn't go straight to the principal if I were you. Instead, I'd find a confidant to do the work for you.
Your best bet is a teacher. Look for someone who knows your condition well and knows you well too. If you play school sports, coaches are another good choice. (I was lucky enough to have a baseball coach who was also a SPED teacher).
If you have a classmate who gets along with them and is also your friend, see if they can't negotiate in your place. May or may not work but I have done it on behalf of someone before.
Guidance counselors are hit or miss. Only use them if they know you and you get along very well with them. I got along with mine but didn't really use her since I had Coach around--although she was a very good backup.
If all else fails, befriend a janitor, computer guy, or lunch lady. |
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CRACK
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Age: 21
Posts: 806
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 6:22 pm Post subject: |
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| act uninterested in their bullying attempts. That is all I have to say. |
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ashmeister
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 07, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 13
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 10:23 am Post subject: |
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Thanks guys for the advice, you guys are great pals. You guys are the only friends I have and I'm truly greatful for it. Just yesterday at my school, I acted sarcastic to my enemies at class like what Tracker recommended me to do and guess what? IT ACTUALLY WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They didn't really leave me alone but it did "put them at their places". Thanks Tracker! You really did help! 
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