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MissConstrue
~Age of Aquarius~
Joined: Feb 05, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 11893
Location: Anywhere but HERE!
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 Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 4:08 pm Post subject: This is a Dumb Question....... |
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But does anyone have trouble asking a complete stranger if anyone's sitting there next to them or asking them simple things like what time it is or what subjects interest you?
I find people asking me this but notice myself not asking these simple things.
I can ask questions when it's related to something complex like a subject or for instance what is the history of this city? or what is the difference between expressionism and realism?  but find the simple ones like the above so hard to do and still haven't grown out of them. I feel like a freak when this happens.
Anybody else have this problem?
I guess it probably goes along with quirks associated with small talk?
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Tim_Tex
WP's Resident Simpsons and South Park Aficionado
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 22319
Location: San Marcos, Texas
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 4:11 pm Post subject: |
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I am good at it.
All you have to do is ask them those things.
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When you need something, that's a responsibility, that only an adult...of my maturity...Bunnies!!!
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liloleme
Velociraptor
Joined: Jun 09, 2008
Age: 41
Posts: 413
Location: California
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 4:23 pm Post subject: |
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Yes, I have that same problem. I cant even say "excuse me" to people who are in my way at the store or whatever. I just stand there and wait until they move. However when people are talking about something that I find interesting I have no problem interjecting or starting a conversation.
I think its because I feel like its an invasion of someones privacy to "ask" things of others....maybe? |
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MissConstrue
~Age of Aquarius~
Joined: Feb 05, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 11893
Location: Anywhere but HERE!
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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^Yes that's exactly how I feel at times, that I'm invading their space or something. I've had problems with getting either too detached or too personable and yet I try not to be so it's hard for me to know what the difference is.
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Oh you can't help that. We're all mad here.
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6thSin:Envy |
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Ancalagon
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 26, 2007
Posts: 243
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 5:27 pm Post subject: |
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That's definitely me.
I could give an off-the-cuff dissertation on a number of topics, but don't ask me to do small talk. Unless you mean Smalltalk, the computer programming language. 
It's partly shyness, but it's also relevance. To me, the current state of progress of the various efforts to reform current U.S. patent law is relevant, whether or not it's going to rain tommorow isn't.
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"If you can't explain something to a six-year-old, you really don't understand it yourself." -Einstein
"Don't think outside the box - find the box" -Andy Hunt & Dave Thomas |
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munkeegutz
Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 26, 2008
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 12:46 am Post subject: Re: This is a Dumb Question....... |
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| MissConstrue wrote: | But does anyone have trouble asking a complete stranger if anyone's sitting there next to them or asking them simple things like what time it is or what subjects interest you?
I find people asking me this but notice myself not asking these simple things.
I can ask questions when it's related to something complex like a subject or for instance what is the history of this city? or what is the difference between expressionism and realism? but find the simple ones like the above so hard to do and still haven't grown out of them. I feel like a freak when this happens.
Anybody else have this problem?
I guess it probably goes along with quirks associated with small talk? |
Well, the thing you have to acknowledge is that you are not memorable. I mean that not as an insult, but a statement of fact. If you walked by somebody and fail to make an impression, you won't even register. On the other hand, with most people, if you just come up to them with a big smile and have an engaging conversation (or even forgo the engaging conversation and just be nice with a smile and eye contact), you'll probably make their day. I used to be in your position. Practice makes perfect buddy.
EDIT: Remember, no question is dumb if you've done the work to learn yourself ahead of time  |
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Pugly
Man-child diligently becoming a Dude, man
Joined: Jan 10, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 2567
Location: Wisonsin
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 1:15 am Post subject: |
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I have the same deal.
I used to have a bigger problem with it, Asking questions on the phone was nearly impossible.
What I always get hung up with is exactly how to ask these seemingly simple questions. I always have a list of details that to me define my problem, but to an outsider it just doesn't matter.
Instead of asking "what time is it?" I ask "I don't carry a watch, and I am late to a pumpkin carving contest which is timed. Could you tell me how much time I have until 6 M." At which point the awkward social pauses I am used to having switches to the other person... usually with a look of annoyance and confusion.
What's really unfortunate is I'm finding just how important question asking is to being successful. If I don't know something I spend a large amount of time trying to figure it out for myself, which wastes time. But if you are social and skilled with asking questions, you just as the nearest person you think knows the answer and get it and move on. I have a tendency to think the question to oblivion. And I am talking pondering existence or the end of time or the start of time...
Of course this isn't counting the times I've went to ask a question and absolutely no proper words or sentences were uttered. There's always that to deal with... 
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I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
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RiD-CrashList
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 20, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 87
Location: No ;)
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 4:37 am Post subject: |
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I used to have a problem with it. Until I started to think "Whats the use for being so fretful over such simple statements?"
Really, what is the use of having to wait until some one moves because you can't just say "excuse me", or you can't sit down because you can't ask "hey, is this seat for someone else?". You have to be persistent and assertive in this fast paced world, you know? |
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Pugly
Man-child diligently becoming a Dude, man
Joined: Jan 10, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 2567
Location: Wisonsin
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 5:20 am Post subject: |
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| RiD-CrashList wrote: | | You have to be persistent and assertive in this fast paced world, you know? |
No I didn't know... no one ever told me.
I'm serious...
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I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
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Baffi
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 13, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 26
Location: Seattle
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 6:27 pm Post subject: |
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I have that problem when the person I intend to ask is engaged in another conversation. I'm never sure when or whether it's appropriate to interrupt.
Sometimes I'll stand around a bit and wait for them to acknowledge me, sometimes I'll just get a bit of eye contact (just a bit!) and point to the seat I'm interested in doing my best to make a face that means 'I'm asking a question', or to my wrist where a watch would be if I had one, sometimes I'll jump into a lull in their conversation, and sometimes I'll feel very weird about all that and go find someone else to ask.
In terms of being persistent and assertive in this fast paced world, sometimes, if I can't bring myself to ask about something like that, I'll just sit in the seat slowly, giving them plenty of time to interrupt and say, "sorry, someone's sitting here" or use my fingertips to lightly push someone's shoulder to get them out of my way if I can't say, "excuse me" |
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pschristmas
Blue Jay
Joined: Apr 02, 2008
Age: 41
Posts: 90
Location: Buda, TX
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 6:49 pm Post subject: Re: This is a Dumb Question....... |
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| MissConstrue wrote: | But does anyone have trouble asking a complete stranger if anyone's sitting there next to them or asking them simple things like what time it is or what subjects interest you?
I find people asking me this but notice myself not asking these simple things.
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Yes, definitely. Other people can ask me questions about my interests and I'll answer happily, but it won't even occur to me to reciprocate until some time later. Either it will suddenly occur to me fairly late in the conversation, or not until it's over and done with, by which time it's too late.
Last edited by pschristmas on Thu Jun 26, 2008 6:59 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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pschristmas
Blue Jay
Joined: Apr 02, 2008
Age: 41
Posts: 90
Location: Buda, TX
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 6:59 pm Post subject: |
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| Baffi wrote: | I have that problem when the person I intend to ask is engaged in another conversation. I'm never sure when or whether it's appropriate to interrupt.
Sometimes I'll stand around a bit and wait for them to acknowledge me. . . |
Oh, I thought I was the only one who did this. I once stood around for about five minutes politely waiting for a group of the engineers in my company to move their conversation out of a doorway. One of them finally asked if I needed one of them and I told them, that, no, I needed the door. They thought that was funny.
Is it acceptable to walk between two people who are speaking if they are on opposite sides of the hallway and blocking it? When I was a girl, I was taught that it was rude to walk through a conversation, so I try to wait politely for a break, but some of these guys are very long-winded. I've gotten to where I'll either say "Excuse me" loud enough to be heard over their conversation and pass, or just keep going, but it still feels wrong. Part of me also thinks they're being rude to block the hallway.
Patricia |
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Baffi
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 13, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 26
Location: Seattle
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 10:36 am Post subject: |
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| pschristmas wrote: | | Is it acceptable to walk between two people who are speaking if they are on opposite sides of the hallway and blocking it? When I was a girl, I was taught that it was rude to walk through a conversation, |
I'd say that yes, in general, it's best to walk around a conversation, even if it means excusing yourself as you squeeze between one conversant and a wall/bar/otherperson behind them.
In this case, though, I would say in this case it's just fine to walk through their conversation, if they're standing on opposite sides of the hallway and blocking any option you have of going around. I would probably mutter a quiet, but audible, undirected "'scuse me" as I passed. |
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penny07960
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jun 10, 2008
Age: 44
Posts: 154
Location: US - right coast
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 3:19 pm Post subject: YES!! |
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OP - yes. YES!!
I'll study the map of a mall for 20 minutes rather than ask someone "where is the ladies room?"
I'll drive all over town rather than ask for directions (talk about an "extreme male brain"!); beside, the directions people give me are almost always wrong. Thank God, and the DoD, for GPS.
I get really annoyed at women, and it is almost always women who do this, who leave their shopping carts in the way, blocking an isle, while looking at something on the shelf. (Put your damned cart along the wall and leave the isle open!!) I'll bang into their cart, pushing it out of the way, before I will say "excuse me, can I pass thro?"
I avoid all social events that involve group tables. When forced to sit at these tables, it is rare that I find the people to be unfriendly, yet the stress associated with the social interaction exceeds the benefit of the meal or wine-tasting.
I'll stand rather than sit next to someone. Unless a seat has vacant seats on both sides, i'll stand. In the NYC subway finding three vacant seats in a row is rare; I typically find myself standing.
Oddly, it does not bother me if I am sitting and someone sits next to me. Under that condition I have no obligation to interact. To use the expression used in a previous post, I am not the one who invaded their space.
Even stranger, when a guy uses the subway crowding as an excuse to press against me in a kind of sexual way – and this is not that rare – that doesn’t even bother me. I have been stuck in packed trains for 10 minutes with some guy pressing against my butt. But If I had to brush against him to get past, that would annoy me.
I guess I have a bit of ‘social anxiety’! |
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traveller011212
Velociraptor
Joined: May 27, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 476
Location: Right here!!
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 7:03 pm Post subject: |
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| I used to be so much better at it. I don't know what the heck happened by when I was diagnosed last year I reverted in so many ways. Now I have that same problem. It's good to know that I am not the only one. |
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