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RustyShackleford
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 22, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 417
Location: Nottingham UK
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 Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:19 am Post subject: Using people's names in conversation |
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This is a quirk I had forgotten about because I don't really socialise at the moment.
Does anyone else have difficulties using people's names appropriately in conversation? For some reason I always feel stupid when I use someone's name and normally just try to sidestep the issue.
E.g. If I am trying to get someone's attention and waving isn't working I normally have to wait until that person looks in my direction before I can try again. I think it possibly comes from being ignored in these sorts of situations in the past. I don't really know. All I do know is that when I call someone by their name I feel really embarrassed, especially if I have done it to get their attention. |
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forallotherthings
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 22, 2008
Posts: 78
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:22 am Post subject: |
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| i really have a problem with this and i dont know why, i know that its a really good way to bond with people if you repeat their names in conversation but i just cant do it. |
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WhatsNormal
Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 23, 2008
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:31 am Post subject: |
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I find this amazing. I have never been diagnosed with AS but i have been aware of it for about 3 years now (i am 32). I never use peoples names when talking to them. I am currently seeking a diagnosis. I guess the reason i said this was amazing is because their are so many little quirks i am finding out and this is just another one of them.
I don't have a problem at work though. Very strange
Last edited by WhatsNormal on Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:50 am; edited 1 time in total |
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silly_rabbi
Toucan
Joined: May 15, 2008
Posts: 273
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:39 am Post subject: |
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I've tried to call people by their names, but usually get them wrong. Someone's name will be Thomas and I'll call them Tod by accident. Thus, I've learned that everyone is "sweetie" or "babe". Solves many problems that way. But yeah, for me if I do remember the appropriate name, I feel weird using names. this may have something to do with the way I've 'tagged' people so I remember them, sometimes giving weird nicknames like "headband gal", and I have to remember NOT to say that out loud. I'm good with faces, but horrible with names.
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MR
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 25, 2008
Age: 39
Posts: 392
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:19 am Post subject: |
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| I tend not too. I think it's part of my tendency to be overly cautious so I don't screw up. And partly just habit. And I don't like when someone gives me more than one name variation, then I'm like, okay, which do I use? I will use a name to get someone's attention, on occasion. Not that it always works. |
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Ah_Q
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jun 25, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 136
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 11:05 am Post subject: |
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| I don't feel cofortable using people's names in any situation. It's hard to explain why. I'm also very bad at remembering names and I can't remember faces at all. It takes forever for a face to become familiar. If I go to help a customer at work I will not remember what they look like when I get back and they think I'm just ignoring them. But unless they say something I will not remember them! |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 57
Posts: 8059
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 11:29 am Post subject: |
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names are so private! I get tongue tied if I even remember their names and just think how I would feel if someone used MY name in a conversation several times ( who is this person, do they think they are my friend? what do they want from me? Do they know how uncomfortable they are making me feel?)
Dale Carnagie states the sweetest sound to a person is their own name. I say Dale Carnagie never talked to an Aspie about it!
Merle |
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Oggleleus
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jun 03, 2008
Posts: 178
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 11:50 am Post subject: |
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| I have a problem when other poeple use my name. It sounds strange hearing my own name. I often do not hear my name when people are trying to get my attention bacuse maybe I rarely hear it. |
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forallotherthings
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 22, 2008
Posts: 78
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 1:37 pm Post subject: |
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| i find hearing my own name strange too, my partner says my name for emphasis when talking to me and i dont really like it, especialy when hes emphasising the fact im doing/saying something ridiculous!! |
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grinningcat
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 12, 2008
Posts: 146
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 2:13 pm Post subject: |
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| silly_rabbi wrote: | | I've tried to call people by their names, but usually get them wrong. Someone's name will be Thomas and I'll call them Tod by accident. Thus, I've learned that everyone is "sweetie" or "babe". Solves many problems that way. But yeah, for me if I do remember the appropriate name, I feel weird using names. this may have something to do with the way I've 'tagged' people so I remember them, sometimes giving weird nicknames like "headband gal", and I have to remember NOT to say that out loud. I'm good with faces, but horrible with names. |
I had to laugh at the nickname tag technique you described. I remember a friend who had diagnosed dyslexia; one day she spotted me from the cafeteria balcony, and tried to attract my attention. She called a litany of different names, and yet, I never turned, because she never did use MY name in the calling. I wondered where all these people were that this woman was calling too - I didn't recognize her voice either. Eventually she was frustrated that I wasn't "answering" her shouts, so she screamed "HEY STAR TREK WOMAN". I turned around at that... 
I am very uncomfortable about using names, especially if there is authority is attached. One of the docs I work for insists we use his first name, and I kind of crunch that one out. Another one answers to his title or his first name, but I am more comfortable if I do have to address him, to use his title. He is a very nice man, but still I feel I owe him the title because he has never really made it an issue that we call him his first name. If I call others, the name will come out soft, like a whisper - often when I try to attract someone using their first name, they will stop, look up, scan the air, and then realize, oh, it was she who called me. I almost never called my exhusband by his name; I didn't like his name. Otherwise, I just don't use names.
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GuyTypingOnComputer
Raven
Joined: Jun 10, 2008
Posts: 109
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 5:12 pm Post subject: Re: Using people's names in conversation |
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| RustyShackleford wrote: | | Does anyone else have difficulties using people's names appropriately in conversation? For some reason I always feel stupid when I use someone's name and normally just try to sidestep the issue. |
I have learned to sidestep using names as well. I have trouble remembering someone's name when I am involved in a conversation, even though I know who they are and would know their name if I stopped to think about it.
Also, I have agonized my whole life over what to call people -- first name, nickname, formal name, short name, Mr./Ms. last name etc. If there is an option, I avoid using the name altogether. |
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Phoenix
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Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 1762
Location: US, midmap
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 5:30 pm Post subject: |
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I just realized I never use people's names either. I also don't introduce myself, even after being continuously nagged about doing it. I stubbornly refuse.
In fact, what I do is not say anything until someone says something to me first. |
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ollieholmes
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 23, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 41
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 5:32 pm Post subject: |
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| I always try and use peoples names when i can remember them as i think it is polite. |
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Hodor
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 18, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 834
Location: On a dumb island
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 6:57 pm Post subject: |
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This is interesting, because I have exactly the same thing, yet I've never seen this mentioned in any AS diagnosis manual or list of Aspie traits. I am very wary of using people's names directly to them in conversation, and always have been. It's not that I feel that I might offend them if I do use their name, it's strange. It's hard to explain.
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Fuzzy
Ack! Thbbbt!
Joined: Mar 31, 2006
Posts: 2082
Location: Alberta Canada
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 7:00 pm Post subject: |
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I rarely do. And it bugs me more than a little to hear others do it.
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