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Veresae
succubus bait
Joined: Feb 25, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 3215
Location: California
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 Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 4:59 pm Post subject: Veresae's girl problems persist... |
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UPDATE: PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE THREAD BEFORE POSTING. Don't tell me the same crap everyone else has without even looking at my responses to what they've said. I didn't make this thread to be criticized. I can't help liking the things I like and can't help obsessing about the things I want. I can't reduce my obsessive fetishes to nothing. I can't date someone who I KNOW I wouldn't work with. So please, if you're not going to actually be sympathetic towards me and attempt to understand my position, don't even bother posting. If you're going to just tell me what I already know as if that's going to help, don't bother posting. Unless you're going to explain to me HOW I can change what I want, HOW I can not obsess about a dream girl (which this isn't even since that would be way more detailed), then don't post. Honestly, it just feels like you're getting on my case, being insensitive towards me, and treating me like a dumbass. Stop telling me what I already know and have SAID I already know countless times and instead tell me how to SOLVE the problems that I've ACKNOWLEDGED.
The original post follows.
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I'm 20 and I've never even been kissed, even though I get hit on by random girls on the internet all the freaking time. I am desperate, but not so desperate that I would settle for what I don't want. I want a loving romantic relationship more than anything in the world (except to be cured of my sensory defensiveness), but there are many things holding me back. I've discussed them before in this forum so some of it may be familiar.
1) I have a very clear idea of what I would need from and what I want in a romantic partner. I don't expect perfection, but I DO expect to be attracted to them both physically and in terms of their personality. And the fact is, in both of those regards I am incredibly picky, so finding someone who appeals to my personality and to my senses is extremely hard. Even when I sorta am attracted to someone, I won't approach them if I know they won't work with me.
2) The things I'm attracted to don't often go together. For instance, I NEED to date a goth girl; I have talked about why in the past, so please don't argue with this point, I am tired of explaining it to non-goths who can't understand. BUT I HATE BDSM and you'll be lucky to find a goth girl who doesn't adore it. I'm not talking about the pseudogoths who like the music but aren't really gothic, I'm talking about the people who really have the look down, who wear the corsets and the black lipstick and eyeliner--the look is a large part of why I'm so attracted to the subculture. Non-goths simply don't visually attract me much. (Of course it goes way deeper than just the look, for it's an entire subculture, but it'd be fine if they just had the look and a musical taste similar to mine and shared goths' tendency to dislike religion, and weren't "gothic" in other ways.)
3) The goth thing is a problem in many other ways. Most goth girls who live around me--and they're unfortunately rare--are out of my age range, or taken. Most goth girls smoke--I COULDN'T DATE A SMOKER. Most goth girls are obese and that makes them unappealing to my eyes. (Plus I can't imagine making love to them, being the skinny fellow that I am.) Goth girls can sometimes be very nice, but sometimes they're incredibly bitchy and coldhearted, and because of my AS and sensory defensiveness I would need compassion from a lover. Another thing: goth girls who get the look down have a much higher tendency to be attracted to the look themselves, so of course they're going to want a boyfriend with long black hair and eyeliner. I can't stand wearing make up, haven't even dyed my hair black and don't want to because of my sensory defensiveness, and my hair refuses to grow long because it's wavy. Apart from wearing gothic clothes I don't fit within the look of the subculture that much. (I do still consider myself a goth guy because there's more to it than fashion and tons of goth guys don't really get the look right.) Please don't try to convince me that I should wear make up despite my SD; trust me, it's unbearable for me.
4) I have an obsessive, severe fetish for long flowing blood red hair--at least when it's on pretty goth girls. I don't mean orange hair, I mean the kind that's actually crimson and must be dyed. It's such a stupid thing, especially since I find actual blood a dead turn off, and especially since most goth girls with blood red hair tend to be at least a little psycho in some way. I've yet to meet one that wasn't. This is just irksome because...it's a HAIR COLOR. And I shouldn't be basing who I date on their hair color. But if I date someone who doesn't have blood red hair then of course they're going to find out about my fetish for it, and feel anxious whenever I talk to someone who DOES have hair like that. >.> It's just a big dumb problem that I can't help and can't explain.
5) The girls I like tend to already have boyfriends who are usually good, decent guys I can't even be jealous towards. That's the problem when you only date people who are nice and only date people you find visually attractive--they're almost always taken! Especially in the gothic subculture.
6) More often than not the people I am attracted to are people who I've met on the internet, who live far away, who I'm unlikely to ever actually meet in real life. If I lived near everyone who I met on the internet I wouldn't be having this problem.
7) I don't like approaching people I don't know in real life. On the internet it's no problem. But if I see someone I want to approach in real life, I get nervous. This is icky because I'm a guy, and women usually don't approach first even if they're interested; because of this I can't know if someone's interested or not, and if they're not, I feel terrible about it after. The goth thing comes into play here as well because I almost never see goths in real life except for at the local gothic/industrial club, and if approaching people normally is difficult, then try approaching someone in a nightclub! The girls there are always with friends, or dancing--so either you interrupt their conversations with their friends or you interrupt their dancing, and meanwhile you have to yell everything twice because nobody can hear you very well over the music. "HI! WHAT'S YOUR NAME?" "WHAT?" "I SAID, 'HI! WHAT'S YOUR NAME?'" "ONE MORE TIME?" Also, I just REALLY don't want to get a reputation there among the other regulars for hitting on all the pretty girls. I've also seen goth girls at the metal concerts I've gone to, but I don't go to them that often, since they're often expensive. You'd think that this wouldn't be a big deal with goths because goths tend to not follow gender roles as much, but...when it comes to this, they do. A girl can't go to that club without getting hit on. All my friends who I go with are girls, and they've all been hit on even though none of them are that attractive or even gothic-looking. But I've been going longer than and more constastantly than any of them and I haven't been hit on once, AND I look more gothic than them. I don't think that it's just that people don't find me attractive, because--not to sound arrogant but they do. Again, I've gotten waaaaay too many goth girls telling me I'm hot on the internet, and I had tons of girls get very obvious crushes on me in high school and middle school. So there definitely are people who find me attractive out there. It's gender roles.
So basically it's just a lot of icky issues that are in conflict with each other. Everything's set up to put me in the worst possible place when it comes to this. I can't change what I'm attracted to, I can't change what I'd need in a relationship, I can't change how other people are, I can't change the fact that I have sensory defensiveness.
I don't know what to do.
Last edited by Veresae on Wed Jul 02, 2008 5:25 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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Veresae
succubus bait
Joined: Feb 25, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 3215
Location: California
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 5:05 pm Post subject: |
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Just to be clear, here's a discussion of what I'd need in a relationship.
It says "you," but I'M NOT LOOKING FOR PEOPLE HERE, this is just an more thorough look at what I want. I'm too lazy to change the "you"s to "she would"s, so just know I'm not talking to you personally.
MUSTS/NEEDS:
-You must be completely female (sorry shemales). I only mean this physically--if, in terms of personality, you identify more with masculinity that's actually kind of a plus, because I identify more with feminity. (Not a good thing if you're a straight guy, believe me....)
-You must be in my general age range. (If you're over 27 or under 17, you're kinda out of my age range. Sorry.)
-You must be compassionate. I can give a lot but I am a strange and sensitive person even by gothic standards, and I require kindness. A romantic partner would have to understand that I gain no pleasure from many things that are enjoyed by most people, even most other goths. If you judge me by the rest of humanity you will likely end up telling me things like, "You don't like burritos? How can you not like burritos?" all too often. Similarly, you must be at least a little flexible, as I am very finicky and particular about certain things. I want someone who will be empathetic towards me when no one else is, but at the same time has enough of a backbone to be able to tell me when I'm full of sh**--in a kind way that shows she's trying to help me rather than just getting on my case. I'd need someone to understand that I had AS and SD; I'd need someone who wouldn't feel offended if I didn't like what she cooked, wouldn't be bothered if I wasn't at the table if she's eating something I can't stand the smell of (again, like Mexican food).
-You must be honest and true to your word, so not the sort of person who'll say, "I'll call you at this time tomorrow night," then forget about it. I want someone who can be honest, but say it in such a way that even when it hurts, the pain is minimized.
-We must share common interests, and share a common GENERAL taste in music and film. We don't have to have the same damn lists of favorites but if we have totally different taste it's not going to work.
-I must find you visually attractive. I have...unique taste in this regard, and some girls I find attractive see themselves as ugly, so you really can't assume I will or will not be attracted to you. This is kind of one of those things where you just try and see. If you're a hot goth girl I'll probably find you attractive.
-Maturity is also a must. If you always act like a little kid and take no responsibility I'll find it hard to trust or respect you.
I know it seems like a lot but I really would need all these things in a romantic partner. I don't expect perfection, but...
I DON'T want to date people who:
-Expect BDSM (I know--it's super hard finding goths who aren't into it)
-Smoke (ew stinky, why pay to kill yourself?)
-Are overly religious
-Currently attempt suicide (if you tried in the past then that's fine as long as you're not doing it now)
-Are untrue to their word
-Have no sense of humor
-Have no morals, or see being "heartless" as a good thing
-Think it's okay to cheat on a romantic partner
-Are racist or homophobic
-Have conservative politics
-Want kids
Now for the things I don't NEED, but if you have them it certainly helps:
PLUSES - Appearance:
-Blood red hair. Not orange, actually crimson--the kind that's dyed and never natural. It's a major fetish of mine, but of course it's not a requirement. I like it best when it's long and flowing.
-As I said before I have to at least be a little attracted to you, but if you are an UBER hot goth girl, with a pretty face, pretty hair and clothes and make up, great body, all of that--that's all a major plus. Appearances are not the most important thing in a relationship, not at all, but I'd be lying if I said they didn't matter. I tend to be most into the "darkly elegant" look, with the black lipstick and dark eyeliner and pale skin and pretty dresses with corsets.
-I like French and British accents, and European accents in general. If you can fake it, that works.
PLUSES - Personality:
-Eccentricity. I want someone who's strange, with quirks and eccentricities that make me giggle. I want someone who can giggle at herself. I want someone who can giggle at me and help me giggle at myself. Someone who's unafraid to be a little dorky sometimes. Someone unafraid to do their own thing regardless of what anyone else says
-Blunt honesty (but the ability to say it in a nice way)
-Confidence. I'm insecure. I want someone who will approach me first, make the first move, have the confidence I lack.
-Creativity, but ability to stand criticism of their work
-Romantic, but horny. Girls who love the idea of making love to someone they are in love with. Cheezoid though it sounds, I love the idea of finding true love with someone who, well, is also looking for true love. Someone who was very much into the idea of making love with someone who they were in love with, but did NOT underestimate love and think that they were in love with someone when they've only known them for weeks.
-I want someone who I have good chemistry with, where every conversation just WORKS. The casual conversations are fun, the serious ones are therapeutic, there's a mutual underlying understanding between the two of us, etc. Someone who agrees with my cynical views but also my romantic ideals. Someone who I have things in common with, a similar adoration for gothic culture and aesthetics. I want someone who I just enjoy being around. Someone who will dance with me. Someone who will hold me, love me, laugh at my jokes, tell jokes I can laugh at. Someone who can match my passion and individuality, but also my desire for love, for real human connection, for intimate pleasures with someone special.
-I want someone who knows how to calm me down or distract me from the things that torment me, but also someone who -I- can calm down and distract from the things that torment her. Someone who knows that we're all flawed and that we just have to trust our ability to change and improve and grow with the help of the people we love.
-I like the idea of being seduced. XD Not a one night stand thing with someone I just met...but a slower seduction...meeting someone, falling in love with them while their flirts become increasingly suggestive, peppering the conversations with naughtiness until one day, when I could actually trust her, that filthy talk takes the center stage and leads to full on seduction.
-Maturity
-Wisdom, depth, etc.
-Selflessness
-Geekiness...gamer girls kick ass (especially ones who like adventure games and RPG's).
-Independence
-Bisexual, for the simple reason that I tend to get on best with bisexual girls (it's that combination of masculine and feminine traits)
-Ability to type in a gramatically correct fashion
-Funny. Few girls actually get me to laugh much, but when they do it's a good thing.
-Liberal politics
-Passion, passion, passion!
Again, those last ones were all things I want rather than things I need.
So...I want to know...do I expect too much and if so how do I STOP expecting so much? How do I lower my standards? |
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Praetorius
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Feb 21, 2007
Posts: 190
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 5:14 pm Post subject: |
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When your list of criteria for an acceptable girlfriend resembles the U.S. constitution, you know that you need to lower your standards. | Veresae wrote: | | -Ability to type in a gramatically correct fashion |
You have to decide; are you looking for a girlfriend, or a secretary? |
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penny07960
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jun 10, 2008
Age: 44
Posts: 154
Location: US - right coast
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 5:47 pm Post subject: darn! I keep failing the age criteria! |
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Oh rats! I am too old.  Beside, I would expect BDSM by at least the second date. Doesn't every girl?
Seriously - chuck the silly list. Hang out and make friends. Don't put so much emphasis on the girlfriend part. From that pool of people, a girl might be right for you. But she won't fit your silly requirement specification, and you will still think she is "perfect".
Actually - now that I re-read your requirements, I think they are pretty funny. My fav is "I like French and British accents, and European accents in general. If you can fake it, that works."
I think you are pulling our legs. |
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n4mwd
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 08, 2008
Posts: 663
Location: Palm Beach, FL
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 6:06 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | 5) The girls I like tend to already have boyfriends who are usually good, decent guys I can't even be jealous towards. That's the problem when you only date people who are nice and only date people you find visually attractive--they're almost always taken! Especially in the gothic subculture.
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Dude, its like you got a check list to make sure that a girl is good enough for you or not. Your situation is not unique among aspies. Considering the track record of aspies in general regarding romance, I think you should seriously get rid of your expectations and go with what comes your way.
You need to forget about dating all together and just go with being friends first. If you are sizing up a girl against your image of your acceptable date, then you will never find one. If you look at her as a "just a friend", then you can get to know her without risk. Later, maybe you'll get to know the inner her and maybe it will be above your threshhold of acceptable female. |
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Veresae
succubus bait
Joined: Feb 25, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 3215
Location: California
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 6:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Praetorius wrote: | | When your list of criteria for an acceptable girlfriend resembles the U.S. constitution, you know that you need to lower your standards. |
The actual list of needs isn't as long as it looks--I'm just long winded about it.
-Female
-In my age range
-Compassionate
-Honest
-We have things in common
-I find her attractive
-Maturity
That's not expecting too much, I don't think. But the devil's in the details, which is why I'm long winded about it.
| Praetorius wrote: | | Veresae wrote: | | -Ability to type in a gramatically correct fashion |
You have to decide; are you looking for a girlfriend, or a secretary? |
Sorry, I can't help but find it a dead turn off when someone tYpEs LiKe ThIs or types like "u r funyn lol." It makes them sound dumb...hahah.
| penny07960 wrote: | Oh rats! I am too old. Beside, I would expect BDSM by at least the second date. Doesn't every girl?
Seriously - chuck the silly list. Hang out and make friends. Don't put so much emphasis on the girlfriend part. From that pool of people, a girl might be right for you. But she won't fit your silly requirement specification, and you will still think she is "perfect".
Actually - now that I re-read your requirements, I think they are pretty funny. My fav is "I like French and British accents, and European accents in general. If you can fake it, that works."
I think you are pulling our legs. |
I do make friends. I'd only be in a relationship with someone if I knew we worked as friends anyway. But friendship does not satisfy me.
I base my list on what I know I need and on the fetishes I'm obsessed with, not the other way around. It's not like I look at the list and check to see if someone matches it. It's just that I am VERY aware of what I'm attracted to and what I need--AND I can distinguish the two. I simply do not feel romantic attraction to people who don't fit into the needs in some way, and usually not ones who fit in the basic necessities. It's analytical.
I know it all sounds so silly but I assure you I'm being completely serious. I'm not pulling your legs. Why do you think it's so frustrating? Though, the accents bit isn't something I'm seriously obsessed over or anything...it's just one of those things I find attractive. I noted that the ones on the list of wants/pluses aren't ones I would expect or require, that's why they're on a separate list. |
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Praetorius
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Feb 21, 2007
Posts: 190
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 6:23 pm Post subject: |
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My list of attributes a potential girlfriend must have:
- physically attractive
After that, I keep an open mind. |
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t0
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Posts: 473
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 6:45 pm Post subject: Re: darn! I keep failing the age criteria! |
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| penny07960 wrote: | Actually - now that I re-read your requirements, I think they are pretty funny. My fav is "I like French and British accents, and European accents in general. If you can fake it, that works."
I think you are pulling our legs. |
I thought the same thing after I read it. Especially after reading the Fakeness of Men thread.
OP - I'm glad you've reduced your number of requirements, but I think you may need to compromise on some of the details. Let's say you found a non-goth girl that fits the other criteria, will go to and appreciate goth film/concerts, and would occasionally put on the blood red wig and goth outfit to satisfy your fetish. Is that good enough? What if she likes classical music and wants you to go to concerts of her choice? Are you willing to do that for her?
99% of adult relationships involve compromise. What are you willing to do? |
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Veresae
succubus bait
Joined: Feb 25, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 3215
Location: California
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 6:59 pm Post subject: Re: darn! I keep failing the age criteria! |
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| t0 wrote: | | penny07960 wrote: | Actually - now that I re-read your requirements, I think they are pretty funny. My fav is "I like French and British accents, and European accents in general. If you can fake it, that works."
I think you are pulling our legs. |
I thought the same thing after I read it. Especially after reading the Fakeness of Men thread.
OP - I'm glad you've reduced your number of requirements, but I think you may need to compromise on some of the details. Let's say you found a non-goth girl that fits the other criteria, will go to and appreciate goth film/concerts, and would occasionally put on the blood red wig and goth outfit to satisfy your fetish. Is that good enough? What if she likes classical music and wants you to go to concerts of her choice? Are you willing to do that for her?
99% of adult relationships involve compromise. What are you willing to do? |
As I said, if a girl has the gothic look, has similar taste in music as me, and lacks religion, that's gothic enough for me. And I like classical music. XD Classical-gothic is one of my favorite types, like Dark Sanctuary and Lacrimosa and Virgin Black. Yay. But if I absolutely hated the living sheet out of the music then I wouldn't want to go to the concert. My sensory defensiveness makes uncomfortable sensory stimulation just unbearable for me--I can't ignore it and I can't not be bothered by it--and even at concerts where I do like the music there are always tons and tons of things bothering me. Plus, concerts are expensive! So no, I wouldn't go to a concert for music I hated. That's why I said I need compassion and understanding--I'd need a girlfriend who wouldn't make me do such things, who wouldn't be bent out of shape by it all. Similarly, I wouldn't drag my girlfriend to a concert for a band she didn't like, which is why it would be important for us to have a mostly-similar taste in the first place.
Wigs, though, are blech and I'd prefer her to just have her normal hair to that...lol. I don't like the idea of someone I'm dating trying to change for me in ways that they wouldn't already be geared towards. I mean, if it was like, they didn't have crimson hair but would like to and just never got around to dying it, that's one thing...but expecting someone to be who they're not for you isn't ethical. I wouldn't expect a non-goth to put on goth make up for me. I'd want someone who was into these things of her own accord. You have to love someone for who they are.
I do understand the need for some compromises, of course, but these should be compromises that improve yourself as a whole rather than just gear you towards one person's fetish. I wouldn't want someone who expected me to wear a long black hair wig or to wear goth make up despite my sensory issues, for example. But I would want someone who expected me to retain maturity and control my anger and be a kind person. It's about two people improving each other with their love, not satisfying each others' fetishes when one person isn't what the other person wants. |
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Ancalagon
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 26, 2007
Posts: 243
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 7:11 pm Post subject: |
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Problem #1 -- You're too picky. You already know this. Go watch Shallow Hal.
Problem #2 -- You're treating this as a one way street. Girls have wants too. If you want someone wonderful, what about doing something to make yourself wonderful, too?
Problem #3 -- Some of your criteria nearly contradict each other. You're adamant about the goth girl look+culture, but just as adamantly against a number of things that often go along with that. To make things worse, you insist that this girl be local, too.
You might be able to find someone that met most of your highly important criteria that liked you back if you extended your search over the entire internet. You might be able to find a local goth girl with only a few of the don'ts on the list. You might be able to find a nice local girl with none of the don'ts that you might be able to talk into trying out the goth look later on.
It's not one thing, it's all these things put together.
I'm not generally attracted to asians, but Lucy Liu is hot.
I like redheads and brunettes, not blondes. But some blondes are gorgeous.
I very much dislike tattoos and smoking, but the girl I was most attracted to, ever, had plenty of tattoos and smoked.
_________________
"If you can't explain something to a six-year-old, you really don't understand it yourself." -Einstein
"Don't think outside the box - find the box" -Andy Hunt & Dave Thomas |
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Veresae
succubus bait
Joined: Feb 25, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 3215
Location: California
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 7:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Ancalagon wrote: | | Problem #1 -- You're too picky. You already know this. Go watch Shallow Hal. |
Yes, I know this, so there's no point in pointing it out. I asked how can I change this. Unless you're going to give me a suggestion that will actually help, please don't get on my case for it.
| Ancalagon wrote: | | Problem #2 -- You're treating this as a one way street. Girls have wants too. If you want someone wonderful, what about doing something to make yourself wonderful, too? |
Don't assume that I'm not. I've been working on making myself a better person for years now, and I've come a long way. I'm not having trouble in my quest to improve myself so I didn't get into it, except for the stuff that relates to sensory defensiveness, because that can't be helped. SD cannot be cured, and it cannot be avoided; if something is unbearable for my senses then I simply can't do it, it's like asking someone to always walk around with needles sticking under their fingernails.
| Ancalagon wrote: | | Problem #3 -- Some of your criteria nearly contradict each other. You're adamant about the goth girl look+culture, but just as adamantly against a number of things that often go along with that. To make things worse, you insist that this girl be local, too. |
Yeah, that was my second point in my original post. >.> That said, there are certainly exceptions out there. Just because someone's gothic doesn't mean they HAVE to like BDSM and smoke. I know exceptions, it's just that's the common thing.
And I never insisted that the girl be local, exactly. Just that it irritates me that the girls I like who I have a chance with always live far away. Trust me, online relationships don't work.
| Ancalagon wrote: | | You might be able to find someone that met most of your highly important criteria that liked you back if you extended your search over the entire internet. You might be able to find a local goth girl with only a few of the don'ts on the list. You might be able to find a nice local girl with none of the don'ts that you might be able to talk into trying out the goth look later on. |
I have scoured the internet for what I seek. I have been for years. It hasn't helped.
| Ancalagon wrote: | | It's not one thing, it's all these things put together. |
Yeah, that was my point, but I don't know how to change any of them.
| Ancalagon wrote: | I'm not generally attracted to asians, but Lucy Liu is hot.
I like redheads and brunettes, not blondes. But some blondes are gorgeous.
I very much dislike tattoos and smoking, but the girl I was most attracted to, ever, had plenty of tattoos and smoked. |
I never said I wouldn't date someone who wasn't normally my "type" but they almost never attract me. Even if you look at celebrities, I won't find most of them attractive. I don't find Lucy Liu hot. I don't find Jessica Alba hot. The celebrities that I think are hot always conform to my idea of dark beauty: Eva Green, for example, or Emilie Autumn. Eva Green isn't gothic and doesn't have blood red hair, but she still has this sort of dark elegance that is rare for people who aren't gothic. >.>
And consider what I said before about what it would be like for someome I was dating if they didn't have what I clearly wanted? |
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MartyMoose
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 01, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 702
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 7:30 pm Post subject: |
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My requirements
-Cute
-Quirky
-Intelligent |
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Veresae
succubus bait
Joined: Feb 25, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 3215
Location: California
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 7:31 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't know why I ever post here anymore. Nobody ever actually says anything helpful. Either it's telling me to compromise, or it's arguing with me, or it's getting on my case, or it's telling me to do things I've already tried and would be a fool not to have tried. I've obsessed about this, so I've thought about it a lot, I've tried all the obvious solutions, I am very aware of how difficult it all is. Please consider that. Don't think I have a choice in these matters. Don't think I've intentionally made things hard for myself. |
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merr
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 23, 2007
Posts: 683
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 7:55 pm Post subject: |
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| I dont know what to say besides perhaps to visit another town and check out their clubs if youve already exhausted the places in your area? Or to try one of those goth singles dating sites, which you probably have tried already. If you cant change what you like, there's nothing else to do but wait or go searching for the right girl- which I know you already have because you've mentioned it, but at the same time you havent been everywhere so there may be a chance that she is out there. It's difficult to change what you like sometimes if you've dreamed about it for years. So keep trying, considering you have a car, and go to some other cities to check out some people there. You may have to take a trip to europe... |
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pakled
"Bless his Heart"
Joined: Nov 13, 2007
Age: 51
Posts: 3044
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:05 pm Post subject: |
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I don't know from Goths (I predate them... but I think there's a lot of pressure if you're a Goth (or any subculture) to conform to a stereotype. I wouldn't be surprised that many of them may be a certain way, because they think that they're supposed to be that way.
It's true, for every condition that you set, you eliminate potential partners. If you set a lot of hurdles, you're going to cut off all but a few. If you're content to wait for that 'girl in a million' (and there's only around 7,000 of them on the entire planet..., then you can do that.
What I think we're all trying to say, is that you have sorta painted yourself into a corner. It might be cruel, but if you set too many conditions for finding someone, then you leave yourself an 'escape hatch' for why you don't find someone in the first place.
Just give it some thought. |
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