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Cyberman
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 826
Location: Telos
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 Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 1:16 pm Post subject: |
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| We also need to find a way to "kill" loneliness... it would save a whole lot of trouble for many Aspies. |
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slowmutant
FAITH HOPE LOVE
Joined: Feb 14, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 6597
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 1:33 pm Post subject: |
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| What kind of loneliness? Chronic or situational? |
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Cyberman
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 826
Location: Telos
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 1:50 pm Post subject: |
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| The kind you get from always being single. |
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LabPet
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 05, 2007
Posts: 1738
Location: Alaska
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 5:35 pm Post subject: |
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| poopylungstuffing wrote: | Funny....but there is a shade of that to it.
I am a "gift giver"...the subject rejected my gift...(i meant it as a barter)....so I take that as being rejected.
It made me feel very embarrased and cranky......
oh well...
I will also stop going to places where said person goes. Which will kinda suck because that is one of my few social/creative activities that I enjoy right out the window.
oh well. |
This is nearly a PM, but I have a question for you! You mention, above, you're a 'gift giver,' I am too! This often means small things, but I do this quite regularly. Just for example, last week I gave my academic advisor (neuroscientist), whom I very much like (not in a romantic way - I don't mean this to be confusing if I say it wrong!) a sprig of lilacs from outside. I gave him this with spontaneity and honesty but I guess I can 'see' how this wouldn't be done by a NT grad student. For my advisor, he's totally fine with this and understands - not a problem. I've picked up colorful stones from the ground and gave it to another - I guess this is like 'gift giving,' that sort of thing. I just do this, since always. My friend thinks this trait of mine is endearing, but maybe to another, it could be weird &/or misconstrued. I understand some with autism (I'm a HFA, by Dx) often do 'gift-giving,' it's quite common even. Animals do this as well. I've love animals and I've had my cat 'bring' me a mouse, shoiwng it proudly to me, and offering.
In sum, do you think this trait, explained above, can be problematic? What I mean by this: Do NTs misinterpret this.....as something else? I don't know.
Good luck kiling your limerance but I don't know if you can or should. I think it's also unrequitted love...that's sad - I'm sorry.
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same nightmare, different nap
Lab Pet, therapist slayer
Lab Pet's video: Autism is Synonymous with Science: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYelVlA7kDw |
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poopylungstuffing
Bohemian Cave dweller
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 33
Posts: 3840
Location: not otherwise specified
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 11:27 pm Post subject: |
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Oh goodness yes, I am a total chronic gift-giver...it is one of my main ways of social interraction with people. If I like them, I give them things. Even if I have a hard time dealing with them and often come off as rude because they rub me the wrong way or I have not gotten used to them.......I give them things.....Sometimes I will randlomy just give people/strangers stuff out of the blue.
Wow..that's really an AS trait? yikes.....I should start a thread about it. I also have the weird but irrepressable impulse where if someone compliments me on something I have, I feel like I should give it to them.
The guy is an artist. I tried to give him a large sketch pad in exchange for his art workshop, because I could not afford contributing to the model fee....(i am perpetually broke...but my folks buy me art supplies)......but he returned it to me the next day, after I had explained it was in exchange for the workshop.
I was so embarrased.
I had discussed with him the notion of bartering art supplies in exchange for the workshop...and he seemed to be ok with the idea....but he seems to forget what I say to him from one discussion to the next..I dunnow...
I thought i had discussed with him the fact that I am left-handed (as he is) multiple times...and then he will act as if he just noticed that I am left-handed...
I don't know where I would be going with getting involved with this person anyway. I AM already in a relationship (albiet we are moving towards being a somewhat open relationship)
I really don't know how people do this kind of stuff (polyamory). most likely I would just be setting the stage for humiliating myself and/or hurting the other person....it is tricky waters for a person who is blind to social cues.
Still it was kinda nice to have a source of inspiration outside my humdrum cave-dwelling existance for a while. Whenever I have an infatuation, i tend to use the energy it generates in a creative way.
But just as he says he is afraid to ask his models out for fear of seeming creepy, I am gonna stop going to his art workshops for fear of continually humiliating myself and/or seeming creepy. 
_________________
http://artshouston.ning.com/profile/Oliviadvorak
http://www.youtube.com/poopylungstuffing
"If the fool would persist in his folly, he would become wise"--William Blake
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slowmutant
FAITH HOPE LOVE
Joined: Feb 14, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 6597
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 11:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Polyamory is a bad idea. Is an "open relationship" really any kind of relationship? Or would you describe yourself as a "friend with benefits?" In that case, you're not really bf/gf at all, are you? |
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poopylungstuffing
Bohemian Cave dweller
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 33
Posts: 3840
Location: not otherwise specified
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 11:47 pm Post subject: |
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Polyamory is good for some people....like maybe people who live in San Francisco....but it is probably not the most ideal scenario for aspies....due to the whole social dyslexia thing.
However...I have actually met aspies who were polyamorous.
I don't know how they did it, but they did.
Flakey and I are very close. We live together and do everything together...We get along really really well....but he is not very good at being monogamous. I don't want to go much more into it..but there are several posts in the archives of the Haven....
As I said, I allowed myself to develop my stupid crush during a period when I was angty and bitter with him for his daliences. It occurred to me that the only way our relationship could survive is if there was a cetain level of flexibility involved.
I guess I am resigned to my daliences being in the form of idle crushes (which I do talk to him about)...
_________________
http://artshouston.ning.com/profile/Oliviadvorak
http://www.youtube.com/poopylungstuffing
"If the fool would persist in his folly, he would become wise"--William Blake
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Fuzzy
Ack! Thbbbt!
Joined: Mar 31, 2006
Posts: 1903
Location: Alberta Canada
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| Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 12:00 am Post subject: |
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I would think polyamory would be good for aspies. It would lessen the need for emotional support from the aspie.
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davidred writes...
I installed Ubuntu once and it completely destroyed my paying relationship with Microsoft.
"I spent an interesting evening recently with a grain of salt." -Mark V Shaney |
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Cyberman
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 826
Location: Telos
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| Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 12:03 am Post subject: |
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| Well sh**, isn't ONE hard enough to manage? |
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