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flowergal
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 13, 2008
Age: 37
Posts: 58
Location: Peaceful Countryside, USA
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 Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 8:05 pm Post subject: What about lying? |
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I have read that children with AS cannot lie. Is this true? Here is my questioning. My 7 year old son and 9 yr old dtr are possible AS, yet my son absolutely cannot lie, yet my 9 yr old dtr can and does. What is your take on the issue of AS kids and lying? 
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poopylungstuffing
"Ultimate Creative Oddball"
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 33
Posts: 4234
Location: not otherwise specified
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 8:15 pm Post subject: |
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I am not diagnosed, but I am somewhere on the spectrum, and i had a problem with compulsive lying when I was little. It was mostly outrageous tales, too rediculous to believe....but it did nothing for my social skills.
I noticed that my young cousin who might possibly have had AS sorta did the same thing.
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megarat
Hummingbird
Joined: Mar 03, 2008
Posts: 21
Location: Squirt Island, USA, Earth
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 8:26 pm Post subject: |
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Likewise with myself. I told crazy stories because I thought they entertained people (or made me feel less boring), but I also lied occasionally to escape trouble.
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2ukenkerl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 4860
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 9:07 pm Post subject: |
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I have a PROBLEM lying! I HATE lying! I used to tell the truth TO MY DETRIMENT! TODAY, I usually try to skirt around unjust truth, and am WEARY of unusual word choice in others. It is ASTOUNDING how many people lie and the manner in which they do so.
Did you know that various salespeople are TAUGHT to lie, and lie in a certain way? My FAVORITE(sarc) is insurance salespeople. They even have a special insurance "errors and omissions" to handle it. WHY? They may do something like make a mistake about what is covered, or the minimum, or OMIT the fact that "projected" is a pipedream that will likely NEVER happen! USUALLY, you get the minimum, IF you are lucky! |
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slowmutant
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 14, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 8640
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 9:19 pm Post subject: |
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| I am certainly capable of lying, but I am not particularly good at it. Always afraid others will see through the lie. Big lies are almost impossible for me to do successfully, while lies about trivial things are relatively easy. "White lies" are easier if you genuinely do not want the person to suffer the truth. Yet a white lie is still a lie, no matter the intention behind it. |
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AGMorehouse
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 01, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 204
Location: Wouldn't you like to know you stalker
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 9:44 pm Post subject: |
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| I have been capable of lying. I use to lie all the time- about my homework, about my behavior in school, etc. Even though I have grown to be more truthful, when I was younger, I use to be anxious about this, because I knew that sooner or later I would get caught. |
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liloleme
Velociraptor
Joined: Jun 09, 2008
Age: 41
Posts: 413
Location: California
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 9:57 pm Post subject: |
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| I told crazy stories when I was a child as well but can not lie to save my life. However, I have learned to abstain from brutal honesty. |
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trialanderror
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 90
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 10:35 pm Post subject: |
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| I think there are polar opposites that happen with aspies. I have heard of aspies that never lie and there are ones that lie more than tell the truth (like my daughter). It's an individual thing. I have a question on here about my daughter being a compulsive liar. After the advice I found that she needed more creative outlets. Once she had those, I was able to see that the underlying problem was sensory. She was dealing with so much at once, she was overloaded. For your daughter, look at the nature of her lies (like to get out of trouble, being imaginative, etc..) and start there. It'll show itself.Probably in layers. |
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gbollard
cosmic hobo
Joined: Oct 06, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 3269
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 10:44 pm Post subject: |
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| flowergal wrote: | | I have read that children with AS cannot lie. Is this true |
No... popular misconception.
Aspies, like everyone ... can lie.
It often feels more uncomfortable to us, so usually we wont.
Also, often aspies don't feel like there's much to hide, or anything to gain from lying.
and... we often feel guilty forever after we lie... so given an option for long-term pain, we'll avoid it. I still feel bad about specific lies that I told as a child - because to me, with my long-term memory, those lies feel like yesterday.
BUT
When an aspie needs to lie for one reason or another, they can become very good at it;
1. Lack of expression - we don't necessarily fall into the usual patterns of lie expression - in fact, we have gaze avoidance problems even when telling the truth.
2. Programmability - in order to lie convincingly - especially to ourselves, some aspies can change their memories... effectively not-lying.
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Programmer
Blue Jay
Joined: Mar 25, 2008
Posts: 80
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 10:58 pm Post subject: Re: What about lying? |
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| flowergal wrote: | | I have read that children with AS cannot lie. Is this true? Here is my questioning. My 7 year old son and 9 yr old dtr are possible AS, yet my son absolutely cannot lie, yet my 9 yr old dtr can and does. What is your take on the issue of AS kids and lying? |
I don't know about lying at a young age. My boys both 9 and Aspie can lie. Lying is all about rationalization. If you can justify lying, then it is okay. So for example "White lies" are justified to most NTs because they make people feel good. If you are very logical rationalization can be really hard because you need a logically consistent viable reason.
NT rationalization doesn't have to be logically consistent. It therefore is much easier for them to lie.
It is my belief that most Aspies can lie if they can justify or rationalize it.
ttyl |
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soulsister63
Hummingbird
Joined: May 05, 2007
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 4:48 am Post subject: |
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My son can lie & does but I have to say he's not very good at it which I think is fairly common among Aspies. He also tells very complex stories which I think he actually believes as he has an extremely active imagination & sometimes finds it difficult to differentiate between what is real & what he's dreamt.
Like what's been said I think it depends on the individual. |
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gbollard
cosmic hobo
Joined: Oct 06, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 3269
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 5:25 am Post subject: |
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I remember going to a haunted house in a carnival and being too lost (it was pitch black and I couldn't find my way) to go very far in. I didn't want to say that to my mother, so I explained how I was going fine past all these ghosts etc, but when I got to the pool of sharks I just couldn't get around it.
I remember being very surprised that she knew for sure I was lying.
Young aspies can tell lies but ... they're not very good liars at first.
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Gavin.
http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/ |
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slowmutant
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 14, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 8640
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 10:16 am Post subject: |
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| Lying is a skill, like basket-weaving. Anyone can show an aptitude for it. To say that NTs are better liars than Aspies or vice-versa may be a gross distortion. |
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FatherOfTwo
Butterfly
Joined: Jul 02, 2008
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 2:39 pm Post subject: Lying |
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| Our oldest son (almost 5) has aspergers and he can't lie. Maybe he will learn someday, but right now he doesnt understand lying or joking or kidding, etc. and actually gets really upset if you try to kid with him. |
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Trigger11
Shikamaru Nara
Joined: May 19, 2007
Posts: 7315
Location: Hidden Leaf Village
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| Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 3:05 pm Post subject: |
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I cannot lie, but will tell fabulous tales of wonder and excitement.
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