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Nidis
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Feb 05, 2007
Posts: 37
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 Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 2:22 pm Post subject: Are aspie couples happier with eachother? |
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I'm a big old aspie, I was only diagnosed two years ago so I grew up believing I was just a nut =p which I am. But in a country town, it meant a lot of camouflaging, imitating, you guys know the drill. But I managed some luck with dating, I had a few strong long term relationships in high school (I'm 20 now) but they all seemed to go bust when I (inevitably) eventually buggered it up. I've never actually sat down and talked with another aspie, it's a small town, but even moving to Melbourne the big city near by, I've still never conversed with another aspie. To cut a long story short, now that I KNOW what's 'afflicting' me (though I couldn't be prouder) I find myself connecting less and less with NT girls, possibly because I'm conscious there's a big gap between me and them now. Before I was diagnosed, I just had to wing it, and went ok. But now I'm starting to wonder if its specifically worth trying to seek out a girl with aspergers my age, maybe we'll be able to converse better than I could ever hope to with an NT person. I'm asking aspie couples out there, do you guys 'get' eachother the way I'm daydreaming about? Does the facts that you're both quirky and both know it draw you together moreso, or just double the awkwardness?
 sigh. |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 45
Posts: 4995
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 5:19 pm Post subject: |
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I am with some one who claims not to be AS but has more traits then I do....(he claims it is because he is Jewish and has MS, which is technically not neurotypical,sooo.) Point being we get along great because neither of us care about impressing others with job titles or show of money. Neither of us like to go out or socialize. We both spend a lot of time on our special interests and like to watch cerebral movies and TV (though he likes to watch the news and I don't). I really don't know how he puts up with me but he has never tried to change me and it is the first time in my 44 years...pretty amazing feeling.
I don't know if someones neurology matters but I do think that it helps if you share some basic interests (or the amount of time you like to spend alone) and sharing basic values. Most of my old BF had some aspie traits but all were to social and to controlling for me. That said...there are deffinately people with As I would not be able to date...we do have some pretty individual personalities that go beyond AS.
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Tim_Tex
WP's Resident Simpsons and South Park Aficionado
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 22319
Location: San Marcos, Texas
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 5:47 pm Post subject: |
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AS-AS relationship success varies by couple, because not everyone with AS has it to the same extent.
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merr
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 23, 2007
Posts: 683
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 6:16 pm Post subject: |
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You know, the problem may be that you are putting too much emphasis and dwelling on the fact that these NT women are different than you. You are treating yourself differently, almost exactly like someone who was NT would treat you differently if they found out about your AS.
My boyfriend has it, and when we first found out we had no idea what it meant. But I dont see him as different than me, even though I know he is. I think of it as no matter who I am with, we will have some differences, so this is no different. I see him as a person and not a label, and it works fine that way. Some things we do differently, but that can be expected from anyone.
It's only when that person attaches everything different to AS that the rift grows deeper and deeper and seems impossible to mend. There's no way he could connect with anyone if he saw himself as too different. Isnt it strange that when you saw yourself as no different your relationships where better with NTs? |
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Nidis
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Feb 05, 2007
Posts: 37
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 12:49 am Post subject: |
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Yeah it is =\ thats the joke... It's like I've forgotten how to do the suave/charming thing. As soon as I talk to any girl now, ever, they instantly place me in the friend zone. Every single one. It must be really evident that I'm trying or something, cause girls never seem to like guys they CAN have. I think what also might have a lot to do with it is maturity, you know how they say someone with AS whos 20, say, will be at the same wavelength as someone whos 15? I'm still totally happy to just go out and have dinners and go exploring and watch movies til we fall asleep.
Some girls were happy to do that in highschool, but 20 year olds all want to go drink and be swept off their feet by a dude who will say -the right thing-. Like theres a magic combination of words you say to unlock them =| I know a lot of girls, even as friends, and even just watching people at clubs, its the same old gag. I'm sure it's not just "NT PEOPLE LOL", I'm sure its a combination of age influence, culture (Australia isn't exactly notorious for romance) and a bunch of other factors, but they all seem to be working against me. The only girls I can think of who actually want relationships are in college and already dating the wussy drama/band guys. And I'm not in college yet - -;
Ehr. I'm just saying... maybe someone with aspergers would be a bit pre-conditioned to want to avoid all this pointless 'courtship dancing' that we're clearly not built for aswell.
________ This guy knows the score 
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Last edited by Nidis on Sat Jun 28, 2008 1:02 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Tim_Tex
WP's Resident Simpsons and South Park Aficionado
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 22319
Location: San Marcos, Texas
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| Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 12:50 am Post subject: |
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I prefer other Aspies because we're not obsessed with social status.
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When you need something, that's a responsibility, that only an adult...of my maturity...Bunnies!!!
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