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just-me
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 07, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 591
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 Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 1:01 am Post subject: Worried I may have D.I.D. |
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I'm worried I may have DID , because I black out when I'm stresed. I call it balcking out, but really what is happening is I'm having temporary amnesia where a peice of time will just be missing from my mind.
I first noticed this when I was listening to the radio. I would be listining to a song then all of the sudden the song would be over and a new song would be playing. I thought this was all in my head so I started recoring the radio. Shure enough when I played it back I would hear the entire song there (I just seem to not exsist during that perioud of time).
It really freaked me out but my mother said it was just me day dreaming . I wasent day dreaming! It was as if time had been fast forwarded and I wasent there to notice.
I toled my self it was nothing untill one day, I was walking down the rode and I was with my friends , three friends , 2 were guys and 1 was a girl. I was a block away from my rode and then all of the sudden I was at the end of my rode and the 2 guys were holding me back with all of ther might, and I was screaming let me at her let me rip her face off!
I backed off and calmed down as soon as I relised what I was saying. How did I get at the end of the rode? Why was I trying to attack my friend ?
I was so confused and I dident know how I got there.
A week later I was at another friends house talking to her and my other freinds , and I looked up and they were all staring at me . I asked why they were all looking at me like they were shocked. They said I had been talking to myself for the past 30mins .
I laughed and said Ive only just started talking to you guys.
They all continued to stare at me and I relised they were serious. I dident remember any of it. I last remeber my friend saying somthing and I was joining in the conversation.
I must have been talking for 30 min then replied to what she had said before I blaced out.
I never toled my doctor about me trying to attack my friend because I was worried he would have me commited.
But I kindof guess I'm like having multipule personalitys here.
That happend 3 years ago but it bothers me to this day, I still back out but no one seems to notice, I guess I just sit there motionless and dont talk. But I really dont know
I dont have enough money for psycotherapy so I just have to deal with it.
Does anyone know of free help in the usa for people like me.
I feel kind weird telling you all this cause it makes me look like a psyco but I want ot know if there are any resorces for free help.
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Gifted-Monster
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 13, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 211
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| Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 6:00 am Post subject: |
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I hardly consider you psycho.
I may not black out but I do talk to myself constantly.
I say inquire gently. Find out some symptoms of D.I.D, see if they match yours.
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"We will not capitulate - no, never! We may be destroyed, but if we are, we shall drag a world with us - a world in flames."
- Adolf Hitler |
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jat
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 30, 2008
Posts: 151
Location: Pennsylvania
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| Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 7:11 am Post subject: |
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Losing time, the way you're describing it, can be a symptom of D.I.D., but it can also be a symptom of other things, like PTSD. The more important thing is that you get some help with it - not because you're "psycho," (I doubt that you are), but because losing time and awareness can be dangerous.
When you're describing the problem, I would suggest that you not use the example of the songs on the radio, because someone listening will think it's like when lots of people just space out or become involved in something so they don't hear the song. That's not what you seem to experience, so the examples of the incidents with your friends are really much clearer.
As far as finding free or low cost help - do you have medical assistance? If not, can you get it? You would apply through your social security office, or your welfare office. If you're under 18, your eligibility is probably dependent on your parents income, although it depends on what state you live in. If you don't have medical assistance, are you covered on any medical insurance? Some medical insurance will cover some visits with a therapist, at least partly. Again, depending on where you live, some places have a sliding fee scale, where they charge less for people who can't afford to pay. Sometimes those places are at, or connected to hospitals. |
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MissConstrue
~Age of Aquarius~
Joined: Feb 05, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 11893
Location: Anywhere but HERE!
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| Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:02 pm Post subject: |
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Strange I've never heard of that but I've had seizures without any of the shaking and convulsions. I had people tell me I was staring into space. Since I've been on medication for that and anxiety, they've stopped. It could be form of a seizure.
Seizures are not all the same in terms of the symptomatic characteristics that are typical of them. But who knows.
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__Cheshire
6thSin:Envy |
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spudnik
Ain't I a Stinker
Joined: Feb 20, 2008
Posts: 3775
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada
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| Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 10:09 pm Post subject: |
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Missing time kind of freaks me out, I use to wake up outside when I was little, and never remember how I got there, my family thought I was sleepwalking, but they never caught me doing that.
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just-me
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 07, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 591
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:54 am Post subject: |
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Yea if freaks me out too. I refuse to get my drivers licence cause Of it . I wouldent want to be driving when it happens. My dad toled me I'm stupid for not driving , but I'm so afraid I might black out and hurt someone.
I ride the city bus and it takes and hour to get the bus if you miss it. Some transfers take up to 2 hours wait, but I do it because of this.
I was kind of hoping you guys would tell I'm not compleatly nuts. I dont want everyone on this fourm thinking of me as the crazy girl that blacks-out and goes sibil on everyone.
I've only done big things twice in my life and there both listed in this thread. Most of the time I just sit there not moving, then go back to what I was doing.
My mom says Ive been doing this sence age 3 , she said she thought it was sezures but never got me tested.
So tell me what you think I'm all worried you guys think I'm nuts now. 
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Postperson
The Daughter of Indifference
Joined: Jul 10, 2004
Age: 51
Posts: 2904
Location: Uz
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 1:24 am Post subject: |
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The fact that you are aware of and concerned about it means you're not nuts. If you were nuts you wouldn't know or care. I can't really advise, I sometimes wonder if I'm a bit multiple but then again, I don't really seem to meet the criteria - I zone out, daydream, can shift personalities quickly, I look different from day to day, it's never quite the same face but I don't know that it amounts to DID or MPD.
I think the sense of 'self' is very poor in autism, very fluid and in my case absorbent maybe, like a sponge, of others around me so I think that's part of the picture for me. |
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spudnik
Ain't I a Stinker
Joined: Feb 20, 2008
Posts: 3775
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada
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Bradleigh
Skilled Aspie Magician
Joined: May 26, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 4267
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 1:27 am Post subject: |
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I have had partial black outs and personality changes, it may be that there is a part of you that is a bit more primative. I don't think you are crazy, some of us just need to find a way to keep certain parts of ourselves from causeing trouble or taking over.
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7th virtue: Humility |
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Aaron_Mason
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 04, 2005
Age: 23
Posts: 630
Location: Bathurst, Australia
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 2:37 am Post subject: |
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The other day I apparently began talking to myself - like a full on conversation with myself. I was told the morning after and I had absolutely no recollection of it. I'm thankful I'm not the only one.
Someone in my thread said it could be attributed to a potassium deficiency. What's your potassium intake like? Mine was practically non-existent, so I've started eating bananas again (they were a bit pricey before and, being winter here, take forever to ripen). If your intake is low, it might be something to pursue.
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We are one, we are strong... the more you hold us down, the more we press on - Creed, "What If"
AS is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.
I'm the same as I was when I was six years old - Modest Mouse |
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just-me
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 07, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 591
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 7:50 am Post subject: |
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I eat alot of frute and bananas is one of the ones I like the best, so I dont think its that.
It happend a few years back but I still black out I just dont do anything during the blackouts now.
Ive been really depressed lately , I cant get away from my sistuation, my family treats me like crap, and I cant deal. So I'm slipping into a deep dark depression.
I go out side once a week to take the garbage out to the street, and I feel like I just dont want to be outside.
I dont want people to see me sad, I dont want the people on my street to see me like this.
They wont help me get away from here, so I just feel ashamed that I stay. But I have nowhere to go , so I sit in my room listining to depressing songs about how life sucks.
I feel so sad, I miss my boyfriend I miss him so much, when I was in his arms I felt safe.
It was the first time in my entire life I had ever felt safe.
He is really strong but when he holds me he is so gentel. When he holds me I feel like my father cant hurt me any more. I feel like my boyfriend would do anything he could to protect me from him , but he is so far away.
We are wating to see eachother again , and wahll I wait I feel like I'm waiting to be brought back to life. Its like I'm in a coma , I feel dead inside . I miss him so much.
I wish he was here with me now and he would just take me away from here far far away so I would feel safe again.
I'm so scared, and I just want to be with him. Its been over a year now sence I've seen him we talk every day but I dont feel alive . I only feel alive when he is here with me.
could you guys pleas say a pray for me and him. Could you pray for a way for us to be together and never have to be apart. please. I feel so broken inside and I need to be with him to feel ok. so please say a prayer for me.
God I'm just so sad right now. Ive been getting hardly any sleep lately. I got 9 hours yesterday night but last night I dident sleep at all and its 7 am now , and I'm crying cause I keep praying and god must not hear me.
I want to get away from here really bad, I cant work , I would be working if I could , I want to be with my boyfriend in the UK. I want to be with him.
Sorry if this post sounds jumbeled but I havent sleept . and I am not gona spell check it cause if I do I probibly wont post it, cause I usually dont open up this much on a fourm .
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just-me
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 07, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 591
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 7:59 am Post subject: |
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I feel like I did when I was a little girl and I ran from my father screaming somebody pleade help me some on help. He would beat me and no one would come.
I learned how hard this world was before I coulde even talk. I'm so sad ,I'm strong to but I'm sad. I wont let him win I wont . My father wont beat me. I dident become like him, he tried to make me be like him ,but no matter how many beetings I got still wouldent be a nasty person.
It just made me stronger and made me want to be a better person. I am a nice person. He never made me cruel like him. He is violent and he likes it ,he gets off on it.
I dont hate him because He hates so I refuse to hate anyone even him. I may say I hate him but I dont really , I dont think I have ever hated anyone.
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Just-you is my boyfriend.
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just-me
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 07, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 591
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Aaron_Mason
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 04, 2005
Age: 23
Posts: 630
Location: Bathurst, Australia
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 8:09 am Post subject: |
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It's great that you have someone you feel safe around, especially given your circumstances. Know that you are in my prayers.
On the subject, I think it's safe to say that the underlying theme of your prayers is salvation. Would God give salvation, or would He give an opportunity for salvation? Your boyfriend is a provision of this in spades. I really think if you were able to move in with him, he would be your ticket out of this situation.
Look for an opportunity to do so, and when it comes, grab it and never let go, regardless of where it takes you, because anywhere is better than where you are now.
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We are one, we are strong... the more you hold us down, the more we press on - Creed, "What If"
AS is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.
I'm the same as I was when I was six years old - Modest Mouse |
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just-me
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 07, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 591
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 8:17 am Post subject: |
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We want to get married as soon as he has enough money to get me out of here.
He is so wonderfull.
I never doubt for one second that I will leave here without a singel look back. I love him and he loves me.
He said even if I couldent work he would take care of me , or we would get a job together so he could help me adjust.
I know I wont miss this place, it has nothing but painfull memories, ever inch of it.
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Just-you is my boyfriend.
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