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trialanderror
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 90
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 Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 11:59 pm Post subject: AS parent needs help avoid shut down |
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| I am having a rough week. Everything is getting under my skin. I find myself snapping at everyone and have no real reason why. The kids (2 aspie) are having a problem with behavior, but not anything so over the top that I should be shutting down like this. I have had to make an extra effort to remind myself that I can be happy if I try hard enough. When I get like this I do one of two things, either I snap at everyone until they leave me alone, or I check out (by hiding or reading) until I get over it. Neither is an appropriate solution as I have three great kids to take care of. Admittedly we are having some financial trouble (who isn't), but usually I can let it go enough to smell the roses. It's just times like these that I get frozen in time and I need to get to the other side. When I was a kid, this is what I would feel and need to get extra attention from everyone around me for a little while until it was gone, but as an adult, I don't look for that. Now I get confused, almost like I forgot how to put one foot in front of the other. Like I don't trust in my ability to lead a normal life or do the things I want to do because I can't find my way. I am trying to use my note pads and charts/schedules to get me rolling again, but it isn't working well. I am not depressed- just lost. I know this is an aspie thing for me, but never having any idea about this as a child and not getting any direction, I don't know what to do. Any ideas? |
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annie2
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 18, 2007
Posts: 345
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 12:39 am Post subject: |
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I have heard of a lot of AS parents and children being helped by a natural supplement called Phosphatydil Serine. It helps in de-stressing and bringing clarity to brain function. See this thread for more info and people saying how successful it is:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt64975.html
This is my second post of including this thread in the past two days, so apologies if you've already seen it. |
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trialanderror
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 90
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 12:41 am Post subject: |
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Forgot to mention that when I get like this in the past as an adult, i get the uncontrollable urge to cut off all my hair. I spend so much time trying to grow it out and then I have an episode like this and spend hours finding the right pixie cut and get it chopped off. I feel like a different person with a fesh start afterwards. I don't know how my hair would look long because it hasn't had the chance to grow since I had the authority over it. I had this problem again tonight and am struggling to leave it. I want to at least SEE if it suits me longer, but I want so badly to change my appearance to start fresh and new. It helps sometimes. It has been a year and a half since I chopped it off last and although it is very hard to manage right now, I don't know if that will remedy itself with length. Why is this such an issue for me. Maybe I like audrey hepburn too much!  |
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ouinon
chemical reaction
Joined: Jul 11, 2007
Posts: 3446
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 4:45 am Post subject: |
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That is very interesting about the hair, because I have had the same thing for quite long periods. To the point that yes have not managed to grow my hair below ears for 15 years, and previous to that episode not since 1988.
I find it "soothing" cutting my hair, getting into the fine sculpting shaping removing excess, reducing, essentialist feeling get doing it.
The cutting sessions tend to happen when ever am approaching certain anxiety/load level, which at many times has been once a week or even every few days.
Have not done it so much in last 6 months; not sure if is because of the relaxing "mechanism" of belief in god which puts me "in the moment" when I remember to do it, or because not eaten gluten for 9 months. Or because have almost completely stopped drinking coffee.
But yes, as AS mother of AS/PDD 8 year old know what you mean about less/little opportunity for the long stretches of peace/shut down time that I used to have before motherhood.
And yes is often intolerable and I snap snīpe, criticise, moan, react intensely to the slightest deviation from routine or slightest noise, etc etc. And that has not diminished in recent times. It is worse when I'm stressed, and I have worked out that coffee stresses me.
Have to take time off. Only solution usually. Though like I say the belief in god , like a mantra, the concentration in the moment that it procures, has been working since January time to give me instants of sudden phew/relief.
_________________
"Life is pain; anyone who says different is selling something" |
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flowergal
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 13, 2008
Age: 37
Posts: 58
Location: Peaceful Countryside, USA
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 6:51 am Post subject: |
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Wow Trial and Error, you sound like you are describing me! I don't know that I am an Aspie, could be. I had a lot of OCD as a kid, only a little now that I am older. I have 3 kids, 2 that are possible Aspies, awaiting evals. But the hair cutting thing....that is me too! I too think it is a control thing and I agree with what Ouinon said that it is "soothing." It is. I have tried to grow it long for 10 years, I just cannot do it. But I sure feel better when it is short. I have been wanting to cut it shorter lately. I can completely understand the "snapping" thing. I too have moments where I feel lost, and use charts/notepads, etc...to try to stay on track. I homeschool my kids, so I am big on schedules too. I think I may look into the natural alternative that Annie2 mentioned. Hang in there...you are definitely not alone. 
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"When life brings you to your knees, you are in a good position to pray!" |
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EvilTeach
Sea Gull
Joined: Mar 15, 2007
Age: 48
Posts: 211
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 9:03 am Post subject: |
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| Try prozac |
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trialanderror
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 90
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 9:45 am Post subject: |
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| Its a shame that so many have to deal with this. I guess it is a matter of control. Everything else seems to be adding up to too much and the last thing I want to do is fight with my hair to look good. Not much bad it can do when it is short! I am homeschooling as well. I try and find ways that the kids can get out and be on their own. It is so hot here right now, it is hard to find anything that is free (air conditioned events are expensive). As for religion, I grew up christian, but the older I get the more I tend to steer more towards the facts rather than the "beliefs". The transition to finding where I stand there, I'll admit, is playing a huge roll in me feeling lost since I grew up being scared into faith. If anyone wants to talk off this site about that, I am happy to do so. I don't want to turn this into a religious thing as to not offend different beliefs. |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2398
Location: new england
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 9:55 am Post subject: |
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i'm NT and have gone through periods of time when i desperately "need" to cut my hair- haven't had my hair long in years !
for me personally, what's helped me through these periods of time has been the new revelation that i am a much better person/mom when i take time every day for just me.......i get to do something for just me. no one can interrupt me. sometimes, my time doesn't happen until everyone else is in bed, but at least i get time to do something for myself. i find that if i begin to stop doing things for myself- whether it's because i'm busy, or forget- well, my anxiety levels begin to increase and i find coping much more difficult. i begin to resent others- and that is so very unlike me...... |
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Dragonfly_Dreams
Deinonychus
Joined: May 19, 2008
Posts: 332
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 10:02 am Post subject: |
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| Wow. The hair cutting thing is so me. Perfectly described what I do and why my hair gets cut. |
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trialanderror
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 90
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 10:10 am Post subject: |
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| Is giving into this need to chop my hair off just exacerbating the problem? I have OCD as well and have found through exposure therapy that you have to face your demons and little by little they aren't so scary. Cutting my hair gives me such relief, but am I allowing this to be a vice when I shouldn't? I am learning about OCD and AS all at once and trying to better myself so I can lead my kids into a better and brighter future. There is so much that everything is starting to wash together and I can't tell what is ritual, melt down or nothing to worry about. |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2398
Location: new england
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 12:37 pm Post subject: |
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if you feel an urgent need to cut your hair, and it is a compulsion you simply can't stop-no matter what- then that's an issue....if you impulsively cut your hair one day because you simply want a change- then that's a bit different.
in the end, how much time exactly do you spend worrying about your hair ? |
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kitsunetsuki
Toucan
Joined: Feb 01, 2007
Age: 38
Posts: 256
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 5:10 pm Post subject: |
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| "everything will be alright if I just cut off all my hair" in our house that is code for I am too upset to cope now...when i was on a kid I was given a medicine that made me have a psychotic episode I ran around yelling that and trying to cut of my hair, thankfully my mom stopped me I was also hallucinating, but still if I am stressed I often want to cut my hair, I have before although not terribly short anymore, i wonder if its a common urge. i do know having it trimmed and stuff or getting my husband to brush it can calm me, I wonder if it's related to stress and grooming like an instinct gone awry, i also rearrange furniture when real stressed which drivers the rest of the family crazy. Perhaps its a need for control? i never thought anyone else felt that |
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trialanderror
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 90
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 5:16 pm Post subject: |
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Once it becomes something I think to do, it spend an hour or so looking at pictures on the internet. Either it bores it out of me or makes me want it more. If I want it more, I begin to plan when I can go and get it done and am often impatient to get to it. Like right now, I would love to have it done tomorrow, but do not have the money right now, even for a cheap one (which I am very picky for this short of a do). So I decided to wait until I have the cash. The compulsion does not outweigh reality of finances, but the urge is there underlying the whole time. I have the thoughts that if I could just go get it cut then I would feel better and be able to handle organization better. I have to say, though, that I was able to get the curriculum for one of the kids put together for this next year of school even after deciding that I didn't have the money.
Maybe I am making too much of this. I mean, I have heard a lot of women say that they feel more confident in themselves after a good haircut and they have mentioned feeling more put together. I guess when I walk past a mirror I see a mess and a ponytail is all that will tame it. Like I said, the line between being female, hormonal, AS or compulsive gets so blurred. It IS imortant enough to write about this, though. I am having an internal struggle that says "You are a big girl and can do what you want" and "what if this is another compulsion? maybe you shouldn't give in".
In the long run, I am trying to get a clear picture of impulses because my youngest is almost identical to me. In addition, if I decide to do this, I need to prepare her for the change because she doesn't do well with it. Is it possible to have an impulse like this that is ok to act on? |
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KimJ
Legend in my own mind
Joined: Jun 11, 2006
Posts: 2538
Location: Arizona
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 7:52 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Forgot to mention that when I get like this in the past as an adult, i get the uncontrollable urge to cut off all my hair. I spend so much time trying to grow it out and then I have an episode like this and spend hours finding the right pixie cut and get it chopped off. I feel like a different person with a fesh start afterwards. |
Okay so have we discovered a new AS trait or is it simply a stim. I think a lot of NTs use hair grooming as a stim too. It's kind of a cliche for women/girls to cut their hair right after a break up. I avoided cutting my hair off when my husband left me but this weekend I felt stressed and kind of frozen. I cut off my hair! I feel like a new person and have had some radically different ideas since. |
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trialanderror
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 90
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| Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 9:52 pm Post subject: |
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| I rearrange furniture, too. I haven't done it in a while because we are at a rental and it isn't "my house", but I used to move room to room even. Everyone always made fun of me,but changing things around me when I was stressed made it feel like a fresh start and things could be different. One of my favorite places to change things around was the kitchen. My husband got to the point to where if he wanted something from there he would stand in the middle of the kitchen and say" do we have..." or "where is the ..." without even looking for it. I guess we train those around us how to act! |
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