Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 12:55 pm Post subject: Lonely
When I work on my public access show, I express my true opinions about society, emotions through puppetry animation in a humorious fashion. For example one of the biggest plots on the show is a goverment called "Society Corp" that wants to take away silliness and the freedom of laughter away from people but it's actually how I feel the world really is.........
Away from the show, I usually say to myself when I feel down "I was never ment for this world."
As most Aspies think (well, based on my own experiance having it), interests are not just hobbies and interests, BUT YOUR SOUL! And I'm starting to realize that now when I've but my interests aside a few times and picked them back up again.
My thing is humor and art. Visual Humor mostly.
I love wackiness and sillyness and satirical humor and dark humor, etc. Though I wished that I had a girlfriend who shared the same interest as mine.
Plus another thing that I'm starting to notice is that I don't like feminine women. I only like Tomboys / Punk Tomboys.
I'm starting to think that I'm androgyne (meaning not feeling like I fit into being man or women).
I want a strong girlfriend, the body of a women but the mind of a man. A masculine women.
My favorite fictional Tomboys are
Haruko (FLCL)
Tank Girl (Graphic Novels & Movie)
Walttz (Some Kind of Wonderful (Movie from 1987)
Is it a typical Aspie feeling where if you feel that there's no one around you that shares your interests, you feel trapped or feel that you were never ment for this world?
I've fallin into depression because of this, My parents never understood why I had outbursts and mood swings. They just figure that I have AS and I need to learn how to control myself.
Anyways, I want a Tomboy girlfriend who loves humor. But I don't know where to look.
It'll come when I least expect it or at a job someday my parents would say.................NO, That's mainstream I think. My kind isn't wanted in the mainstream.
I want a masculine Tomboy and have kind of a role reversal relationship. She can be the masculine one and I can be more feminine. (Not so much like I'm going to wear a dress, but more mentaly for the relationship)
Anyways, I want to go out and socialize, even with punk girls.
But where.
There's not manly places to socialize anymore.
Punk Clubs are usually load and packed.
I don't know where I can dance with someone my own age (20).
I'm thinking of computer dating, NO not MySpace...............SOMEWHERE where it's not as likely to have mistakes made.
Anyway, I'm lonely. SouthEastern CT and RI is a desert town for me. And I'm starting to slowly lose my self confidence.
Is it a typical Aspie feeling where if you feel that there's no one around you that shares your interests, you feel trapped or feel that you were never ment for this world?
Yes. And for me, it's especially bad, because most of my interests aren't shared by many women.
Joined: Feb 23, 2008 Age: 24 Posts: 11696 Location: Dobson, North Carolina
Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 1:58 pm Post subject:
I think so. There is no one I can relate to where I live and I've often felt like I wasn't meant to be of this world. In fact I wonder if I'm even human.
But my solution is simple: I must leave this dump I live in some day and go to a place where there are more people like me/us. _________________ Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
-Confucius
It's interesting you hit on wanting to be in a heterosexual relationship with a woman who thinks like a man, with you taking on some of the feminine characteristics.
Usually men with feminine characteristics are assumed to be homosexuals, and are disliked by women, or at the very least tend to be overlooked by women. Aspies are apparently a different kind of animal altogether, and they don't fit the mold, so they are misread when the normal rules of interpretation are applied to them.
As a child I was sometimes mistaken for a girl, and made fun of for it. Once recently I was mistaken for a woman on the phone. Someone told me I look like Mia Farrow. So I'm a man who looks like a woman who looks like a man? What is that? And why did that same person tell me to check out this song? And why do I sort of like it?
Despite all this I fit with most male roles quite well, such as being very good at fixing cars and figuring out problems, conducting scientific research, and expressing a desire to care for women. I know what I feel and crave, too. Other stereotypical male characteristics don't fit, like how it doesn't come naturally for me to pursue a woman who is giving me negative signals. I tend to break off the pursuit if it seems she isn't interested. I have also been told I tend to be passive, and that I have other personality traits and behaviors that might be construed as feminine.
Some of these characteristics might work out OK in a long term relationship, but to get there I have to go through the dating process, which involves behaviors that don't come naturally for me. Sometimes I think I'd like to bypass that. Some of my difficulties with reading people and with differences in behavior evaporate only after I get to know people very closely. _________________ You should get to know me better. No one's ever what they seem.-- Shirley Manson
Last edited by sgrannel on Thu Jul 10, 2008 3:07 pm; edited 1 time in total
Joined: Apr 25, 2008 Posts: 1259 Location: Cyber Control
Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 2:55 pm Post subject:
I am nothing, if not my interests. Unfortunately, my main interests are first-person shooters and action/sci-fi stuff, which isn't what most women are into... and I don't have many interests which involve being around other people. I don't plan to change who I am for anybody, but my anti-social interests come with a price.
Still, it's probably better to be alone, and not have to deal with all the "drama" involved in relationships, since most of them fail anyway. It's like what they say... "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."
I am nothing, if not my interests. Unfortunately, my main interests are first-person shooters and action/sci-fi stuff, which isn't what most women are into... and I don't have many interests which involve being around other people. I don't plan to change who I am for anybody, but my anti-social interests come with a price.
Still, it's probably better to be alone, and not have to deal with all the "drama" involved in relationships, since most of them fail anyway. It's like what they say... "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."
I agree, all my interests are solitary and not something that I would want to share with anyone.
each time i try being friends or even around people I get it wrong and find the stress of it paralising. I cant even cope with online friendships and find them stressful.
I was definately not meant for this world and have felt this since a small child. I am alone and will always be alone as I cant connect with others, I often wonder if Im human or some kinda sub human creature.
Joined: Jun 21, 2006 Age: 45 Posts: 4995 Location: Village of the Damned
Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 3:59 pm Post subject:
It took me awhile to figure out that I am not a male trapped in a female body. I think it was based on some stereotypes of what each gender was "supposed" to be. Now I realize that I am just not gender specific and do not like either gender in its extreme. I no more want to act male then I do female. I am both and neither and prefer people who are similar in that regard. Most of my relationships are with guys who are more female then male but they don't have the female traits I don't like either.
I also spent a lot of time in my younger days with Death-rockers and punks and "some" of the female and males are androgynous but some of the punk females were very macho-worshipping. The Death-rock females seemed more open to males who were more feminine.
You might want to redefine the traits you have and those you like in others based on the trait itself and not genders ? _________________ Just because one plane is flying out of formation, doesnt mean the formation is on course....R.D.Lang
Joined: Jul 06, 2008 Age: 41 Posts: 14 Location: California
Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 1:08 am Post subject:
Wow, at any age, we all have so much in common. It makes me sad to read about the younger ones on here considering suicide, etc. I seriously considered suicide when I was younger, and I also felt at times that I must not be human because there were no humans I could relate to. My thought processes seemed so different from everyone elses!
I also have always been a little male/female mix mentally. The women I always admired growing-up were the tough/powerful ones. I liked Pat Benetar and Sigourney Weaver (spelling?) At 41, I still don't wear much make-up, my ears are not pierced, I own about 4 pair of shoes (no high-heels), and I'm not into jewelry, etc. I'm not "butch" but I'm not super feminine either. I am attracted to men and very much want a relationship, but I do find that my quirks get in the way. oh well...
Please, all the young people on here, don't turn on yourselves. I know it sounds cliche, but appreciate how special and unique you are...without the bitterness that comes from being misunderstood. It is lonely. I don't have all the answers and I'm still trying to work things out. But, I will never consider suicide again, and I will never hate myself again because life is way too short for that. It goes by quickly. Enjoy all your amzing interests, and don't be afraid to pursue the life you're dreaming about.
These Replys are very interesting, thank you everyone.
I LOVE PAT BENITAR TOO!
That and the young Suzanne Vega and
Bananarama.
I love 1980s Tomboys, Esspecially Waltz from the 1987 film Some Kind Of Wonderful.
Anyway, I've been asking questions on Answers.yahoo.com about where to find masculine boyish Tomboys and most in not all of them responded "Have you ever thought about being gay"?
I posted this question in 4 different catergories, all in the social threads.
I know that I'm not gay. I don't find men attractive, nor do I find feminine women attractive. Only Tomboys.
Cute girls that dress and behave like men.
All I asked was where can I find Tomboys like that. I feel so lonely at times. I still live with my parents and I'm mostly home with them, I'm going to learn how to drive this fall and the only transportation I have is when my mother comes to pick me up for the day. My parents are hard working people who don't want to go anywhere else but home at the end of the day.
Plus I can't let them know that I like boyish Tomboys or they'll think I'm homosexual or something. They are homophobic so I have to hide anything related to that. That includes my sticky notes that I have to quickly put in my pockets first thing in the morning. DVDs of Tomboy Characters, Music, and my Book "Sissys and Tomboys: Gender nonconforming and Homosexual childhoods). There's rarely any information on Tomboys or is there in society today. My feeling is that they were in the mainstreet from the late 1970s - early 1990s. The only closest girls that I can think of is Punk Girls but since i'm not in the subculture, I don't think they would ever be interested in me.
Joined: Nov 04, 2007 Age: 25 Posts: 179 Location: Staring at the Sea
Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 1:35 pm Post subject:
Don't be ashamed or hide what you're interested in, being submerged in your interest is what will sustain you more than anything else. It may also lead you to finding others who are into the tomboy-culture. The world is large and forked. As for your parents, whatever ridiculous half-a-millisecond-judgement they may jump to is a) their problem, and b) softened if you maybe ease them into an informed and exact scope of what your interest in tomboy-culture is. Let them read this thread!
I suppose I'm similar, but that's possibly because I'm so into my own interests - such as computers - and that is a heavily male-dominated field of interest. The few girls who are real computer geeks are often pretty tomboyish, and I don't mind that a bit.
However, I don't mind feminine girls, they are arguably more physically attractive to me. In terms of relating to them meaningfully, however, it's often hard to make much more than a patronizing relationship.
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Esspecially Waltz from the 1987 film Some Kind Of Wonderful.
