 
Support Wrong Planet Awareness!
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Can relate to either one or both |
| yes to all |
|
100% |
[ 3 ] |
| no to all |
|
0% |
[ 0 ] |
| yes to family disconnection and no to sound sensitivity |
|
0% |
[ 0 ] |
|
| Total Votes : 3 |
|
| Author |
Message |
ericc
Raven
Joined: May 22, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 102
|
 Posted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 8:27 pm Post subject: Parent Anxiety: Personality disconnection & LOUD TONES |
 |
|
6:30pm Even though I already made a parent related thread, this is relating to something different.
First off, I want to say that my parents are nice and caring.
Even though I'm doing well not showing my emotions are any action of expression, I still find myself trying to calm down a few nights weekly. This must be an Aspie thing, I don't know. I'm completely different from my parents. I'm a carefree yet sensitive androgynous inside male with Asperger's who thinks in great detail. My parents are Serious introverted Society Norm Conformists who question anything they find unnormal.
I just have anxiety living with them. I'm moving out next year since my appartment will be ready by then so it's nice that they feel that I can do well living on my own.
But anyways my main point is, I feel personality wise completely different from my parents in lots of ways in which I don't feel connected to them much at all.
Plus I've mentioned in the thread "Still hiding in the closet" that I'm both Androgyne and Bi-gender who is attracted to Masculine men. My parents know that I'm sensitive but they just think it's part of Asperger's Syndrome. I'm starting to feel that it's not. Confusion and mental understanding and times where people are angry at me cause me anger and anxiety. But I feel at times that I don't want my parents to keep thinking about my Asperger's if I have a problem. Plus I'm starting to have second thoughts on my wardrobe. I want to dress more Androgynous.
Anyways, I have times in my life where I just want to roll up in a ball on the floor and cry because I have times where my anxiety is just terrorable. It's totally about having no one close in my life. I wished that I had an older brother or sister. I'm a only child. Plus I'm starting to hate the male gender role and having to wear Callone and men clothes. I'm not saying that I should just ware dresses and put lots of make up on, I'm just saying I want to look more Androgynous. Maybe silk shirts, a little bit of mascarra and pink lipstick.
Anyways here's my point. I feel my parents because of their conforming of social norms and being parents their porpise is to educate. They treat my like an adult, maybe too much. LOL But anyways, when I'm upset and I want confort. Forget it, they aren't going to give me a hug and say that everything is going to be alright. They are just going to get pissed off at me and say, your an adult, ACT LIKE ONE!
But anyways, those days are gone because I'm now responsible for my own emotions now. I'm just lonely and sad because I can't connect to anyone in my life. I'm not close to my parents. My best friend I'm somewhat close too on and off. Somedays I feel we are best friends, other times I feel that we are totally different people.
UGH, Got my parents puppies barking like crazy and my parents yelling as loud as possible to "SHUT UP!" I know it's not directed at me but................AXIETY USA, esspecially when I'm trying to enjoy the things I live behind their back like pranks, satire and masculine girls in which they could question me like crazy.
The truth of the matter is, is I'm scared. I need someone close and someone who I can connect too.
update 8:23pm
Well, I feel relaxed now. I don't know, it's when the dogs are acting up, I hear my parents raising the tone of their voice. I don't like yelling. it scares me, it gives me a haunting in secure feeling and my anxiety gets horrably high. My parents always thought that this was rediculous and told me in the past that I should just toughen up.
The two sounds that cause my anxiety is loud angry tone voices and flying insects.
Now This part is Totally 100% Autistic / Aspie. No doubt |
|
| Back to top |
|
Transmogrifier
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 16, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 73
|
| Posted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 10:10 pm Post subject: |
|
|
You aren't alone. My parents expect me to act like an adult, too. The good thing is you're leaving your family soon, unlike my very traditional Chinese parents who expect me to live with them until I marry and expect me to give them lots of money when I get a job. They get disappointed if I tell them I plan to live alone.
Don't worry about the androgynous thing, some men wear silk shirts and mascarra and pink lipsticks, some girls like that. I know a few who go crazy over feminine looking men. You can use that as an excuse to dress like that.
Hope you'll find a great companion soon. |
|
| Back to top |
|
ericc
Raven
Joined: May 22, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 102
|
| Posted: Fri Nov 14, 2008 6:23 pm Post subject: Update: 11-14-08 / Please Respond |
|
|
I'm startig to feel mentally that I should stop trying to be the nice person in my family and be a part of it. It's a lie. Anyways, I thank my parents for getting me to college, help me with money, food, clothing, home to live in and all that stuff but living with them feels like a reality show where you can't stand up for yourself.
I can't stand their nagging. I bet each and every time they see me, I bet the line that pops in their head is "Oh Christ, here's Eric the person with Asperger's Syndrome again." That'll all they know about me, that and I'm a cartoon comedy geek. But here's the thing. There's so many clues to result to my Androgynous Gender and they don't say anything about except "You gotta toughen up!" or "You'll never grow up".
I rarely argue with my parents, I just don't talk to them. I only answer their questions and that's it because that's kind of what they do with me. Even if I say a statement that deserves and answer to either a "mm,hmm" or a "I hear ya", I get freakin silence.
MY parents are introverted, serious, norm conformists with no sense of humor. Do you know what that's like for a creative humor loving Androgynous Aspie as myself?
I can't wait until I leave here.
I hate hearing and seeing them.
I wish I could cry every single night just to get something out of me but I can't.
I just want to scream at them but here's the thing.....
1. They told me that I'm mature enough to live on my own and I don't need anyone to confort me, I have to deal with my emotions myself (a.k.a. need to learn how to be alone).
2. I got to still act like the stupid nice normal kid of the family until I leave. I feel that I'm always playing someone other than myself. I'm never confortable with them. Plus I tired of wearing masculine clothing and have to act like a emotionally stable man who doesn't need a life partner.
I'm surprised my parents never ask me anything regarding to "Any attractive women at your college?". There's one at my college, I think I overheard her name "Ellen". This might sound weird to a lot of you but she's so handsome. She has short hear that looks like a soft version of Elvis' hair. She wears a dark jacket, a blue or green shirt and men's jeans. I think I heard her talk to a friend of her's about how she works out a lot. Then she was showing her how she does push ups and sit ups. I was on my laptop when she was doing that and fortunatly, she was right next to my chair.  
I really love Butch Women, but most of them are Lesbian unfortunatly. So one part of me says "I'm screwed" and another says "There might be at least one who's Bi".
Plus I'm attracted to the personality type "ENTP".
Butch + ENTP = AWESOME.
Though I can't be too picky so I can always just go with Butch.  |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
