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kgl61
Emu Egg
Joined: Jul 01, 2008
Posts: 1
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 Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:02 pm Post subject: My son will not apply himself to his schoolwork |
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| My teenage son has been diagnosed since age 6. He is now in senior high school and is quite capable of doing well. The biggest problem is that he procrastinates all the time and leaves it too late to get assignments completed on time. He completed his junior high school without having to do much work at all, it was easy for him; but now it is critical he do his best in assignments, as his grades are assessed on both exams and assignments. He manages to stay out of trouble most of the time and does well to control his emotions at school, but i think his release for this is probably that when he comes home from school he either watches television or plays games. He needs to get on task with his school work, or he may as well leave school and just get a job. Also he does not like getting things wrong, so he has to discuss with other people what he thinks is correct for his schoolwork/homework. Does anyone have any suggestions to get him back on track. Banning games does not work, and in our house he is the only one left at school and to be honest the house is no longer conducive for someone doing study. I would appreciate any feed back |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 44
Posts: 4973
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:20 pm Post subject: |
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If you went ot work for 8 hours a day...do you feel like coming home and doing some more work right away or do you need some down time to relax ? I never could study when I first came home. Sometimes a nap,reading something "fun", a walk out side or other activity, helps to "re-set" the brain.
What exactly do you mean, "the house is not condusive for study right now" ?
Procrastinating is a huge problem for many of us on the spectrum. It is a bad habit but one shared by many NT's. We also have a problem with being "perfectionist", sometimes to the point of putting soemthing off because we are afraid to make a mistake.
I'm sure someone will come along with practicle advice. I just wanted you to know that these are common problems for many AS. Have you asked him for any suggestions he would have on a schedule that might work for him?
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Nan
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 02, 2006
Posts: 3088
Location: left coast
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:31 pm Post subject: Re: My son will not apply himself to his schoolwork |
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| kgl61 wrote: | | My teenage son has been diagnosed since age 6. He is now in senior high school and is quite capable of doing well. The biggest problem is that he procrastinates all the time and leaves it too late to get assignments completed on time. He completed his junior high school without having to do much work at all, it was easy for him; but now it is critical he do his best in assignments, as his grades are assessed on both exams and assignments. He manages to stay out of trouble most of the time and does well to control his emotions at school, but i think his release for this is probably that when he comes home from school he either watches television or plays games. He needs to get on task with his school work, or he may as well leave school and just get a job. Also he does not like getting things wrong, so he has to discuss with other people what he thinks is correct for his schoolwork/homework. Does anyone have any suggestions to get him back on track. Banning games does not work, and in our house he is the only one left at school and to be honest the house is no longer conducive for someone doing study. I would appreciate any feed back |
no offense to teens, but he sounds like a teen. 
sorry i can't help, as i was awful like that, and so was my kid. (never found a way to motivate her,once she realized that school was pretty much a joke.)
the best of luck to you with him, though!
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2ukenkerl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 4622
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:33 pm Post subject: |
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I TOYED with saying the same thing krex just did. Elsewhere, I have posted about how my first school considered flunking me because I didn't do the homework. They DIDN'T, because I was the best in my class on tests. Those were the days! I literally BEGGED for harder work!
And YEAH, I was a perfectionist, and procrastinated to find the best way. |
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schleppenheimer
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 01, 2006
Posts: 953
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:38 pm Post subject: |
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The only thing I can think of to say is that, if you haven't tried this already, sit down with him and together plan out some kind of strategy for getting assignments done.
My son is only in middle school, but he has this kind of problem. Our older son (now 22) had this problem, but he was undiagnosed and we weren't sure what was going on with his schoolwork. He would do the homework, then wouldn't hand it in. Or he just wouldn't do some assignments. Somehow, he made it out of high school alive, and is doing better with college.
With the younger son, I've been wondering what I will do for him when he has the same problems as your son in high school. I've been wondering if using his interest in computer software or techno-gadgets would work in handling assignments, either some kind of software or using a palm pilot to keep track of assignments. My older son uses Google calendar to keep track of some things, and REALLY uses his phone, with all of the alarms to go off and audibly remind him of what he needs to do next. Seems to work for him.
Kris |
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alpinedon
Emu Egg
Joined: May 22, 2008
Age: 37
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 7:16 pm Post subject: sounds familiar |
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| Wow, that sounds soooo much like what I was told for twelve years of school - you're not applying yourself, your not focused enough, etc. etc. As someone who has been recently diagnosed, all I can say is this: i got basically zero support growing up. It was all just 'your not applying yourself, your not focused enough' ad nauseum. So what I want to say is this: be understanding, talk to your child's teachers, get creative, find ways to help someone who is probably exhausted from social stress by the time they get home. Just be supportive, try not to criticize. For some of us school is a nightmare! |
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gbollard
the oncoming storm
Joined: Oct 06, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 3080
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 9:52 pm Post subject: |
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(Sorry about the length of this response - I didn't intend to sound like a book....)
1. Talk to the school and find out exactly how many hours of homework is expected per day - you might be surprised by the results... they should give you a lower figure than you expect...
2. Tell your son about the hours and ask how he feels about it.
3. Discuss with your son the idea of setting some time aside for homework - ideally, the same time every night - and not as soon as he gets home. for example; if the time is 2 hours, you could choose from 6.30 to 8.30pm. Be flexible - particularly if he has other committments, sport etc..
4. Make sure that both parents are available and approachable during that time. Be assistants when required, not police. It's a good idea to OFFER to proof-read essays etc, but not demand to. Show that you're interested in your son and his work. Also, make sure that siblings know that he is not to be disturbed during those times.
5. Make it clear that all homework and assignments should be completed in that time. If he doesn't manage to complete homework - because he's been given too much, then take his homework or homework diary and write a comment in it to that effect. Make it clear to the teachers that you will not make him work past required hours. If he does so, it will be his choice.
6. If your son finishes his homework before the required time, this doesn't mean he's off the hook. Free time during the study hours is for assignments and studying.
7. Allow your son to study in his own way. If he wants death-metal blaring during his study then fine... so long as he's getting the work done. If he's studying on the computer, make sure that he knows that it's no-game, no-browsing and no-chat time.
8. Don't crowd your son's non-study time with things. If he does his study he should be relatively free. Sure, you might want to get him to set the table but be considerate about the chores you give him... remember, he's tired too.
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Programmer
Blue Jay
Joined: Mar 25, 2008
Posts: 80
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| Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 12:33 am Post subject: Re: My son will not apply himself to his schoolwork |
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| kgl61 wrote: | | I would appreciate any feed back |
If I am anything to go on: school had no purpose to me. Although the information was interesting it was dribbled out at a rate NTs could comprehend. Thus really really boring to me. Marks had no meaning to me since they didn't get you anything. I am not convinced that giving them meaning (paying for them or something) would have had any effect. It might work.
Somehow I managed to get through university and get on with life and suddenly my mental skills as a programmer had meaning. I could out code anyone and get paid a lot for doing what I did. My biggest issue was dealing with people, but my "Useful Quotient" far outweighed how much I annoyed people. I only tended to annoy the emotional people and they rarely got to make any decisions anyways. Being a consultant and moving around helped a lot.
How does this help you? Ok here are the notes that might help.
1) Many people get bored out of their skull in high school and do badly. Especially Aspies. But if he is at all Savant he will do well in life.
2) You could try paying for assignments. It would give them meaning. ie allocate his allowance to completed assignments.
3) You could try changing the speed of assignments get him to type them so he can do them faster. Time him to complete them to make it a challenge.
4) Get him assignments that are challenging to him.
5) Challenge him to finish all the assignments for the year in the first month. Once he has completed the year have him research something interesting like Quantum theory.
6) Get the teacher to guarantee that he gets the same mark on assignments as the exam if he hands them in complete and on time. No risk for him.
7) Try to get him into a martial art (to impress females). It may help regulate his schedule better.
Good Luck |
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Tracker
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jun 17, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 177
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| Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 3:41 am Post subject: |
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I remember my high school. I really didnt do the homework. I would just do something quikly 5 minutes before it was due and hand it in for marginal credit. That was fine as I always got an A on tests, so my average grade turned out good.
Really, most of high school 'education' is fairly useless. High school is more about giving teenagers a place to stay so they dont join street gangs then actually providing useful info. The information is givin out so very slowly that its mind numbing. I could have easily finished all of high school in a few months if they took out the useless crap and condensed it into a challenging course.
Your son is probably like me in that he sees the assignments as useless. The info being taught is so simple that he doesnt need practice. Or if its things like memorizing dates in history class then he probably thinks it is pointless busy work (which it is).
What saved my sanity durring high school was taking classes at a vocational school. This is the one I went to:
http://www.oakland.k12.mi.us/Services/CareerFocusedEducation/TechnicalCampusNortheast/tabid/294/Default.aspx
I spent half my day there learning things like programming, robotics, AutoCAD, hydraulics, etc. Basically I got to learn something actually useful. I still had to do pointless homework like diagramming sentances, but I had alot less to do then my classmates because I only had half the useless classes. I dont know where you live, but if your high school offers something similiar to this, I would look into it.
As for tips on making him do homework. Just think of what would work if somebody wanted you to scrub the floor with a toothbrush. He views homework with about the same interest as that. |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2309
Location: new england
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| Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 11:26 pm Post subject: |
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| here we've had similiar problems. comes down to perfection. sometimes son won't turn in work that he thinks is not "perfect"- hubby was the same way.....son has gotten better, but i can't honestly say why. |
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technologyforever
Raven
Joined: Jul 02, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 110
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 1:04 am Post subject: I had the same problem until grade 9 |
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My Dad offered me $10,000 a year to get a b- average or better. It worked now I am going to college and taking classes I want, so it worked.
which is 8 percent of his earnings |
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mysterious_misfit
Deinonychus
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 390
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 9:44 am Post subject: |
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I've always had that problem with homework. It was not so much that I didn't want to do it, I couldn't do it. I would sit and stare at my work and do it all in my head, but was for some reason unable to put it down on paper. I would lose hours staring at my homework. I knew how to write, I could write, but I just couldn't do my work. I think it would have helped if someone would have sat with me and encouraged me to keep on task. I've noticed I kind of lose inertia when I'm by myself, but if someone is near me, I can like, 'borrow' their energy. I don't know what that means. 
It's not laziness. It's not an emotional choice, or really a choice at all. I've just started learning about executive function, and I think that's what the problem is. I don't believe in punishment. Punishment doesn't work. I think some of it is perfectionism. I had so much anxiety about it not being perfect, that I couldn't do the work unless I knew I was going to do it perfectly. Also on numerous occasions I would complete assignments, but then I was too 'shy' to hand them in. I didn't want attention for things I did well. Or I thought the work wasn't good enough to turn in. Especially with essays, if I put a lot into it, then I would feel it was just too personal for my teachers to read.
It's really hard being a really smart kid, then having problems with executive function. Because all your teachers know you are very capable of producing top-quality work, and your parents know you are smart enough to get things done by yourself. But then you just can't make it happen, and everyone thinks you are just being lazy, not applying yourself, not trying hard enough, not working to your potentional, and blah, blah, blah, it's all your fault, you are choosing to be lazy, and ought to be punished.
I believe that if I had external structure, it would have been easier for me to complete assignments. I needed (and didn't get) a study hall in school where a teacher asked me what I was working on and kept me accountable every day. Like I said before, I could borrow other people's energy. Whatever that means? |
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whatamess
Velociraptor
Joined: Aug 28, 2007
Posts: 491
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| Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 2:43 am Post subject: |
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One more reason to homeschool...
I thank God that I had a wonderful French teacher...I NEVER did my homework, and other students actually complained to her...her reply was always, "the day she does not get a 100 on a test, then you gals can complain about me not harrassing her for not doing her homework, until then, leave her and me alone...and go do your homework..." hehe...I loved her and the class...probably, the ONLY teacher I can say that I truly loved in my 13 years of school, most of which I hated... |
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fbug
Hummingbird
Joined: May 04, 2008
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 1:36 pm Post subject: |
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I not sure I would worry too much about that myself. I had a similar problem where I did not turn in all of my class work, although I still achieved high scores on the standardized tests (I once was placed in a Gifted and Talented program the next year.) I am now a college graduate and I have also been accepted into graduate school. By the time I started college I have learned the importance of completing my assignments. Of course you should still encourage your son to apply himself the best he can. I know I could have used more encouragement when I was in school (being held back a grade the one year I DID turn in all my work and got all A's most certainly DID NOT help  .) |
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