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windscar15
Velociraptor
Joined: Feb 17, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 431
Location: San Jose, California
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 Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 5:50 am Post subject: 300, god where do I begin? |
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Its overrated, its dumb, its mindless.
The fact that its so popular with that damn SPARTAAAA!!!!! meme is indicative of the generation we live in. Where movies don't need plots and acting and actual presentation but instead stupid advertising sound bites that annoy the piss out of people and fancy effects that can be a bit overbearing.
I didn't even like the comic that much, to be honest. Frank Miller tries too hard to be gritty and dark to the point where he's become the new Todd McFarlane. |
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Quatermass
Yahtzee's Protege
Joined: Apr 28, 2006
Posts: 16814
Location: Somewhere with a sweet hat and a chip on my shoulder
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 6:00 am Post subject: |
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I made a satirical movie review of that movie under the pseudonym of Lenny Moult, a sort of mix between Mary Whitehouse and Fred Phelps.
Ressurrected from that thread...
| Quatermass wrote: | Okay, my satirical review of 300.
300
Review By Lenny Moult
(OT: It's just a pseudonym, just my twisted movie reviewer persona)
Oh, how I long for the days when gory historicals just meant a few hundred badly-dressed extras, and a few buckets of Kensington Gore*. When actors declaimed their lines in a dignified, Shakespearian manner, rather than a shout that sounds like the malodorous cacophony that young people call music nowadays. The rot set in when some little upstart called Kubrick made that film Spartacus. Then, that other w***** Ridley Scott had to go and 'revive' the genre with Gladiator. I do not call it a revival as much as necrophilia.
And now, Zack Snyder has made 300.
First point of issue: the title. No self-respecting film has any numbers in the title. Indeed, no self-respecting film would have a title that was just a number. But I digress.
This waste of good celluloid was based on a comic by one Frank Miller. I heard he is credited with the revival of Batman. That's another case of necrophilia, but once again I digress. All comics are a waste of good paper that can be used for newspaper, to tell people what is really happening in the world, instead of some imaginary one, or a screwed up version of history.
The plot is that King Leonidas is the king of Sparta. Well, not exactly 'Sparta', but rather 'SPAAARRRRRTAAAAAAAA!!!!' He is told by a messenger that King Xerxes of Persia demands tribute of earth and water, or else Sparta will burn. And in the face of all diplomatic sense, Leonidas screams in his face, and kicks him down the well.
Hilarity ensues.
I won't bore you with everything I hate about this film, just some highlights:
*There's enough blood to recreate the Black Knight scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which I reviewed back in '74 (editor: yeah, he gave it four puke-buckets).
*The Spartans are depicted as ridiculously muscled he-men with muscles the size of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, and casting Daisy Wenham as a Spartan was the worst casting decision since Ed Wood cast his chiropracter as Bela Lugosi.
*King Xerxes is portrayed as an effeminate gangsta covered in so much bling he can hardly walk, and the Persians are portrayed as monsters, when they were really (racist tirade edited by editor).
*The backgrounds are too arty-farty and unconvincing.
*The mangled rendition of 'As Time Goes By' during the Warner Bros logo.
*The rock music. The ancient Greeks didn't have no bloody rock guitars and synthesisers!!!!
This sordid film is 111 minutes of imbecility, and only cack-heads should go watch it. I suggest wearing cotton-wool glasses to help soak up any blood your eyes will bleed.
RATING: 5 decapitated heads.
Note: This review of 300 is satirical in intent. I invisaged my fictional film critic as a mix between Roger Ebert, Mary Whitehouse, and Malcolm Muggeridge.
*Kensington gore is this, from Wikipedia. Python fans will be familiar with it from Sam Peckinpah's Salad Days and the Black Knight Sequence.
| Quote: | | 'Kensington Gore' was also a trademark for fake blood used in films and in theatre. It was manufactured by a retired British pharmacist, Mr John Tynegate, during the 1960's and 1970's, in the village of Abbotsbury, Dorset. Many varieties of blood, having various degrees of viscosity, shades and textures were available. Since Mr Tynegate's death, the name "Kensington Gore" has become a generic term for stage blood. |
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At moments when monsters spawn in by rising up from the ground, it turns the action into a gory, protracted session of Whack-A-Mole.
-Yahtzee on Clive Barker's Jericho |
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twoshots
Honorary Vertebrate
Joined: Nov 27, 2007
Posts: 1811
Location: NJ
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 1:37 pm Post subject: |
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That which is mindless is not necessarily stupid. 300 is a reaction to contemporary aesthetics and culture as much as anything. Rather than bemoaning the fall of culture, you and your like ought rather to engage in an intelligent deconstruction of the movie and its success.
For the record, I didn't much like it.
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"My strength is that I can laugh at myself."
"^Your weakness is that you have no choice." |
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Delirium
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 25, 2007
Age: 18
Posts: 589
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 6:31 pm Post subject: |
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I've never seen it. All I know is that it's inspired a thousand Internet cliches.
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IdahoRose
Imaginary Friend
Joined: Feb 25, 2007
Age: 17
Posts: 4437
Location: Boise, ID
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 1:45 am Post subject: |
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| I saw Meet the Spartans, and I got the gist of the basic plot of 300. It seemed kinda cool, actually. And this is coming from someone who usually hates movies. |
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victorvndoom
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 20, 2008
Age: 40
Posts: 314
Location: europe: belgium
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| Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:49 am Post subject: |
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you saw the comic version or the version with comedians :p
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sorry for been rude sometimes or emotionless or hurting feelings ; i got as for something
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pakled
"Bless his Heart"
Joined: Nov 13, 2007
Age: 50
Posts: 2743
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| Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 6:06 pm Post subject: |
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well, it's a good thing they succeeded, or this blog would be in Farsi...
btw - the Iranians hated it the moment production was announced... |
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Veresae
Putrescent And Flummoxed
Joined: Feb 25, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 3181
Location: California
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 4:38 am Post subject: |
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| It's a flawed and overrated film, to be sure, but I think it's very pretty and very very fun. |
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Elemental
Sea Gull
Joined: Apr 05, 2007
Age: 27
Posts: 239
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 2:28 pm Post subject: Re: 300, god where do I begin? |
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| windscar15 wrote: |
I didn't even like the comic that much, to be honest. Frank Miller tries too hard to be gritty and dark to the point where he's become the new Todd McFarlane. |
He's gone downhill even further. Have a look at All-Star Batman & Robin if you don't believe me, but for heaven's sake don't pay for it. It's one of those things where you can't mock it, because every humorously exaggerated claim you could make about the content is already there. I half-suspect it might be Miller playing an elaborate joke and paradying his usual style.
My own opinion, FWIW.
The over-the-topness of it all didn't bother me. The whole story is being told by a survivor for propoganda purposes, so the monstrous Persian soldiers or the giant wolf with glowing eyes make sense as exaggeration & myth-making.
The problem, really, was that it lost a lot of focus compared to the graphic novel. In the GN, the subtext I got was that "A free and civilised society is only possible because an effectively insane society is willing to protect it.", which may or may not be agreeable, but at least it's coherant. In the movie, there was just ranting about vague "Freeeeedom!". And ironically, there wasn't enough fighting. It felt like the Greatest Hits collection of Thermopylae, rather than an extended and relentless seige. |
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Roxas_XIII
Shur'tugal (Dragon Rider)
Joined: Jan 09, 2007
Age: 17
Posts: 1361
Location: Somewhere over Alagaesia
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 8:53 pm Post subject: |
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Hey, don't diss the SPAARTAAAAA!!!! Although I've never seen the movie and don't plan to, at least the SPAARTAAAAA!!! was ok....
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Atra esterni ono thelduin un atra du evarinya du varda.
<---My dragon doesn't like you... |
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z0rp
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 05, 2008
Age: 15
Posts: 537
Location: New York, USA
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 9:03 pm Post subject: |
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| Very overrated. |
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twoshots
Honorary Vertebrate
Joined: Nov 27, 2007
Posts: 1811
Location: NJ
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 9:09 pm Post subject: |
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Search your feelings people - you know that deep down, no matter how mindlessly violent it was, the real flaw was that it didn't take it far enough, but instead mixed in a horribly generic tale of a woman fighting a sexist society in what was otherwise a surreal testosterone festival. It's like getting psyched for a football game and then having a goddamn tea party.
I liked the main plot actually, and I think a lot of the criticisms are invalid and remarkably obtuse.
Except the ones about the racism. Those are well founded.
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"My strength is that I can laugh at myself."
"^Your weakness is that you have no choice." |
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ToadOfSteel
Extremist Moderate
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 2402
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 10:12 pm Post subject: |
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| I wouldn't watch the movie, but it created some stuff to make the internets interesting for some time... |
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victorvndoom
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 20, 2008
Age: 40
Posts: 314
Location: europe: belgium
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 3:59 am Post subject: |
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i recently read the comic
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sorry for been rude sometimes or emotionless or hurting feelings ; i got as for something
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Macbeth
Thane of Bar and Cellar
Joined: May 28, 2007
Posts: 1379
Location: UK Doncaster
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 7:13 pm Post subject: |
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| twoshots wrote: | Search your feelings people - you know that deep down, no matter how mindlessly violent it was, the real flaw was that it didn't take it far enough, but instead mixed in a horribly generic tale of a woman fighting a sexist society in what was otherwise a surreal testosterone festival. It's like getting psyched for a football game and then having a goddamn tea party.
I liked the main plot actually, and I think a lot of the criticisms are invalid and remarkably obtuse.
Except the ones about the racism. Those are well founded. |
Racism Smacism. Its a film about perception and legendry. So the persians are all bad guys, portrayed almost demonic and monstrous.. exactly as they would be perceived in the eyes of those fighting them, and probably spot on the effect that they wanted to achieve to put the shits right up anyone they faced. People should really watch all the extras on the DVD because it pretty much says that word for word, in the words of Miller himself. Its the film of the amphora.. the same ancient greece where Perseus slayed the Kraken with the head of Medusa, and Jason sailed in search of the golden fleece. It was not ever intended as a serious historical docudrama, or a biopic of leonidas. Funnily enough, films have also been made about the mythical events i just referenced, and nobody ever accused them of being "historically innaccurate."
So.. whilst we are moaning about how unreal this LEGENDARY TALE is, perhaps we should also bemoan the genuine lack of military cognomen displayed by the Pevensie children in Narnia.
As for "anti-persian" sentiment.. (Persianophobia?").. we live in a world where "persia" pisses and moans about almost every damn thing that happens anywhere involving anything. I for one will not let such misguided sentiment disrupt my enjoyment of this FICTIONAL film where MYTHS happen as told by a STORYTELLER inspiring troops to battle.
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