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FatherOfTwo
Butterfly
Joined: Jul 02, 2008
Posts: 12
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 Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 8:21 am Post subject: When should you tell children about autism? |
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Hello! Sorry, I'm new here and have been posting a lot lately 
Ok, so we have two boys, Henry - 3 and Zeke - almost 5. We are sure Zeke has aspergers and Henry is currently lower functioning autism and doesnt talk at all and rarely responds to his name or commands, but is really improving a lot lately. Henry has been evaluated and have done the IEP and he is in a special preschool and is currently in a summer autism camp.
Anyways, we have to give extra attention and special consideration to Henry a lot and I think Zeke is getting jealous and also he asks why Henry can't talk.
We are wondering if we should explain to Zeke about Henry AND we are wondering if we should explain to Zeke that like Henry, he also thinks about things a little differently than other kids. We have been having some trouble with Zeke's behavior lately and are wondering if it would help to try to explain to him that he has some special abilities (like being a musical whiz and photographic memory) but that also has a harder time with some things. He starts kindergarten in a couple months and we are terrified about how he is going to interact with other children, so we don't know if talking to him about his specific condition would help or hurt.
SO, here are the questions:
1. Is now the right time to tell him?
2. If we do tell him, what is the right way to approach/explain it to him, without sounding like he is broken or bad or something, because we dont feel that way at all, he is really an amazing kid.
Thanks!!!!! |
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2ukenkerl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 4583
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 8:36 am Post subject: |
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| YEAH, tell him now. Make it clear there are BENEFITS, and that you appreciate him the way he is, etc... His brother may even come around as some HERE have! |
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Willard
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Posts: 583
Location: Confederate States of America
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:19 am Post subject: |
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Five is too early for a child to absorb any comprehension of a disorder like AS. If you tell him at that age, he will get the impression that he's different and 'broken' no matter how you word it. Kids that young don't need to be made to feel different, they are only beginning to have a sense of themselves as individuals as it is, and at that point being as much like everybody else as possible is vital.
The Asperger facts-of-life can wait a few years, and shouldn't really be dumped as a REVELATION anyway. There's no initiation ceremony involved. Just mention it in casual conversation as specific examples of 'thinking differently' present themselves. You are not handing a crutch to a kid who's just lost his leg, don't make it that serious, or it will become the excuse for every difficult social adjustment they ever find themselves faced with.
The world is not going to graciously adjust itself to accommodate them, ever. They need to learn to cope with daily reality as it is, difficult or not. There is no other choice. So please don't make it seem to them that there's some impassable barrier in their path every day of their lives. Thinking differently also means being able to find inventive ways to skirt around the status quo.
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"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel - but I am, so that's how it comes out."
- Bill Hicks |
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Roseduelist
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jul 09, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 151
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:21 am Post subject: |
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| I think the perfect time you should tell him is when he starts to notice that he is "different" than his classmates...and when you do tell either of them, make sure they realize while it is a part of who they are, aspergers isnt ALL of who they are. Dont let them mope around about it all the time, but if they feel sad about it its okay. Also, while help and tolerence is nessecarry, you must let them realize that they cant use it as an excuse to get what they want. |
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Chibi_Neko
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 24, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 969
Location: Newfoundland, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 1:20 pm Post subject: |
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If you take him to doctors appointments or certain therapy courses related to his autism, let him know why he is going to these places.
I was never told about my AS until I was 13, and I had to ask my father about it, he was very open about it and was suprised that mom didn't tell me. He said that while it was autism that I have, the doctors said that it was a type that I would grow out of many of the habbits I had, and then would just be Aspergers. I then began to ask "If that's all it was, then why did mom keep me at the hosptial all that time?"
My father wasn't sure, putting me in the hosptial wasn't his idea.
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Humans are intelligent, but that doesn't make them smart. |
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annie2
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 18, 2007
Posts: 309
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 4:40 pm Post subject: |
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I would go for the "drip-feed" approach if I were you. Focus on the issues that Zeke can see through his five-year-old eyes. Perhaps talk to him about needing to help Henry a lot more because he hasn't learned to talk as quickly as other kids do etc. If Zeke is noticing some of his own differences, talk to him casually about how he is really great at some things, and also needs a bit more help with learning how to play with people etc. Then add information over the next few years as you need to. (I am guessing you will probably end up getting a diagnosis on Zeke at some stage. There's probably no point telling him he has Aspergers/autism without it being confirmed.)
My son was diagnosed AS at 6 yrs old. We didn't tell him at that stage, but continued to work on his issues with him. We started a scrapbook about him - a number of pages dealt with explaining emotions and when he felt them, and what he could do to deal with negative emotions. He would fill in the blanks of things I wrote, or write some things himself. When he was 7 yrs old we used the scrapbook to explain that the doctors think that his brain works a bit differently. I listed three of the ways his brain worked better than most people, and three main things we needed to help him on. A few months later I just casually mentioned that there was a "big word" to describe it called "Aspergers Syndrome" (just so he'd heard it). At 8 yrs, I've just started him on a book called "Asperger's...What Does it mean to me?" (by Catherine Faherty) which he works through with a pencil and circles the things that apply to him and explains autism.
Oh, and BTW, don't feel you have to apologies for posting heaps. It's what the site's all about. |
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katrine
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 24, 2006
Posts: 550
Location: Copenhagen
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 5:34 pm Post subject: |
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IMO not telling is like saying there is something wrong with being an aspie. Make it something positive!
Also, I think your son may later feel you weren't honest with him - like an kid who isn't told he's adopted, and feels betrayed and shocked when he fianlly knows.
I would warm up by using the word Aspergers around him, and at some point tell him he has Asperger's. He probably won't even batter an eyelid - kids are often like that. Tell him that's why he so good at music.
Later, when it's neccesary, you can go into more detail and relate Aspergers to the problems he comes across. |
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