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twinklingstarlight
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 18, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 150
Location: North-East England
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 Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 4:51 pm Post subject: Really lonely, feel like my life isn't worth it. Please help |
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I cannot take this.
I have been in goddamn social skills training for absolutely ages, and I've tried many different types of training with different people. You know what? The results are absolutely useless. Sure I remember to say hi when I see someone I know, and I nod when listening to people. That's about as useful as remembering to turn a light off when leaving the room. Sure I can remember things but it doesn't mean I understand!
I wanna flipping understand other people! I'm so darn lonely, I recently broke my habit of being a hermit and socialised with people for a while but it only resulted in me not understanding, smiling, laughing and nodding politely. I'd have been better off at home.
I don't see the point in this loneliness, it's a loneliness that cannot be cured. Why can't I hurry up and die? There is no future. False hopes and dreams promising to be reality, whilst the real reality is nightmares and termoil which is "all in our head" and the way we perceive things. Yeah, right. |
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twinklingstarlight
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 18, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 150
Location: North-East England
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 5:22 pm Post subject: |
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Apologies for my above post, WP.
Don't worry, you won't have to cope with my existance much longer.
Thanks for all the help you have given me in past.
Yours sincerely,
TwinklingStarlight. |
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WonderWoman
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 55
Posts: 356
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 5:23 pm Post subject: |
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Been there. For me, it included rolling on the floor crying, screaming at the top of my lungs not caring if the neighbors heard. It can be pretty devastating. I can only tell you what I have done, so if they're not for you, that's ok. Try to take from them the idea that there are ways yet you may not know of to get out of your bind.
Couple things I did were: Go to group meetings that are controlled--a kind of first aid. Actually, it's not a bad thing for the rest of your life. I lived in Philadelphia, Ithaca (small college town in NY, and now LA and they all have free 12 step groups. Try different ones til you find one with a mix of people you like. Codependents anonymous or emotions enonymous are appropriate places to address relationships--or lack thereof. They are structured. Each person talks about 3 to 5 minutes and you get to hear different life stories. If you want, you can speak too, or pass. No one can interrupt you. This way you get to know people and they get to know you, whether you/they like it or not. It fosters honesty, which usually fosters people becoming close in a kind of way.
Zen, vipassana, or tibetan meditation (may be other types): It's weird. People think I'm proceletyzing, but it has three things to offer: 1) a good treatment for depression (some people LIKE being alone), 2) a good treatment for seeing the bigger picture and how you're part of humanity, and 3) my favorite, they do silent retreats, where you don't have to talk to anyone, but it's AMAZING! how much information is shared among a group when things get really simple. It takes a while to build up to being able to do a retreat (You have to sit for 10-12 hours in a day--but I'm real used to it now). But some places offer 1 or 3-day retreats. Check the web in your local area.
I'm on the other end: I've never had the social training classes, because I didn't know it was Asperger's until recently, but I found books on How to Have a Conversation and stuff like that. But now that I know what it is, I would like to have the benefit of social skills classes. How can I begin to find them in the LA area? Do you have a leads, or how I could start?
Thanks. Keep us posted.
_________________
"Me voici donc seul sur la terre, n'ayant plus de frère de prochain d'ami de société que moi-même." Jean-Jacques Rousseau
"Do not think, 'I am alone.'" Sasaki Roshi
WonderWoman
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WonderWoman
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 55
Posts: 356
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 5:34 pm Post subject: |
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You can find a meeting here:
http://www.codependents.org/ajax_control.php?action=load_translation&language=1
If you don't like the first meeting, try others. Each group tends to have different personalities.
_________________
"Me voici donc seul sur la terre, n'ayant plus de frère de prochain d'ami de société que moi-même." Jean-Jacques Rousseau
"Do not think, 'I am alone.'" Sasaki Roshi
WonderWoman
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twinklingstarlight
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 18, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 150
Location: North-East England
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 5:39 pm Post subject: |
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Ah, thanks!  |
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Rainbow-Squirrel
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 27, 2006
Age: 28
Posts: 990
Location: Siena, Italy
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 6:37 pm Post subject: |
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| You've got to change the way you see things. I used to think that way, then I realized it's just the opposite: I DON'T want people. Of course there are countless forces pushing you to be "normal". IGNORE them, just be yourself and evereything will turn out right...you can't spend a life pretending to be someone you are not, it's completely nonsense, in the best case scenario you'll end up being constantly depressed/angry/ecc. , in the worst one you'll commit suicide. Be yourself instead... |
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Zsazsa
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 20, 2007
Posts: 616
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 7:21 pm Post subject: Re: Really lonely, feel like my life isn't worth it. Please |
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| twinklingstarlight wrote: | | I cannot take this. I don't see the point in this loneliness, it's a loneliness that cannot be cured. Why can't I hurry up and die? There is no future.. |
When you are lonely...I wish you LOVE,
When you're down...I wish you JOY,
When you're troubled...I wish you PEACE,
When things look empty...I wish you HOPE.
Hope opens doors when despair closes them...Hope "lights a candle" instead of cursing the darkness.
Hope regards problems, whether large or small, as opportunities to grow...
To come out of the darkness...it helps to remember...you're in a tunnel, not a cave. You will get through difficult times if you
just 'hang in there' and keep on walking 'through that tunnel.' Dark moments in our lives are simply short corridors leading to
sunlit rooms.
Best of luck to you! |
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JerryHatake
Kumdo Practitioner
Joined: Jul 02, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 8980
Location: Woodbridge, VA
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 7:39 pm Post subject: |
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I understand how you feel, Twlight. I have the same loneliness myself every now and then but I always put my chin and put a cheerful smile on. I socialize when I get the chance to because it will be a learning experience for me because life itself a grand collection of learning experiences. Take each day like a step on a grand staircase where you learned something new everyday.
_________________
Each person gets his or her own freedom and passion one by one
For us who were born in order to shine, our journey will continue
The trump card that supports the uncertain days is your Soul
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Bozewani
Toucan
Joined: Mar 04, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 263
Location: Somewhere in the Universe
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 7:40 pm Post subject: |
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Ah, yes the dreaded realization of social skills misery and thus inconsequential living.
No, seriously, you are a beautiful person and keep going, keep going.
Together we will see the world and all of it's beauty, together we will, and besides you seem to have a very emotionally expressive way, are you good at a form of art? If you are, use that to express your social skills! |
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MR_BOGAN
Mysterios Dirty Dancer
Joined: Mar 06, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 1876
Location: The great trailer park in the sky!
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 8:19 pm Post subject: |
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| twinklingstarlight wrote: | Apologies for my above post, WP.
Don't worry, you won't have to cope with my existance much longer.
Thanks for all the help you have given me in past.
Yours sincerely,
TwinklingStarlight. |
You should stay here there are people just like you here for you to get wisdom and suport from.
 From you picture, I thought you seemed really happy. |
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SakuraKino
Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 17, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 1:01 am Post subject: |
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Hi, twinklingstarlight. I hope I'm not butting in where I don't belong cuz I just joined this site recently and this is my first post. But I know how you feel because I've been feeling the same way lately. Ever since I was little I've always wanted at least one person that I could be friends with throughout my entire life. So far, I've made a few "acquaintances" but nothing ever stuck. We always moved on or away from one another, I usually always lost contact with whomever was my pal at the time. It breaks my heart everytime I stop keeping contact with someone that *I* care for. The problem is, I usually have no idea if the people I think of as friends even give a damn if I'm alive or not, but that's fine with me because at least for a little while I feel like I have a "normal" connection with another human being, which is like an accomplishment and proof that I'm not so messed up within myself that no one will communicate with me.
It was only recently that I stopped being friends with my longest lasting friend yet. We were friends for two extremely fun years but then just a few weeks ago, we had a really weird argument over something that now seems so petty and trivial. But instead of patching things up I just gave up instead because I have this unconscious policy that if something goes sour in a current friendship, it's time to move on no matter how much I care for that person. And I also freak myself out with how affectionate I can or can't be towards certain people. If I find someone I really truly bond with I can love them unconditionally (though I dare not show it for fear of running them off) or I can be as cold as ice to someone I do not like. I'm so strange, and there are so many days when I feel like just waking up is a chore. All I really want is to have a social life! I want friends like other teenagers have. I want to be a little selfish like other teenagers are. But no matter how I look at it, I'm not like other teenagers, at least not the ones I see and deal with in my everyday life.
I'm really sorry for rambling, but I just wanted to tell you that I think you're a really cool person from what I've read in your profile! I noticed that you like Kingdom Hearts and video games like me, so I was wondering, if you don't mind, if we could try to be buddies. I've never had a friend that understands me, so maybe you and I could help each other? Augh, I'm embarrassing myself...  Sorry if I sound creepy or anything, but I really don't think your life is worthless and should end right now because it seems to me that you have a lot of good things going for you and you have a lot of potential to reach whatever goal you may have for the future! Please don't give up on life just yet, there are people out there silently rooting for your success. d-^_^-b |
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 3129
Location: Beirut , Lebanon
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 5:28 am Post subject: |
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| Rainbow-Squirrel wrote: | | You've got to change the way you see things. I used to think that way, then I realized it's just the opposite: I DON'T want people. Of course there are countless forces pushing you to be "normal". IGNORE them, just be yourself and evereything will turn out right...you can't spend a life pretending to be someone you are not, it's completely nonsense, in the best case scenario you'll end up being constantly depressed/angry/ecc. , in the worst one you'll commit suicide. Be yourself instead... |
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twinklingstarlight
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 18, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 150
Location: North-East England
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 2:52 pm Post subject: |
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sorry for such a late response to this thread guys. I had to go take a long breather (went for a walk and only just got back now!)
All of you, your words are so kind! Thanks  I really, really appreciate all of it. I cried with joy. You guys saved me from ending it all. Thanks, you're all my heroes! |
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WonderWoman
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 55
Posts: 356
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 2:57 pm Post subject: |
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Twinklingstarlight, I thought of another opportunity for socializing that may work for you: swing dance CLASSES. This is Lindy Hop, like the 1930-40's style dancing. There are all age groups there. You get exercise. Notice I said classes, at least for starts. There's a theme in each thing I'm suggesting: they each have structure you can rely on. It makes you feel safe. In a swing dance class, you don't have to have a partner. In fact, 99% of people don't, and don't have to be good at dancing either. The teacher's I have known are very good. What they do is have the leaders (traditionally men, but not necessarily. things are changing these days) get in a circle and the followers (traditionally women, changing more slowly but happening) get in a circle on the inside. If there aren't enough of one or the other you go to a place in-between a couple. Not to worry. You practice the step the teacher teaches for a few minutes alone and then he/she holloers "rotate!" and then either the follows move around once or the leaders do (teacher stipulates previously). The teacher might even instruct each person to say hello to the new person and tell them your name. I have noticed there are a lot of engineers at swing dancing. I think because its a great training wheels social place.
Often a dance is preceeded by a free lesson if you have no money (dances can cost from $4 to $12). You can stay for the dance afterwards for as long as you can handle it and build up to longer tolerance over time. There is some chit-chatting at breaks, but not necessarily a lot. So you can increase your social efforts at your own pace.
These groups are very loving. I have seen people at swing dances who are clearly aspie. I have also seen a deaf person, a person with a very deformed face (maybe muscle removed from cancer), very shy. There was a very obese person who won a contest--and it was not a pity vote by any! stretch. She was an incredible dancer and lots of men and women wanted to dance with her. Of course, there are all ages, races (not enough representation from blacks (where are you!)), and sexual orientation (could use more representation too, but they're there).
On top of that the music is very happy, but appeals to very intelligent people, it's intricate and interesting. You realize this especially when you get to the point you can improvise.
I hope you have noticed that there is a theme to all of the suggestions I'm making:
1. They're structured: So you know exactly what to do when.
2. They provide opportunities for increased socializing...when YOU are ready.
3. They provide something for the soul:
-----The 12-step groups: provide intimacy (radical honesty is encouraged about yourself and anonymity to make that feel safe), plus optional hugs at the end of the meeting. (Codenpendents anonymous, Emotions anonymous, Al-Anon, Teen-Anon.....)
-----Zen: Letting go of habitual thinking that just gets you down, getting in touch with your self in the moment--a human being, not a human doing. Eventually getting insight that we are NOT separate and alone.
-----Swing Dancing: Getting to practice smiling at people when you dance with them (not TOO much!, kind of back and forth, regularly checking in with them. You have to do this as a follower to keep in touch with what they are going to lead [although signaled by entire body language, but includes the face]. You get safe, physical contact. (Sometimes, very rarely, there can be a sexual predator, not like a criminal, but just a seducer with no love kind of guy. It's very rare, but if you suspect it, don't go out with them or be too social until you are sure. Give them a chance in case you're wrong, but take care of yourself. THIS IS RARE! But it takes all kinds. If a dance with such a man is clearly uncomfortable (he doesn't respect your arm distance, say "Excuse me." Smile and leave. It won't be the first time it's happened to such a guy.) That being said, 99.9% of people who swing dance are loving people there to have fun. You get smiles, safe physical touch, the music is uplifting. And you only have to spend 3 minutes with one person at a time. To get asked to dance, stand near the edge of the dance floor, smile, and tap your feet to the music. Dress in a way that you feel, cool (both meanings of the word) and comfortable (the dances are casual)--could be a dress with sneakers, or retro. To ask someone to dance, just go up to a leader (typically a guy, or whoever was leading your class) and say, "Would you like to dance?" It's considered impolite to refuse, but sometimes people have to, if they are REALLY tired, REALLY hot, REALLY have to leave, REALLY can't dance to a song that fast or slow....so don't take it personally.
Sorry this is a lot. Maybe I'm obsessing, but I think at least these 3 are opportunities for you. They can all be searched on the Web for your area, and they all try to be affordable to be inclusive, and they tolerate diversity. Now that you know some of these possibilities, you may think of some other things that are specifically to your liking and your interests. Let me know. I would be interested in knowing more.
Finally, as you go out into the world on your own (do you live at home now?), housemates will help, or living in an alternative community--like a farming coop or zen center, or political group of your choice......
All the best,
WonderWoman
_________________
"Me voici donc seul sur la terre, n'ayant plus de frère de prochain d'ami de société que moi-même." Jean-Jacques Rousseau
"Do not think, 'I am alone.'" Sasaki Roshi
WonderWoman
Last edited by WonderWoman on Fri Jul 04, 2008 3:05 pm; edited 3 times in total |
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twinklingstarlight
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 18, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 150
Location: North-East England
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 3:01 pm Post subject: |
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Wow WonderWoman, incredible suggestions! I really appreciate all the effort you've put into your ideas, I'm definately gonna try them! (No, really, I really am!)
Thanks I've always had an interest in dance. |
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