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asplanet
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 11, 2007
Posts: 1774
Location: Cyberspace, New Zealand
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 Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 7:00 pm Post subject: Couple made suicide pact over ill daughter |
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Couple made suicide pact over ill daughter - By Lucy Cockcroft - 3 July 2008
A married couple made an apparent joint suicide pact because they could not cope with looking after their autistic daughter, a coroner has heard.
William and Wendy Ainscow bought a one-way ticket to Tenerife where they took a cocktail of drugs before walking hand-in-hand into the sea.
Mr Ainscow, 75, died but his wife, then 63, was dragged unconscious from the water by the emergency services who managed to revive her.
Wirral Coroner's Court was told how the couple had been driven to despair by their daughter, Lisa, 37, who suffered from Asperger's Syndrome and had an "obsession" with shopping.
In October 2004 the pair sent a "suicide note" to their local daily newspaper claiming their attempts to obtain help from the NHS in dealing with Lisa had failed.
The couple claimed they racked huge debts funding Lisa's compulsions, which included amassing a collection of 2,000 pairs of shoes.
Mr Ainscow, a postmaster, had been jailed for 15 months for stealing £50,000 worth of benefit books from the sub-post office that he operated in Merseyside, but he served only three months.
Coroner's officer Arthur Flower told how the Ainscows each swallowed of 30 sleeping pills and anti-depressants before walking into the waves Muelle de Los Cristianos on November 1.
He said: "A local fisherman saw a male and female in the water action strangely as if engaged in some form of religious ritual.
"The deceased was holding his wife and moving in semi-circles with his head above the surface of the water.
"Fifteen minutes later the fishermen saw the deceased and his wife lying in the water, looking up to the sky and making movements with their hands."
A pathologist's report showed the cause of death as drowning combined with the effects of drugs.
Wirral Coroner Christopher Johnson said: "I am not convinced that the deceased voluntarily engaged in an act that would result in him taking his own life."
He recorded an open verdict.
My comment:
Sadly we need to be aware, of the pressure on people trying to cope with a difference that is so misunderstood, leaving people feeling isolated and alone, lack of support and confusion, alienation often leads to desperate measures and it does not just affect those on the autism spectrum. How many more people need suffer in silence, before the governments take note, and really do some think. Policies, ideas all good, but real support to real people needed now not next year!
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"Believe in your self, we are who we are - as it can feel like an endless task trying to be someone else!" Alyson Bradley ... Aspergers Parallel Planet web site - http://asplanet.info/index.php
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Rainbow-Squirrel
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 27, 2006
Age: 28
Posts: 990
Location: Siena, Italy
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 7:13 pm Post subject: |
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Unfortunately I know it all too weel, misunderstanding can kill, literally. |
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 1190
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 7:22 pm Post subject: |
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I had an Aunt who did not have Asperger's but could not throw anything out and her house became this huge pile of everything. She did this over and over and my mother's side of the family were always supposed to clean it up before she moved because she couldn't do it alone.She did the same thing again and again too, after each clean up.
She never claimed to have a diagnosis of anything but some in the family muttered "Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder".
My point being, it's not just those of us with Asperger's who do this.
I don't know of anyone with Asperger's who does this. I certainly do not. But I guess it happens to some. The only case I am familiar with that resembles this one is that of my Aunt who doesn't have Asperger's, but is rumored to have had OCD.
Still, it is no reason to kill yourself over.
How did they get in debt when it was her obsession? IMO, you cannot enable anyone to spend money they don't have no matter how obsessed they are. You must say:
"If you have the money go right ahead."
It might be cliche but it gets the point across.
Then it would have been her situation and she would have had to figure it out. It's reality some things you just have to take responsibility for no matter what you are DXed with and you cannot place it in someone else's lap. No one should enable this either. |
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anbuend
Oak-Type Autie
Joined: Jul 06, 2004
Posts: 3200
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 8:07 pm Post subject: |
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I remember hearing about these people ages ago. They shouldn't have blamed their daughter for this, and good grief they shouldn't have bought her all those shoes, they're the parents here.
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"We may seem in the gutter from up there where you are but maybe you don't know we still see the same stars." -Donna Williams |
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asplanet
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 11, 2007
Posts: 1774
Location: Cyberspace, New Zealand
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 8:49 pm Post subject: |
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| anbuend wrote: | | I remember hearing about these people ages ago. They shouldn't have blamed their daughter for this, and good grief they shouldn't have bought her all those shoes, they're the parents here. |
I do not feel anyone is to blame, maybe society in general, that often alienates any differences, leaving so many with out a voice or in there minds anyway, especially if suffering themselves. Its an extreme example of people not coping... some people take drugs, self harm, some drink, some shop to much, eat to much or not at all, but I feel the lesson is its a desperate attempt of not being understand or heard, having no where to turn.
and ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
While I agree Aspergers may not be the direct cause, associated conditions seem to be part and parcel of being on the autism spectrum, and feeling an outsider, at odds in this world is often related to being on the autism spectrum. Where do you go when no one wants to listen or is unable to understand, still a huge problem in general....
_________________
"Believe in your self, we are who we are - as it can feel like an endless task trying to be someone else!" Alyson Bradley ... Aspergers Parallel Planet web site - http://asplanet.info/index.php
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Remnant
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 02, 2005
Posts: 1869
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 10:50 pm Post subject: |
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It is better to cling to the identity that you have than to let other people decide it for you. The daughter decided and her parents never caught up to that.
Too many avenues for self-expression get blocked by "concerned" caretakers.
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According to the scales, I am going to be living on birdseed and carrot sticks for the next 20 years. |
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DJRnold
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 25, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 481
Location: Barrie, Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 10:59 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't like how the title says "ill"...especially before I read about her shopping addiction. |
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asplanet
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 11, 2007
Posts: 1774
Location: Cyberspace, New Zealand
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:27 pm Post subject: |
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| DJRnold wrote: | | I don't like how the title says "ill"...especially before I read about her shopping addiction. |
I agree, no wonder so many do not reach out for help in fear of being wrongly judged!
_________________
"Believe in your self, we are who we are - as it can feel like an endless task trying to be someone else!" Alyson Bradley ... Aspergers Parallel Planet web site - http://asplanet.info/index.php
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 1190
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:30 pm Post subject: |
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I feel like a total outsider however no one would let me get away with something like this. Spending that much of their money on something like two thousand pairs of shoes. No one in my family would let me do something like that.
I understand what it is like to be the outsider, to feel like an outsider, to have no friends, to not fit in, not understand the people around me and them not empathizing with me by any stretch of the imagination.
Still, no one would buy me seventy five thousand dollars worth of anything for this. |
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Anemone
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 18, 2008
Age: 43
Posts: 660
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:31 pm Post subject: |
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Shopping binges like that are sometimes associated with manic-depression, which is considered an illness, so it's possible she was ill as well as autistic.
I must be a ghoul, because I laughed when I read about all those shoes. Surely they could have been returned to the store? Yes, the parents needed more support, but not sure what all is going on here. Very sad, though, except for the shoes. |
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asplanet
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 11, 2007
Posts: 1774
Location: Cyberspace, New Zealand
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Remnant wrote: | It is better to cling to the identity that you have than to let other people decide it for you. The daughter decided and her parents never caught up to that.
Too many avenues for self-expression get blocked by "concerned" caretakers. |
Great point and we all have to discover who we are for ourselves, otherwise we may be turned into the stereo type "norn" . I believe the sooner we believe and be ourselves, others will eventually get use to it or have too.
If I could not walk, would not pretend to just to please others, so I refuse to be ashamed of who I am, I am loud and proud, and maybe I do alienate a lot of people. But I do not see why I should feel the need to continually explain, apologize for being me. Because if we do not allow ouirselves our differences, no one else will...
_________________
"Believe in your self, we are who we are - as it can feel like an endless task trying to be someone else!" Alyson Bradley ... Aspergers Parallel Planet web site - http://asplanet.info/index.php
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asplanet
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 11, 2007
Posts: 1774
Location: Cyberspace, New Zealand
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:37 pm Post subject: |
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| Anemone wrote: | Shopping binges like that are sometimes associated with manic-depression, which is considered an illness, so it's possible she was ill as well as autistic.
I must be a ghoul, because I laughed when I read about all those shoes. Surely they could have been returned to the store? Yes, the parents needed more support, but not sure what all is going on here. Very sad, though, except for the shoes. |
I agree, but when even some one on the autism spectrum is ill the media always seem to blame Autism, or feel the need to mention it...
I could do with some more shoes   just me being an honest aspie, but the whole thing is sad that people have to get so desperate....
_________________
"Believe in your self, we are who we are - as it can feel like an endless task trying to be someone else!" Alyson Bradley ... Aspergers Parallel Planet web site - http://asplanet.info/index.php
Last edited by asplanet on Fri Jul 04, 2008 12:00 am; edited 1 time in total |
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asplanet
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 11, 2007
Posts: 1774
Location: Cyberspace, New Zealand
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| Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:41 pm Post subject: |
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| ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote: | I feel like a total outsider however no one would let me get away with something like this. Spending that much of their money on something like two thousand pairs of shoes. No one in my family would let me do something like that.
I understand what it is like to be the outsider, to feel like an outsider, to have no friends, to not fit in, not understand the people around me and them not empathizing with me by any stretch of the imagination.
Still, no one would buy me seventy five thousand dollars worth of anything for this. |
I agree, hard to imagine... but the parents obviously needed help and then brought up a daughter the same way, the only way they knew how I guess.... all sorts can happen if no one speaks out... and would not be the first person to have an obsession, its when it impacts on others becomes a problem...
_________________
"Believe in your self, we are who we are - as it can feel like an endless task trying to be someone else!" Alyson Bradley ... Aspergers Parallel Planet web site - http://asplanet.info/index.php
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