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Shelby
Deinonychus
Joined: May 01, 2007
Age: 29
Posts: 322
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 Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 5:51 am Post subject: Are you super helpful? |
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My Aspie uncle and dad are always helping people. My uncle constantly copies DVDs and gives them away to people at work, while my dad will drop everything to go and work on someone else's garden or take their dogs for 3 months. With certain people I am overly helpful, sometimes to the point of annoying them.
I think we help because we don't really know how to connect to people or make them like us, so we do things for them hoping that will make them happy. It usually results in people either taking advantage of us or getting annoyed. Does anyone else go overboard doing things for people? |
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Aspinator
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 24, 2008
Posts: 69
Location: AspinatorLand
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 5:57 am Post subject: Being Helpful |
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| I don't see helping others the way you do. I view this as a way for Aspies to take the focus off of themselves. Helping others also has positive benefits for the giver as well as the recepient. |
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Shelby
Deinonychus
Joined: May 01, 2007
Age: 29
Posts: 322
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 6:11 am Post subject: |
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| Hmm interesting view. I do it to put the focus ON myself, but only with the select few people whose attention I actually want. But I help to get their attention since I don't really have the skills to interact with them properly. |
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Angnix
Deinonychus
Joined: Nov 02, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 363
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 6:33 am Post subject: |
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I help to the point I neglect myself, I've been told I have a real problem, and I would help more if I took care of myself first.
_________________
What my counselor that I found out works with Aspie/ADHD kids said when I asked him recently:
ADHD: No
Asperger's: Maybe |
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2ukenkerl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 4366
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 6:59 am Post subject: |
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| Angnix wrote: | | I help to the point I neglect myself, I've been told I have a real problem, and I would help more if I took care of myself first. |
I was the SAME way! I still am to a degree. Angnix pay attention to YOURSELF more! |
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ASPIEd
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Apr 07, 2007
Posts: 54
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 9:28 am Post subject: Re: Are you super helpful? |
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| Shelby wrote: | | I think we help because we don't really know how to connect to people or make them like us, so we do things for them hoping that will make them happy. It usually results in people either taking advantage of us or getting annoyed. Does anyone else go overboard doing things for people? |
I think this is very true for me as well. I also much prefer to help in material ways, e.g., I would rather help someone by driving them to the doctor than giving them a shoulder to cry on.
If someone asks me a question about something, I always do my best to try and give them the most complete answer possible. Ever helpful person that I am, I used to try and do this even if I didn't know the answer right away; I would try to work out the answer while the person was standing there, often for some time. In these situations, I finally learned to simply say, "I don't know", which saved me and the other person quite a bit of (sometimes wasted) time ... although after they left, I would still try to find the answer on my own. I would also check with the person later to see if they got the help they were seeking. I guess that behavior would qualify as "go[ing] overboard".
"Ever helpful" is a fairly common Aspie trait, I think. Seems like it would be nice if *everyone* was at least a little bit like that, although sometimes it can cause problems like you describe. |
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sartresue
Radical Aspergian
Joined: Dec 19, 2007
Posts: 2009
Location: The Castle of Shock and Awe-tism
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 12:26 pm Post subject: Re: Are you super helpful? |
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| ASPIEd wrote: | | Shelby wrote: | | I think we help because we don't really know how to connect to people or make them like us, so we do things for them hoping that will make them happy. It usually results in people either taking advantage of us or getting annoyed. Does anyone else go overboard doing things for people? |
I think this is very true for me as well. I also much prefer to help in material ways, e.g., I would rather help someone by driving them to the doctor than giving them a shoulder to cry on.
If someone asks me a question about something, I always do my best to try and give them the most complete answer possible. Ever helpful person that I am, I used to try and do this even if I didn't know the answer right away; I would try to work out the answer while the person was standing there, often for some time. In these situations, I finally learned to simply say, "I don't know", which saved me and the other person quite a bit of (sometimes wasted) time ... although after they left, I would still try to find the answer on my own. I would also check with the person later to see if they got the help they were seeking. I guess that behavior would qualify as "go[ing] overboard".
"Ever helpful" is a fairly common Aspie trait, I think. Seems like it would be nice if *everyone* was at least a little bit like that, although sometimes it can cause problems like you describe. |
Helpdesk topic
I had no idea 'helping' was an Aspie trait. I thought it was an interesting aberration. Positive yet rare.
Glad I am in good company. I guess we have to remember not to overdo it. 
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Radical Aspergian
Awe-Tistic Whirlwind
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Ryn
Deinonychus
Joined: Apr 10, 2008
Posts: 357
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 12:37 pm Post subject: |
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Oh, this is an Aspie thing? 
I have always been very helpful. I always hold doors open for people (though sadly I often forget to chek where my body is in space and I sometimes get in the way by mistake) and I try to help people out whenever possible. I'm also extremley polite, though I think I've used that all my life as a way to save myself a bit from being socially awkward.
I was recently given a sedative in order to have an endoscopy, and my parents were amused and a bit horrified that I'm even more polite on anasthesia! The nurse brought me a Coke and I was afraid that she had paid for it herself and kept asking my parents to pay her back.
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"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."--Augusten Burroughs |
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makuranososhi
Purple Monkey Dishwasher
Joined: May 13, 2008
Posts: 1490
Location: Arizona
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 1:55 pm Post subject: |
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Thoroughly, though more on practical matters than those based on arbitrary politeness. For me, I think it is again recognizing what the role is and being able to fulfill that aspect.
M.
_________________
He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.
From my heart and from my hand, why don't people understand my intentions...?
Why choose a lesser evil? Vote Cthulhu 2008! |
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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 19, 2008
Posts: 716
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 1:57 pm Post subject: |
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I am somewhat helpful.
I helped this woman at a WMSC the other day. She was from a different country had two shopping carts full of products like bottles of Vitamin water. She was trying to push one of the carts in front of her, the other behind her.
No one else was helping out, not anyone who worked at the WMSC so I timidly asked the woman if she wanted my help. She said "yes" So I pushed the secong cart to where the cashiers are.
Most of the time I don't bother helping most people because I assume they don't want or need my help and I would just be annoying them. |
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ed
Forum Moderator
Joined: Dec 20, 2004
Age: 64
Posts: 914
Location: central Massachusetts
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 2:23 pm Post subject: Re: Are you super helpful? |
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| Shelby wrote: | | I think we help because we don't really know how to connect to people or make them like us, so we do things for them hoping that will make them happy. It usually results in people either taking advantage of us or getting annoyed. Does anyone else go overboard doing things for people? |
That's me, to a fault.
My big thing is giving away music to fellow fans of Max Creek (http://www.maxcreek.com/new/index.html). It started over 15 years ago. At first it was giving away audio cassettes, later cd's. Then the internet happened, and I launched my website (http://scoogy.com/) complete with an mp3 section for people to download shows from my computer. Once archive.org got going, I had the ultimate way to spread the music, by uploading shows to them for others to listen to or download. I now have about 170 shows online there.
It's worked... I have so many friends at Max Creek shows... now, if only I could remember who they are |
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pakled
"Bless his Heart"
Joined: Nov 13, 2007
Age: 50
Posts: 2547
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 10:07 pm Post subject: |
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oh yeah, that's me... I do that a lot, heck; it's my job to help people. Nice to get paid for making people smile. I call it 'offensive politeness'...I set their expectations, then exceed them. |
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Social_Fantom
Maverick
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 10875
Location: Watching from the shadows
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 10:32 pm Post subject: |
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I try to be as helpful as I can. Don't know if I'm super helpful or even helpful at all. But, I have been told I'm a big help.
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Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
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5th Sin: Wrath |
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Programmer
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Mar 25, 2008
Posts: 68
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 10:42 pm Post subject: Re: Are you super helpful? |
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| Shelby wrote: | | I think we help because we don't really know how to connect to people or make them like us, so we do things for them hoping that will make them happy. It usually results in people either taking advantage of us or getting annoyed. Does anyone else go overboard doing things for people? |
I have seen a lot of Aspies do this as well. I think it has to do with a coming of age thing as an Aspie. Aspie children only think of themselves. Aspie adults think of themselves as no better than anyone else. As a side note NTs are inherently selfish.
Helping people in and of itself isn't a problem. Being the most useful programmer at work can cut you a LOT of slack. The problem is: if you are helping people that aren't appreciative. Or worse end up doing all of the work for a spouse or something. If you feel doing things for people makes things better than by all means do it. However look for people who do things for you. Those people are your friends. Helping people who don't appreciate it will not make things easier for you. They will just become abusive and make you depressed.
BTW just listening and nodding is more effective for non Aspies. They seem to need that far more than help. However if you have an Aspie friend they will appreciate the help.
ttyl
PS Yes I am more helpful than most and I care more than most. |
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Age1600
Bonita-Azul
Joined: Apr 23, 2007
Age: 23
Posts: 1745
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 11:25 pm Post subject: |
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Yea i always rather give, then recieve, just part of my nature. I def do go overboard a lot though, and idk how to stop its weird.
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Dxed Classic Autism(moderate to severe as a child, now moderate to high functioning as an adult) & Dxed Tourette Syndrome... 
I'm one ticcing, stimming chica from the Jersey Shore 
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