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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2187
Location: Middle East
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 Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 10:37 am Post subject: Can you stomach more truth than NTs? |
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One of the things where I'm most different from other people is that I prefer the ugly truth out in the open to the lovely harmony of things unsaid. I'm different from others in that I believe the ugly truth, when out in the open, can be done something about, while all the loveliness of hiding stuff leaves it to fester and in the end everyone gets hurt. Everyone else disagrees with me.
From what I've observed, I think maybe I favor truth more because I'm more able to tolerate it.
Do you think Aspies are more able to face truth than NTs?
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"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Last edited by Greentea on Fri Jul 04, 2008 5:21 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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sartresue
Radical Aspergian
Joined: Dec 19, 2007
Posts: 2147
Location: The Castle of Shock and Awe-tism
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 12:22 pm Post subject: Aspies and truth |
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The truth can hurt topic
Greentea, are you talking about brutal honesty? I would tell rather tell someone exactly what I think and accept the consequences than to be a hypocrite. And I would rather someone tell me the same. It is better to be open and upfront, even if such disclosure stings. Let it all hang out.
In my own life, I often do not see what is obvious. Especially abusive situations. But once this is pointed out or I somehow figure it out I am glad I faced up to the truth about a situation.
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Radical Aspergian
Awe-Tistic Whirlwind
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sgrannel
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 21, 2008
Posts: 505
Location: USA
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 12:48 pm Post subject: |
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How are people supposed to know something is wrong, and then fix it, if nothing is said? A lie is a lie, even if it's a lie of omission.
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pakled
"Bless his Heart"
Joined: Nov 13, 2007
Age: 50
Posts: 2743
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 2:10 pm Post subject: |
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I married someone brutally honest. Yow...too much of a good thing, sometimes...
Let he who deems himself without fault take a wife... |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 44
Posts: 4973
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 2:24 pm Post subject: |
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I do lie by omission...learned how from dealing with unethical employers that would just yell at me if I told them something was wrong and then come up with some illogical and counter-productive solution. So now I refrain from bringing up the issues and just fix it my way.
I also don't tell people things that will hurt them if I don't think they are capable for changing them or self aware enough to "get it". I will respond truthfully , when someone asks me something but I see no point in telling someone something that will hurt them when it will change nothing for the better. There is enough pain in the world and I see no purpose in adding to it UNLESS there will be a positive change as a result.
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WC
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 04, 2008
Age: 38
Posts: 74
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 2:30 pm Post subject: |
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Hi Krex
How do you know if telling them the truth will help or hurt them? I assume you cannot read their thoughts.
For example, when I lose yet another friend out of the blue I OBSESS over what I said/did wrong to turn them away. If they would just flat out tell me why, I could move on and not obsess and that would help me tremendously. |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 44
Posts: 4973
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 2:59 pm Post subject: |
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I have had the same problem but I don't assume it was something that I said to them...though it could be. I know I have pestered old BF by constantly asking them to tell me what I did wrong and let them know to be honest...I wanted to improve and understand.
I guess what I was thinking of specifically when I wrote this was my parents. I am not going to tell them how much they hurt me when I was growing up because it is in the past and the are not raising any more kids so the information would not make them better parents. I also don't think they would understand why their behavior hurt me based on my observations of the general lack of self examination and insight. I could be wrong but doing a "cost analysis" Pain vs profit...I don't see the advantage in further alienating them.
On the other hand....at my job, if I see a new staff doing something that I believe is illogical or bad for the clients, I will tell them even though I know they get offended and dislike me for it. I care less about that then about making sure that things are better for the clients. pain(them not liking me) vs profit(possibly better care for the clients) is worth the cost.
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Just because one plane is flying out of formation, doesnt mean the formation is on course....R.D.Lang
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2187
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 3:27 pm Post subject: |
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WC, that's the story of my life...  And welcome to WP 
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Followthereaper90
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 30, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 902
Location: finland
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 4:53 pm Post subject: |
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im honest but somehow i need to lie if im getting in trouble 
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2187
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 5:19 pm Post subject: |
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This thread isn't going where I wanted. I think I'm not able to explain myself here... I'll change the title.
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"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl" - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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WC
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 04, 2008
Age: 38
Posts: 74
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| Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 5:49 pm Post subject: |
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| I have zero problems with telling the ugly truth to people I know who won't fly off the handle from it and discuss it like an adult. But most people can't. Yes, I avoid conflict like the plague. |
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CMaximus
Snowy Owl
Joined: Nov 04, 2007
Age: 25
Posts: 163
Location: live and work on hew-mon homeworld
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| Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 1:47 pm Post subject: |
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I think the main divergance in self-honesty is that the NT person doesn't sweat the details, and can feel validated in light of a larger and perhaps more thoughtless scope, which allows them to flexibly retain their ability to feel they're a good person while hypocritically compromising the details. The AS person has a much harder time doing this, and can sometimes be "weighed down" with the literal truth of the details in spite of the larger scope.
I've often reflected that most people's beliefs begin and end with their emotions. |
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mysterious_misfit
Deinonychus
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 377
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| Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 2:08 pm Post subject: |
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| Yes, I can handle more truth than a lot of people. I think just because I HAVE TO accept truths, because it's logic and fact. I have no capacity to deny anything that is just obviously real and true. Perhaps most NTs are just wrapped up in emotional denial. |
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2187
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 2:32 pm Post subject: |
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When we were 16, a friend of mine lived with her uncle's family because she was studying to be a teacher in their city. One day the uncle got fed up and she wasn't allowed to live there anymore. So she went to her father and told him she had no place to live (she couldn't go back home because she had to finish her studies to start making a living). The pain at his brother's behavior was too much for her father to bear, so he chose not to see it. He'd pretend not to hear her, and ultimately he forbode her to talk about it. A good, innocent, hard-working, bright girl from a good home was thus left homeless for a few months. It was a traumatic experience, of course. But she (an NT) supported her father's decision not to face the truth and do something about it. She would've acted just like him if it had been her own daughter.
I just can't fathom this, for the life of me.
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Social_Fantom
Unmasked
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 11409
Location: In the shadows, waiting for my chance to strike
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| Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 3:33 pm Post subject: |
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I don't know about NT's or other aspies, but I have always wanted the truth, no matter how good or bad it is and I've always told the truth as I understood it.
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