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atxa
Velociraptor
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Joined: Jun 04, 2006
Posts: 440
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 Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 7:06 pm Post subject: How can I learn how to communicate |
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I have troubles to keep a conversation even if it's me who started it and chose a subject that I like, it's the same thing on mirc, msn and e-mail ...
And usually it may take me a long time to find something to say.
Last edited by atxa on Sat Jul 05, 2008 7:10 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Reodor_Felgen
Counting down till Castro bites the dust
Joined: Sep 29, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 1506
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 7:08 pm Post subject: |
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There are courses about social skills, some of them here in Norway are free. There are also many articles (even here, on WP) on social skills.
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"The urge to save humanity is almost always only a false-face for the urge to rule it."--H. L. Mencken |
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Mw99
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 13, 2007
Posts: 925
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| Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 7:11 pm Post subject: |
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| You might want to memorize a few scripts. |
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makuranososhi
Purple Monkey Dishwasher
Joined: May 13, 2008
Posts: 2003
Location: Arizona
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| Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 7:19 pm Post subject: |
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Need more information; do you run out of things to say? Do you ask questions? How do you view conversation - as a mountain, a game, an obstacle course, or...? How long does the conversation run before tapering off to silence? What are your expectations for the other person in a dialogue?
M.
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He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.
From my heart and from my hand, why don't people understand my intentions...?
Why choose a lesser evil? Vote Cthulhu 2008! |
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atxa
Velociraptor
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Joined: Jun 04, 2006
Posts: 440
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| Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 11:32 pm Post subject: |
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| makuranososhi wrote: | | do you run out of things to say? |
Yes
| makuranososhi wrote: | | Do you ask questions? |
Often I started conversation by a question
| makuranososhi wrote: | | How do you view conversation? |
Interesting but sometime you should do it because you don't have choice, like when you work with somebody you can't don't talk all day long
| makuranososhi wrote: | | How long does the conversation run before tapering off to silence? |
Often after 2 sentences, something like "Hi, How are you ?" and after 3 or 4 minutes I still don't know what to talk about or what to say, and everyone around me say anything really easily. |
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Nutterbug
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 05, 2008
Posts: 95
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| Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 11:52 pm Post subject: |
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I find that if you force it, you either make yourself look like a fool or annoy everyone.
Anyways, as I understand it, the left brain lets you communicate (ie. put together words and sentences in a comprehensible manner), where the right brain lets you socialize (ie. get creative with the content of your conversation). I believe you already have the former nailed down, and need to work on the latter. |
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makuranososhi
Purple Monkey Dishwasher
Joined: May 13, 2008
Posts: 2003
Location: Arizona
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 12:03 am Post subject: |
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| atxa wrote: | | makuranososhi wrote: | | do you run out of things to say? |
Yes
| makuranososhi wrote: | | Do you ask questions? |
Often I started conversation by a question
| makuranososhi wrote: | | How do you view conversation? |
Interesting but sometime you should do it because you don't have choice, like when you work with somebody you can't don't talk all day long
| makuranososhi wrote: | | How long does the conversation run before tapering off to silence? |
Often after 2 sentences, something like "Hi, How are you ?" and after 3 or 4 minutes I still don't know what to talk about or what to say, and everyone around me say anything really easily. |
Ok... that helps some. A few things I have gleaned about small talk - other than to avoid it whenever possible or stick to a script as I do when working at my store - to share, though I don't promise these to be absolute truth, only observation. Small talk is seems to usually be a collage of small dialogues on mundane topics; these may range from office gossip to sports to the weather to car problems to who knows what. Therefore, if I've exhausted a topic I will move on to something else. This can lead to some whirlwind conversations, but it exposed me to a different extreme. Asking questions prompts other people to talk; for me, this is a good thing... since they would rather be talking anyway. I just listen and try acknowledge what they're saying. It might be that I've accepted that my role in conversation is not that of a talker, unless I am working as a teacher. Conversation isn't mandatory; don't try to force more than what is comfortable right now, and start small. Targeted conversation groups would probably be a good place to start; try your community college or bookstore. I don't think you are as far away as you might believe; it is just that you also keenly remember the failures, perhaps more than the average NT would suspect, and that makes it difficult to continue to trying. Just a thought. Keep trying different things in slight ways... things that are over-the-top, especially coming from someone on the spectrum, seems to put people more on edge then create a sensation of humor and positive attention. Sometimes I wonder if this is because in addition to social interpretation if those on the spectrum are likely to have altered or confusing physical postures and body language that confuse others... but I digress, other than to suggest a book on reading body positions might help (I know Barnes & Noble used to carry one). I hope this is of some help.
M.
_________________
He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.
From my heart and from my hand, why don't people understand my intentions...?
Why choose a lesser evil? Vote Cthulhu 2008! |
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Speckles
Velociraptor
Joined: May 03, 2008
Posts: 441
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 12:26 am Post subject: |
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I don't know if you would find the following factoid helpful, but to me it made small talk make a lot more sense. It has been hypothesized that small talk in humans served the same purpose as social grooming in monkeys. In other words, it's primary purpose is not to convey information, but to "bond and reinforce social structures, family links, and build relationships."
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I have seen the truth and it makes no sense. |
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Aurore
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 07, 2007
Age: 18
Posts: 929
Location: North Carolina
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 1:37 am Post subject: |
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| Speckles wrote: | | I don't know if you would find the following factoid helpful, but to me it made small talk make a lot more sense. It has been hypothesized that small talk in humans served the same purpose as social grooming in monkeys. In other words, it's primary purpose is not to convey information, but to "bond and reinforce social structures, family links, and build relationships." |
^ ^ ^
That makes sense...
Atxa I have the same problems. Even online I make lots of mistakes. I was on an art forum a few minutes ago and everyone jumped on me and chewed me out for something I said, I don't even know what it was that made them mad. It seems like everyone on that site hates me now. For one little idiosyncracy...
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"The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls..." |
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Nutterbug
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 05, 2008
Posts: 95
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 2:17 am Post subject: |
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| Aurore wrote: | | Speckles wrote: | | I don't know if you would find the following factoid helpful, but to me it made small talk make a lot more sense. It has been hypothesized that small talk in humans served the same purpose as social grooming in monkeys. In other words, it's primary purpose is not to convey information, but to "bond and reinforce social structures, family links, and build relationships." |
^ ^ ^
That makes sense...
Atxa I have the same problems. Even online I make lots of mistakes. I was on an art forum a few minutes ago and everyone jumped on me and chewed me out for something I said, I don't even know what it was that made them mad. It seems like everyone on that site hates me now. For one little idiosyncracy... |
On the other hand, isn't there a common tendency for aspies to think they're hated for life by someone if they were to scold them, insult them or express disapproval of them, especially among the younger set?
Perhaps you need to grow a mile thick skin. |
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atxa
Velociraptor
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Joined: Jun 04, 2006
Posts: 440
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 9:36 pm Post subject: |
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| Nutterbug wrote: | | I find that if you force it, you either make yourself look like a fool or annoy everyone. |
There is a lot of people who can sort of fake a conversation who makes sense. In some situation you don't have choice to do it for professionnal things. |
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Nutterbug
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 05, 2008
Posts: 95
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 10:04 pm Post subject: |
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| atxa wrote: | | Nutterbug wrote: | | I find that if you force it, you either make yourself look like a fool or annoy everyone. |
There is a lot of people who can sort of fake a conversation who makes sense. In some situation you don't have choice to do it for professionnal things. |
Most aspies can probably discuss straight hard facts without problem.
It's actually trying to get into a social groove in a fun and entertaining manner to company that's another beast altogether. |
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Aurore
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 07, 2007
Age: 18
Posts: 929
Location: North Carolina
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 11:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Nutterbug wrote: | | Aurore wrote: | | Speckles wrote: | | I don't know if you would find the following factoid helpful, but to me it made small talk make a lot more sense. It has been hypothesized that small talk in humans served the same purpose as social grooming in monkeys. In other words, it's primary purpose is not to convey information, but to "bond and reinforce social structures, family links, and build relationships." |
^ ^ ^
That makes sense...
Atxa I have the same problems. Even online I make lots of mistakes. I was on an art forum a few minutes ago and everyone jumped on me and chewed me out for something I said, I don't even know what it was that made them mad. It seems like everyone on that site hates me now. For one little idiosyncracy... |
On the other hand, isn't there a common tendency for aspies to think they're hated for life by someone if they were to scold them, insult them or express disapproval of them, especially among the younger set?
Perhaps you need to grow a mile thick skin. |
Perhaps, but they actually said, "I f--ing hate you, get the f---- off our site," and then there was a consensus.
_________________
"The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls..." |
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Nutterbug
Blue Jay
Joined: Jul 05, 2008
Posts: 95
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 11:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Aurore wrote: | | Nutterbug wrote: | | Aurore wrote: | | Speckles wrote: | | I don't know if you would find the following factoid helpful, but to me it made small talk make a lot more sense. It has been hypothesized that small talk in humans served the same purpose as social grooming in monkeys. In other words, it's primary purpose is not to convey information, but to "bond and reinforce social structures, family links, and build relationships." |
^ ^ ^
That makes sense...
Atxa I have the same problems. Even online I make lots of mistakes. I was on an art forum a few minutes ago and everyone jumped on me and chewed me out for something I said, I don't even know what it was that made them mad. It seems like everyone on that site hates me now. For one little idiosyncracy... |
On the other hand, isn't there a common tendency for aspies to think they're hated for life by someone if they were to scold them, insult them or express disapproval of them, especially among the younger set?
Perhaps you need to grow a mile thick skin. |
Perhaps, but they actually said, "I f--ing hate you, get the f---- off our site," and then there was a consensus. |
I can't imagine anybody could push it that far by "accident".
If you don't mind me asking, what exactly did you say? I imagine it had to have been pretty bad. |
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Aurore
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 07, 2007
Age: 18
Posts: 929
Location: North Carolina
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 11:36 pm Post subject: |
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| Nutterbug wrote: | | Aurore wrote: | | Nutterbug wrote: | | Aurore wrote: | | Speckles wrote: | | I don't know if you would find the following factoid helpful, but to me it made small talk make a lot more sense. It has been hypothesized that small talk in humans served the same purpose as social grooming in monkeys. In other words, it's primary purpose is not to convey information, but to "bond and reinforce social structures, family links, and build relationships." |
^ ^ ^
That makes sense...
Atxa I have the same problems. Even online I make lots of mistakes. I was on an art forum a few minutes ago and everyone jumped on me and chewed me out for something I said, I don't even know what it was that made them mad. It seems like everyone on that site hates me now. For one little idiosyncracy... |
On the other hand, isn't there a common tendency for aspies to think they're hated for life by someone if they were to scold them, insult them or express disapproval of them, especially among the younger set?
Perhaps you need to grow a mile thick skin. |
Perhaps, but they actually said, "I f--ing hate you, get the f---- off our site," and then there was a consensus. |
I can't imagine anybody could push it that far by "accident".
If you don't mind me asking, what exactly did you say? I imagine it had to have been pretty bad. |
Lol... what happened was I posted in the wrong thread. So they were being critical, but in that cussing, obnoxious way some people feel they need to. I wrote that I thought they were being kind of rude about a simple mistake, and that I was just new, and maybe the rules were unclear. And that triggered a big thing, about how 'newbie assh*les' were taking over the forum, and how I had no right to criticize how 'more experienced' artists reacted to a 'toy' like me. So I said, fine, if you just want me to leave, I'll leave. And dot4dotdot said, yeah I want you to leave, "I f--ing hate you, get the f---- off our site."
I was really confused. Because, honestly, I had been trying to be polite.
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