 
Support Wrong Planet Awareness!
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
Diamond_Head
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 01, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 65
Location: Kauai, Hawaii *Li`uli`u wale ka nohona i ka la o Hauola*
|
 Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 6:35 pm Post subject: The truth about attraction and love. |
 |
|
I only recently joined the Wrong Planet forums, and I’ve been skimming over the threads for the past couple of days. I’ve read many threads dealing with formulas for attraction, ways to become an “alpha male”, lamentations over missteps in the attraction process, and complicated, elaborate equations for attracting or seducing women. From what I’ve read, it would seem that what should be the simple, fun, and enjoyable act of interaction between males and females has become an almost torturous and infinitely complicated game of cat and mouse. From my visits to the mainland US (currently on one down in the Miami, Florida area), there seems to be a simmering mixture of boredom, apathy, and materialism in the local cultures that results in dating being a process of almost overwhelming social pressure, endless mind games, and mixed signals- which subsequently results in people coming up with elaborate “formulas for attraction”, as if attraction is something that could be reduced to a simple formula or equation.
My thoughts on the matter are this: Maybe things are infinitely more complicated in non-ethnic (aka mainstream white mainland) culture. Dating in the place where I grew up (the island of Kauai in the Hawaiian island chain) was simple, straightforward, and honest. There were never any mind games, or tricks, or people putting each other down for their own personal gratification. People would often get engaged to or marry the first person they ever dated, and this includes incredible attractive people of both genders, who by any standards would be a 10 in terms of physical attractiveness.
Where I’m from, an attractive girl (which most of the young women most certainly were) would usually put a flower behind her ear to signify her availability for dating or romantic interest, and you would approach her based off of that. This was done so that there would be no need to understand or interpret some kind of subliminal social "cues" that are supposed to vaguely guide a male to what course of action is correct when approaching a female. When you approached a girl, she would pretty much instantly let you know if she was open to your advances, or if you should look elsewhere. Even if you were rejected, the girls would almost always be so friendly about it that you would go away with at least a new friend to hang out with, if not a romantic prospect. And these are girls that were so gorgeous that it would make your eyes pop out of your head to look at them.
There was never a strange process of mind games in which she would string you along, act interested for a short amount of time, and then dump you for someone else. There was never any need to posture and put on an aggressive show of bravado in order to appear as an “alpha male”. People would probably have just laughed at you if you even tried to do anything close to that. The immense social pressure that seems to be involved in dating in the mainland United States just never seemed to be a factor.
My fiancee is half Polynesian (Pacific Islander) and half Asian, and I’m a multi-ethnic hybrid myself (white, Latino, Asian, and Middle Eastern). From the moment I saw her golden skin, and long black hair that hung down to her waist, I was done for. I was the first boyfriend she ever had, and she was the first girl I ever dated- and after 7 years of dating, things are still fantastic between us.
My advice to all the people on this board is the following: If you find yourself to be awkward in social situations or have a hard time when approaching members of the opposite sex, just remember- when things are done right, there shouldn't even be any need for social "cues" and triggers that you have to pick up on immediately or be lost forever. Don’t think that the way things work where you live is the way things work everywhere else. There are still places were love and attraction are still the awesome, primal, and uncomplicated forces of nature that it they were intended to be- instead of the complicated, twisted, and emotionally draining fiasco that they appear to be in many other places. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Tim_Tex
WP's Resident Simpsons and South Park Aficionado
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 20622
Location: Central Texas
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 6:39 pm Post subject: |
|
|
That is quite interesting.
_________________
When you need something, that's a responsibility, that only an adult...of my maturity...Bunnies!!!
~Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force |
|
| Back to top |
|
Postperson
The Daughter of Indifference
Joined: Jul 10, 2004
Age: 51
Posts: 2784
Location: Uz
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 6:41 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| <sigh> |
|
| Back to top |
|
BigK
Raven
Joined: Jan 14, 2008
Posts: 113
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 6:41 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Or maybe it would just be easier to move to Kauai 
_________________
It’s a dangerous business going out of your door. You step into the Road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to. |
|
| Back to top |
|
WonderWoman
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 55
Posts: 356
Location: Los Angeles
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 7:06 pm Post subject: |
|
|
It sounds like I should move there, but, it sounds so idyllic that there are probably not enough divorced or widowed men around my age, 55.
Sigh. It sounds like heaven!
Diamond Head, I hope you have a long and happy life with your girlfriend.
_________________
"Me voici donc seul sur la terre, n'ayant plus de frère de prochain d'ami de société que moi-même." Jean-Jacques Rousseau
"Do not think, 'I am alone.'" Sasaki Roshi
WonderWoman
|
|
| Back to top |
|
pakled
"Bless his Heart"
Joined: Nov 13, 2007
Age: 50
Posts: 2743
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 7:09 pm Post subject: |
|
|
haven't been there in over 40 years, but I do hear it's a bit spendy over there.. Glad it's that simple.
It would be easier to say there's no real rules at all. Careful observation, and paying attention to women, might be the only near-constant. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Belfast
Vast Ambivalence
Joined: Jul 18, 2005
Age: 35
Posts: 1685
Location: New England
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 7:33 pm Post subject: Re: The truth about attraction and love. |
|
|
| Diamond_Head wrote: | | From what I’ve read, it would seem that what should be the simple, fun, and enjoyable act of interaction between males and females has become an almost torturous and infinitely complicated game of cat and mouse. |
Sadly, this is becoming more & more the case. Kinda' like "cops & robbers" or security programs vs. computer viruses or spammers. Escalating "arms race" dynamic of deception.
| Diamond_Head wrote: | | Where I’m from, an attractive girl (which most of the young women most certainly were) would usually put a flower behind her ear to signify her availability for dating or romantic interest, and you would approach her based off of that. |
Hopefully, "unattractive" women are not excluded from this code-perhaps it's just how you worded it that's throwing me off.
| Diamond_Head wrote: | | This was done so that there would be no need to understand or interpret some kind of subliminal social "cues" that are supposed to vaguely guide a male to what course of action is correct when approaching a female. When you approached a girl, she would pretty much instantly let you know if she was open to your advances, or if you should look elsewhere. Even if you were rejected, the girls would almost always be so friendly about it that you would go away with at least a new friend to hang out with, if not a romantic prospect. |
I'm female, but this sort of basic (straightforward, clear-cut) system would be advantageous/preferrable for me (in finding an available guy) as well.
Sigh ! Would that it were so (in my neck of the woods).
_________________
*"You cannot administer a wicked law impartially-it destroys everyone it touches, its violators as well as its upholders."* |
|
| Back to top |
|
Dracula
Velociraptor
Joined: Nov 23, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 412
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 7:42 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Idealistic garbage. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Zara
is a Large Hadron Collider
Joined: Jun 24, 2007
Age: 27
Posts: 1534
Location: Deep Dungeon, VA
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 7:44 pm Post subject: Re: The truth about attraction and love. |
|
|
| Diamond_Head wrote: | I only recently joined the Wrong Planet forums, and I’ve been skimming over the threads for the past couple of days. I’ve read many threads dealing with formulas for attraction, ways to become an “alpha male”, lamentations over missteps in the attraction process, and complicated, elaborate equations for attracting or seducing women. From what I’ve read, it would seem that what should be the simple, fun, and enjoyable act of interaction between males and females has become an almost torturous and infinitely complicated game of cat and mouse. From my visits to the mainland US (currently on one down in the Miami, Florida area), there seems to be a simmering mixture of boredom, apathy, and materialism in the local cultures that results in dating being a process of almost overwhelming social pressure, endless mind games, and mixed signals- which subsequently results in people coming up with elaborate “formulas for attraction”, as if attraction is something that could be reduced to a simple formula or equation.
My thoughts on the matter are this: Maybe things are infinitely more complicated in non-ethnic (aka mainstream white mainland) culture. Dating in the place where I grew up (the island of Kauai in the Hawaiian island chain) was simple, straightforward, and honest. There were never any mind games, or tricks, or people putting each other down for their own personal gratification. People would often get engaged to or marry the first person they ever dated, and this includes incredible attractive people of both genders, who by any standards would be a 10 in terms of physical attractiveness.
Where I’m from, an attractive girl (which most of the young women most certainly were) would usually put a flower behind her ear to signify her availability for dating or romantic interest, and you would approach her based off of that. This was done so that there would be no need to understand or interpret some kind of subliminal social "cues" that are supposed to vaguely guide a male to what course of action is correct when approaching a female. When you approached a girl, she would pretty much instantly let you know if she was open to your advances, or if you should look elsewhere. Even if you were rejected, the girls would almost always be so friendly about it that you would go away with at least a new friend to hang out with, if not a romantic prospect. And these are girls that were so gorgeous that it would make your eyes pop out of your head to look at them.
There was never a strange process of mind games in which she would string you along, act interested for a short amount of time, and then dump you for someone else. There was never any need to posture and put on an aggressive show of bravado in order to appear as an “alpha male”. People would probably have just laughed at you if you even tried to do anything close to that. The immense social pressure that seems to be involved in dating in the mainland United States just never seemed to be a factor.
My fiancee is half Polynesian (Pacific Islander) and half Asian, and I’m a multi-ethnic hybrid myself (white, Latino, Asian, and Middle Eastern). From the moment I saw her golden skin, and long black hair that hung down to her waist, I was done for. I was the first boyfriend she ever had, and she was the first girl I ever dated- and after 7 years of dating, things are still fantastic between us.
My advice to all the people on this board is the following: If you find yourself to be awkward in social situations or have a hard time when approaching members of the opposite sex, just remember- when things are done right, there shouldn't even be any need for social "cues" and triggers that you have to pick up on immediately or be lost forever. Don’t think that the way things work where you live is the way things work everywhere else. There are still places were love and attraction are still the awesome, primal, and uncomplicated forces of nature that it they were intended to be- instead of the complicated, twisted, and emotionally draining fiasco that they appear to be in many other places. |
I totally agree with you.
I really wish it was that simple and easy in good old mainstream USA. But it just isn't for some reason.
Everybody is stressed, everybody is scared, busy, busy, busy, got to do better than that other person, gotta make millions, picky, picky, picky... That's life for the most part here. The rat race is a normal life here.
It just never felt right to me...
Now, where you come from. That sounds like what things should be. Uncomplicated, just have fun, no worries.
Sometimes I think I must be living in the wrong part of the world for dating. I get the impression that a guy like me is just not wanted by women. Yet I wonder if I was someplace else, I'd be like gold with them being interested, or at least giving a decent chance with them.
I'd rather live where you are. Maybe the world you come from is far more beautiful than here and growing up in that makes for a better life. I dunno...
_________________
Current obsessions: Economic and Political issues
Currently playing: Clock Tower
Current Anime Watching: Anime? What's that?
Currently building: ???
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Cyberman
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 878
Location: Telos
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 7:51 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Human beings are not "simple" creatures... and people with AS have abnormal natures, so it doesn't work out "the way it was meant to be." |
|
| Back to top |
|
Diamond_Head
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 01, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 65
Location: Kauai, Hawaii *Li`uli`u wale ka nohona i ka la o Hauola*
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 8:16 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Quote: | | Idealistic garbage. |
More like the simple truth. Whether or not you agree with me makes no difference to me. I'm just expressing a reality that might be different from your own, or the way things work where you live. If you haven't experienced anything else than the environment you're in, how can you say which is the right way of doing things?
If you can't come to terms with that or accept it, then I don't know what else I can say to you.
| Quote: | | Human beings are not "simple" creatures... and people with AS have abnormal natures, so it doesn't work out "the way it was meant to be." |
I didn't mean to give the impression that it was perfect, or anything like a paradise. It has its problems, the same as everywhere else. All I meant was that the dating/romance/male and female interaction was more straightforward and uncomplicated than I've found it to be in other locations in the mainland United States. That's all.
Last edited by Diamond_Head on Sun Jul 06, 2008 8:30 pm; edited 1 time in total |
|
| Back to top |
|
Diamond_Head
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 01, 2008
Age: 24
Posts: 65
Location: Kauai, Hawaii *Li`uli`u wale ka nohona i ka la o Hauola*
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 8:20 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Quote: | | Hopefully, "unattractive" women are not excluded from this code-perhaps it's just how you worded it that's throwing me off. |
lol, not what I meant at all, and I'm sorry if I worded it in a bad way. Attractiveness is just a matter of opinion- everyone has a different version of what they find to be attractive. All I meant was that the nature of dating and interaction in general is more straightforward and honest there, or at least it has always appeared that way to me. |
|
| Back to top |
|
ToadOfSteel
Extremist Moderate
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 2398
Location: New Jersey
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 8:26 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| I've heard there are some places even in mainland US that its easier to get women and fewer of those mind games are played (not removed entirely, but greatly reduced). The first two that come to mind for me are pennsylvania and north carolina... |
|
| Back to top |
|
WonderWoman
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 55
Posts: 356
Location: Los Angeles
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 8:30 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Diamond_Head wrote: |
All I meant was that the dating/romance/male and female interaction was more straightforward and uncomplicated than I've found it to be in other locations in the mainland United States. That's all. |
And why shouldn't it be. Human beings tend to get this notion that their current experience of reality is fixed and this is the only way it could be. There could be places where the culture supports more enjoyable social customs for dating and mating. Why not!
The mainland is a really weird place. We all work so hard and take so little time for our souls and ourselves. We just aren't very good at creating a loving society. It's all get what you want for yourself kind of attitude. I think it's quite likely that dating in almost any culture, especially one like Hawaii, would be better, even if not perfect. It's good to be aware of this.
What's the divorce, widower rate there?
_________________
"Me voici donc seul sur la terre, n'ayant plus de frère de prochain d'ami de société que moi-même." Jean-Jacques Rousseau
"Do not think, 'I am alone.'" Sasaki Roshi
WonderWoman
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Belfast
Vast Ambivalence
Joined: Jul 18, 2005
Age: 35
Posts: 1685
Location: New England
|
| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 8:49 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Diamond_Head wrote: | | Quote: | | Hopefully, "unattractive" women are not excluded from this code-perhaps it's just how you worded it that's throwing me off. |
lol, not what I meant at all, and I'm sorry if I worded it in a bad way. Attractiveness is just a matter of opinion- everyone has a different version of what they find to be attractive. All I meant was that the nature of dating and interaction in general is more straightforward and honest there, or at least it has always appeared that way to me. |
You can see how it might be read literally, so I had to make sure that statement was intended to be inclusive (which would involve making an inference beyond what was written-"reading between the lines") rather than exclusive.
Appreciate the clarification.
_________________
*"You cannot administer a wicked law impartially-it destroys everyone it touches, its violators as well as its upholders."* |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
